


Hamilton College AU - Junior

by jemmymadison316



Series: Hamilton AU [3]
Category: Alexander Hamilton - Ron Chernow, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Awkward Romance, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, College, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, George Washington is a Dad, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-13 08:58:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 63
Words: 109,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16889526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jemmymadison316/pseuds/jemmymadison316
Summary: It's another year of college for the Salt Squad.Hamilton is on his way to a prestigious internship at the Schuyler's upstate mansion, but he can never do anything right. He begins to have feelings for a new person in his life and doesn't know how to repair the damages he's caused. It's another messy year for Alexander Hamilton.Aaron Burr wants one thing: Hamilton. And that's the one thing he cannot seem to get. Bad choices abound as he tries to figure out what he wants out of life.Jefferson and Madison remain the sweetest couple their friends know but multiple crises put their future in jeopardy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of the Hamilton College AU series. You can find the other parts on my profile.

The muggy June day made it a perfect one to lay in the shade of the towering maple and walnut trees. Cicadas buzzed from the thick clusters of bushes and frogs peeped and croaked from the nearby pond. The heavy air held the clean scent of a recent rain.

James Madison stretched out on the blanket spread beneath the trees. He kicked off his flip-flops and stared up at the clouds in the fierce blue summer sky. Somehow, he had survived his freshman year of college and doubted three months would be enough time to recover.

His boyfriend, Thomas Jefferson, dropped a bag next to him. “You have too much crap to haul around.”

Madison ignored his griping and sat up and folded his legs, skirt tucked between. He dug out sunscreen and threw the bottle at Jefferson. “You love dragging my stuff around, don’t lie. Can you put that on me?”

Jefferson sat on the blanket and squirted sunscreen on his hands. He smeared it on Madison’s pale face and neck.

Madison studied his boyfriend’s face as he worked. He knew the crease of concentration on his forehead, the full lips, wide nose, and sensitive dark brown eyes. They’d known each other for most of their lives but didn’t become true friends until they were both in high school.

When Jefferson was a senior and Madison a sophomore, Jefferson took him to prom and they met on the same page in terms of their attraction to each other. It hadn’t been easy; Madison’s parents wouldn’t let him date until he turned eighteen. They waited and as soon as they could date, Jefferson fell in over his head and struggled to come to terms that he was asexual and what that would mean for them.

Madison had never balked at the news. It hadn’t mattered that Jefferson wasn’t interested in sex or making out. A relationship was far more than that. They’d been together over a year now.

“All done,” Jefferson said after he slathered Madison’s legs in sunscreen. “I’m glad you’re tiny.”

Madison rolled his eyes. At 5’4 he was almost a foot shorter than his boyfriend. He lay back on the blanket. “When do you leave, T?”

Jefferson lay next to him and stroked his chest. “Let’s not talk about that, okay? I found the book you wanted. Can I read to you?”

“When?” Madison persisted.

“Next Sunday.” He looked away from his boyfriend’s bright blue eyes. “I’ll be home every other weekend. Virginia isn’t that far.”

Madison remained quiet and rested his slender hands over Jefferson’s.

Jefferson’s uncle in Virginia had gotten him a lucrative internship at a law firm. He needed every opportunity he could get going into his senior year of college and hoping to get into law school. The internship would last six weeks.

“It’ll go by fast,” Jefferson assured. “You get to stay home and play with your stuffed animals and take naps. I’ll call every night.”

“I know.” Madison licked his lips. The summer days of staying home always did go by fast but he didn’t necessarily want those six weeks to fly by, as that would make his sophomore year of college loom closer. “Can’t I go with you?”

Jefferson played with a lock of Madison’s long caramel-colored hair. “Maybe once I’m settled we can talk to your parents about you staying a week.” He moved a dark finger against his boyfriend’s cheek. “It _would_ be good for you to stay away from home again.”

Madison nodded. He had made the college debate team with his friends the previous school year and that had required staying in different cities several times. It had been the first time he’d slept away from his parents. He’d endured even though the experience had been draining. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be on the debate team again or not, although Team Jemmy had won.

“Shall I read?” Jefferson asked.

Madison agreed and dug a book out of the canvas bag.

Jefferson lay on his stomach with Madison as close as possible and read aloud with his soft but commanding voice. A voice that had helped his debate team win; a voice that constantly soothed his boyfriend’s anxieties and fears. But the voice also lulled Madison to sleep.

“This year will be better,” Jefferson whispered to him as he closed the book. He rested his head close to Madison’s. “No one will hurt you. You won’t get sick.” He kissed Madison’s forehead. “I love you.”

Madison’s lips moved but his eyes remained closed.

“Hmm?”

“Marry me.” Madison’s eyes popped open.

“In a heartbeat, Jemmy, but—”

Madison groaned. “No excuses.” He pushed himself up. “We’ll be together forever, you know that. Why wait?”

Jefferson sat as well and pulled Madison onto his lap. “Because when I marry you, I want to be able to provide properly for you. I want us to have a house to move into and a place for you and the hundreds of cats you’re going to adopt. I have to graduate from college.”

Madison stroked Jefferson’s strong arm. “Do we have to wait until you’re done with law school?” His large eyes pleaded up at his boyfriend.

“No.” Jefferson kissed his nose. “I’m planning to get a job while I’m in law school. I want to get an apartment next summer. I won’t make you wait four years.”

“Thank God.” Madison nestled into him. “Exactly how many cats am I allowed?”

“One.”

“Thomas!” Madison pinched his arm. “You just said ‘hundreds’. I need at least four—no, six. Maybe eight. No—”

Jefferson tickled him to stop the growing number.

Madison squealed. “Okay!” he gasped. “Eight.”

“I’m not that whipped,” Jefferson declared. He nudged Madison onto his back and knelt over him on all fours. “One to start with.”

“Yeah, sure.” Madison tugged at Jefferson’s t-shirt. “One cat, right.” His voice oozed with sarcasm. “I’ll totally respect that.”

“I can tell.” Jefferson sat back on his heels. “Do you want me to read some more?”

“Yeah.”

But before they could resettle on the blanket, Jefferson’s phone rang. He frowned at the number that popped up and answered the call from his mother’s lawyer.

“Thomas Jefferson?” the man asked.

“Yes.” He chewed on his lip.

“Your mother asked me to call you in regards to an assault charge involving your boyfriend and Jonathan Adams.”

Jefferson kept quiet and wished the year and a half long torment of Adams to Madison would disappear already. How long was a bully going to control their lives?

“You will recall his recent arrest in May for attempted kidnapping and attempted assault on James.”

“Yes,” Jefferson murmured. He turned away from the troubled stare of his boyfriend.

“He’s threatening to sue you over the mental damage you caused in your attacks on him. He claims that’s the only reason he went after James again.”

Jefferson closed his eyes. He had assaulted Adams twice—no, three times. The first time his mom had used her power to sweep it under the rug as Adam’ parents had done with their son’s near sexual assault on Madison after Madison didn’t press charges. But the other times had hardly been in self-defense.

“I understand,” he whispered.

“You and your mother should meet me tomorrow. He and James plan to settle with a plea deal but you might not be so lucky.”

Jefferson bit his trembling lip.

“Ten o’clock tomorrow,” the lawyer said.

“Okay.” Jefferson hung up.

Madison climbed in his lap and tossed his phone aside. “You won’t go to jail,” he said firmly. “You were protecting me. Anyone could see that. You won’t go to jail.” Tears spilled down his cheeks.

Jefferson wrapped his arms tight around his fragile boyfriend and rested his forehead against the back of his head. He could hold back the tears but not the shuddering breath and sniffles.

“You’re not being charged with anything,” Madison tried to reason. “Suing you won’t go far. Adams will go to jail and nothing bad will happen again.”

That may have been true but Jefferson could see how Adams would label his actions as a violent black man to win sympathy and make Jefferson liable for Adams’ behavior. If anyone had the psychosis to spin a tale, it was Adams. Jefferson could already see the ruin of his life over this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton and Burr begin their internship.

Alexander Hamilton pressed his face against the train’s window and made faces at the cows they sped past. Somehow, he had gotten through another year a college—a feat the orphaned-at-twelve and former foster child never thought possible. But placed into the right foster home at seventeen he’d been able to turn his life around. Only a few weeks ago, George and Martha Washington had officially adopted him. He was no longer a wayward delinquent but someone’s child and on his way to a prestigious internship.

“Do you know how gross that window is?” Aaron Burr said and pulled his friend back. Orphaned himself and raised by an uncle, he’d been allowed to accompany Hamilton on the internship, although he knew his own tasks would be a lot less exciting and necessary for his law degree and he would only get a single credit out of it versus Hamilton’s four. Hamilton’s essay had won him the opportunity to work with Senator Philip Schuyler while Burr’s miserable existence got him along for the ride out of pity.

It was over a year now that his sister had passed away and he’d finally been able to tell his friends what had happened and allow them to know how much he suffered. He might not learn anything pertinent from his role in the internship but it was better than wandering homeless in the city.

“How much longer?” Hamilton asked. He stood and stretched. “I’m bored.”

Burr rolled his eyes. “It’s been a half hour, Alex. We have, like, another hour and a half to go.”

“Ugh!” Hamilton dropped on Burr’s lap. “This is torture.”

“Your bony ass on me is torture,” Burr said. “Get up, Alex.”

Grumbling, Hamilton scooted back to his seat and grabbed his backpack. He pulled out a book and gave Burr peace in fifteen-minute increments.

Their stop was announced the agonizing two hours later and Hamilton jumped up at once. “Who’s picking us up?” he asked as he slipped on his backpack.

“Angelica.” Burr pushed him back into his seat. “Sit for five more minutes.”

Angelica Schuyler was Senator Schuyler’s eldest daughter who Burr now considered a friend after she saved him from a suicidal night and heard his story about sister’s death.

Hamilton bounced up a minute later. “Come on, Aaron. The train stopped.”

Bemoaning his friend’s energy, Burr followed him and they were first off the train.

Once they had their luggage, they sought out Angelica via the directions she texted Burr of where she was waiting.

“I see her,” Hamilton said and quickened his steps.

Burr panted by the time he caught up.

“You look haggard,” Angelica said as she hugged him. “Tough being confined with Alexander?”

“You have no idea.”

Angelica pointed to the younger girl leaning against the car. “I don’t know if you guys ever had the displeasure to meet my little sister, Peggy?”

“Hey!” Peggy exclaimed and tossed back her poufy ponytail. “I resent that. I’m a hoot.”

A grin spread across Hamilton’s face. “I love her already.”

Angelica leaned toward Burr and whispered, “Well, he should, they’re both annoying.”

Burr chuckled.

Once the luggage was stowed in the trunk, Hamilton got in the backseat with thirteen-year-old Peggy and Burr sat up front with Angelica.

Fifteen minutes later, Angelica turned off the main road and onto a tree-lined private lane. The huge Schuyler mansion came into view. Hamilton had started to become accustomed to a wealthier lifestyle as the Washington’s wanted for little and his two other close friends—Jefferson and Madison—were also wealthy. But to Burr, such a house remained incomprehensible. He’d grown up in a one-bedroom apartment and shared a bunkbed in a tiny alcove with his sister.

Angelica pulled into the six-car garage and led everyone into the mansion.

Hamilton shivered with delight as they walked through a wide hallway away from the utility rooms and into the main house. There the mansion opened up and flowed in every direction. Pictures hung on the walls. Spindly end tables held delicate vases next to plush chairs that looked like no one had ever sat on.

Peggy skipped ahead. “I want to give the tour.”

“Go ahead,” said Angelica. “You guys can leave your bags by the stairs for now.”

The boys did as asked and followed Peggy through the wide downstairs hall as she pointed out the front parlor, the library, the theater, the den.

Angelica wrapped an arm around Burr as they walked. She stood a few inches taller than him, and with her crinkly curls piled high on her head, seemed even taller. “You only have to ask if you need anything,” she said. “Including if you don’t like being here. I want you happy.”

“Thank you.” Burr leaned against her as they stopped and Peggy pressed the button to the elevator.

“This is like a hotel!” Hamilton said as he stepped in the elevator. “I want to live here forever.”

Peggy giggled and looked at her sister. “Eliza would—”

Angelica covered her sister’s mouth and shot a glance at Hamilton but he stared at the mirrored ceiling and didn’t seem to hear.

Upstairs, the hallway branched off three ways. Peggy led them left and stopped. “Uh, oh.”

“Fuck,” Angelica muttered under her breath.

The middle Schuyler sister, Eliza, stood in the hallway, mouth opened, wide eyes only on Hamilton.

“What?” Burr whispered.

Angelica shook her head.

Hamilton smiled at Eliza and headed her way. “How did your first semester of nursing go?”

Eliza ducked her head and giggled. “Good. I heard you guys won the debate competition.”

“Yup.”

“We’re giving them the tour,” Angelica broke in. “Can you ask Mom if we’re doing anything special for dinner?”

“Peggy can ask,” Eliza said without taking her eyes off Hamilton while his gaze expanded over the balcony and up and down every wall.

“You both can ask.” Angelica grabbed her sister and turned her around. “Go.”

Eliza grumbled to herself as she walked down the hall. Peggy skipped after her.

Angelica grabbed Hamilton’s arm and yanked him along. “Your room is down here.”

“You’re pulling my arm out of its socket,” Hamilton complained. “What’d I do to you?”

Angelica pushed both of them against the door at the end of the hallway. She towered over them, as Hamilton was even smaller than Burr. “Eliza got really sick after that one night of drinking with you guys and you can be well assured that I’m not going to let her get hurt.”

“That was, like, a year ago,” Hamilton said. “We’ve barely spoken to her since. Don’t yell at us.”

“A sister doesn't forget.” She kept her gaze steady on Hamilton until he looked away.

She opened the door behind them and let them look around the room they’d share.

A large bay window looked out over the front of the property from the manicured lawn to a cluster of mature willows around a pond. A twin-size sleigh bed was on either side. All the furniture was dark and antique: an armoire, dresser, and desk.

“Dang,” Hamilton said. He headed across the room to a closed door and discovered the on-suite bath. “Thank God.” He hadn’t wanted to ask to use the bathroom and had been silently dying.

“I take it Eliza has a crush on Alex?” Burr said.

“You have no idea,” Angelica moaned. “It’s disgusting. She almost fainted when Daddy announced he would be the intern staying here. Her infatuation for him has only grown since then. I’m quite concerned.”

“Understandable.” Burr met Angelica’s dark eyes. “I’ll try to keep him busy and away from her.”

“I appreciate it.”

The toilet flushed and ended the conversation.

“You have to check out the shower, Aaron,” Hamilton gushed. “This is going to be fucking amazing!”

“You will have to work, remember,” chided Angelica. She followed Burr across the room.

Burr nodded his appreciation for the huge shower and let a flirty smile touch his lips when he met Hamilton’s gaze. Things had grown passionate between them and he was keen to keep Hamilton in his sights.

A toothy grin broke Hamilton’s face.

“Enough,” Angelica said and dragged Burr out of the bathroom. “I’ll show you where Daddy’s office is where you’ll be working.”

The boys were soon hopelessly lost in the maze of hallways and doors, especially after going down one flight of stairs and stopping before another.

“We’re in the back wing of the house now,” Angelica said. “It has a separate entrance for Daddy’s clients.”

At the top of the stairs, Angelica knocked at a huge double door and entered.

Directly across from the door was a wide window that looked out to the forest behind the estate. A couch was situated on either side of the window with a coffee table in between. On the east wall was a single door and on the west, there was two.

Angelica knocked on the eastern door. “Daddy, Alexander and Aaron are here.”

“Enter,” answered a deep voice.

Angelica opened the door and ushered the boys inside.

The huge office was lined with bookshelves and separated into several different spaces. Senator Schuyler sat writing at a nearby desk. A much larger desk was stationed in the middle of the room over a Persian rug.

Senator Schuyler stood and offered his hand to Hamilton. He was a big man with gray hair and beard. He wore a black pinstriped suit and gray waistcoat.

Hamilton shook it with a firm grasp, something Washington had taught him. “I’m honored to work for you for a few weeks.”

“Hmm.” Senator Schuyler looked at his daughter. “Isn’t this the one I was warned would be trouble?”

“Yes,” Angelica said.

Hamilton beamed.

Senator Schuyler studied him. “Good thing you won’t be doing any physical labor. You look alert and ready for a challenge, though.” He turned from Hamilton and offered his hand to Burr.

Burr shook it wishing he had more confidence in his grip.

“Angelica has told me a lot about you,” he said.

“Good things, I hope,” Burr replied his voice unsure and soft.

“Hmm.” Senator Schuyler returned his attention to Hamilton. “You’ll work from eight to five with an hour lunch break at noon. I have clients Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I’ll expect you to engage them. Are you proficient with words?”

“Most sufficiently, sir,” Hamilton said as he rocked on his toes.

“And you?” Senator Schuyler pointed at Burr.

“Yes, sir.” Burr struggled to make eye contact.

“You see unsure.” Senator Schuyler folded his arms. “I expect confidence and poise. I expect you to both dress and act professionally. Washington speaks highly of his boys and I expect perfection.” He turned his attention back to Hamilton. “Are you up to the challenge?”

“Yes, sir,” Hamilton said.

“I will see you promptly at eight.”

“Thanks, Daddy,” Angelica said and nudged Burr toward the door. Hamilton half skipped after them.

Burr didn’t breathe until they reached the bottom of the marble staircase.

“I know he’s intense,” Angelica said. “It won’t be as bad as it sounds. Daddy will let up on you quick and help you.”

“This is going to be awesome!” Hamilton hopped around the floor enjoying the tap of his boots against the marble.

“You may want to tone it down,” Angelica suggested. “Daddy doesn’t care for mindless chatter.”

“I think he already loves me.” Hamilton wrapped his arms around Burr. “We’ll have fun. Don’t worry.”


	3. Chapter 3

Hamilton woke at six, too excited to sleep any later. He showered, shaved, and chose the perfect button-down shirt and slacks. He fixed his tie and made sure his loafers shined. He used liberal amounts of gel to tame down his hair.

“Aaron, get up.” He shook his friend awake.

Burr squinted at the early-rising summer sun filling the room. “I’m up,” he grunted.

Unlike Hamilton, he only had one shirt and pants to choose from and hoped Senator Schuyler wouldn’t consider that unprofessional.

They headed downstairs for a quick breakfast. At dinner the night before, Mrs. Schuyler—whom Angelica took after greatly in looks—told them the kitchen was theirs to enjoy and help themselves to whatever they wanted. Burr accepted the words but Hamilton hesitated to pour himself too much cereal and milk.

He’d lived in many foster homes that considered food a privilege, one he didn’t often earn.

“You’ll be hungry in an hour,” Burr said and poured double the amount of cereal in Hamilton’s bowl.

They sat together at the kitchen table and wondered how often they would even see the Schuyler’s in such a big house. Peggy told them they had a maid and gardener, too.

Once the dishes were in the dishwasher, the boys tried to remember their way to Senator Schuyler’s office.

They managed with a few minutes to spare and found Angelica waiting at the foot of the marble staircase.

“You guys look nice,” she said as she stood. She brushed some crumbs off Hamilton’s shirt. “Don’t look so scared, Aaron.”

Burr tried to smile but it came out grimacing.

“Just be yourself.” Angelica patted his shoulder. “Alexander, be the opposite of yourself.”

“Nope.” Hamilton bounced up two stairs. “Come on, Aaron.”

Burr followed him and through the first door.

Senator Schuyler’s office was open and the boys headed inside.

“Punctual,” Senator Schuyler commented without looking up from the paperwork strewn across the large central desk. “Good.” He continued with what he was reading and left Burr to tug anxiously at his sleeves and Hamilton to wonder if he should speak up.

After two long minutes, Senator Schuyler stood. “I don’t have any clients today but I have some work for you, Alexander.” He moved away from the large desk and indicated to the smaller one. “Have a seat.”

Hamilton sat down. The chair squeaked as he pulled it forward.

Senator Schuyler opened a drawer and set a stack of envelopes in front of Hamilton. “Read through them and pick out a few and write a correspondence to.”

“Yes, sir.” Hamilton licked his lips and picked up a pen.

“Paper is in the top drawer on your right.” Senator Schuyler turned to Burr. “Coffee needs made.” He indicated to the waiting area.

Burr shuffled out and found the coffee maker. Old coffee remained in the pot and he glanced around for somewhere to dump it. He opened one of the doors on the western wall with apprehension, as he feared everything he did would be wrong and sighed with relief to find a bathroom. He cleaned the coffee pot and got a fresh pot brewing.

Hamilton scribbled away at his desk, determined to write a reply to every letter in the stack even though he wasn’t sure what Senator Schuyler wanted from him out of the task. Proficiency with words and knowledge of the law, he guessed.

***

The Schuyler’s didn’t eat dinner as a family very often but they made an effort that week and induced the boys to join.

“Tell us about yourselves,” Senator Schuyler said as he poured wine.

Burr and Hamilton exchanged a grimace.

“No one wants to hear about their lives,” Angelica said and patted Burr’s leg under the table. “How was work, Daddy?”

The boys relaxed as Senator Schuyler spoke of committee meetings, paperwork, and other boring stuff. Hamilton chimed in a few times to ask questions, as did Peggy.

Angelica, Eliza, and Mrs. Schuyler had their own conversation.

Burr tried to follow both and failed.

“Pass the peas, Eliza,” Senator Schuyler said.

Eliza picked up the bowl and handed it to Hamilton to pass further down the table. She avoided eye contact with him while her heart fluttered. Their hands brushed and she let go at once before Hamilton had an actual hold on the bowl. It crashed to the table and sent peas flying.

“Sorry.” Hamilton stumbled out of his chair. “I’ll clean it up.”

Eliza stood as well. “It’s my fault.”

“I don’t care whose fault it is,” Senator Schuyler said. “Sit down. You can clean up after we’re done eating.”

“There are peas in my mashed potatoes now,” Peggy complained.

Angelica stuck her fork in Peggy’s potatoes and cleared out the peas. “You’re safe now.”

“Thank you.” Peggy grinned at her sister.

Once the meal ended, the parents left the table.

“We’ll help you clean up,” Angelica told Eliza.

“It’s fine,” Hamilton insisted. “I made the mess. I’ll clean up.”

“I can help.” Eliza gave her sister a pointed look.

Angelica shook her head.

They argued silently with a few looks and gestures.

“Fine.” Angelica pulled Peggy behind her. “Come on, Aaron.”

Hamilton cleared the table while Eliza put the dishes in the dishwasher. They worked in silence, Eliza unable to trust herself to speak and Hamilton berating himself for always making a mess. Plus he needed to concentrate fully for fear of breaking something.

The dishes dealt with, Hamilton said, “I’m sorry if I got you in trouble. I should have had a better hold of the bowl.”

Eliza swept peas in a pile on the table with a wet washcloth. “It’s okay.” She stole a quick glance and noticed his pathetic expression. She didn’t know how to console him, though, without saying she had freaked because his hand touched hers and she wanted to marry him.

“Is there a broom?” Hamilton asked. “I’ll clean the floor.”

Eliza indicated to the pantry.

Hamilton found a broom and dustpan hanging on the wall. He swept up stray peas around the table. He got down on his hands and knees with the dustpan and brush to get the ones under the table.

Eliza froze to realize he was right at her feet. Could he see up her skirt? Goosebumps flooded her legs and she couldn’t move even when the brush bumped her foot.

“Sorry.”

Was he flirting with her?

“Um, Eliza?” Hamilton’s head popped up at the edge of the table. “I need to get between your feet.”

An almost-squeal escaped before she bit down hard on her lip as heat flooded her face. She quickly moved and stood at the sink. _Get a grip!_

Hamilton dumped the dustpan and put the supplies away. “Finished?”

Eliza nodded, head turned.

He paused before he left the kitchen and wondered if he should apologize again. But he decided to let it go. She seemed uncomfortable enough around him without him talking more.

***

The week passed by at a steady pace. Senator Schuyler kept Hamilton busy each day reading and writing letters, entertaining guests until he was available, and listening in on committee meetings. He gave Hamilton stacks of huge books to read in the evenings.

Both were glad for Friday night to arrive and for a weekend to relax.

Saturday morning, Hamilton slept until the sun was high in the sky. He stretched out and rolled onto his stomach to look out the window. The sky was a perfect blue with only a few clouds. He found his phone and realized it was already eleven. He kicked back his blankets and called his dad. The week had flown by and he’d been too busy to manage more than a few texts.

“How’s my boy?” Washington asked.

Hamilton smiled to hear his voice. “Good. Busy.” He launched into telling Washington everything he’d gotten to do and what he’d be learning. He told all about the huge house and his room. “How are Mom and the dogs?”

“All good. We miss you, of course.”

“I’ll come home next weekend.” Hamilton moved to sit at the bay window.

“How’s Aaron?” Washington asked.

“He’s well. Not quite as busy but I think he’s enjoying it.”

They talked a little longer before Hamilton’s stomach started to get vocal.

“Take care, my boy,” Washington said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Hamilton hung up and searched out something to wear. He headed to the kitchen and hoped one of the Schuyler sisters would be there to give him permission to make himself lunch.

The kitchen was empty and he poured himself a glass of water and went out on the back porch.

“Alex!” Peggy ran across the lawn to him. “Do you want to play soccer?”

“I’m not good at sports,” Hamilton said.

“Ugh, neither is Aaron.” Peggy sat on the porch steps next to him. “Angelica and I have been trying to teach him to kick a ball straight for the past hour. Is it lunchtime?”

“Yes.” Hamilton pressed a hand against his gurgling stomach.

Angelica and Burr soon joined them in the kitchen and they had leftover tacos.

“Want to go for a walk?” Burr asked after they helped clean up the kitchen.

Hamilton agreed and followed his friend outside.

“Think we can attempt another camping trip with Thomas and James before school starts?” Hamilton asked as they wandered around the Schuyler property.

“Where would we get a tent and sleeping bags?” Burr questioned. “Didn’t Washington end up getting them from the college before?”

“True. But it’ll be warm in August. We might survive with some heavy blankets. Sleep under the stars.” He nudged Burr.

Burr rolled his eyes. “Sounds like a good way to get eaten alive by bugs. I don’t think James could survive that.”

“Well, we’ll talk to them and think of something.” He slipped his hand into Burr’s and leaned against him. “I’m tired of walking.”

They sat on the grass at the bottom of a hill, the mansion obscured from sight.

Burr scratched at a bug bite on his leg while Hamilton plucked at the grass.

“Have you talked to John lately?” Burr asked. He studied the bite on his leg. He didn’t really want to talk about John Laurens, his rival for Hamilton’s affection, but he also needed to know how much competition would remain.

“Not really.” Hamilton twirled a blade of grass. Their relationship had started on a fierce lust the second they laid eyes on each other. In college that had continued until Burr came into the picture. Laurens jealousy and Hamilton’s insecurities made a mess of, well, everything. After two years of flip-flopping, Hamilton thought he could safely admit he was tired of it.

Burr nodded but didn’t dare to hope he could get Hamilton to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far? Comments and critique always welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

Jane Jefferson was almost as tall as her son and a leader in state politics. The instant she and Jefferson walked into the lawyer’s office, she commanded he find a way to pay off Adams and get him to drop the suit.

“Anyone would have done the same thing in Thomas’ position,” she said pacing the small office. “Jonathan Adams only wants to attack him because he’s black and thinks it’ll be an easy win. The only reason he assaulted James is because he’s…” She trailed off unable to admit her son’s boyfriend was genderqueer. While she had long ago come to terms with her son’s sexuality, it was another task to wrap her brain around Madison’s “quirks” and she hadn’t been kind to her son about him after she saw a picture of Madison in full “James” mode as everyone termed it: a skirt, nail polish, and neon clip-ins in his hair.

“It definitely is a hate crime,” the lawyer agreed. “The Madison’s lawyer won’t settle for less than jail time. That alone could be enough to force Adams to drop the lawsuit against Thomas.” The lawyer shuffled some papers together. “But today, I need Thomas’ statement about the times he’s assaulted Adams.”

Jefferson spent a grueling hour recounting everything he remembered from the day Adams appeared at his college a month or so into the fall semester. He wrote how he’d instantly attacked Adams, smashed his head into a door and kicked him in the crotch. Hamilton had kept him from inflicting further damage.

Days later, Jefferson attacked Adams again when Adams seemed to stalk him and Hamilton and “ran into” each other outside a café. Jefferson had beat him bloody. Jefferson had sustained no injuries in either attack and couldn’t say with any certainty that Adams would have even hurt him or wanted to hurt him. He could only say that he was protecting Madison but neither time had Madison even been close by.

“Be glad you breaking into his house can’t be brought up,” Mrs. Jefferson snapped after she and the lawyer read Jefferson’s statement. “Not to mention how drunk you were. I can see why Adams would claim PTSD. You were out of control.”

Jefferson pursed his lips but didn’t retaliate. He _had_ gotten himself into a lot of trouble. He didn’t blame his mother for being angry with him but Adams had crossed the line a lot further and it was not Jefferson’s fault.

“How long before we know anything?” he asked. “I leave for Virginia in a few days for an internship.”

“Well, you know the court system,” the lawyer said. “It could be months, even a year.”

Jefferson gritted his teeth and stood. “Are we done?”

“Yes, sir.”

Jefferson left his mom and lawyer and headed outside the office to his shiny Silverado truck parked on the street. He rested his head against the steering wheel and tried to comprehend what was happening. Adams’ hadn’t sued him yet, he tried to remind himself. They were just preparing themselves since Jefferson’s past with him wasn’t exactly clean. The important thing was for the assault charges to put Adams in jail, for him to take a plea deal and keep Madison from having to set foot in a courtroom. Nothing scared all of them more than Madison having to recount how Adams’ had ripped his skirt off and how he had threated to cut him a vagina to a room full of people. Jefferson would rather go to jail for whatever reason than see Madison faced with that ordeal.

He drove away from the law office and parked at the nearby mall. He crossed his fingers that Hamilton wasn’t busy and called him.

Hamilton answered on the third ring. “How was it?” he asked.

“Shitty,” Jefferson said. “There is zero way to make myself look good.”

“But everyone knows why you did it,” Hamilton said. “No one would fault you. Plus Adam’ is only potentially suing you. You haven’t been charged. Adams must know that wouldn’t stick.”

“Anything could still happen.” He fiddled with the keychain dangling from the ignition. “I don’t want to be paying that prick.”

“I hear you. It’ll work out.”

“Maybe.” Jefferson turned on the windshield wipers.

“Trust me, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Thomas.” Hamilton deepened his voice to sound like his dad and Jefferson’s mentor, Washington. “Everything will be fine.”

“Thanks, Alexander.”

They said their goodbyes.

Jefferson glanced at the clock in his truck: almost one. It was five o’clock somewhere, though.

He drove to the liquor store on the corner and spotted a familiar car in the lot. He frowned. No way was that the Madison’s Corvette. He drove behind it to check the license plate: MNTPLR

“Well, shit,” muttered Jefferson. He started to drive away when Mr. Madison came out of the store, paper bag in hand. He grimaced as they accidentally made eye contact. He backed into a parking spot and got out.

Jefferson considered his relationship with his boyfriend’s father tolerable. They didn’t see eye to eye often since Madison and his father struggled to understand each other. Mr. Madison did work to empathize with his son, though, even if the way he did so wasn’t always the best. He did try. Because of that, Jefferson could forgive him his idiotic lapses of compassion.

“Looks like your day is going as bad as mine,” he said.

Mr. Madison sighed. “The sooner this Adams mess is over the better.” He held up the paper bag. “Not that this will help.”

Jefferson shrugged. “I had the same idea.”

“How about lunch instead?”

“Doable.”

Mr. Madison stashed the liquor in his car and they walked to a nearby restaurant. Like his son, he was on the short side but pudgier. His hair was thinning and graying even though he was only in his early forties.

Seated at a booth near a window, Jefferson stared at the menu. He wasn’t hungry. Only alcohol sounded good.

“Anything look good?” Mr. Madison asked.

“Still deciding,” Jefferson mumbled. “What’re you getting?”

“Since the wife isn’t here, I think I’ll get a hamburger.”

“Sounds good.” Jefferson set the menu down. He looked up when Mr. Madison handed over the drink menu.

“One drink won’t kill us.”

One drink turned into two as they discussed the plea bargain and Adams’ attempt to sue Jefferson.

“I know I had some harsh words for you when this whole mess began,” Mr. Madison said. “I hope you’ll forgive me and know that I don’t blame Jemmy for what happened. I only wish I had more ways to protect my son.”

“I forgave you a while ago,” Jefferson said. He sipped his margarita and licked at the sugar on the glass. “Jemmy doesn’t make a lot of things easy but I trust that you always want what’s best for him, too.”

“Of course.” Mr. Madison picked up a French fry. “I look forward to the day you become my son-in-law.”

It was the alcohol making him emotional, Jefferson decided as moisture pooled in his eyes.

***

It was a four-hour drive to his uncle’s house in Virginia. His internship was in the nearby city. Jefferson struggled to keep his mind on the road and not on Madison’s tearful face when they parted.

But as he crossed the border, excitement crept in at the prospect of returning to the family farm and seeing his Uncle Field and cousin Phoebe.

He didn’t have clear memories of the house he’d lived in until four when his family moved to New York but Jefferson knew each nook and cranny of Field’s farmhouse where every family party took place and he’d spent some time running wild each summer throughout childhood. Field had nine children but most were a lot older, except Phoebe who was his age. His wife had passed away several years ago.

The family farm was actually an old plantation bequeathed to the slave family from which the Jefferson’s descended. Field kept the family history alive and didn’t shy away from the family’s and country’s past. He ran a horseback riding outfit on the plantation and taught lessons. He gave tours on horseback, pointing out the where slave shacks had once been and showing the ancient wagons and farm equipment.

The sight of the huge, white clapboard house filled Jefferson with calm and a smile touched his lips as he pulled up the long driveway to the unattached garage. He unloaded his stuff and heard a familiar voice shout to him from the barn followed by the bark of a large dog.

The Briard made it to him first and Jefferson told the dog to sit and stroked her tawny coat.

“Well, Thomas, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” Field said and embraced him. “How’s life treating you, boy?”

“Quite well,” Jefferson said. He smiled at his uncle. “Yourself?”

“Can’t complain. Let’s get you settled.” He picked up one of Jefferson’s bags.

The dog, Liberty, ran ahead and waited at the gate.

Inside the farmhouse, another older Briard greeted them with a soft woof.

“Chancey’s still alive?” Jefferson let the dog sniff him.

“A bit arthritic but gets around,” Field said. He gave Chancey a gentle scratch behind the ears.

Jefferson was soon settled into one of the bedrooms upstairs. He remembered getting locked in the room once with his cousins. One of the many crazy memories that filled the house.

Footsteps pounded down the wood halls and the door swung open. “Thomas!” Phoebe wrapped her arms around her cousin.

Jefferson squeezed her back. She had the Jefferson family height, not much shorter than himself. “It’s been too long.”

“For real.” Phoebe stepped back and looked him over. “Shit, I bet you have all the guys all over you.”

“Nah, just James.” Jefferson grinned.

Phoebe giggled. “You’re still in love with that little, white boy?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Does Grandma know?”

Jefferson made a face. “She’ll kill me.”

Phoebe punched his shoulder. “Good luck telling her. It’s amazing she hasn’t found out. You’ve been with him, what, two years?”

“Something like that.”

As always, word got around quick that a relative had arrived at the family farm and other relatives and neighbors soon filled the yard. Chairs were found and tables set up to accommodate all the food everyone brought. Field made sure everyone had a drink.

Grandma Jefferson soon had him in a tight hold and covered him with kisses. “So handsome!” She kissed him some more. “Sit down and tell me everything.”

They sat on the porch swing and he told her about college and how his mom and siblings were doing. Relatives and neighbors interrupted frequently to ask questions and congratulate him on the internship.

“Now I know you’ve been dating someone,” Grandma Jefferson said. “Let’s hear it, young man.”

Jefferson pulled out his phone and showed her a picture of Madison.

“Well…” Grandma Jefferson pressed a finger to her lips. “White.”

“Yeah.” Jefferson rubbed the back of his neck. “James.”

“Odd name for a girl.” She handed the phone back. “She’s cute, Thomas.”

“Um…” But he couldn’t find the words to correct her as Phoebe and two other eavesdropping cousins busted out laughing at the mistake.

Grandma Jefferson patted his leg and stood to browse the snack table.

Phoebe dropped into the spot next to him. “What picture did you show Grandma?” She continued to giggle. “James is going to kill you.”

Jefferson showered her the picture of Madison with his long hair and sparkly pink shoelaces. He wasn’t wearing a skirt in that one but he could see why his grandma would make a mistake especially if she was expecting a picture of a girl. He swiped through his pictures. “I don’t have any better ones. I suppose…” He smirked and quickly locked his phone as he came upon the inappropriate ones Madison had texted him. His boyfriend would truly kill him then. “I thought everyone in the family knew I was gay?”

“This is Grandma,” Phoebe reminded him. “She chooses what she wants to remember. But it’s not as if your sexuality comes up in many conversations. She probably forgot and your boyfriend is very feminine.”

“True. 

As the balmy night deepened, the constant crackle of bug zappers filled the air. Jefferson was forced to retire early since his internship began in the morning but he knew he could count on frequent family gatherings during his stay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Washington blames himself and Hamilton gets a foam mattress topper.

Hamilton checked his emails before he got out of bed and a knot settled into the pit of his stomach and flooded his body with hot dread.

_Dear Alexander,_

_I hope you are well and are enjoying your summer. How is your internship going? Your friend, Aaron, is with you, isn’t he? It’s always good to have a familiar face around. Ned is working for the summer but can’t wait to see you again. How are your parents? I hope they and the dogs are in good health. I won’t keep you further but I hope to hear from you soon._

_Yours affectionately,_

_Thomas Stevens_

Hamilton gnawed on his fingernails as he read the email from his biological father. It had been pure happenstance that he and Burr had run into his old friend from Nevis while they visit New York City. At the time, Hamilton had been overjoyed to see Mr. Stevens and his son Ned again. Mr. Stevens had gotten him out of Nevis after his mother died and into foster care in the US. They’d lost touch as Hamilton moved from home to home. But the chance meeting brought out the proof that the man he’d thought was his father was not. He’d grown up hating his “father” for abandoning him and his mother at seven. To know that man had no biological ties to him had been a relief in some ways. But to know his actual father had given him away—even though he hadn’t known at the time—and hadn’t tried to find him stung. The news had come not long after his adoption when Hamilton thought his life was settled and secure. Now he had this new man trying to disrupt what little sanctity he managed to find. He didn’t know how to answer.

Burr pushed the bedroom door opened. “Why aren’t you ready? We have fifteen minutes.” He tossed a breakfast bar at Hamilton.

Hamilton kept quiet and got dressed but didn’t take the usual care with his hair or clothes. He dragged himself along after Burr and floundered through the day’s tasks.

“Focus,” Senator Schuyler snapped at him an hour into the day. “What happened to your handwriting? Where’s that pretty cursive you had all last week.”

Hamilton stared blankly at the scrawling words he didn’t remember writing. He crumpled up the paper. “Sorry.”

Burr set a cup of coffee on his desk. “Are you okay?”

“Ready to go home, I guess.” Hamilton stared at the drink while his shoulders held a defeated slump.

“One more day.” Burr patted his back.

Friday was no easier to get through.

“This isn’t a job for slackers,” Senator Schuyler ranted at him. “You’re wasting time and paper. Look at these.” He waved half a dozen crumpled papers in Hamilton’s face. “I have no client named Stevens. Whom are you even writing, too? You keep your personal projects off the clock.”

Burr sidled over to his desk. “You’re writing to Mr. Stevens?”

“He emailed me,” Hamilton said. “I don’t know what to say back.”

Burr massaged Hamilton’s neck. “Whatever you need to. We’ll be home tomorrow and you can talk to Washington.”

Hamilton rubbed his eyes. “Good.”

***

Hamilton and Burr took the train home on their second weekend. Once again, Hamilton pressed his face to the window and bemoaned how long it took.

Arriving, Hamilton sped off the train leaving Burr behind and sought out Washington in the drop-off/pick up area where they’d parted ways two weeks ago.

“Dad!” Hamilton barreled into him.

Washington hugged him tight and kissed him. “There’s my boy. How are you?”

“Good!” Hamilton rested his head against his dad’s chest and listened to the familiar heartbeat. It wasn’t long ago that Washington had his first heart attack and it made Hamilton too keenly aware of what he could lose.

Burr joined them and Washington had to pry Hamilton off so they could get in the Cadillac.

The boys talked the whole drive to Mount Vernon in the wealthy subdivision called the Estates.

Washington pulled into the garage of the Victorian house with a large, covered front porch. Inside the familiar smell of baking cookies greeted the boys and Hamilton found his mom in the kitchen.

After hugging her and while giving her updates, he greeted the pack of small, old dogs forever filling the house. His favorite was Potato, a fat Chihuahua who only liked him and Mrs. Washington.

“Grab some cookies and tell us more,” Mrs. Washington said and handed Burr the container of fresh-baked cookies.

Everyone headed into the adjoining family room and found a seat. Mrs. Washington and Burr on the couch—multiple dogs between them—and Washington on the recliner with Hamilton on his lap.

The boys shared their stories with Mrs. Washington and found new ones to tell as they munched on cookies.

Washington half-listened as he rubbed Hamilton’s back as a nagging fear crept into his brain. He and his wife had been foster parents for over fifteen years and took in dozens of teenage boys long term, not counting twice that number that flowed in and out during short transitioning stays. He had known many boys with attachment issues who refused any familiar touch and saw him more of an enemy than as a parent. Most had troubled backgrounds like Hamilton and jumped from foster home to foster home. But Hamilton had been different from the start. He’d drawn Washington in with a strong sense of needing protection. His small stature and immaturity had definitely played part in Washington feeling a pull to coddle and defend him. But had he crossed a line? Had he pushed Hamilton into a co-dependent relationship?

Hamilton may have been twenty but his maturity was still badly stunted from years of abuse, zero control, and little understanding or love. Up until he started to accept Washington as someone who would not hurt him, he had emotionally been roughly thirteen, the age when his mother died. He had needed the comfort and security of someone holding him, comforting him, taking care of him. But that was three years ago. Not that those years had been emotionally stabilizing in their entirety with Burr disappearing for six months after the death of his sister. Followed by John Laurens taking out his father’s abuse of him onto Hamilton and keeping him in a constant state of anxiety.

Had adopting Hamilton infantized him more?  He and Mrs. Washington had hoped it would grant him the haven he needed and help him know he would always have a family. But right after that his actual biological father had made an appearance and caused Hamilton to question, again, if he was secure.

No, Washington decided, it was still understandable why Hamilton clung to him and desired his affection. And he knew his own shattered heart from a loveless childhood needed this.

Quiet fell over the family room and Washington realized Hamilton had fallen asleep.

“Why don’t you take your bag upstairs?” Mrs. Washington told Burr. “Do you have any laundry?”

Burr followed her out of the room, the pack of dogs at their heels. He had managed most of his laundry at the Schuyler’s but had put the care of his dress clothes in Angelica’s hands and now asked Mrs. Washington to show him how to wash them properly.

After that was done, she sorted through Hamilton’s suitcase and put everything in the laundry room bins. She made a mental note to go over laundry instructions with him again tomorrow.

After a lively dinner, Burr retreated to his guest room, which had been the Washington’s long-term foster son, Lafayette’s, room before. He was the same age as Hamilton and had moved out last summer into an apartment with friends.

Hamilton remained downstairs with his parents, although Washington insisted he sit by himself. But when they headed upstairs for bed and Hamilton asked, “Will you sleep in my room?” he agreed.

Hamilton undressed for bed and got under the covers. When Washington came in, he grinned at his dad. “You got me a memory foam pad. Are you getting that old?” He pressed a hand down on the soft mattress topper. “Thank you.”

“You’re the one getting older,” Washington teased back. He sank down and his back thanked him for not having to endure a night on just a spring mattress.

Hamilton cuddled close to him. “Mr. Stevens emailed me a few days ago.”

Washington held back a deep sigh, part relief, part agitation. At least he knew now the reason for Hamilton’s clinginess—not that it wasn’t usually persistent—since Hamilton’s biological father was desperate to keep his new-found son in his life and Hamilton was hesitant.

“What’d he say?”

“Wanted to know how my internship was going.” Hamilton found Washington’s hand and held onto it. “Asking everything but when I’d come to visit, which I know is the only thing he cared about.”

“What’d you say?”

“I haven’t replied.”

Washington rubbed a hand against Hamilton’s chest. “Remember what we talked about a few weeks ago. You don’t have to keep him in your life. You don’t owe him anything.”

“But there is stuff I want to know,” Hamilton said. “I want to know about Rachel.”

Hearing Hamilton call his biological mom by her first name gave Washington pause. He’d always heard his son refer to her as “my mom” even while he called Mrs. Washington “Mom.” Did he no longer feel the same attachment to his mother now that he knew he had a different biological father than he had thought all his life? Or was it an acceptance that he had been adopted and wanted only to think of the Washington’s as his parents?

“If you want,” Washington said, “I can write to Mr. Stevens and ask your questions. That might get him to understand you don’t want a relationship with him. You have the right to know about Rachel even if you don’t want to talk to Mr. Stevens.”

“Maybe.” Hamilton closed his eyes and relaxed a little more.

“Think on it.” Washington kissed his head. “You know I’ll support whatever decision you need to make.”

“I know,” murmured Hamilton dozing off.

While his son slept fine, the fear that he had somehow destroyed Hamilton while saving him kept Washington awake. Around midnight, he slipped out and joined his wife in their bed and almost lost a finger to Potato.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton wonders if he's too needy.

“You left.” Hamilton stood in the doorway of Washington’s office. He wore his usual summer attire of track pants and a t-shirt, his feet bare.

Washington took off his reading glasses and studied the boy. “There will come a time when I’m—”

The tears already gathered and Washington stopped his speech.

“Alexander, you can’t put all your eggs in one basket.”

“Yes, I can!” Hamilton made his way into the office and Washington’s chair.

Washington braced his chair in place to keep his legs under the desk and Hamilton off his lap. “This isn’t healthy.”

“Fuck that. I need you.”

Washington closed his eyes as he relented. Where had he gone wrong? He would look through his journal later. Somewhere in his lengthy documentation of Hamilton’s life, he would find the recent trigger and a way to help his son cope on his own.

Mrs. Washington soon coaxed him away to do laundry.

Washington retrieved his journal from the locked drawer of his filing cabinet and paged through the entries. It was likely Mr. Stevens’ appearance. Or was it Laurens? That young man was no more stable and gotten himself messed up in prostitution. That had been a trigger for Hamilton as well since his own mom had dabbled in such acts to keep them fed. The memories had been repressed until Laurens’ actions brought them about through nightmares. Maybe the hurricane last spring? That had definitely brought out some new anxieties and Hamilton’s fear of Washington being out of his sight. Or it was his own heart attack.

He gritted his teeth. That was the most likely. Hamilton had been faced with the reality that someday his dad would die. For a boy like Hamilton and finally achieving security that would have been impossible to handle. Of course, that was the one thing he couldn’t fix. He couldn’t promise Hamilton he wouldn’t have another heart attack. His lifestyle was healthy enough that he didn’t need to change anything except his stress levels, which Hamilton’s behavior was pushing back up there.

“Fuck,” Washington muttered. 

***

The Washington’s had already retired for bed when Hamilton poked in his head in Saturday night.

Potato wiggled and yapped at him from the bed.

“Yes, Alexander?” Washington took off his reading glasses.

Hamilton padded across the floor in his bare feet and handed Washington a piece of paper. “That’s what I want to ask Mr. Stevens.”

Mrs. Washington leaned toward her husband to see what their son had written.

_How did you meet my mom? What was she like? Did you love her? Why did you leave her? Did you know James Hamilton? Why didn’t you take my mom and me in? Why did you wait until it was too late? Did you have any attachment to me?_

Washington nodded. “I’ll email him in the morning.”

Hamilton chewed on his thumbnail. “If you don’t think I can handle what he says, lie to me.”

Washington pulled Hamilton closer. “We’re in this together, son. I won’t have anyone cause you any more pain.”

Hamilton nodded.

“Get some sleep.”

He gave Potato a hug and left the room. He continued to the end of the hall to Lafayette’s old room and knocked.

“Yes?” Burr answered.

Hamilton opened the door. “May I sleep in here?”

“Of course, Alex.” Burr patted the spot next to him.

Hamilton got under the covers and stared at the ceiling.

Burr plugged in his phone and turned off the lights. He stroked his friend’s stomach. “What’s bothering you?”

“Mr. Stevens. And…” He trailed off with a sigh.

“What?”

“How immature do you think I am?”

Burr stopped touching him. “What kind of question is that?”

“Am I too needy?” Hamilton rolled on his side and found Burr’s face in the fading light from the window. “Do I rely on Dad too much?”

“No.” Burr touched his cheek. “You need his security. You’re maturing. You’re on your way to finding yourself, trust me.”

Hamilton took a deep breath. “Okay.”

As Hamilton fell asleep, down the hall, Washington got up and went downstairs to his office. He typed up his son’s questions and sent the email to Mr. Stevens with an explanation. While he wanted to rant at the man and say, _I’m emailing you because my son is so distraught over what you did that he can’t bear to hear your answers._ He wrote instead, _Alexander is torn between wanting to know and fearing the answers. I think it’s best if correspondence with him at this time is filtered through me._

He hit sent before he dwelled too long and changed his email to something he’d regret.

He slept little that night and was up at six and at his computer. Mr. Stevens had replied around four in the morning.

_Thank you for reaching out to me. I was concerned when I didn’t hear back from Alexander. I'll answer his questions as best I can and trust you to know what to tell him._

The rest of the email was longer, yet shorter than Washington would have guessed. Mr. Stevens told how he’d met Rachel a few years before Hamilton’s birth when she was already married to James Hamilton. It was an unhappy marriage, he said, and Rachel confided a lot of problems to him. Late night drinking between them led to sex and then an affair. When she became pregnant, she didn’t know with whose child but James Hamilton became more controlling of her and ended the friendship between him and Rachel.

 _I did love her_ , Mr. Stevens wrote. _But I also knew it wouldn’t last. She wasn’t mine and she was a woman who would not be easily satisfied._

Mr. Stevens married to put the past behind him and had his own son. Living on such a small island it was impossible not to see Rachel and baby Alexander around. While James Hamilton ran off on various schemes, they let their boys play together. But even after Mr. Stevens’ wife died, they didn’t rekindle the sexual relationship.

_Rachel was burdened with two young children and an abusive husband. I tried to save her and that only made her pull away. After J.H. left for good, I tried to get Rachel to move in with me but the island had many preconceptions and Rachel never had good standing. I would have alienated her further from her home if she moved in with me. I helped her out with Alexander from a distance. Doing what I could to keep her reputation and mine._

Trying to keep his own son fed and clothed took up much of his time and he never was able to focus on Rachel and Alexander as much as he wished. When he found out she was sick it was already almost too late.

_Young Alexander didn’t trust any adult other than Rachel. Even though he and Ned were dear friends, he never bonded with me. I think he might have idealized my relationship with him in his mind over the years and, perhaps, blended it with his fondness for Ned. As for myself, I did truly care for Alexander. That’s why I got him off the island. He was too smart to live his life as a dock boy._

_I don’t expect his forgiveness and I sure don’t expect him to think of me as his father. My only hope is that he can find peace and that my answers can help achieve that. Rachel was a kind woman but she had her demons. Even so, everything she did was for Alexander. He was her world, as I know that he is now yours._

Washington sat back in his chair and tried to ponder what he read and what he would tell Hamilton. He didn’t doubt Mr. Stevens had not sent Hamilton away to hurt him, even though he still couldn’t fathom how the man could just let the boy disappear. But as he thought on it more, he began to understand.

He had fostered more boys that he had lost touch with than remained in contact. True, most were adults when they left but Washington hadn’t searched them out. He had to trust he had done the best he could and let them be if that’s what the boys chose. While Hamilton hadn’t had any choices in the matter, Washington could see a little of Mr. Stevens’ side of not wanting to drag Hamilton back to the world of his past by constant contact that couldn’t help him. Mr. Stevens had made the decision he thought was best. Washington couldn’t fault him that.

“Good morning, Dad.” Hamilton popped his head into the office.

Washington exited out of his email and turned his chair. “Good morning, Alexander. You’re up early.”

“It’s after eight.” Hamilton set a cup of coffee on the desk. “Mom said you didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Mr. Stevens emailed me back already,” Washington said. He sipped the drink.

Hamilton nodded and took his usual seat in front of his dad’s desk. “What happened between them?”

“James Hamilton and your mom’s own inability to commit.” He raised an eyebrow at his son. “She sounds a lot like you, the good and bad.”

Hamilton chewed on his lip. “So they would never have married or anything.”

“No. Mr. Stevens did care about you but the island’s biases seemed to hold him back from doing more.”

“I understand that,” Hamilton said. He stared at the desk. “Even though I was young when I lived there, I felt the disgust of everyone’s opinions. Mr. Stevens taking us in would have gotten us, like, burned at the stake, as much as I wish he still had.”

Washington patted Hamilton’s hand. “They did the best they could.” He squeezed his son’s fingers. “And you’re going to do amazing things with your life. I know it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza has a crush.

Eliza paused outside the boy’s bedroom. She held Hamilton’s freshly washed and ironed dress shirts carefully in her arms. Taking a deep breath, she tapped on the door just enough to satisfy her conscious to say she had knocked if Hamilton or Burr questioned her.

The door opened in a slow arc and she stepped inside. The bathroom door was open and she could hear the shower running.

The room was tidier than she expected and she set the shirts on Hamilton’s made bed. She smoothed out a wrinkle on the bedspread and let her eyes drift toward the bathroom. If she took a step forward… The privacy glass on the shower door prevented her seeing anything more than a shadow of whoever was in there.

She froze when the water shut off, and her brain and legs forgot how to function together.

Hamilton jumped when he came out of the bathroom, towel around his waist, water droplets dotting his chest and shoulders. A bit of color flushed his cheeks, as he almost hadn’t bothered with a towel. “Hi.”

Eliza pointed to his shirts, tongue-tied.

“Thanks.” He stepped toward his dresser at the same time she moved away from his bed and they collided.

Hamilton caught his towel before the tuck unfolded completely.

Eliza bolted out of the room.

***

Hamilton wandered through the halls talking to himself as he tried to remember everything Senator Schuyler drilled into him and the lengthy documents he was supposed to memorize.

He heard a clatter behind him and turned in time to see Eliza sprint in the other direction. She still hated him for getting drunk with her and Maria, he guessed. He wished she would talk to him instead of fleeing every time she saw him. He gave up on studying and found Burr and Angelica on the back porch.

“What’s Eliza’s deal?” he asked. “I don’t think she’s said two words to me since we arrived. Does she hate me?”

Angelica and Burr shared a glance.

“Well,” Angelica said, “you did kind of scar her for life when she woke to find you naked in her roommate’s bed.”

“Why doesn’t she hate Aaron then?” Hamilton asked. “He was in bed with her.”

“Dunno.”

Hamilton ground his teeth. “I didn’t do anything to her. I didn’t make her drink.”

Angelica shrugged. “Sorry.”

Hamilton shook his head and returned inside. He made his way upstairs and searched for Eliza’s room. He knew he was on the right track when he passed the open door of Peggy’s very neon bedroom. Making an educated guess that her room would be in the middle, he knocked on the next door.

Eliza’s sparkly brown eyes seemed to dim at the sight of him and she stepped back.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Hamilton said. “I just wanted to talk. I know you hate me because of the party last year and I want to make amends. May I come in?”

Eliza suppressed a shiver and nodded.

Her room was very shabby chic with white furniture and floral patterns. Gauzy curtains hung from her canopy bed where half a dozen pillows were strategically placed along with a fuzzy bear. Several books sat on her nightstand along with a small lamp with a floral shade and a crystal vase of fake roses. On her dresser, she had her childhood dolls lined up and dressed in summer frocks.

Hamilton let his eyes drift about the room and hoped Eliza would say something. Silence persisted. “Why do you hate me?” he blurted.

“Oh,” Eliza squeaked. “I don’t.” She trembled and hugged herself.

“Why won’t you talk to me then?” Creases crossed Hamilton’s forehead and his bottom lip stuck out in a pouty manner. “You always seem to avoid me.”

“Sorry.” Eliza struggled to get her dry mouth to swallow while her stomach had other ideas. Had she been that rude to him? Oh, God, he was so cute when he was upset!

Hamilton tilted his head. “Can we talk?”

She shouldn’t have eaten that yogurt cup. How badly she wanted to talk to him! But what could she say? How could she even get words out? What were words? She bolted into her bathroom and puked.

Hamilton didn’t hesitate and followed her and held back her hair. “If I stress you out that much, I’ll leave.”

Eliza shook her head. “Just-just give me a minute.”

He closed the bathroom door and sat on the edge of her bed to wait. But he was up a moment later and examined the curio cabinet full of little trinkets, small porcelain dolls, and thimbles.

“I’m sorry, Alexander, it’s because I like you,” Eliza divulged while Hamilton’s back was turned.

Hamilton stood from where he’d been looking at the larger baby doll on the bottom shelf and turned around. “What?” The word slipped out before his mind bothered to contemplate what she said.

Eliza fiddled with her necklace, unable to repeat herself. She couldn’t look at him and her stomach gurgled again.

For the first time in his life, Hamilton couldn’t find any words. She was clearly distressed by her crush on him and he didn’t want to hurt her. He had never thought about her in a romantic way. She was beautiful for sure but so different from the usual types he pursued.

“I’m sorry,” Eliza whispered and tears burned her eyes.

Her voice held the faintest quiver and jump-started Hamilton’s brain. “No, don’t be sorry.” He stepped closer to her and clasped her hands in his. “I like you, too.”

“Really?” Eliza met his deep blue-violet eyes.

He held her gaze easily as he kissed her hands. “Yeah.”

_Shit._

A half-frightened, half-excited smile touched Eliza’s lips. “I don’t know what to say now.”

“Nothing.” Hamilton smiled his heart pounding. “We’ll hang out more, okay?”

Eliza nodded.

He let go of her hands. “I have to study. I’ll see you later.” He hurried out before she responded.

“Shit,” he muttered a few feet from her room. What was he supposed to do now? Yeah, he did kind of like her—who wouldn’t, she was sweet and sensitive. But no way did his feelings match the intensity of her crush on him. Maybe if they did hang out she would realize how incompatible they were and lose interest. But… Damn, to marry her would make this house a reality for life.

“Shit,” he repeated.

Burr found him pacing their room a little bit later. “What’s up, little lion?”

“Don’t call me that,” Hamilton snapped.

Burr stopped his movement with a hug. “What’s wrong?” He rubbed a hand against his friend’s back and could feel him relax one muscle at a time.

“Eliza.” Hamilton let himself sink into Burr’s embrace and closed his eyes.

“That she hates you?”

“That she has a crush on me.”

Burr paused too long and Hamilton drew back.

“You knew?” He glared at his friend.

“Sort of,” Burr said with a shrug. “Yes. Angelica told me.”

“Fuck.” Hamilton tugged at his hair. “She was so distraught about telling me that I didn’t know what to do except tell her I liked her back. She’s so pure and naïve. I don’t want to corrupt her. Why would she even want to be around me? I’m a disaster.”

“You got that right.” Burr took Hamilton’s hand in his. “Just act like you’re too busy to spend time with her. She’ll get the hint.”

“That sounds rude.”

“Better than leading her on and breaking her heart more later.” He squeezed Hamilton’s hand. “You got me, what more do you need?”

Hamilton nodded but his mind was in a thousand different directions. What would it be like to kiss Eliza? What would it be like to have someone so sweet and serene to talk to? She was obviously a virgin, what would that be like? But what about Burr and Laurens? He couldn’t push either away and someone like Eliza would expect monogamy. Was he actually considering pursuing this? Did he have feelings for her?

“Alex?”

Hamilton rubbed his forehead. “Hmm?”

“I love you, you know that.” Burr stroked his cheek as his own forehead furrowed. “Right?”

“Yeah.” A quick smile touched Hamilton’s lips. “I have some studying to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcome!


	8. Chapter 8

“I have something for you,” Angelica told Burr as she met the boys at the bottom of the stairs to her father’s office. They parted ways with Hamilton and Burr followed Angelica to her room.

Laid out on her bed were several dress shirts and pants.

“I know you only had the one, so…”

“I can’t accept,” Burr said at once.

“Well, you’re going to.” Angelica rested her hands on her hips and stared him down. “First impressions are everything. You’re not getting paid for the internship so the least we can do is get you a few shirts to get you through a couple years of other internships and interviews. Try the stuff on and make sure I got the sizes right.”

Burr picked up a shirt and pants and headed into her bathroom. The shirt was soft and silky, two hundred dollars minimum, he guessed. The fabric was cool against his skin and fit perfect. The pants were, likewise, quality and fit comfortably in all the right places.

“You’re spot on,” he told Angelica as he came out of the bathroom.

Angelica looked him over. “Good.” She smiled. “You look very sharp.” She plucked a stray thread off the shoulder. “Eliza isn’t home so I think you, me, and Alex should have a few drinks.”

“Best idea ever,” Burr agreed. It was only Tuesday but the week felt a month long already. Senator Schuyler was in a mood and turned his interns into whipping boys for his frustration.

They found Hamilton who eagerly agreed. “My brain is so fried.” He left his stack of books behind.

Angelica baked a pizza and the three retreated to the rec room to eat and forget their day in multiple hard lemonades.

“You’re doing a good job, though, Alex,” Angelica assured him. “He’s had interns quit after two days because of the pressure. You were the right pick for this.”

“Thanks.” Hamilton chugged his second bottle. “Aaron’s coffee keeps me going.”

Burr rolled his eyes.

Past buzzed but not wholly drunk by nine o’clock, the boys headed back to their room where Hamilton got the giggles as Burr closed the door.

“Hush,” scolded Burr.

Hamilton shoved his hands over his mouth.

“I’m gonna change. Get in bed.”

Hamilton pulled off his shoes and undressed to his boxers. He was quiet until Burr got in bed next to him. When Burr’s legs bumped into his, he giggled again.

Burr pushed his face into a pillow. “Cool it, man.” He turned off the lamp on the nightstand.

Hamilton took a deep breath and managed to quiet down.

The alcohol put them to sleep within minutes. Burr woke a few hours later when Hamilton wrapped his arms around him. His hand brushed against Burr’s crotch. Burr knew it was likely accidental but blood rushed down and he grabbed Hamilton’s hand and moved it back.

Hamilton mumbled something, his mouth close to Burr’s ear. His hand gripped Burr’s organ.

“Are you actually awake?” Burr whispered.

Hamilton kissed his ear. “Yeah. Although I apologize if I fall asleep.” He rolled on top of Burr and sat up near his knees. He untied the drawstring on Burr’s pajama pants and pulled his clothes down.

“Easy, Alex,” Burr admonished grabbing Hamilton’s hands. “Slow down.”

Hamilton leaned forward and kissed Burr. “What would you like me to do?”

“I want you to lie back and be my bitch,” Burr said buzzed enough to speak his mind.

“Okay.” Hamilton rolled back to his spot and stretched his arms above his head.

Burr discarded his clothes and straddled Hamilton’s waist. He ran his fingers down Hamilton’s arms and sides in a slow stroke.

Hamilton squirmed as Burr touched his sides where he was ticklish.

Burr stroked his hands down again and lowered himself over Hamilton. He kissed his lips and trailed down his neck and chest. He stopped at his nipples and sucked.

Hamilton let out a soft moan and reached his hands toward Burr.

Burr pushed his hands out of the way and swirled his tongue around Hamilton’s nipples. He finished with a gentle nip with his teeth. He moved his lips down further and inched his body down as well. He pulled Hamilton’s shorts away and let his hands get a feel for Hamilton’s excitement.

Hamilton tucked his hands behind his head. His breathing accelerated as Burr rubbed his organ and lowered his head. Hamilton groaned and arched his back.

Burr stroked his thighs and went deeper.

Hamilton moved his arms down and rubbed a hand against Burr’s head. He tugged Burr’s dense curls as Burr moved around with his tongue.

Burr stopped, though, when he felt a harder tap. He pulled away and draped himself over Hamilton’s sweaty, heaving body. Hamilton’s hands caressed him all over.

They lay silent for several minutes and Hamilton realized Burr had fallen asleep. He managed to grab the sheet to cover them, wrapped his arms tight around Burr, and drifted off.

Mouth dry, head throbbing, body sticky. Burr pushed off Hamilton and squinted in the sunlit room. He quickly looked at his phone but it was only a little after six.

Hamilton grunted and rolled onto his stomach, face in a pillow. “What did we do last night?” he mumbled.

“I sucked your dick,” Burr said as he sat up. He saw Hamilton’s shorts on the floor but he couldn’t locate his own clothes. He guessed they were somewhere in the bedding. “I’m gonna shower. Want to join?”

“Yeah.” Hamilton pushed himself up.

Burr dug through the blankets but gave up on locating his clothes and figured Hamilton was going to see him naked in the shower anyway. He turned on the water while Hamilton used the bathroom.

“So, what is your objection to giving oral?” Burr asked. He couldn’t help but watch Hamilton pee.

“I dunno,” Hamilton said. He finished urinating. “It’s, like, super gay. I feel like if I cross that line, there’s no going back.”

“I’ve had my dick in you,” Burr said frowning. “I think that’s a lot gayer.”

“Yeah, but oral is with my mouth.”

“You’ve kissed me with your mouth.”

Hamilton grumbled in frustration. “I don’t know, buddy. It weirds me out.”

“That’s all you had to say, Ham.” Burr squeezed his shoulder. “Seriously. And don’t worry about your sexuality. Just do what feels right to you.”

Hamilton nodded. “That was actually kind of deep, Aaron.”

Burr shrugged. “I’m not without my moments. Get in the shower or we’re going to run out of time.”

They made it on time and Senator Schuyler directed Hamilton to the room across the hall where he would be entertaining some clients and told Burr to get coffee made.

Hamilton wandered around the parlor and ran his hand over the backs of fancy wooden chairs with plush seats. He would have something like this someday. He’d be the most powerful lawyer in New York. He’d be wealthy, live in a huge house with his large family. The only piece not clear was who would live in that house with him.

The door opened and drew him from his daydream.

“Mr. Hamilton,” Senator Schuyler said, “this is Jacques and Theodosia Prevost.”

Hamilton turned into a model gentleman, introduced himself, asked how they were and made small talk as they sat down. Two other men joined them and Hamilton kept everyone talking and at ease.

Burr entered with a tray of coffee mugs, cream and sugar. He moved along the guests. The men took their cups without a word but Theodosia Prevost smiled and thanked him.

Hamilton took his cup last. “Thanks, Aaron.”

Burr’s face relaxed and a faint smile touched his lips.

Senator Schuyler returned and took his seat. He told Burr to stay but didn’t make any introductions.

Burr remained near the wall behind Hamilton’s chair. It was his first time joining such a meeting and found it utterly boring if not for watching Hamilton. It was a different side of his friend, a confidence he’d never seen before. Hamilton spoke with assurance, hands moving as he talked. Debate had given him more surety in his voice, his words. A family had given him security in himself. He wasn’t that volatile boy Burr had met freshman year.

Hamilton chuckled at a joke Jacques Prevost made that went way over Burr’s head. Something lawyer-y.

“Now, when do you graduate?” Mr. Prevost asked.

“I have two more years to go,” Hamilton said. “Then law school.”

“You don’t need law school, young man; I’d hire you straight out of college.”

Hamilton beamed. “That means a lot to me to hear.”

“Is George Washington one of your professors?” Mr. Prevost sipped his coffee.

“Yes, sir, also my adopted father.” Hamilton couldn’t stop the pleased grin creeping up his face.

“I can’t believe George actually adopted. Good for him. And you.”

“Yes, sir.” Hamilton looked back at Burr who smiled at him.

Hamilton had so much going for him for the first time in his life. Burr listened to him as talk turned law again. He knew his stuff. How, Burr wasn’t sure since until the internship he’d never seen his friend study. Hamilton was going to go places. Where did that leave Burr? Where did that leave any of his friends? Jefferson would achieve great things, too. Madison didn’t need to, he came from wealth and Jefferson would support him. Burr had no such chance. When he turned twenty-one in February, he would have access to his trust fund for use other than college. Would wasting that on his senior year of college be worth it? He didn’t have the ambition to go to law school like Jefferson and Hamilton. He’d rather use the money to get an apartment and find a job. But if he and Hamilton… If he could convince Hamilton to date, to choose him… What would happen?

He shook himself out of it at Hamilton’s laughter. Burr was the only one lost in the conversation. Even after two years of college, he had no idea what he was doing. He was the coffee boy and he might as well do his job. He slipped out to grab the coffee pot but let himself linger to settle his thoughts. If his parents hadn’t died, if Sadie hadn’t died, how different his life would have been. He’d be wealthy, like his friends. He’d have a home. He might even have ambitions. He didn’t get lucky like Hamilton. No one wanted to take in a lazy, fat Burr. The energetic, smart, scrappy, adorable Hamilton would win anyone’s heart.

 _It is what it is,_ Burr told himself and returned to pour fresh coffee.

***

Like Hamilton, Jefferson thrived at his internship and found his niche. His boss, Randolph, took him under his wing and gave him every opportunity he could since Jefferson delivered each time.

“You’ll have to forgive me for being a creep,” Randolph told him one afternoon. “I was watching your teams debate videos on YouTube. The other speaker on your team is a hoot.”

“Alexander, yeah,” Jefferson agreed. “He’s something.”

“He’s got words.”

Jefferson chuckled. “That’s one way to put it. Did you see the one on ‘business casual dress’?”

“Of course, it’s the one with the most views.” Randolph dragged a chair over to Jefferson’s desk. “I’d like to go over the videos with you, give you some stylistic ideas.”

Jefferson found the videos on his school’s YouTube page. Even though the debate had happened nine months ago, the video of Hamilton describing how casual was too casual while stripping on stage remained the most popular and had the most views by far. “Please, don’t suggest I strip on stage.”

Randolph chuckled. “No, I don’t think that should be your style. You have a very commanding aura on stage and I want to bolster that. When you speak, everyone listens.”

Jefferson ducked his head. “Thank you.”

Randolph took over the mouse and clicked on the first video. “Let’s see what we have.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton and Burr hurt each other in multiple ways.

_I need to talk to Eliza. I need to talk to Eliza._

Hamilton paced through the halls the wrong words stuck in his head while he tried to recall several different laws. He opened the book in his hand to remind himself but as soon as he closed it, the words vanished from his mind again.

_How do I talk to her? What do I say? Do I have to? Maybe... I mean, I do kind of like her. I just never thought about her like that before. Maybe..._

“Do you always walk when you read?”

Hamilton dropped the book with a solid clunk. “Eliza.” He panted. “You scared me.”

“Sorry.” Eliza picked up the book next to his feet.

Her vanilla perfume wafted into Hamilton’s nose and he inhaled deeply. She was a lot shorter than Angelica, close to his own height. Her dark eyes were almost black and had a confident intensity he’d never noticed before. She always seemed so meek but he wondered if that wasn’t more middle-child-syndrome than her actual personality.

“I’m impressed you can understand these law books,” Eliza said as she paged through the hefty volume. “I fall asleep just thinking about them.”

“I think I’m power hungry,” Hamilton said. “I want to know it all so I can always be right.”

Eliza chuckled. “I know you do. Can you spare a half-hour and go for a walk?”

“Sure. Let me put the book in my room.”

Eliza handed over the book and followed him to his room.

Burr sat at the bay window browsing on his phone. A frown touched his lips when he spotted Eliza. “What’re you doing?” he asked Hamilton.

“Going for a walk.” He indicated to Eliza.

“I’ll come with.” 

Hamilton didn’t dissuade him and shrugged at Eliza.

The three took a leisurely walk around the property and then through the apple orchard. Burr grew distracted looking for baby apples and left Hamilton and Eliza to walk ahead alone. 

“Are you enjoying your nursing studies?” Hamilton asked.

“It’s okay,” Eliza said. “A lot to remember. I know I could never work in an ER. I hope I can find a job at a small doctor’s office. I couldn’t do it otherwise. It’s a lot. College is a lot.”

“Yeah,” Hamilton agreed. “I know James is struggling, too.”

“We had English together during the second semester. He was absent frequently and always looked a moment away from a breakdown.”

Hamilton pursed his lips and nodded. “He had a rough year.” He chewed on his thumbnail. “Eliza?”

Her eyes snapped to his face and looked at his lips.

He turned unable to get his words out while that sweet face broke down. “I do like you but you know I’m kind of a…”

“Whore?”

Hamilton grimaced. “Ouch, Betsy,” he teased and turned back to her. “Yes, and you’re so pure and sweet and I…” _Can’t fucking talk around you._ What was wrong with him?

Eliza rolled her eyes. “Alex, when I told you I liked you I wasn’t asking you out or expecting you to ask me out.” She plucked a leaf off a nearby tree and twirled it in her fingers. “It’s just why I’m a nervous wreck around you but telling you helped.”

“Oh. Good.”

“If you ever find my Tumblr page I’m not as pure and sweet as you think.”

Hamilton grinned. “Challenge accepted. You’re one of those fandom chicks who write slash fanfics, aren’t you?”

A smile stretched across her rosy lips. “Maybe.”

Hamilton held his hand out to her. “Friends?”

“I’d like that.” She laced her fingers with his.

They turned around to find Burr and discovered they were alone in the orchard.

Alarm bells rang in Hamilton’s head and he let go of Eliza’ hand. “I have to find him.” He ran back to the mansion.

***

Burr punched him in the mouth.

Hamilton grunted and stumbled back. “What the fuck?” He licked his throbbing lip but didn’t taste blood. It had been a weak shot.

“Will you go out with me, Alexander?” Burr demanded.

“You just fucking punched me.” Hamilton backed away from him. “What is your problem?”

Burr turned away so Hamilton couldn’t see his heart breaking through his eyes. “I thought—Aren’t—can’t…” He clenched his jaw. “Never mind.”

“I never thought you wanted me to ask you out,” Hamilton said in a faint voice. “I thought we were in agreement of what we had?”

“Which goes away if you decide to pursue Eliza.” Burr faced Hamilton and let his dark hazel eyes bare all their torture at him. “I’m not ready to let you go.”

“We’re just friends, Aaron—Eliza and me.” He took a chance and stepped closer and touched Burr’s shoulder. “I’m not ready to give you up either. I do love you.”

Burr brushed Hamilton’s hand away. “But it’s temporary.”

“I don’t know.” He sucked in his lower lip and winced at the pain.

“What kind of answer is that?” Burr’s eyes stared into Hamilton’s face, fierce, insistent.

Hamilton touched at his lip. “The answer of a person without their shit together.” He headed into the bathroom to look in a mirror. “I can’t do future and long-term, Aaron. I’m not ready. Are you looking for a true commitment?” His lip didn’t look too bad, only a little puffy.

“I guess I don’t know either,” Burr admitted appearing behind Hamilton in the mirror. “But I just got you back and I don’t want to think about losing you again.”

“I know.” Hamilton watched Burr’s reflection. “It’s just—it’s really hard for me to think of something as stable and forever. I’m used to moving around and losing people every few months. I know I’ve had almost three years of security but that doesn’t erase the other five. I grew up those years and the people around me taught me not to trust. I think I want to make a commitment but I don’t know how.”

Burr rubbed Hamilton’s shoulder. “You committed to Washington.”

“That was easy.”

“Then I’m pretty sure you could in a relationship when you know it’s the right one.”

Hamilton leaned back to bump his body against Burr’s. “Then are you and I not right for each other?”

“I have issues, too.” Burr let Hamilton rest against him but kept his hands at his sides. “I don’t know love or stability either. But I know you and that I don’t want to lose you.” He pushed Hamilton away. “But I also don’t like how you jump around to whoever will fuck you.” His voice turned firm. “Make a choice already, Alexander.”

The words smacked hard at Hamilton and he hastened out of the bathroom. He let the bedroom door slam behind him. His breath inhaled in short bursts and tears welled in his eyes. Why did everyone need an answer right now? Mr. Stevens, Eliza, Burr. He didn’t want to disappoint any of them but didn’t have the answers they needed. He slipped his phone out of his back pocket as he headed for the stairs. He dialed Washington’s number but as soon as his dad said hello, Hamilton took a wrong step on the stairs and tumbled to the bottom.

He cried out in pain as he straightened his leg bent under him and flashes of pain raced up his ankle. His phone had fallen not far from him and he grasped it in shaking fingers.

“Dad, I think I sprained my ankle,” he said as Washington shouted his name. He gritted his teeth and whimpered.

“Thank God it’s not worse,” Washington said and attempted to calm himself down. “What happened? You need to find someone to help you.”

“I fell down the stairs.” He closed his eyes for a moment as he shifted to a more comfortable position. “Let me send a text.” He put Washington on speaker and tried to decide whom to ask for help. He didn’t want to see Aaron or Eliza right then, which left Angelica.

_Need your help. Fell down the stairs._

Angelica texted back within seconds. _On my way. Don’t move!_

Hamilton sighed with relief when he heard footsteps running toward him.

“Jesus, Alex.” Angelica dropped next to him. “You have to be more careful.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Hamilton groaned. “I was calling Dad.” He indicated to his phone where Washington remained on speaker.

“Call me back as soon as you’re stabilized,” Washington said.

“Okay.” Hamilton ended the call.

Angelica picked up his phone and hoisted him off the floor. “You don’t weight anything, Alexander. Goodness.”

Hamilton grumbled in annoyance as he leaned into Angelica.

She let him pretend to hobble along while she mostly carried him to the downstairs bathroom that housed a wide variety of medical supplies. She helped Hamilton sit on the counter and searched through the various cabinets.

“I should ask Eliza for help,” she murmured to herself. “Studying to be a nurse and all.”

“Just wrap it and give me something for the pain,” Hamilton said.

“I need to get an ice pack. Stay here.”

Hamilton shot her a dirty look since he couldn’t very well move.

Angelica returned a few minutes later along with her sister.

Hamilton couldn’t meet Eliza’s eyes while he rolled his pant leg up and eased off his sock. The swelling wasn’t terrible but he still cussed when Angelica pressed on the ice pack.

“Grade one sprain, I think,” Eliza said. “As long as you rest, you’ll be okay in a few days. You need to keep ice on it for at least fifteen minutes.”

Hamilton nodded.

 “Did you find Aaron?” she asked in a low voice as she placed another ice pack against his ankle.

Hamilton nodded again and winced at the cold and pain.

“Is he alright?”

“I dunno.” Hamilton glanced at Angelica watching her sister nurse him.

No one spoke for fifteen long minutes. Then Eliza wrapped his ankle as he griped.

“Let’s get you upstairs,” Angelica said. They took the elevator and Hamilton was soon resting on his bed.

Eliza propped his foot up with pillows. “You’ll need more ice in a couple of hours. Don’t you dare try and walk around.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Hamilton said. “Angelica, do you have my phone?”

Angelica handed it over. “We’ll check on you in a bit.”

“Thank you.” Hamilton caught Eliza’s eyes. “I appreciate it.”

The girls left and Hamilton called his dad. “It’s nothing serious,” he assured. “I’ll be taken care of, I promise.”

“If you’re sure,” Washington said. “I can come get you if you want.”

“Maybe this weekend.” Hamilton’s face twisted in pain as he shifted his ankle. “I don’t move much during my internship. I should be okay.”

“Don’t overdo it,” Washington reminded him. “If it gets worse, you let me know so I can take you to the doctor.”

“Okay.”

***

The door opened and Hamilton expected it to be Eliza with ice packs. “Hey, can you—”

“Alexander, what happened?” Burr cut him off. Panic widened his eyes.

“Fell down the stairs.” Hamilton wiggled his toes. “It’s not that bad.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” He held out his hand.

Burr grasped it. “But I was yelling at you. I know how you hate that. I hadn’t meant to upset you.”

Hamilton rubbed his thumb against Burr’s warm palm. “I know.” He stared at their hands clasped together. “Everyone wants an answer right now and I don’t know what to do.”

Burr squeezed himself next to Hamilton on the bed and held him close. “I didn’t mean to put pressure on you. I did some thinking and I realized I’m being selfish.” He stroked Hamilton’s arm. “I’m scared of losing you but I abandoned you without a second thought and I know that destroyed you. Whatever you decide is your decision. You need to do what is best for you. You’ve been manipulated and hurt enough.”

Hamilton closed his eyes, head against Burr’s chest. “I appreciate it.”

“Of course.” _Just, please, choose me._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison is adorable.

The plea deal came back. Adams agreed to take a sentence of six months in jail for attempted kidnapping and assault on Madison.

To everyone’s even greater relief, he dropped the threat of suing Jefferson.

Maybe, _maybe_ they would be able to put the mess behind them.

***

Despite the chill of a summer storm on the horizon, Madison sat on the front porch to await Jefferson’s arrival that Friday evening. He jumped to his feet every time he thought he heard a car on the road and was rather tired by the time the familiar truck pulled up the driveway. 

But still, he jumped down the steps and met Jefferson at the driver’s side door.

Jefferson scooped him up at once and held him tight. 

“I missed you,” Madison said as he nuzzled into his boyfriend’s neck, his glasses pressing into his nose.

Jefferson stroked his hair. “I missed you, too.” He held onto Madison and got his bag out of the backseat. Once inside the house, he set his boyfriend down and got a good look at his pale face and tired eyes. “Still not feeling well?”

Madison shook his head.

Jefferson lifted him back up. “Then I’m not going to let you waste any energy.”

In his room, he went to work making Madison comfortable and secure. He helped him change into pajamas and tucked him in bed with his baby blanket and favorite stuffed animals. “I’ll get us a snack. What would you like?”

“Oreo’s and milk,” Madison said. His eyes never left Jefferson’s calm and tender face.

Jefferson kissed his head. “On it.” He handed over the remote and went downstairs.

He found pregnant Mrs. Madison in the kitchen dishing up a bowl of sherbet for herself. 

She smiled at him. “Good to see you, Thomas.”

“How has Jemmy been?” he asked. He moved through the kitchen at ease and grabbed what he needed.

Mrs. Madison shook her head. “He’s worn out. Get him to eat as much as you can because I can’t. He’s been having a lot of migraines.”

Jefferson set the gallon of milk on the counter. “I would take him to Virginia with me but I wouldn’t have much time to take care of him. I know you don’t either.”

She shook a small bite of her sherbet. “Martha has been watching the little ones since their house is empty right now. I don’t want you stressing over Jemmy while you’re doing your internship. You need to focus on that.”

Jefferson shrugged. “There will always be school or work I need to focus on but he’s way more important. I’ll be back every Friday and I can leave at four in the morning on Monday. At least I can cheer him up for two days.”

“I know he’ll appreciate that.” She took another bite and indicated to the milk and cookies. “Better take that to him before he falls asleep.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Madison sat up when Jefferson returned. “Thought you got lost.”

“I was talking to your mom.” Jefferson set a glass of milk on the nightstand next to Madison and handed him the package of cookies. He moved to the other side of the bed, set down his milk, and got comfortable. “I’ll come home every Friday. I know we talked about you coming down for a week but I think it’ll be safer if you stay home. I only have a month to go.”

Madison peeled back the cookie packaging. “I think that’s probably a good idea. It would stress me out more to be away from home even though I’d rather be with you.”

Jefferson tucked Madison’s hair behind his ear and arm of his glasses and kissed his cheek. “When I’m finished with the internship we’ll go shopping, okay?”

A smile touched Madison’s dry lips. “I’d like that.”

They watched a movie and worked their way through the package of cookies. Jefferson counted how many Madison ate, pleased that he had at least eight and finished his glass of milk. He dozed off before the movie ended. 

Jefferson set Madison’s glasses aside and cleaned up their snack.

 

Their Saturday centered on Madison’s bed. They watched movies and documentaries while Jefferson coaxed snacks into his boyfriend. After a lunch of chicken nuggets and a few baby carrots, Madison perked up a little and got out of bed. 

“I’ll be right back,” he assured Jefferson. He scampered out of the room, the long braid that Jefferson styled swinging across his back. He returned with a pink, plastic case. “Can I paint your nails?”

While he tried to understand Madison’s interest in more feminine things and support him, those things didn’t appeal to him. However, he answered without hesitation. “Of course, Jem.”

Madison’s tired face lit up. “What color?”

“Your choice.”

Madison retrieved a towel from the bathroom to protect his blankets from any potential drips. He sat in front of Jefferson with his legs splayed in a W while Jefferson lounged against a backrest and continued watching the history documentary. He picked out a vibrant shade of magenta and went to work.

“You’re really good at that,” Jefferson complimented as Madison finished three of his nails. “Where did you learn?”

“Nelly and I practiced on each other.” Madison applied the polish with studious precision. “I want to learn how to make a cat.”

“That would be awesome.”

Once finished, Madison admired his handiwork. His boyfriend had nice, long fingers and tidy nails and the color added a nice shine to his hands. “My best work, I think.”

Jefferson agreed. “May I do yours?”

Madison met Jefferson’s affectionate gaze. “I’d love nothing more.”

They switched spots since Madison’s back started to hurt from sitting up and he picked out a hot pink polish.

Jefferson tried to apply the color in smooth, even strokes but he wasn’t quite as gifted with delicate procedures and painted some of Madison’s fingers, too. 

Madison coached him along and lavishly praised the outcome. “You’re a natural, T.”

Jefferson grinned. “Can I do your toes?”

“Of course!”

Jefferson scooted to the end of the bed and put the towel under Madison’s feet. He slipped off his boyfriend’s socks and massaged his small feet.

“I could paint your toenails, too,” Madison suggested.

“My feet aren’t as cute,” Jefferson said. He went to work painting every other nail. Finished with the hot pink, he found a bright blue that matched Madison’s eyes and painted the rest. 

“Dang, you’re awesome at coordinating colors,” Madison praised. “You got to let your gay out more often.”

Jefferson rolled his eyes and kissed Madison’s head. “Sure.”

Sunday was spent in a similar quiet fashion. On Monday, Jefferson got up at 3:30 and kissed Madison goodbye while he slept.

He stopped for coffee on the way and drove straight to work saving himself an extra twenty minutes as Field lived outside of the city. He changed at work and headed for his desk. As he logged in at his computer, he noted for the first time since Saturday that his nails remained painted. His neck heated under the collar of his dress shirt and he wondered how he was going to get it off. His panic increased as his boss approached. He wiped the sweat gathering above his lip. He tucked his hands under his desk.

“Good morning, Thomas.” Randolph perched himself on the edge of Jefferson’s desk. “How was your weekend?”

“Good, sir.” Jefferson licked his lips. “Yours?”

“Can’t complain. Can you check something for me?” He directed Jefferson to pull up a website.

Sweating more, Jefferson unhid his hands and gripped his mouse. He opened the website from his bookmarks. He could feel his boss’ stare as he logged into the site. 

“Girlfriend bored over the weekend?” Randolph teased.

Did he go with it or out himself? As soon as he said “boyfriend” his reputation would sink and everyone would avoid him. But Madison was so important to him. He didn’t want to hide him away. 

“My boyfriend was sick so I let him to give himself something to do.” He kept his eyes on his keyboard, shoulders tense.

“I hope he feels better,” Randolph said. “You must have went home for the weekend?”

Jefferson breath caught in his throat at the instant reply with no repugnance. He struggled to swallow and answer. “Yeah. I left this morning.”

“Goodness.” He chuckled. “You’re going to crash by noon, boy.”

“Coffee.”

He patted Jefferson’s shoulder. “Tell you what. The next Mondays, come in at ten if you’re driving from New York. You can leave early on Friday, too, if your work is done. I’ll adjust your time so you get your full days.”

Jefferson blinked rapidly. “I...” His mind reeled with the way the conversation turned out. “Thank you.”

“Loved ones are important.” Randolph stood and moved behind Jefferson better to see the computer screen. “You let your boyfriend know he has some talent. Okay, so...” He directed Jefferson through the website.

Jefferson clicked and typed as directed but his mind was everywhere else and had an odd desire to lock himself in the bathroom and cry from the support. He worked even harder than usual that day and gave Madison a cheerful call that evening.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton's friends are no fun.

After dinner, Eliza left Angelica to do the dishes and followed Hamilton out of the kitchen. “Would you like to watch a movie?”

“Yeah, sure,” Hamilton said with a smile. “I could use a break from reading.”

She led the way to the theater, suddenly self-conscious of how she walked and convinced she had the most awkward gait possible.

The theater had four rows of four seats. The seats were red and plush with comfortable armrests, cup-holders, and recliners.

“Where’s the best seat?” Hamilton asked. He stared at the huge screen and surround sound thinking about how much fun he and Burr could have watching movies in here. He’d have to remember to have Burr ask Angelica if that would be okay.

“Second row, middle seats,” Eliza said.

Hamilton sank into the good seat and popped up the recliner. He groaned in comfort as he stretched out.

“What kind of movies do you like?” Eliza asked. She sat on the edge of her seat. “We probably have every DVD and we have Netflix.”

“I’m not picky.” Hamilton squeezed the squishy armrest. “Whatever you want to watch.”

Eliza got up and opened the cabinets in the back of the room. She found three movies and handed them to Hamilton.

All were chick-flick, romance movies and Hamilton regretted saying he wasn’t picky. It was clearly the type of movies she liked and it was her house. He agreed to _The Notebook_ , the only one he’d heard of.

Hamilton was glad he’d left his phone upstairs as the movie started. Otherwise, he’d been too tempted to mess around on it as his attention drifted. But stretched out on the comfortable seat, he was asleep fifteen minutes later.

From the light of the screen, Eliza watched him. He’d changed out of his nice clothes before dinner and into a t-shirt and sweatpants. He slept on his side, his shirt bunched up and showing a strip of skin above his hip. He slept with one hand under his cheek, the other tucked between his knees. His lips were parted and she knew he’d start drooling soon. Nonetheless, he was adorable and she wanted nothing more than to cuddle up next to him. In his dress clothes, though, he was _hot_ and her heart pounded to have an unrestricted time to stare at him. The movie didn’t matter; she’d seen it a dozen times.

As the movie neared its ending, Eliza wondered how to wake Hamilton. She couldn’t leave him alone in the theater but she thought he’d feel bad if she woke him once the movie ended and he realized he’d slept through the whole thing. She went with “accidentally” dropping the remote and the clatter woke him and gave him a few minutes to pretend he hadn’t been snoozing and drooling.

When the movie ended, Eliza turned the lights back on with another remote. “What’d you think?”

Hamilton ran a hand through his messy hair that he tried so hard to tame in the morning. “We’ll have to watch it again.” He was sure she knew he had fallen asleep but at least that answer could make it seem like he liked it enough to watch it again.

Eliza smiled. She opened her mouth to ask if he wanted to watch a different movie but he pushed the recliner down and stood.

“I have to get back to my books.” He stretched. “We’ll do this again. Thanks, Eliza.”

“For sure.” She watched him walk up the few steps out of the theater and sighed.

The bedroom was empty and Hamilton made himself comfortable on the window seat at the bay window. He opened the hefty law book in his lap and struggled through the educated text. It was an older volume and written in the most unhelpful way but Senator Schuyler seemed to favor it and Hamilton was determined to remember enough of it to quote it at least once.

Burr returned a little before ten. “Still reading?”

“Huh?” Hamilton tore his tired eyes from the small text. “Oh, no I had a nap after dinner. What were you doing?”

“Playing board games with Angelica and Peggy.” Burr sat at Hamilton’s feet on the bench. “Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?”

“Sure.”

Burr kissed him. “I’m going to shower real quick.”

Hamilton finished a few more pages, undressed, and got in Burr’s bed. His mind went over everything he would do tomorrow.

Five minutes later, Burr slipped in next to him and cuddled close.

Saturday morning, Hamilton left Burr sleeping and went downstairs to the kitchen and hoped one of the sisters would be around to give him permission to raid the fridge. Of course, the first thing Mrs. Schuyler had said was to eat whatever they wanted that she and Senator Schuyler considered feeding them part of the internship since they weren’t getting paid. But still, he hated to take food having gotten into trouble many, many times in foster homes for doing that, even if he was starving.

He was in luck and Eliza was in the pantry searching out breakfast.

“Good morning.” She wore a yellow dotted sundress that made her rich tan skin glow and accentuated her dark hair. “Hungry?”

“Starving,” said Hamilton.

Eliza held up a package of powdered donuts. “These?”

 “Sure.”

“We can eat outside.” Eliza grabbed some napkins.

Hamilton followed her to the back porch. They sat on the steps to soak in the sun and catch the faint breeze. Cicadas buzzed in the distance and the air was thick with the scent of grass and flowers. “Do you guys always come here in the summer?”

“Yeah,” Eliza said. “For at least two months. It’s a nice break. How are your parents?”

Hamilton told her how Mrs. Washington was busy with the dogs and babysitting some of the Madison children as the nanny had moved away and Madison needed care, too.

“Eleanor and Jim have so many kids,” Eliza commented. “Did you know she’s pregnant again?”

“Huh.” Hamilton brushed powdered sugar off his shirt.

“I want to have a big family like that someday.” She purposely reached into the bag of donuts the same time he did and brushed her fingers against the back of his hand. “Do you want to go for a walk when we’re done eating?”

Hamilton agreed and they soon finished breakfast.

They left the almost-empty bag on the porch table and Eliza led the way to a path that headed for a nearby lake.

They walked side by side. Hamilton stared at the trees and ran his through the tall grasses and weeds while Eliza watched him.

“What?” Hamilton asked.

“Hmm?” Eliza ducked her head and stared at her flip-flops.

A grin teased Hamilton’s lips. “You keep staring at me.”

“Oh.” Heat flooded her face and she wished the lake was closer and she could drown herself. She almost squealed when Hamilton took her hand. Her heart thundered in her chest.

Hamilton swung their arms back and forth. “How comes you guys don’t have any pets?”

Eliza struggled to catch her breath and her voice came out winded, “My parents aren’t animal people.”

“What about you?”

“I’d like a small dog, I think.”

“Same.” Hamilton tightened his grip on her sweaty fingers. “I love Mom’s dogs, especially Potato, but I want to have one of my own someday.”

“Any particular breed?”

“Nah, just a mangy rescue like myself.” He squeezed her hand.

Eliza giggled. “There’s the lake.” She pointed ahead.

“Thank goodness because it’s getting really warm.” Hamilton let go of her hand and jogged ahead. He pushed off his hiking boots that he hadn’t tied and rolled up his track pants to his knees. He waded into the water. “Can you fish here?” he asked.

“I believe so.” Eliza watched from the edge of the water. “I’ll ask Daddy to be sure.”

Hamilton shielded his eyes from the sun and turned toward her. “Coming in?”

“The rocks hurt my feet.”

“Keep your flip-flops on.” Hamilton reached his hand to her.

She let him steady her and waded into the cool, somewhat scummy water.

“Look at all the little fishies.” Hamilton pointed out the tiny fish darting around their feet.

Eliza could only stare at her hand covered by his. His fingers were long and slender and with a paleness you know would burn within an hour.

Too soon, Hamilton let go and walked through the water along the shore. He let out a creeped out squeak and pinwheeled his arms to keep from falling after his feet stepped in something squishy.

“Alex, careful,” Eliza said and he splashed in the water a second later. She hurried as fast as she dared to him. “Are you okay?”

Hamilton wiped water droplets off his face. The water was shallow enough that he could sit on the bottom. “Yeah.” He got to his feet, water running off his clothes. He brushed his hair back. I’m not hot anymore.”

Eliza had to look away and bit her lip to keep her words in check. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him look hotter than with his t-shirt clinging to his wiry frame and his pants plastered to him. Water droplets on his face and arms sparkled in the sun and the ones in his hair made the red an even more vibrant shade. Would their kids have red hair, too, she wondered? Not likely but maybe at least one, she hoped. A red-headed daughter would be so cute!

 _Get it together, Eliza!_ She scolded herself and struggled to shake away the fantasy.

Hamilton splashed out of the water and pulled off his shirt. He rung out the water and tossed it on top of a bush.

Eliza remained rooted to her spot in the water and her face grew more and more heated as she watched him strip off his pants. She was certain she would have passed out if a voice hadn’t called out through the trees.

“Don’t you dare go skinny dipping in that lake, Alexander Hamilton,” Angelica said. She Burr and Peggy came into view along the path.

“Thanks for the idea,” Hamilton said. “I fell in the water.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Angelica looked at her sister. “Snap out of it, Elizabeth.”

Eliza glared at her sister and waded to shore.

“I want to go swimming,” Peggy said.

“Not in the lake,” Angelica insisted. “You’ll smell for a week.” She turned her annoyed gaze back on Hamilton. “Good luck not smelling like fish poop and rotting weeds by Monday.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes.

“You’re also going to fry up if you don’t put your clothes back on.”

“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Angelica?” Hamilton asked. He tossed his pants on the bush next to his shirt.

“We didn’t know where you guys were,” Burr answered. He knew Angelica didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that she did _not_ want him and Eliza wandering off alone since that would make him more likely to do so.

“You should go back and shower,” Angelica said. “For real, that water could give you a rash.” She gripped her sister’s arm and gave her a ‘what were you thinking?’ frown.

Eliza ignored her and watched Peggy skip rocks across the water.

Burr picked up Hamilton’s shoes. “Come on, Alex.”

“You guys are zero fun,” Hamilton grumbled. He shoved his shoes on and put on his damp shirt. He tossed his pants over his shoulder and followed Burr back to the house.

Inside, Burr whisked him upstairs in case Mr. and Mrs. Schuyler were around and witnessed their guest’s lake of sanity. He locked their door. “Go shower.”

“Good idea.” Hamilton rubbed his legs. “I itch.”

Burr groaned.

By late afternoon, Hamilton’s legs had turned bright red, itched, and burned.

Burr told Angelica at once and she brought up a box of baking soda to relieve some of the itching.

“Is Eliza not affected?” Hamilton asked. He sat in the bay window in his boxers and t-shirt.

“No,” Angelica said. “You must have stepped in an algae bloom or something.” She mixed the baking soda with water into a paste. “At least you don’t smell terrible.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes.

Angelica applied the paste to his legs while Burr watched from his bed not at all surprised that Hamilton would manage such a crisis.

“You probably wouldn’t have gotten it this bad if you didn’t shave,” she told him.

“I don’t,” Hamilton grumbled. “I just don’t have much body hair and it’s really pale.”

“Sure. Let the paste dry and try not to move too much.” Angelica stood. “You’re such a disaster, Alexander. Try to stay out of trouble for one day.” She tapped his nose.

“Not possible,” Hamilton insisted.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it only took Hamilton 12 chapters to blow it.

The rash didn’t last long and was less itchy by Monday, except in one spot on his inner left thigh and Hamilton struggled not to scratch.

Senator Schuyler put him to work reviewing paperwork and bookkeeping while Burr made coffee and filed papers.

Hamilton tensed as he tried not to itch while Senator Schuyler watched over his shoulder. He wiggled slowly in his seat to hope for some relief but that only intensified the burn. He had no choice but to drop his left hand between his legs and claw at the irritate.

He jumped when Senator Schuyler gripped his elbow.

“What is wrong with you?” he demanded.

Color flooded Hamilton’s cheeks and ears. “Rash,” he murmured. “I went in the lake.”

Senator Schuyler shook his head and spat. “You better hope it’s a rash from the lake. I knew it was a risk bringing young men into my house when I have daughters. Let me see.”

“Sir?” Hamilton rubbed his burning neck and never expected shame to be the way he died.

Senator Schuyler yanked him up from the chair. “Prove that it’s a lake rash and not an STD. Don’t be shy.”

Hamilton cringed and his eyes flickered toward Burr in the back filing papers. He’d grown a lot quieter with closing the metal drawers.

His breath rasped in shallow gulps of air as tears prickled his eyes as memories of foster parents shaming him in similar ways fought their way in.

Many foster families had made him strip in the garage least he bring his “vermin contaminated” clothes inside the house and walk naked to the bathroom to shower and put on clean clothes. Another family made him shave his pubic hair after their daughter got crabs and insisted they’d come from him. They kicked him out hours later. Another… The list went on with foster parents and caseworkers as well using their authority to humiliate him into submission. If he fought it, he’d be punished worse. If he complained to his caseworker, he’d be told there was nothing anyone could do. It was a lie but as a broken teen, he hadn’t known whom to turn to for protection.

He gripped his belt tight in his hands to stop the shaking as he unbuckled it. He dropped his pants and slipped back into the hardened part of his mind that cared for nothing. Some of the heat vanished from his face as he shut down. His eyes saw nothing. While his ears heard, his brain didn’t bother to comprehend, just act. He pushed his boxers down at Senator Schuyler’s demand to check that he didn’t have a noticeable STD even though the blotchy red spot on his thigh was vivid.

At least Senator Schuyler didn’t touch him, Hamilton thought from the faint consciousness not shut off in the back of his mind. How many times had that happened? Too many to bother counting and all in the name of checking his health.

“No funny business, do you understand?” Senator Schuyler commanded. “I’m opening my home to you, you will respect me.”

Hamilton snapped, the wording too familiar from countless other men who insisted that because they were his “father foster” he bow down to their every need and never dare cross them. “No.”

Papers fluttered out of Burr’s hands and he purposely dropped the rest to run to Hamilton’s side.

Hamilton yanked his pants up. “I will not respect you.”

Senator Schuyler’s eyes narrowed. “Then leave. I have no use for you.”

“Senator Schuyler,” Burr said, heart-racing. “Alexander doesn’t mean that. You’ve put him in a sensitive situation. His foster families—”

“Save it,” Senator Schuyler said. “Pack up, go home. You’re done.”

Burr’s shoulders drooped but Hamilton had no words to defend himself and ran out of the office. He found his way back to his room, Burr panting behind him, and buried his face in his pillow.

Burr cradled Hamilton in his arms. He didn’t know what to say, though. He couldn’t take away Hamilton’s past. While he could sympathize with some of it, he hadn’t experienced that same type of authority figure shame Hamilton had been subjected to most of his life.

“That was pure shit of Senator Schuyler,” he said. “I’m sorry, babe.”

“I need this internship!” Hamilton sobbed. He buried his face in Burr’s chest.

“I know.” Burr rubbed his back. “Maybe you can have Washington explain it to him. Don’t fret.”

“I do everything wrong!”

“No, you don’t.” Burr realized his leg was asleep from Hamilton’s weight on it but he didn’t dare move him. He stroked the back of his friend’s neck and tried to think of what else Washington would do and say.

Hamilton’s phone rang instead. Burr answered without paying much attention to the screen and heard Senator Schuyler say firmly, “Come back to my office, both of you.”

“Yes, sir,” Burr mumbled. He hung up and nudged Hamilton off his leg. “Get up, babe.”

“No.” Hamilton rolled himself into a ball.

Burr wasn’t strong enough to pick him up dead weight and could barely drag him up as scrawny as his friend was. “Come on, Alexander. We don’t have a choice.”

“Yes, we do!” Hamilton met Burr’s eyes with a fierce light. “I’m not going to be humiliated again. I’m going home.”

“But I thought you needed the internship,” Burr said as a sudden panic raced through him. “We don’t know what Senator Schuyler is going to say.” He didn’t want to leave, he realized. This internship gave him a place to stay and something to do. He didn’t have a home. Sure the Washington’s would take him in—and probably expected him to accept—but that was charity and he couldn’t handle it. They had to stay. “Please, Alexander.” Burr blinked several times. “I need this internship, too.”

Hamilton squeezed his eyes shut. He sniffled. “Okay.”

The boys returned to Senator Schuyler’s office. The man apologized to Hamilton at once.

“Treating you like that was uncalled for,” he said. “I should never have asked that of you. I hope you can forgive a father of being overprotective of whom his daughters are around, especially when the young men are living in my house. It still gave me no right to probe into your privacy. I would like you to stay on as my intern.”

Returning to the scene of the humiliation turned Hamilton’s mind back to stone and he shrugged. “I need the internship but I no longer trust you,” he said. “My desire to work hard and please you is gone.”

“Understood.”

“Aaron can take my place.” Hamilton turned to his friend. “Right?”

“Yes,” Burr said.

“Very well,” Senator Schuyler agreed. “I’ll get you a train ticket home, Alexander.”

Hamilton nodded and left the room.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jefferson questions everything.

“I blew it,” Hamilton sobbed to Washington. “I can never do anything right.”

Washington rubbed his back. It had taken Hamilton a whole minute once inside the house to break down. “It wasn’t your fault. Senator Schuyler put you in a very uncomfortable position. I’ll have some choice words with him.”

“No.” Hamilton dried his eyes. “You can’t swoop in every single time.” He sniffled. “It’s done. I got enough hours for three credits.”

“You’re my son, Alexander, I have to protect and defend you.” Washington watched the distraught wrinkles on his boy’s face.

“No,” Hamilton repeated. “Angelica said most of his interns don’t last very long. He’s not going to amend his ways.” He tugged at his hair. “I shouldn’t have left Aaron there.”

Washington took a deep breath. “I’ll let it go if you let leaving Aaron there go as well. Deal?”

Hamilton grumbled at the realization how similar they both were. “Deal.” He wiped his nose on his sleeve. “What do I do now?”

“You can help Mom babysit the Madison children or you can get a job.”

“I’ll help Mom.”

Washington kissed his head. “Thank you.”

*******

While Jefferson was in town that weekend, Hamilton went out to lunch with him and Madison.

“How’re you doing, James?” Hamilton asked as he met them at Madison’s chosen restaurant.

“Tired,” Madison said.

Jefferson stroked his hair and they headed inside.

“How many?” the server asked.

“Three,” Jefferson said.

“Would you like a kid’s menu?”

Madison frowned.

“No,” Jefferson said with a forced smile. He rested a hand on Madison’s shoulder.

“I should order a kid’s cheeseburger and a shot,” Madison grumbled.

“You’re not actually old enough to drink,” Hamilton reminded him.

“Fuck that.” He slipped into the booth the waiter stopped at.

Hamilton moved in across from him. “A cheeseburger does sound good.” He glanced over the menu.

Madison flipped to the back where the desserts were listed. “They have chocolate cake.”

“You have to eat something real first,” Jefferson admonished.

“Then I’ll be too full for cake. I’ll share something with you.”

“The kid’s menu would fit your appetite,” Jefferson groaned. “What do you want?”

“Dunno.” Madison swung his legs and kicked Hamilton.

“Is he high?” Hamilton asked Jefferson.

“If he was high, he might eat,” Jefferson replied.

“I’m only on my anxiety meds,” Madison interjected.

The waiter returned to their table and asked for their drink order. Once that was placed, Madison continued to fidget and reject every food choice.

The waiter returned and Jefferson gave up and said they were ready to order. Hamilton ordered a cheeseburger while Jefferson ordered macaroni and cheese for himself and a turkey club for Madison.

“I’m not hungry,” said Madison swinging his feet again.

“New medication?” Hamilton asked Jefferson in a low voice.

Madison glared at him. “I can hear you. I’m fine.”

“Yes,” Jefferson said, “and still adjusting.”

“I can hear you!” Madison crossed his arms and smacked the heels of his shoes against the booth. “I’m fine.”

“You’re being a little disruptive,” Jefferson murmured and stroked his hand.

Madison jerked his hand back and turned away to look at the wall.

“Excuse me,” Jefferson told Hamilton stepped away from the table. He went outside and called Mrs. Madison. “Can you check and see if Jemmy took his medicine this morning?”

“What’s wrong?” Mrs. Madison asked.

“He’s being rather whiny and disagreeable.”

“Well, he hasn’t been out of the house in a while. Give me a minute to get upstairs.”

Jefferson waited in silence as she headed upstairs. He heard her sigh on the other line.

“It doesn’t look like he’s taken his medicine in several days. Prepare for a meltdown, Thomas.”

Jefferson groaned. “Great. Well, we’ll probably be home pretty quick.” He said goodbye and hung up. He found their waiter before he returned to their table. “Can you add a piece of chocolate cake to our order to be brought out with our food?”

The waiter said he would and Jefferson returned to the table.

Madison was scribbling wildly on a children’s menu Hamilton had found.

“Hasn’t been taking his meds,” Jefferson whispered across the table to Hamilton. “A tantrum may be imminent.”

Hamilton groaned. “Can’t take him anywhere.”

Jefferson gritted his teeth. They left Madison alone and caught up.

The food arrived and Madison’s face lit up at the chocolate cake. He pushed his sandwich out of the way and dove into the dessert.

“Probably a good idea,” Hamilton said.

“What?” Madison asked with a mouthful.

“Getting you cake,” Jefferson answered. “You didn’t take your meds.”

“I’m fine,” Madison insisted.

“Then eat some of your sandwich.” Jefferson instantly regretted baiting him.

“No!” Madison threw his fork down.

“Okay,” Jefferson agreed and prayed Madison would calm down. He picked up Madison’s fork and handed it back to him.

Madison finished the cake in silence while his friends tried to carry on a conversation. Afterward, he pulled out the toothpicks holding his sandwich together and took out the cheese. He pushed his plate away and knocked it into Hamilton’s drink. The cup tipped and spilled mountain dew over the table.

“Easy, James,” Jefferson said as he threw his napkin on the mess.

Madison banged his shoes against the seat. He dug his fingernails into his collarbone.

“Hey, let’s get some fresh air, Jemmy,” Jefferson suggested. He scooted out of the seat and silently begged Madison to follow him.

Madison did and slipped his hand into Jefferson’s.

Hamilton continued to eat but a moment before the door closed, he heard Madison shriek. He stumbled out of the booth and helped Jefferson contain Madison before he bolted into the parking lot.

“You better go pay the bill,” Jefferson told Hamilton after he buckled Madison in his truck. “I’ll pay you back for our share.”

Hamilton nodded. “He’ll be alright?”

Jefferson didn’t answer. He got in the driver’s seat and stuck in the key.

Madison hummed and swung his legs. Jefferson glanced at him from time to time and felt uncharacteristic anger build each occasion. He called Mrs. Madison as they neared the house. “I need to get out for a bit,” he admitted to her. “I’m going to drop James off at the door. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Thomas,” she replied. “Take all the time you need.”

Jefferson pulled up to the front of the house and Mrs. Madison opened the passenger door. She unbuckled Madison and coaxed him out. She nodded in understanding to Jefferson.

He drove off, fingers clenched to the steering wheel. He commanded himself to take deep breaths but his mind fought itself and roiled in every direction. He drove around in circles for several minutes as he berated himself for not watching Madison’s medication closer, for not making sure he took it, for baiting him to freak out. Madison was his boyfriend.

But he felt more like Madison’s babysitter. He was subject to Madison’s whim, his mood, his outbursts. Jefferson could remember a handful of times as teenagers that Madison reverted to a bratty child but it had never seemed as extreme as now. It wasn’t Madison’s fault he tried to remind himself. His anxiety forced his brain to find a safe place and retreat to protect itself. The seizures and other issues didn’t help and Madison had been on so many different medications lately and had so many health and physical traumas it was a wonder he functioned at all.

This wasn’t Madison’s fault. This wasn’t who he was.

Still…

Jefferson pulled through the Washington’s open front gate and parked in front of the garage. He sat in the running vehicle for a few minutes trying to form a coherent thought. He heard dogs barking through the open truck windows and saw the side gate to the backyard open.

“What’s wrong, Thomas?” Washington asked.

Jefferson turned off the truck and got out. He wanted to bawl and spill his heart to his mentor but all the words stuck in his throat. He could see the worry in Washington’s eyes and managed to get out, “James is a mess. I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

“Come in the yard.” Washington ushered Jefferson into the backyard and to the picnic table.

Jefferson sat sideways at the end and rested his face in his hands.

Washington let him gather his thoughts in peace.

“Do you think James will get better?” Jefferson asked at last.

“I do,” Washington said. “It was quite the traumatic year for him. First year at college. You and he have gotten a lot more serious in your relationship. The debate team was quite a lot to take. And Adams sure as hell didn’t help—that prick. I’m honestly amazed he’s doing as well as he is.”

Jefferson nodded and was glad to hear it laid out. Madison had dealt with a lot the past year. “But school has been out for over two months.”

“Stress takes time to heal from.”

“He shouldn’t go back to college then.”

“I would advise you and his parents to talk about it.” Washington folded his hands on the picnic table. “I’ve known you and James a long time. Your bond is very strong and you’ve seen James through a lot. If you’ve hit a point where you can’t continue, no one will find you at fault. You have to think about yourself, too, Thomas.”

Jefferson studied his hands as his vision blurred. The idea of stepping away from Madison… But at the same time, the idea brought a sense of relief. He could concentrate on his last year of college; maybe have time to get a job during the school year. Job searching would be so much easier after graduation if he could look beyond their city.

But he’d be doing it all alone. Everything good that happened in his life since he was a teen was something he shared with Madison. Birthdays, holidays, the mundane daily grind of life. Madison was always there with a smile, an inappropriate comment, a touch.

But… The constant hospital visits, the stress of waiting for the next relapse, the medications. Would Madison be strong enough for this trip or could they do something next weekend? There was no certainty. Was all of that worth it?

Jefferson’s phone rang and he pulled it out to see Madison’s name on the screen. Accept or decline?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison is a fucking adorable duck.

The ringing almost stopped before Jefferson tapped the green button. “Hey, Jemmy.”

“I’m sorry,” said Madison, his voice sounding full of tears. “I ruined our lunch. I always fuck up.”

“You know that’s not true,” Jefferson soothed. “But, Jem, why weren’t you taking your meds? You were doing well on them.”

“I don’t know. I’m just—I don’t know.”

“It’ll be okay.”

“Are you coming back?” Madison snuffled.

“Of course, Jem. I’m never leaving you. But—” he bit his lip “—you have to promise me to take your meds. I’m sure you know how hard it is for me to see you lose it like this. I want you to feel better. I want you to feel like yourself. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Love you, too.”

Jefferson hung up and let out a deep breath.

“Does that feel like the right choice?” Washington asked.

Jefferson stared at his phone. “I honestly still don’t know.”

“We can still talk, Thomas.” Washington reached over to touch his shoulder “You know there are going to be more episodes in the future.”

“We’re both still young,” Jefferson said voice low. “No reason to throw away what we have now, right? I don’t doubt my love for him. Sometimes it’s other people’s opinions of him that bring me down. He got asked if he wanted a children’s menu when we went out for lunch. Then he proceeded to act as if he was indeed a child. How do I say this is my boyfriend and not have my sanity questioned? How do I help him not feel like a child himself? When he’s like this, I struggle to figure out how to react. Do I parent him or what? How is a boyfriend supposed to deal with this?”

“I’m sure not many boyfriends have been in your situation,” Washington said. “You’ve taken on a tremendous amount of responsibility and stress. It’s a testament to Mrs. Madison’s faith in you that you’re doing an exemplary job. I think you treat the situations in the best possible way. You keep James safe. It’s not romantic and I can see your struggle to separate the situations. Keep doing what feels right. Talk to James. He might have some insight you’re not aware of.”

“Thanks, sir,” Jefferson said. He stood and Potato growled at him.

Washington scolded the dog and stood as well. He squeezed Jefferson’s shoulder. “I’m always here for you.”

“I know.”

Washington walked him to the gate and made sure none of the dogs ran out.

Jefferson drove back to Montpelier and parked out front.

Madison was in the kitchen with two of his younger siblings. The younger kids greeted him with cheerful hello’s before they left the room. Madison remained subdued at the table.

Jefferson sat next to him. “Can we talk?”

Madison looked away and chewed on his gums. “I’m not mature enough to be in a relationship.”

“What makes you say that?” Jefferson watched him as his heart sped up. After all his doubt, was Madison going to break up with him instead? The idea flooded his body with panic. “James, don’t—”

“I’m not breaking up with you,” Madison reassured him but continued to look away. “But do you see me as your peer or as a child?”

“It has been difficult to see you as a peer,” Jefferson admitted. “But you are mature, Jem. You just get a lot of shit thrown at you that brings you down. That’s not your fault. I’m sorry that sometimes my treatment of you might come off as less than ideal. I know I baby you. If you tell me what you dislike, I’ll stop.”

Madison turned to look at him. “I love everything you do for me. It’s my own perception of how I see myself. I honestly like the way you, Aaron, and Alex tease me. That’s my place with you guys. But when I see myself out in the world, at school, I wonder where I fit in. If I _can_ fit in and ever be taken seriously. And that’s when I’m healthy. Add in the mood swings and seizures and whatever else and I worry I’m never going to function or know who I am. What is my place in society, Thomas?”

Jefferson wrapped an arm around him and rested his chin on Madison’s head. “You’re my little duck and you’re fucking adorable.”

Madison smiled, head down.

“You’re smart,” Jefferson continued. “You work hard and you know what you want. You’ll fight a shit ton of obstacles but you’ll reach your goal. And I’m always going to be there to cheer you on and remind you of who you are.”

“A little duck,” Madison murmured.

“A fucking adorable duck.” Jefferson kissed his head. “I love you and I want you strong and healthy so I can sleep with you, okay? You’ll take your meds?”

“Yeah.” Madison shifted and straddled Jefferson’s lap. He cupped Jefferson’s face in his slender hands. Their eyes bore into each other until they both smiled. Madison kissed his lips.

***

Burr struggled through the internship alone and was beyond lost in the huge law books Senator Schuyler dumped in his arms at five o’clock each evening.

“Definitely not as smart as your friend, are you?” commented Senator Schuyler as he drilled him with questions that Burr couldn’t answer.

Burr rubbed his burning eyes. “No.” He wanted to ask why he needed to read all the books anyway. None of it helped him with the tasks Senator Schuyler gave him each day.

“Work harder.”

“Yes, sir.”

That evening, he found Angelica listening to music and cleaning her room.

Angelica turned down the music. “What’s up, hon?”

“I’m stupid,” bemoaned Burr. He sat on Angelica’s bed and buried his face in his hands.

“Nope, we don’t use language like that.” Angelica rubbed his head. “You’re smart, Aaron, my father is just intense. Only a week to go. You can do this.”

“Ugh.” Burr lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling fan as it whirled around. “Why can’t I be as gifted as Alexander?”

“Because Alexander is a twat, Aaron.”

Burr sat up and looked at her surprise. “Wow, Angelica.”

She rolled her eyes. “He is and you know it. You can do better than to put your heart in his hands.” She tapped his chest. “What do you want?”

“Alexander.”

Angelica sighed. _Maybe he is stupid._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adventures in babysitting 2.0.

Mrs. Washington shook Hamilton awake. “Get up, dear.”

Hamilton grunted and squinted. “What?” he slurred half asleep.

“I need you to watch the Madison children.”

Hamilton sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Okay.” He yawned. “What’s going on?”

“Eleanor is having contractions but she’s only a few months along.” She looked at her phone. “I’m going with her and Jim to the hospital. They’re on their way here now. Of all the weekends for Dad to be out of town.” She sighed. The college had chosen Washington to preside over a convention on debate since his team had won.

A horn honked outside.

“Leave soon.” Mrs. Washington hurried out of the bedroom. “Jemmy can’t manage them alone.”

Hamilton got out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and socks. He changed into a clean shirt, grabbed his phone and went downstairs. He stuffed on his shoes by the door, grabbed his wallet and keys. “Be good, Potato,” he called to the fat Chihuahua sitting on the couch before he closed the door into the garage.

It was a short drive to Montpelier.

Nelly opened the front door when she saw his truck pull up to the house.

Madison held Bess out to him at once. “Take it.”

Hamilton took the toddler. He looked over the worried faces of the four youngest children and Madison. All were still in their pajamas as it just turned six o’clock. “Everything will be okay. Why don’t we make breakfast?” He took Sarah’s hand and followed Madison to the kitchen. “Where are Frank and Ambrose?”

“Camp,” Madison said.

Hamilton set Bess on the counter and tickled her feet. “What does everyone want?”

Nelly: “Oatmeal.”

William: “Eggs.”

Sarah: “Toast.”

Madison: “Cake.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “Glad I asked. I can make toast.”

Nelly opened the freezer. “Can you make frozen waffles?” She pulled out the box.

“Yes, ma’am.” 

She showed him where the toaster was and got out bread.

Hamilton carried Bess around as he made toast and waffles. He got the kids seated at the kitchen table with milk, food, and their topping preferences. He stuck Bess in her booster seat and cut a piece of toast into small pieces.

His phone rang as soon as he sat down with his own waffle. “Hi, Mom.”

“Is everything going okay?” Mrs. Washington asked.

“Yeah, I got the kids breakfast.”

“Oh, good job, Alexander,” she praised. “That’ll be a load off Jim’s mind. I’ll call you again in a little bit. Marty J Jefferson is going to take care of the dogs today so don’t fret about them.”

“Sounds good.” They said their goodbyes and Hamilton stuffed a bite in his mouth while Bess knocked her sippy cup to the floor.

“Any news?” Madison asked. He only ate half his Nutella-covered waffle.

“Not yet,” Hamilton said as he retrieved the cup. He looked over the anxious children. “We have to be brave, okay?”

Nelly and William nodded.

“I want Mama,” Sarah said as her eyes welled with tears.

Madison got up from the table. “I’m going to go get dressed.”

Hamilton nodded as he tried to soothe Sarah and keep an eye on Bess. The situation grew messier as he caught a whiff of Bess’ dirty diaper.

“Shit.” He looked at the kids. “Where can I find diapers?”

Nelly stood. “I’ll show you.”

Hamilton picked up Bess and coaxed Sarah with him. They followed Nelly upstairs to the nursery. 

“Do you want help?” Nelly asked.

“I can figure it out,” Hamilton said. “Just don’t go far. Your house is huge and I don’t know where you hang out.”

Nelly nodded. “We’ll stay in the playroom. It’s across the hall. Come on, Sarah.”

The girls left and Hamilton lay Bess on the changing table. “It’s been a while since I’ve done this,” he told her. “But I can tell you’re a good baby.” While she was almost two, Hamilton knew from Mrs. Washington that she had some developmental delays. He had heard his parents mention once that all the Madison children tended to act a few years younger than their age.

Hamilton found a clean diaper and wipes and got Bess out of her pajamas. He managed to get the diaper off without too many faces and stuffed it in the diaper pail.

Bess stayed still, eyes on him as he wiped her up and tucked a clean diaper under her bottom.

“I’m doing this all wrong, I know,” he told her. “We’re almost done.” He secured the tape. “Done.” He kissed her head. Good job,” he praised her and himself while she grabbed his nose. “Let’s get you dressed.”

He found Bess’ dresser stuffed with clothes and grabbed the first shirt and pants he saw. Getting her chubby legs in the pants proved the biggest struggle. But he managed and took her across the hall to the playroom.

“I did the dishes!” William told him at once.

“Good job!” Hamilton high-fived him and set Bess on the floor. He watched the children play quietly. Nelly and Sarah busied themselves with the toy kitchen and baby dolls. William pushed a truck around the floor. Bess banged some blocks together. He sat on the floor and pulled out his phone not sure what else to do. 

Madison joined him and leaned against Hamilton. “Any news?”

“No.” Hamilton set his phone aside and stroked Madison’s hand.

“Mom’s miscarried twice,” Madison said in a soft voice. “Four years ago and when I was, like, seven.”

“Everything will be okay.”

However, Sarah chose that moment to start crying again.

“She wants her juice,” William said without looking up from his toys.

“I can fix that.” Hamilton stood. “Come on, Sarah.” 

Bess scooted to him first and help up her arms. “Up!”

Hamilton lifted her in his arms and took Sarah’s hand. “The rest of you can stay here, yes?”

“We’re fine,” Madison said.

Hamilton took the girls downstairs to the kitchen.

“Bubbles!” Sarah exclaimed.

“Oh, f—phooey,” Hamilton caught himself. He watched bubbles leak out of the dishwasher. He knew at once that William had put dish soap inside the dishwasher since he’d done the same thing himself before. He turned off the dishwasher. “Let’s get your juice while I think how to clean this up.”

Sarah guzzled down apple juice while Hamilton put Bess in her booster seat with a handful of Cheerios. He found a bunch of towels and wiped up the floor. He ran the dishwasher on the rinse cycle and hoped after a cycle or two the dish soap would be cleared out.

“Alex.” Madison stepped in the kitchen. “Your phone rang.” 

“Ah, ah!” Bess chirped.

“A-lex,” Hamilton told her as he took his cell. “Thanks, James.” He called Mrs. Washington back as he moved away from the kids.

“Is everything okay?” Mrs. Washington asked. 

“Yeah, I left my phone upstairs,” explained Hamilton. “Sarah needed juice. Is...” He trailed off when he heard his mom sniffle.

“Eleanor lost the baby,” Mrs. Washington said. “Don’t tell the children. Jim will be there in a little bit.”

Hamilton swallowed. “Okay.” He didn’t know what else to say and hung up. He kept his back to the kids for a moment and managed a smile when he turned around. “Your daddy will be home soon,” he said. “Let’s go back upstairs.”

“Mama?” Sarah asked.

“I think she has to stay a little longer. Um—” he tried to think what they called Mrs. Washington “—Aunt Martha will stay with her.” He picked up Bess while Sarah ran ahead.

Madison stared at Hamilton and made it a lot harder for him to remain cheerful.

Hamilton wanted to tell him the truth—he was an adult after all—but didn’t know how Madison would react and if he’d upset the other children. He could only pretend Bess took all his attention and avoid direct eye contact.

Mr. Madison returned an hour later. “Thank you, Alexander,” he said as Nelly and Madison clung to him.

“Not a problem, sir,” Hamilton said. “I can watch Bess.”

Mr. Madison nodded and ushered the other four into the dining room. 

Hamilton sat at the kitchen table, Bess on his lap chewing on his sleeve. He listened to Mr. Madison soft voice as he explained that while their mom was okay the baby wasn’t.

“But we already loved the baby,” Nelly said as tears filled her voice.

Madison joined Hamilton in the kitchen and rested his head on the table.

“I’m sorry, James,” Hamilton said. He tried to reach across the table but Bess latched onto his fingers.

“I just want Thomas,” Madison said as he rubbed his eyes.

“When does he get home?”

“Maybe tonight.”

“Ah, ah!” Bess grabbed Hamilton’s nose.

“A-lex,” he repeated.

“She doesn’t talk,” Madison snapped. “Babies are stupid.” He ran out of the kitchen.

Hamilton looked at Bess with her large blue eyes. He could hear the other children crying and knew Mr. Madison couldn’t take the baby or go after Madison. He doubted Madison wanted his baby sister around but Hamilton couldn’t leave her. He took the toddler with him to Madison’s room.

“Don’t let her touch my stuff,” Madison said at once when Hamilton put her on the floor.

“I know you’re hurting, James,” Hamilton soothed. “It’s okay to grieve.”

“It’s whatever.” Madison gathered a few stuffed animals in his arms and burrowed into his pillow.

Hamilton rubbed his forehead. Madison was usually the most emotional of his friends. Him crying would have made a lot more sense than whatever this was. He left with Bess and called Jefferson.

“How’s Jem?” Jefferson asked at once. “Jim called me already.”

“He’s being weird,” Hamilton admitted. He bounced Bess in his arms as he walked the hallway.

“I’m trying to get out of here as soon as I can,” Jefferson said. “I know he needs me.”

“Why is he being weird?” Hamilton chewed on his lip but stopped when he saw the concern on Bess’ face. He smiled at her and she grabbed his long nose.

“It’s kind of hard to explain.” Jefferson paused. “I’m sure you’ve noticed he’s not exactly close with his siblings, right?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s where the problem is. He knows he’s supposed to be sad but he’s not exactly attached to the idea of another baby. So he’s wrestling with the fact that he’s not grieving the same way everyone else is.”

“Oh.” Hamilton cuddled Bess tighter. “Why isn’t he close with his siblings?”

“Because he’s spoiled.” Jefferson paused to speak to someone on his end. “His parents have always had different rules for Jem versus the rest of the kids. The other kids rather resent him. He also really doesn’t like babies.”

“I noticed.”

“He has to be the neediest in the room. I have to go, Alex,” Jefferson said in a rush. “Tell Jemmy I’ll be home tonight.”

“Will do.” Hamilton pocketed his phone and poked his head in Madison’s room. “Thomas will be home tonight.”

Madison turned his head away from his pillow. “Good.”

“Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No.” Madison tucked himself back up.

Hamilton closed the door and returned downstairs. 

Mr. Madison had the kids calmed down and took Bess. “I really appreciate your help.”

“I enjoy watching them,” Hamilton admitted. “They’re good kids.”

A faint smile touched his tired face. “How’s Jemmy?”

“Ya know...” Hamilton licked his lips. “Thomas explained it to me. He’ll be home tonight.”

Mr. Madison sighed. “Good. Sometimes Jemmy is more work than the rest put together.” He boosted Bess in his arms as she reached for Hamilton. “It appears she likes you.”

Hamilton let Bess take his fingers. “She’s sweet. How is Mrs. Madison?”

“There are some mild complications.” Mr. Madison handed the baby over as she started to fuss. “She’ll be okay, but she needs surgery, which is why I do need to return to the hospital. Can I entice you to watch the children longer?”

“Of course.”

Mr. Madison patted his shoulder. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of the story so far!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adventures in babysitting 2.0 continued.  
> Jefferson, like, tells a lie.

The afternoon dragged as Hamilton continued to babysit. He gave Madison his space but the children no longer wished to play. They accepted Hamilton as their parental figure and clung to him. He fed them lunch, changed Bess, and tried to sneak off to the bathroom himself.

Bess cried at once and Sarah latched onto his leg.

“I have to pee,” he told them. “One minute, I promise.”

“You have to take them with you,” Nelly said.

“No?” Bess had stopped crying the second she was back in his arms. “They’re girls.”

Nelly rolled her eyes. “Bess is a baby and Sarah knows boys and girls are different.”

“Still no,” Hamilton insisted. “They can cry for a minute.” He set Bess back on the floor.

But Sarah wouldn’t let go of his leg and Bess mimicked her and did likewise.

“It’s not the end of the world,” William told him. “You don’t get much privacy in this family.”

“Fine.” Hamilton pried Bess off and carried her. Sarah showed him where the bathroom was. He got a good taste of what it would be like to be a father as Bess stayed attached to his legs. Sarah turned her back at least and played with the rug. But even though he thought, he would be pee himself a minute go nothing wanted to come out.

“Can you turn on the sink, Sarah? You guys are making me nervous.”

Sarah bounced up to obey.

Finally, his bladder let go.

“Don’t forget to wash your hands,” Sarah reminded him.

“Yup,” Hamilton said. “You’re a smart girl.” He washed and took the girls back to the playroom.

“Can we watch a movie?” William asked as he and Nelly returned to hover around him, too.

“Sure.”

Hamilton followed the kids downstairs to the media room. He was impressed with how quickly they agreed on a movie. The bigger argument, though, was who got to sit next to Hamilton.

“You’ll have to take turns,” Hamilton decided over their quiet voices. “William and Sarah first.” He sat in the middle of the couch, Bess on his lap.

The other three took their seats. William leaned against him while Sarah hugged his arm. He didn’t even need to remind them to switch. Just all of a sudden, Nelly would be snuggled against him or William would appear on his other side. He had a very strong inclination that his own kids would never be this well behaved.

Jefferson texted once not long after the movie started to say he was leaving Virginia and would be home in four hours.

Mr. Madison texted to say Mrs. Madison made it through surgery and that she was in recovery. Hamilton took a selfie with the kids to send him.

At three o’clock, Nelly paused the movie. “Snack time.”

Hamilton stopped a yawn as he helped the kids make popcorn. “What does Bess get?”

“She can have her fruit.” Nelly got a container out of the fridge. “She can have a bottle, too.”

They returned to their seats and Hamilton checked his phone to remind himself what time Jefferson left and when he’d arrive. His focus would be on Madison, though Hamilton hoped he could help make dinner. Mr. Madison didn’t think they would be home until late.

The kids watched a second movie while Hamilton counted down to Jefferson’s arrival. 

 _Here_ , Jefferson texted at last.

 _In the media room,_ Hamilton replied. He stood when the door opened a few minutes later. 

Nelly paused the movie when Jefferson flipped on the lights. 

“James is upstairs,” William said.

“I wanted to check on you guys, too,” Jefferson said. “You look tired, Alexander.”

Hamilton stopped a yawn. “I’m good.”

“Movie,” Sarah whined and tried to reach for the remote.

“Be nice,” Hamilton said. “Say hi to Thomas. He came all the way from Virginia to help take care of you.”

Nelly got off the couch and hugged Jefferson. 

Jefferson patted her on the head. 

William hugged him, too but Sarah continued to pout. 

“Do you want me to make dinner?” Jefferson asked Hamilton.

“Please.” Hamilton fought another yawn. “You need your diaper changed again, don’t you, Bess?”

She reached for his nose.

Jefferson followed Hamilton upstairs but turned a different way. He slipped into Madison’s room and sat down on the bed. He stroked his boyfriend’s back. “You awake, Jemmy?”

Madison brushed his hair back and crawled onto Jefferson’s lap. 

Jefferson lay back on the bed, Madison on top of him. “How’re you holding up?”

“I want Mom to be okay,” he whispered.

“She is,” Jefferson assured. “Your dad thinks they will be home late tonight.”

“I wish I was an only child.” Madison burrowed his face into Jefferson’s chest.

Jefferson stroked his back. “I know you do but you’re not, Jem. You’re a big brother.”

“I didn’t ask to be.”

Jefferson pushed Madison to sit across his hips. He tucked his boyfriend’s hair away from his blotchy red face. “You didn’t ask to be a lot of things but you accept everything else. I know you’re sad your mom lost the baby even if you don’t want to admit it. I know Nelly is your favorite. I know you actually do like Bess.” He propped himself up. “I know Frank and Ambrose are hard for you to get along with and that’s understandable. But the younger ones would love to be around you. You know you’re estranging them from me, right?”

Madison shook his head.

“They think I’m as aloof as you are and I don’t dislike kids nearly as much as you do.”

Madison bowed his head. “Sorry.”

Jefferson kissed his head. “Just try to be a better big brother because it won’t be long before you no longer see them every day.”

Madison nodded.

“Let’s find something for dinner.”

In the kitchen, Jefferson rummaged through the freezer in hopes of a pizza but came up empty. “What will everyone eat?” he asked Madison.

“I’m the only one who is picky,” Madison said.

Jefferson checked the pantry. “Spaghetti?”

“I guess.”

He set the box and a jar of pasta sauce on the counter. “I’m not good at cooking so this is about all I can manage.”

Madison wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. “I’ll eat whatever you cook.”

Jefferson smiled and patted his hands.

Still carting Bess in his arms, Hamilton joined them. “Did you find something?”

“Spaghetti.” Jefferson indicated to the pot on the stove. “Boiling noodles is about the beginning and end of my cooking skills.”

“James is so lucky,” Hamilton deadpanned.

The rest of the children soon gathered in the kitchen to watch the boys attempt to make a meal.

“We have to have a vegetable,” Nelly said.

Jefferson checked the freezer and found a bag of frozen corn. He handed it to Hamilton. “Put it in the microwave after you heat up the sauce.” He returned to getting a loaf of garlic bread in the oven. “Jem, William, can you set the table? Nelly, get everyone water or milk to drink, please.”

Madison helped his brother set the table while Nelly filled glasses. Sarah and Bess scampered around on the floor and got in the way.

Hamilton helped Jefferson drain the pasta and dump in the sauce. “You and I should raise some kids together,” he teased.

“Nope.” Jefferson dabbed spilled sauce from his finger onto Hamilton’s nose.

Everyone was soon seated and filled their plates.

“This is actually good,” Hamilton said.

“Why do you aggravate me so?” Jefferson insisted while he fought a grin.

“I get it now,” Nelly said out of the blue as she twirled spaghetti with her fork.

“Get what?” Hamilton asked.

“Having two daddies.” She looked at Madison, then Jefferson. “It isn’t different at all.”

“It really isn’t,” Jefferson said.

“I can’t wait until you’re our brother.”

Jefferson wrapped his arm around her. “Thank you, Nelly.”

“Can’t you marry Alex?” William asked. He wiped sauce off his chin.

Hamilton fought a smirk while Madison grumbled.

“But then I wouldn’t be your brother,” Jefferson said.

“We would trade you for Jemmy.”

“Hey!” Madison whined.

Jefferson gave William’s hand a swat. “Be nice.”

William stared at his plate. “Sorry.

“That’s better.”

The children helped Jefferson clear the table after dinner while Hamilton wiped us Bess’ sauce-covered face and hands.

Nelly tugged on Hamilton’s sleeve. “Alex?”

“Ugh, Bess, how is it in your hair, too?” Hamilton shook his head. “Sorry, yes, Nelly?”

“You have to help us with our baths and showers.”

He nodded and blinked his gritty eyes. “Of course. All of you?”

“Except Sarah. She had her bath last night.”

“Well, Bess definitely needs a bath.” Hamilton lifted her in his arms. “Show me what to do, Nelly.”

“I’ll watch Sarah,” Jefferson said.

Hamilton shot him a grateful look as he followed the other children.

The children had two bathrooms across the hall from each other. Nelly instructed Hamilton to turn on the shower for her and make sure the water was the right temperature. He was to do the same for William in the other bathroom and he could bathe Bess in the tub in the same bathroom.

Suppressing a yawn, Hamilton got both showers running and the tub and hoped Nelly was right that they could all bathe at the same time and not run out of hot water.

“You’re good?” he asked Nelly once he guessed the water was a good temperature.

“Yes, thank you.” Nelly closed the door.

Hamilton crossed the hall. Bess scooted toward him and hugged his leg. He picked her up. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he whispered to her. To William, he said, “Hop in the shower while I give Bess her bath.”

No one warned him that Bess loved the water. As soon as her feet touched it, she giggled and kicked and splashed.

While Hamilton had taken care of babies before, he’d never been trusted with baths. He filled the tub with only a few inches of water and tried to keep a hand on her, which proved difficult as she wiggled and threw water in his face. As long as he got the sauce of her hair, Hamilton called it good.

“I need my towel,” William called to him.

“One second.” Hamilton lifted Bess out and wrapped her. He found a second towel to give to William. “You washed your hair?”

“Yes.” William wrapped the towel around his shoulders.

“Good boy. Now, what do I do?”

“Make sure I brush my teeth.”

“Go on then.” Hamilton drained the bathtub and bounced Bess in his tired arms.

William brushed his teeth and got into his pajamas.

Hamilton combed out William’s wispy curls and told him to go get in bed. He knocked on the other bathroom door. “All good?”

“Yeah,” Nelly said. “Do you know how to braid hair?” She opened the bathroom door comb and hair tie in hand.

“Not very well.” He hid a yawn against Bess’ head. “Thomas does, though.”

Nelly shook her head.

“What? You like Thomas.”

A blush crept up Nelly’s cheeks. “I don’t want him to see me in my nightgown.”

“Thomas is gay, hon. Let him fix your hair while I get Bess dressed.”

“Fine.”

Hamilton went into the nursey and diapered and dressed Bess while her blue eyes closed and she yawned. “You and me both, Bess.” He settled her in the crib and took the baby monitor.

Jefferson had taken care of Sarah and braided Nelly’s hair but the girls and William gathered around Hamilton to tuck them in and read a story.

A half hour later, an exhausted barely awake Hamilton leaned against the doorway to Madison’s room. “Have you heard from your dad, James?”

“They’ll be home in about twenty minutes,” Madison said. He and Jefferson sat in bed watching TV. “You can stay the night, Alex.”

“Good.” Hamilton’s eyes closed.

Jefferson got off the bed and approached Hamilton. “I’ll tuck you in.”

Hamilton staggered on his feet and fell against Jefferson’s chest.

“I got you.” Jefferson lifted him up.

Hamilton didn’t protest and let Jefferson carry him to the guest room a few feet down the hall.

Jefferson set him on the bed. “Good night, Alexander. You did amazing today.”

Hamilton tipped over on the bed. “So tired.” He was out before his friend even left the room.

Jefferson retrieved the baby monitor from Sarah’s room where Hamilton had read a story to the kids, checked on the baby, and went downstairs to wait for the Madison’s return.

They arrived a few minutes later and Jefferson carried Mrs. Madison up to her room.

She was weak and sore but more heartbroken than anything else.

“Thank you, Thomas,” Mr. Madison said as he tucked his wife in bed.

“Not a problem, sir,” Jefferson said. “Alexander is spending the night but I’ll take Mrs. Washington home and come back.”

He returned downstairs where Mrs. Washington was organizing Mrs. Madison’s medication and checking the post-surgery instructions.

“How did Alexander do?” she asked.

“He was amazing,” Jefferson said with a smile. “He’s a hundred percent wiped out but he never lost his patience with the kids. It was quite impressive.”

Mrs. Washington smiled. “He’s a good boy.”

“He is.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vacation because that's definitely how Washington is going to relax.

As Washington had promised Hamilton when they adopted him, the family went on vacation to Hamilton’s choice: Yellowstone.

“You can each bring one guest,” Washington told Hamilton and Lafayette. “We’re inviting James and Thomas, too.”

“Aaron,” Hamilton said at once. Burr had returned from the internship unscathed and accepted the invitation to move in for the rest of the summer.

“Then I can bring Adrienne, right?” Lafayette asked.

Washington nodded “Yes, you’re all adults, but I expect proper behavior.”

Hamilton grinned. “Sure.”

 

Washington picked up Jefferson and Madison and would hit Lafayette’s apartment on the way to the airport. 

At Montpelier, Jefferson came outside carrying Madison.

“Is... he okay?” Washington asked with a creased brow.

“Oh, we sedated him,” Jefferson said.

Hamilton opened the van door.

“May have been a bit more than we thought.”

Washington grimaced. “Hopefully, he’ll be let on the plane like that.”

They were soon at the airport. Jefferson carried Madison most of the time but managed to get him to make his way, groggily, through security.

With Madison asleep, the traveling went smooth and they soon landed in Wyoming and got their rental car.

As soon as Jefferson buckled him in the car, Madison jolted awake with a scream. 

“Shh, Jemmy.” Jefferson stroked his hair. “We’re on our way to the hotel.”

“Where am I?” Madison gargled. “What the hell?”

Jefferson buckled himself and Washington drove off. “Remember we told you last night you’d take a sedative for the airplane ride?”

“No,” Madison said.

“Well, you did, and now we’re in Wyoming.”

Madison stared out the window. “Huh.”

Hamilton leaned over the middle seat and poked Madison’s head. “You drooled a lot.”

“Ugh.” Madison pushed his hand away. “He’s with us?” He dropped his head against Jefferson’s arm and fell back asleep.

They were soon checked into the hotel with two adjoining rooms each with two queen-sized beds.

Lafayette took Hamilton’s arm. “I don’t want to share with Mom and Dad.”

“Me either,” Hamilton whispered. He followed his brother into the other room giving Jefferson and Madison no choice on the matter.

Madison dropped himself on the bed.

“Can you manage to get dinner with us?” Washington asked him.

“Foods good,” he slurred.

Jefferson opened Madison’s suitcase. “You should change.”

Madison fell off the bed as he tried to stand. 

Jefferson hoisted him up. “You sure, Jemmy?”

Madison smiled, his eyes focused for a second.

“It’s up to you, Thomas,” Washington said.

“I’m starving, so...” Jefferson found his boyfriend some unrumpled clothes and helped him change. 

Hamilton and Burr leaned in the doorway of the adjoining rooms. “So, like where are the wild animals?” Hamilton asked.

“We’ll find some tomorrow,” Washington said.

“Wolves?”

“Probably not.” Washington did a head count. “Where’s your brother?”

Hamilton shouted into the other bedroom. “Let’s go, Laf!”

Washington sighed and took his wife’s arm. “Why do we do this to ourselves?” he whispered.

Mrs. Washington smiled and squeezed his hand.

Lafayette and Adrienne joined the group and Jefferson lifted Madison on his hip.

“Fix his skirt, dear,” Mrs. Washington told Jefferson as his arm pinned Madison’s skirt up.

Jefferson tugged Madison’s skirt down over his underwear. “You need to wake up a little more, babe,” he whispered.

Madison petted his cheek.

They went to the restaurant in the hotel.

“Do you want a children’s menu?” the server asked.

Washington opened his mouth to say no but Jefferson was quicker with a “Yes, please.”

“Oh, I want one, too!” Hamilton said and grabbed Washington’s arm. “Don’t I pass for, like, twelve anymore?”

Washington ruffled his hair. “Not anymore. Sorry, son.”

The server grabbed a second children’s menu and crayons and showed them to a corner table that had a booth and regular seating. 

Jefferson plopped Madison down next to him on the booth. It extended along the wall to the next table. Perfect for him to sprawl out on.

But Jefferson dragged him upright. “Come on, you can function a little better than this.” he handed Madison a red crayon and the kid’s menu.

“Can we drink?” Hamilton asked.

“I was not aware you turned twenty-one,” Washington said.

Hamilton grumbled, especially when Washington and Jefferson ordered margaritas. 

“Do you want to drink or do you want to color?” Washington asked.

“Why the hell can I not do both?” Hamilton retorted with a frown.

“Got me there.”

Food orders were placed and everyone talked about what they wanted to do while on vacation. Only Madison ignored the conversation while he colored and hummed. 

“You can lay down,” Jefferson told him. Humming was never a good sign and usually, Madison’s tell that he had reached his limit of stimuli. 

Madison shook his head and hummed louder.

Mrs. Washington got up from her seat and sat next to him on the bench. “Are you holding up, little Jemmy? I know you’re tired.”

Madison tossed his crayon down. “I’m tired, hungry, and have to pee,” he wailed. 

Jefferson’s jaw tightened at his loudness.

“It’s okay, love.” Mrs. Washington took his hand. “I’ll take you to the restroom.” She glanced at Jefferson who nodded that he would be fine with her.

She kept a tight hold on him and he managed to walk.

Jefferson sucked down a quarter of his drink.

Upon return, Madison fell asleep on the bench using Mrs. Washington’s purse as a pillow. 

The group let him sleep and Jefferson got a box for his chicken fingers. After dinner, He scooped him up and headed back up to the hotel room with the Washington’s while the rest went out to wander around.

“Do not approach any wildlife,” Washington commanded as they broke apart. “Alexander.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “I would never.”

Burr locked his fingers with Hamilton’s. “I’ll keep him close, sir.”

“Thank you, Aaron.”

In the hotel room, Jefferson settled Madison on the bed and got out his pajamas and stuffed animals. “Can you assist?” He handed over his pajama pants.

Madison pulled his skirt down and stepped out of it.

Jefferson sighed and was glad the Washington’s were used to his random behavior.

“I want your t-shirt,” Madison said. He stripped off his shirt and lay on the bed.

“Jesus, Jemmy,” Jefferson grumbled. He tossed the pajamas on him as a cover while he opened his own suitcase.

Madison tossed the clothes on the floor.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Washington assured from the other bed where he and Mrs. Washington had made themselves comfortable to read. “We’ve seen it all and more.”

Jefferson knew he was right and let Madison be as he searched for an undershirt. He handed one over to Madison.

Madison held it against his face. “It doesn’t smell like you.” His lip quivered. 

Jefferson sighed. He wasn’t wearing an undershirt but pulled off his t-shirt and handed it over. 

Madison slipped it on with a contented sigh and got under the covers.

Jefferson looked at the Washington’s. “Bet you’re regretting inviting us, aren’t you?”

Washington took off his reading glasses. “This is the most entertainment we’ve had in ages, son.”

“Glad we could amuse you.” Jefferson tucked in Madison’s stuffed animals and found his blanket. He changed into his pajamas rather than a clean shirt and got in bed next to his boyfriend to read.

***

About three in the morning, Jefferson startled awake to a small hand shaking him. “What?”

“I’m not tired anymore,” Madison said. “Where’s my phone?”

“Ugh.” Jefferson rolled over. “In your backpack.”

“Where’d you put my backpack?”

Jefferson dragged himself up and turned on the lamp. He pointed to the chair next to the corner table.

Once Madison was satisfied, Jefferson turned off the light and rolled onto his stomach. 

“How long was I out?” Madison asked. He poked his boyfriend in the back.

“Not long enough.” Jefferson yawned. “Let me sleep.” He felt Madison snuggle under the covers next to him and could sense the light from his phone. “Can you dim that?”

“Sorry.”

Jefferson buried his face in his pillow and struggled to fall back asleep.

 

Sunlight streamed in the room as Mrs. Washington pulled back the curtain. She did the same in the adjoining room as well to many groans.

Hamilton sat up and rubbed his eyes. “No sleeping in with you old people, is there?”

Mrs. Washington clicked her tongue. “If your brain is that snarky already, you can get up,” she teased. She returned to the other room as Washington exited the bathroom.

“All yours, my dear.” He moved to the boy’s bed and pet Madison’s back as he lay sprawled out on top of the covers, phone near his feet.

“How’re you feeling, Jemmy?”

Madison’s bright blue eyes popped open. “Great!’ He scampered to the edge of the bed and jumped off. “Thomas, get up!”

Jefferson grabbed the other pillow and threw it at him. “You got me up at three in the morning.”

“You sedated me.” Madison picked up the pillow and hit him.

“Touché.” Jefferson blocked the attack and sat up.

Hamilton scampered into the room and latched onto Washington. “I’m starving!”

“You need to wait until everyone is ready,” Washington said, shaking him off.

“No, I’m gonna die.”

“I still have to shower,” Madison said. He rummaged through his suitcase and pulled out his hefty toiletry bag.

Hamilton ran a hand down his face. “That’ll take forever.”

Rather than listen to his son grip for an hour, Washington suggested he take Hamilton down for breakfast while everyone else took their time to get ready.

“Thank you!” Hamilton ran to the door and unlocked it.

Washington followed him downstairs to the breakfast room. Families with young children occupied a few tables.

Hamilton loaded his plate down with bacon, scrambled eggs, sausage, and pancakes. He drowned everything in syrup.

Washington chose a much lighter and healthier fare of yogurt, fruit, and a piece of toast.

“So where are we going to find animals?” Hamilton asked after shoveling in several large bites.

“I’m sure we’ll see plenty of bison and elk while we drive,” Washington said. “Maybe a bear.”

“Is there anywhere we can hike?” Hamilton chugged his carton of milk.

“You and Laf were supposed to figure that out last night.” Washington blew on his coffee. “You had the map.”

“Too complicated.”

Washington shook his head, bemused. “And you expect me just to know?”

“Yup.”

After eating, Washington dragged Hamilton into the hotel gift shop and asked the cashier if he knew of any good hiking spots. “One that’s easy and one a little more challenging.”

“Old Faithful has some nice walking paths,” the cashier said. He pulled out a map and spread it over the counter. “Nothing too strenuous.”

“I want to see wolves,” Hamilton butted in.

The man grinned. “I hear that a lot. If you head to Lamar Valley before dawn, you might catch a glimpse.”

“Sweet!”

Washington shook his head. “You’re going to get up early?” He mussed Hamilton’s already wild hair.

“Maybe.”

The cashier gave them a few ideas for a longer hike the boys and Adrienne could go on without Mrs. Washington and Madison.

By the time they returned to the hotel room, Madison had finished in the bathroom and Jefferson took his much faster turn.

“You guys take forever,” Hamilton moaned. “This is a vacation. You can look like crap.”

Washington thumped Hamilton on the back of the head. “Cool your jets, boy. We’ll go outside until they’re done with breakfast.”

Hamilton took off before Washington finished the sentence.

“He’s your son legally now,” Mrs. Washington reminded him. “Try not to let a bear eat him on purpose.”

“Oddly tempting.” He kissed her and caught up with his son.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old Faithful...

Washington drove them to Old Faithful and did multiple headcounts as his boys had a penchant for disappearing. “Please, stay together,” he said after he tracked down Hamilton who had stopped to watch some giant black birds in the parking lot while Madison had run ahead to avoid the same birds.

Mrs. Washington took his hand. “Trust me; we won’t actually lose any of them. This vacation is supposed to help your stress levels, remember?”

“Yes, dear.” But a second later he shouted, “Alexander, get down from there.”

Hamilton slid off a large boulder.

Burr grabbed his hand. “Settle down.”

“Fine.” Hamilton nuzzled his face.

Lafayette nudged them apart. “You guys might want to be careful,” he murmured. “We’re in Wyoming, remember. James probably shouldn’t be wearing a skirt either.”

“People can mind their own damn business, Laf,” Hamilton retorted. “I’ll make out with Aaron if I want to.”

“Please do,” Burr whispered to himself.

“Just try to think before you act, little lion.”

Old Faithful was set to erupt in the next ten minutes. The group found a bench for Mrs. Washington and Madison while the rest stood.

Madison tugged at Jefferson’s hand. “The seat’s cold, I want to sit on your lap.”

Jefferson lifted Madison up and sat. “How are you cold? It’s like eighty degrees.”

Madison grinned. “Sucker.”

Jefferson rolled his eyes and caught the stares of a family sitting nearby. He looked away not sure what to do. He knew how weird he and Madison looked together but that didn’t make it right for anyone to judge. Better to stay silent.

Hamilton, though, couldn’t and stared down the family while he laced his fingers through Burr’s. “Where’re you from?”

The dad was quick to move his family to a different spot.

Washington groaned. “Alexander, please. Let’s not get banned from Yellowstone.”

After they watched the geyser erupt, the group found one of the walking paths and meandered around.

“Thomas!”

Jefferson stopped in his tracks to hear his name called. He looked back to see Angelica waving and heading his way. He let go of Madison’s hand to embrace her.

“What are the chances?” She grinned at him.

“Wow.” Jefferson returned her smile. “This _is_ weird. Is your whole family here?”

“Yup.” Angelica gestured behind her. “They didn’t think it was really you. Hi, James.”

“Hi.” Madison leaned into Jefferson.

“He’s already tired,” Jefferson explained. “Everyone else is way ahead of us.”

“Who’re you here with?”

Jefferson gave the list and watched Angelica smirk.

“Washington has a death wish,” she said. “Well, Eliza will be overjoyed to see Alexander again.”

Jefferson shook his head. Angelica had kept him well-informed through texts and calls of Hamilton’s stay at her house.

“Speak of the devil.” Angelica pointed behind him to Hamilton running along the path.

“Don’t run,” scolded Jefferson as Hamilton stopped, panting, beside them.

“We thought you got lost,” Hamilton said. “Hi, Angelica, what the fuck?”

“Indeed.” Angelica’s lips went in a thin line. “And I thought I was done with you for the summer.”

“Never.” Hamilton grinned. “Where’s Eliza?”

Before Angelica could lie, Eliza called her name.

Hamilton’s eyes lit up as he spotted her on the path. “Hey, Eliza!” He waved.

Eliza froze and slowly waved back.

Jefferson snagged Hamilton’s shirt before he ran over to her. “Stay right here. Where’s everyone else?”

“Probably almost done with the loop.” Hamilton brushed Jefferson’s hand off him. “I told Dad I’d find you guys and meet back at the car.”

“Let’s go then.” He kissed Angelica’s cheek. “Text me. We’ll meet up later.” He squatted so Madison could get on his back and followed Hamilton.

Hamilton grinned at Eliza as they passed by her but Jefferson prodded him to keep moving.

Once back together, the group dispersed again. Jefferson, Hamilton, and Burr met up with Eliza and Angelica to go for a hike. Lafayette and Adrienne found their own path to wander while the Washington’s took Madison shopping through a few gift shops and bought him candy.

“I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you,” Jefferson gushed to Angelica as they walked along the trail.

Angelica slipped her arm through his. “Right? How was Virginia?”

While the two caught up, Hamilton walked between Eliza and Burr and found an odd discomfort settling in his stomach. He could only give a short, mumbled reply to their questions as he stared at his feet.

The group headed up a steep slope with a sharp drop on one side.

Hamilton slowed down the higher they went. His heart pounded and he struggled to catch his breath. He didn’t have great stamina but he knew he couldn’t be in that bad of shape.

“Hurry up, Alexander,” Burr called to him.

“Come on, Alex!” Eliza shouted.

Hamilton stopped and pressed against a tree as far from the edge as he could get. _Breathe_ , he told himself. _Why are you always freaking out?_

He heard Burr and Eliza call for him again, a little more questioning in their voices this time. He couldn’t move or yell for them. He closed his eyes but a wave of dizziness washed over him and a sensation of falling jolted him. He popped his eyes open and wrapped his arms behind him and around the tree.

“Alexander?”

It was Jefferson this time and he soon jogged down to where Hamilton remained frozen.

“Afraid of heights?”

“I-I dunno.”

“I got you.” Jefferson held out his hand.

Hamilton grasped it.

“Good job.” Jefferson guided Hamilton back down the slope keeping himself next to the edge.

Once the ground leveled out, Hamilton dropped onto a boulder, legs shaking.

Jefferson stood behind him and massaged his shoulders. “You’re okay, buddy. Panic attack?”

Hamilton unstuck his dry tongue from his teeth. “Maybe.”

Angelica, Eliza, and Burr soon joined them.

“Are you okay?” Burr and Eliza asked at the same time.

Hamilton ducked his head. He’d gone through this all once before, he knew, as the memories flooded back. Just replace Eliza with Laurens.

“Let’s head back,” Jefferson said.

Hamilton stumbled on his weak legs and flinched when both Burr and Eliza touched him. “I’m good.” He sped up to walk beside Jefferson.

“What do you want to do, Alexander?” Jefferson asked keeping his voice low.

“Can Angelica drop me off wherever Dad is?” Hamilton asked.

“Yeah.”

Washington was still around Old Faithful. Angelica dropped Hamilton off there and gave the other’s no chance but to visit Mammoth Springs with her and Jefferson.

“Let’s get you a snack,” Washington said as he watched his son’s worried face as he chewed on his thumbnail. “Mom and Jemmy are watching the geyser erupt again.” He rested his hands on Hamilton’s shoulders as they waited in line. “What happened?”

“Apparently I’m afraid of heights,” Hamilton said.

“Is that all?”

Hamilton nodded.

 

_Do you want to have breakfast together?_

Hamilton stared at the text from Eliza and glanced at Burr in bed beside him watching TV. This wasn’t Burr/Laurens again this was a new level of fucked-up.

_Sure._

The next morning he avoided Burr and Washington but told his mom he was going down for breakfast. He met Eliza in the breakfast room and they filled their plates.

“When do you guys go home?” Eliza asked as she cut into her pancakes.

Hamilton swallowed his bite of bacon. “In the morning. You?”

“We have one more day.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry my dad was a jerk to you,” Eliza said. “Aaron told Angelica what happened.”

Hamilton’s cheeks reddened and he wanted to grab Eliza’s glass of milk and press it to his burning cheeks. “Yeah, well…” He stuffed his mouth with food.

“I hope your opinion of my sisters and I didn’t change because of his actions.” Eliza watched him, strawberry slice stuck to her fork.

“No.” Hamilton met her eyes. “Parents are difficult. I want to get to know you better, Eliza.”

Eliza dipped her head. “I would like that.”

“Did you always live in New York?”

They talked long past finishing their food and took the conversation outside before their families showed up to eat.

She’d been born at the family’s upstate mansion where they had lived fulltime before Senator Schuyler bought their second home in the Estates. Her mother had a hard time carrying babies full term and she lost many siblings in the womb or right after birth.

“I just hope it’s not genetic,” she told Hamilton. “A big family has always been my dream. I heard you’ve been babysitting the Madison children.” She gave him a sideways glance.

“Yeah, it’s fun.” Hamilton smiled. “Kids of my own someday would be nice.”

They talked about favorite colors, Eliza’s was pink and Hamilton’s orange. Food: “I could live on cinnamon rolls,” Eliza said. And places, “You have to go to Vermont in the fall someday.”

Hamilton chuckled. “Random but okay.”

“Trust me, it’s pretty.” Eliza watched him, a smile playing on her lips. “Would you ever visit somewhere tropical again?”

“I’d go to Hawaii,” Hamilton said. “But I don’t think I want to go near where I grew up.”

Eliza swatted at a fly. “I’ve been to Hawaii once; it’s magical.”

“It’s pretty magical here, too.”

Her heart fluttered when she realized Hamilton was only looking at her.

***

“Bison!” Hamilton shouted and rolled down the window. “Dad, stop!”

It was the fifth—seventh?—time Hamilton had exclaimed over the bison as Washington drove toward Yellowstone Lake. He was about ready to merge into oncoming traffic.

“We’ve stopped three times already,” he said.

“But there’s a baby!”

Washington found a spot to pull over.

Hamilton got out and ran across the road.

“Oh, my, God, he has no chill,” Lafayette complained.

“Get your brother, please,” Washington said.

Lafayette grumbled as he got out of the van and darted across the road. He grabbed Hamilton around the waist and lifted him up. “Can you see better now?” he teased. He was a good seven inches taller than Hamilton was.

“Yeah.” Hamilton agreed. “There’s a deer.”

Lafayette looked where Hamilton pointed at a cluster of trees. “Pretty sure that’s an elk, bro. Want to go pet it?”

“Yes.”

Lafayette dropped Hamilton. “You’re such a mess.” He ruffled his brother’s hair. “Come on, back to the car.”

“One more minute,” Hamilton whined.

“I fell for that twice already.” Lafayette grabbed Hamilton’s back pocket. “Let’s go.”

While they never saw any wolves, Washington decided that was a blessing as he was a hundred percent certain Hamilton would have tried to pet one.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party time! And Burr goes from 0 to 1000 real fast.

The Madison’s always threw a huge party before school started and invited all their neighbors and friends.

The day of the party dawned cloudy with rain forecast for the afternoon. Mrs. Madison—mostly recovered—was in a tizzy trying to plan for the party to be indoors. Madison and Jefferson kept the younger children occupied while the parents rearranged things. It wasn’t as if it was a big deal, the house was by far large enough to accommodate a party twice as large inside than they invited.

Burr and Hamilton showed up early with the Washington’s. The younger children gleefully greeted the Washington’s and Hamilton. Hamilton had to sneak away to hang out with his friends.

“We can still go swimming,” Madison said as they had planned prior to the overcast day. “Mom won’t let the little ones swim since it’s cloudy and we won’t be bothered.”

“I’m good with that,” Hamilton said.

Burr and Jefferson agreed. They headed outside and changed in the guesthouse next to the pool.

Jefferson was first to jump in, then Hamilton.

“Jump, Jem,” Jefferson said. “I’ll catch you.”

Madison leaped off the edge toward him. Jefferson caught him.

Hamilton splashed water at Burr. “Come on, Aaron. Get in.”

“You know I can’t swim.”

“Stay in the shallow end.”

“Grab some noodles from the guest house first,” instructed Madison.

Burr obeyed and came back with four foam noodles. He tossed three in the water and took the fourth. He went down the steps cautiously into the water. Hamilton instantly splashed him in the face. Burr hit him with the noodle.

“Alex, get on Burr’s shoulders,” Jefferson said. “You can fight Jem.” He lifted Madison easily onto his own shoulders.

Burr sighed and let Hamilton climb on him. He wasn’t a whole lot taller than Hamilton was and Jefferson had an obvious advantage with his height and muscle. Even so, Madison could do little damage with his scrawny arms and Hamilton managed to knock him off after a few minutes.

While clouds grew dark in the distance, the sun peeked out above the pool and heated the boys.

“I’m stripping,” Madison said as he got out of the pool. “Just for a few minutes.”

“I’m game,” Hamilton said. Within seconds, he had his swim trunks off and tossed them to the side of the pool.

“You are not getting on my shoulders now,” Burr said.

Hamilton bopped his head with the noodle. “I’m okay with that. Strip, just for a few minutes. It feels awesome.”

“Yeah, I doubt that. This has stupid written all over it.” But Burr complied, as did Jefferson.

They lost track of time, though, and the back door of the house slammed shut.

“It’s almost time to eat,” Angelical called out.

The buys stopped splashing each other and froze. Hamilton looked over and saw Angelica holding their clothes and towels.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

“Told you this was a bad idea,” Burr said. He sank into the water up to his chin.

“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” Jefferson asked. He pushed Madison behind him.

“Nope,” Angelica said. “Although, I don’t understand why you’re being prudes—except perhaps Aaron. Everyone’s seen James naked. No offense.”

Madison moved around Jefferson. “None taken.” And to show he didn’t care, he waded toward the edge and pulled himself up. He sat on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water. Angelica draped a towel over him.

He assumed it was a normal towel until he heard Hamilton murmur “little duck” and felt Angelica pull up the hood. He pulled the towel around his body. “Fucking right. I’m an adorable duck.”

“Anyone else?” she asked. “Alex? I know you don’t have anything to hide.”

Hamilton sighed and headed for the edge of the pool. He managed a halfway decent attempt at keeping his front against the pool edge and patio as he got out. Angelica tossed a towel and his swim shorts at him.

“If you come out, T, I’ll leave Aaron in peace,” Angelica said. “Like I haven’t seen it before.”

Madison pushed his duck hood down. “What’re you talking about?”

“Thomas never told you?” Angelica said. She knelt down and patted Madison’s head.

“She fucking broke into the locker room in high school,” Jefferson grumbled. “You blackmailed me to win that debate.”

Angelica rolled her eyes. “You had dirt on me to start with. It was a friendly wager.”

“Whatever.” Jefferson shook his head. “Doesn’t mean you need another look.”

“Enjoy getting back in the house then.” Angelica turned away.

“Come on!” Burr shouted. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Then come get your clothes,” Angelica replied.

“Take one for the team, T,” Burr hissed at Jefferson.

“Fuck no,” Jefferson spat back. He lowered his voice, “You didn’t hook up with Angelica while you were there all summer?”

“No.”

Jefferson stared at him. “I don’t think you’re questioning anymore, dude. You’re super gay.”

“Shut up.” Burr looked away.

“What’ll it be, Thomas?” Angelica held up a towel.

“You owe me, Burr,” Jefferson grumbled. He headed for the edge of the pool. He pulled himself out, not even trying to be modest.

Angelica threw the towel at him. “Thanks, Thomas.” She dropped his swim trunks and Burr’s things. “Time for lunch.”

She walked ahead while Jefferson pulled on his shorts. Eliza joined Angelica at the back door and they waited for the boys.

“How many people showed up?” Hamilton asked.

“Fifty or so,” Eliza said.

“James can go first.” He opened the door and shoved Madison inside. “Leave the duck towel.” He snatched the towel away and shut the door.

“Oh, shit,” said Angelica and everyone looked at her. She still had Madison’s swim trunks over her arm.

“Fuck.” Jefferson grabbed the duck towel from Hamilton and bolted inside.

A red-faced Madison stood near the door with a women’s cardigan around his waist and Washington’s hand on his shoulder.

“You boys need to stop picking on James,” he growled.

“It was an accident,” Jefferson murmured. He handed Madison the duck towel.

Washington intercepted. “What is this?”

“He’s a little duck,” Hamilton piped up softly.

“I’m a fucking adorable duck,” Madison agreed. He took the towel from Washington and wrapped himself. “I’m assuming Mrs. Washington doesn’t want her cardigan back until I wash it?”

Washington patted Madison’s shoulder. “You might be welcome to keep it.” He turned his gaze to Jefferson. “I know how much you love James. Start standing up for him.”

“Yes, sir.” Jefferson wrapped his arms around Madison. “Sorry,” he whispered to him.

Madison shrugged. “Now truly _everyone_ had seen me naked.”

“Babe, I’m sorry. We thought you had on your swimsuit.”

“Whatever.” He pushed off Jefferson’s arms.

“James, it’s my fault,” Hamilton said. “I’m sorry.”

Madison stretched his lips into a fake smile. “‘Kay.” He walked away from them and headed for a side door.

“Give him a little time,” Angelica told Jefferson as he made to follow. “Let’s go inside.”

Jefferson sighed and followed his friends into the house. Family and friends mingled around the tables filling their plates with food.

Mrs. Madison caught Jefferson’s eye, her face tight.

Jefferson headed her way. “I’m sorry,” he said at once. “We didn’t know he was naked or else Alex wouldn’t have pulled away his towel. I’m really sorry.”

“James is having a difficult enough time right now without his friends humiliating him more,” Mrs. Madison reproached. “I hope you respect him better than this.”

“I do,” Jefferson said and struggled to maintain her steely eye contact. “I’d never want Jem embarrassed like this.”

“Just be glad George was near the door and quick to protect him. Thankfully, not many saw.”

Jefferson nodded.

“Where’s he now?” Mrs. Madison asked.

“Probably went up to his room.”

“Let him be for a bit, then take him up some food.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Burr, however, was given no such instructions and slipped away from the party. He found the main staircase and tried to remember which hall led to Madison’s bedroom. He knocked on what he thought was the right door but heard no response. The fourth time was a charm and Madison poked his head out.

“Hey,” Burr said. He held up a paper plate with a large piece of chocolate cake.

Madison let him in and sat down on the window seat.

Burr joined him and glanced out at the perfect front lawn. “I should have brought milk,” he commented as Madison dug into the cake.

“It’s okay,” Madison said. He handed Burr the fork. “Have a bite.”

Burr sliced off a piece and let the moist cake and thick frosting melt in his mouth. “You know we didn’t—”

“I know,” Madison interrupted. “I’m just the butt monkey and this type of shit always happens. I don’t think I have any modesty anymore.”

“Sorry.” He handed Madison back the fork.

Madison shrugged. “At least I’m adorable.”

Burr smiled. “Yeah. Your mom said not many saw since Washington was right there to help you.”

“Good.” He gave Burr the fork and they finished the piece of cake.

Madison set the empty plate on the floor and stretched out on the window seat. He rested his head in Burr’s lap. Burr stroked his hair and watched out the window. Some of the younger Madison and Jefferson siblings had finished eating and set up some games in the yard.

When Jefferson brought up food a half hour later, Burr and Madison were asleep. He set the plate on the dresser and watched them a minute. He struggled to force away the thoughts of Burr and his boyfriend together. They had never really discussed the incident of Burr’s indiscretion last year. It was just something that went away in his mind. Did Burr harbor any feelings for Madison? Did Madison for Burr?

Jefferson pushed the thoughts back and left the room. He couldn’t stand the idea of being in a big crowd, though, and locked himself in the guest bathroom upstairs. He browsed online on his phone until Madison texted him another half-hour later wondering where he was.

Burr and Madison were chowing down on the plate of food he’d left when Jefferson opened the door.

Madison smiled at him. “Thank you.”

The return smile didn’t come easy as he watched the two share a fork. “You’re welcome.”

Madison patted the bench for Jefferson sit. “Do you know where Alex is?”

“Probably with Eliza,” Jefferson replied. He sat and Madison instantly moved to his lap. “Did he spend a lot of time with her at your internship?”

“Not really,” Burr replied as he finished the last of the fruit salad. “Although, that was the goal.”

“Good idea,” Jefferson said.

“I think they’d be cute together,” Madison countered. He popped a cheese cube in his mouth and moved Jefferson’s arms tighter around him. “What did you guys do when you weren’t working?”

“Walks and movies mostly.” Burr scraped the fork across the plate to get the last bit of whipped cream.

“Sex,” Jefferson added.

Burr’s cheeks reddened but he kept quiet.

“You’re going to have to decide if you want him or not.”

Burr shrugged. “I dunno. I’m not interested in a relationship. Romance is dumb.”

Jefferson shrugged and felt a bit of relief. Madison would never want something without commitment.

“Maybe you’re—” Madison began.

“I want him so bad,” Burr blurted. “If he hooks up with Eliza, I’ll kill myself.”

“Whoa, Aaron.” Jefferson dumped Madison off his lap and wrapped an arm around Burr. “Buddy, don’t bottle stuff up like this.”

“I can’t help it.” Burr stared at Jefferson’s hand against his arm. “I’m not good with feelings.” He lifted his gaze to Madison. “I don’t want to be in a relationship because of the feelings. I don’t want to deal with jealousy and worrying if I cross a line or make him mad or any of that shit. But I want Alexander to be mine.” He sucked in a shallow breath. “But I don’t deserve him because I left. I don’t deserve him.” He clenched his jaw tight.

Jefferson rubbed his hand against Burr’s arm. “You can’t change the past but you can tell Alex how you feel.”

Burr shrugged Jefferson away. “Nope.” He stood. “I’m sorry I said anything. This is why I keep it inside.”

“We’re your friends, Aaron,” Jefferson said firmly. “We want to hear this stuff. We want to help you.”

“Please, don’t talk about killing yourself, Aaron,” Madison murmured. “You mean so much to us.”

Burr gripped his neck and dug in his nails. “How do I get over Alexander? I know he doesn’t want a relationship with me but I don’t want to lose him as my friend, nor do I want to see him with Eliza.”

Jefferson and Madison looked at each other.

“You need to talk to Alex,” Jefferson said.

Burr shook his head.

The door opened and Hamilton poked his head in. “Is this a private party?”

“Yes,” Jefferson said.

“Too bad.” Hamilton closed the door behind him and crossed the room. He sat on the bench next to Jefferson. “All good, James?”

Madison nodded and his eyes flickered to Burr’s face, which remained a stony mask.

“What were you doing?” Jefferson asked.

Hamilton’s face got a dreamy look on it as he glanced out the window. “Eliza.”

Burr knees buckled and his face paled. A low tortured moan escaped his lips for a brief second.

“Sit, Aaron,” Jefferson commanded.

Hamilton’s brow creased. “You okay, babe?”

“I don’t think lunch agreed with him,” Jefferson lied. He touched Burr’s clammy cheek. “Are you going to be sick?”

Burr nodded.

Jefferson ushered him to the bathroom. When Hamilton stood to follow, Jefferson stopped him. “Stay with Jemmy.” He locked the door and winced at the sound of Burr puking.

Once he had emptied the contents of his stomach, Jefferson beckoned him onto the small balcony attached to Madison’s bathroom. They sat on the wood floor in silence for several minutes.

“I don’t think he meant he was having sex with Eliza,” Jefferson said. “Eliza isn’t like that.”

Burr nodded. He wiped at the tears gathering in his eyes.

“When you left, Alex didn’t get a chance to tell you how he felt.” Jefferson watched his friend’s distraught face. “He was as tortured as you are now. You have the ability to tell him how you feel. You don’t need to punish yourself. If he says no it’ll help you move on. Or he might say yes.”

“He won’t say yes,” Burr whispered.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do because he was going to before but then I left and broke his heart and trust.” Burr picked at his fingernails. “Alex is rather stupid but he’s not going to get his heart broken by the same person twice.”

“Are you sure?” Jefferson nudged him with his foot. “I’m pretty sure he’s let John break it several times. He is rather stupid about certain things.”

“I can’t risk it.” Burr leaned against the railing. “I truly would rather die, Thomas, than lose him.”

“Then why aren’t you telling him this?” Jefferson moved to sit next to him. “You will lose him if you don’t tell him. I will not let you die, Aaron. Not over Alexander.”

Burr closed his eyes and rested his head back. “What do I do?”

“You tell Alex how you feel.”

“I’ve told him I love him so many times.” Burr squeezed his eyes shut tighter.

Jefferson patted Burr’s knee. “You have to spell it out. We’re all stupid and clueless about this stuff. Alex is fucking dense.”

A smile tugged Burr’s lip for a second but instantly fell. “And when he says no?”

“You come to Jemmy and me and let us take care of you and pick up the pieces. Don’t hurt yourself, Aaron.” He squeezed Burr’s leg. “We can’t imagine you not in our lives and never want to find out how much that would hurt. Okay?”

Burr nodded. He sucked in a deep breath and met Jefferson’s eyes. “Thank you.”

Hamilton hurried over when Burr came out of the bathroom. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to talk to you,” Burr mumbled.

They left the room and walked down one of the long hallways.

Burr stopped in the middle as his chest tightened and his legs weakened. He gripped Hamilton’s hand. “I’m in love with you, Alexander. Like to the point I can’t bear it.” More words wanted to tumble out but the fist in his chest squeezed out the oxygen. His arms felt numb and he wondered if it was possible to have a heart attack at his age.

“You know I love you—”

“Alex, would you go out with me or not?” Burr squeezed Hamilton’s hand tighter. “I know how much you love me but do you _love_ me love me?” He pressed his other hand against his mouth as a sharp pain stabbed his stomach.

Hamilton stared at Burr’s hand as heat rose up his neck. A knot settled in his stomach as he said, “No, Aaron, I don’t.”

Burr dropped his hand and ran past him.

“Aaron!”

Oh, he wanted to run outside and thrown himself in the pool. Run out into the middle of a busy street. Jump off a building. But he let his brain move his feet instead of his broken heart and buried himself in Jefferson’s body and sobbed until he almost passed out.

Madison lay on the bed with them and stroked Burr’s back.

“We’ll get you through this,” Jefferson soothed and met Madison’s eyes. They both wondered the same thing. Would they be forced to choose sides now? Burr or Hamilton?

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Animal death
> 
> Poor Marquis.

It already felt like they were choosing sides as Burr remained at Madison’s house with him and Jefferson while Washington took Hamilton home.

Jefferson slept on the floor while Burr and Madison shared the bed. The house had plenty of rooms but they didn’t want Burr to be alone.

Getting little sleep on the uncomfortable floor, Jefferson woke first. Summer sunlight already filtered in through the windows and he watched Madison sleep cuddled up to Burr. That twinge of jealousy or uncertainty that he might lose Madison to Burr vanished as if he’d never thought it. Burr getting through this and not hurting himself was all that mattered.

After he showered, Jefferson dug through Madison’s dresser for the clothes he stashed under his boyfriend’s garments to keep it less obvious to Madison’s parents how often his boyfriend slept over.

He heard the bed creak and glanced over to see Burr sit up. “Morning.”

Burr rested his cheek against his drawn-up knees and watched Jefferson with tired eyes.

Jefferson found his clothes. He held them against his bare chest as he turned around. “You can have the bathroom if you want, Aaron.”

Burr shook his head and laid back down.

Jefferson dressed and tried to think what to do. He had either to fix Burr’s broken heart or make Hamilton fall in love with him. But he didn’t blame Hamilton while at the same time he understood how Burr felt. Not to the same extreme but if he couldn't have Madison life was empty to him. He’d faced that dilemma and didn’t want to put it to reality, ever.

But the fact remained that Burr had hurt Hamilton over a year and a half ago and those memories remained strong in Hamilton’s mind. Jefferson knew the two had hooked up multiple times and he had thought that it meant they were good. Whether it was because of Eliza or Hamilton realizing he couldn’t go back to having the same feelings he had for Burr before, Jefferson wasn’t sure. If it was the former, maybe Burr would have a chance someday but Jefferson wasn’t about to suggest that to his friend. Burr needed to move on.

***

Hamilton paced Washington’s office. “What do I do? I didn’t mean to hurt Aaron but I don’t love him that way.”

Washington watched his son from his office chair. “How long have you known that?”

Hamilton shrugged.

“Only since you started thinking about Eliza, yes?”

“I dunno.” Hamilton stopped pacing and rubbed his arms. “Maybe?”

“So do you truly not love Aaron or are you merely fixated on something new? Remember, you flip-flopped with John after you met Aaron. I wish you had known what you were doing before you told Aaron no.”

“Aaron’s flip-flopped on me before, too,” Hamilton said.

“That doesn’t make it right.”

Hamilton curled up in the chair opposite Washington. “I don’t know. Tell me what to do.”

“When it involves your non-thinking brain, you don’t listen to me.” Washington twirled his reading glasses around.

“Huh?” Hamilton brow knitted together.

“Your nether region.”

“Ugh.” Hamilton pressed his forehead against the armrest.

“I think you get bored easily,” Washington thought aloud. “You also don’t like the idea of committing. As soon as you see a relationship start to become complacent, you find a way to sabotage it. You’ve also picked boys who have the same tendency.” He scratched his chin. “Eliza is very different from your usual type. Perhaps you’re maturing and looking for a more stable relationship.”

Hamilton sat up and leaned on the desk. “What do I do then? I do like Eliza but I did always think…”

Washington raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

“Well, um—” Hamilton rubbed his ear “—that I leaned more toward guys. I never thought I’d end up, like, committing to a girl.”

“You’re exacerbating, I hope you know that.” Washington glanced at the email alert that popped up on his phone. “You are still a kid, Alexander. It’s okay not to know what you want or what you’re doing but you’re hurting other people. You need to understand that and try harder to be more empathetic.”

Hamilton nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“I have some work to do, son.” Washington shooed him out.

Once the door closed, he pulled up his email on his computer and to the new message from Mr. Stevens. Washington had replied to him after he answered Hamilton’s questions with a short thank you and _Alexander took the news well_ and had hoped it would end. Clearly not so.

_Ned and I will be in your city in November. We would love to see Alexander if possible. I know he will be busy with school, hence my reaching out to you so long in advance._

Washington sighed and rubbed his forehead. Where had this man’s tenacity been when Hamilton was a teen moving from foster home to foster home? His sympathy was spreading thin at the hypocrisy. It was clear to Washington that Mr. Stevens didn’t want Hamilton back but did want to be the “fun parent” and pamper the boy now that any messy work wouldn’t fall on his shoulders.

“Fuck you,” Washington growled at his computer and closed the email.

The office door swung open. “George.”

“How did you hear—” Washington stopped when he noticed his wife’s distraught face and realized she wasn’t reprimanding him for cussing.

“It’s Marquis.”

Washington jumped up and followed his wife to the kitchen where Marquis the fourteen-year-old Maltese lay on the floor next to Hamilton breathing strained and erratic.

“Shit,” Washington murmured and sighed. He didn’t want to count how many times he made the call on the old dogs his wife rescued. She could never do it herself and he didn’t blame her. He hugged his wife while she cried and tried to hold it together himself.

He found a blanket and wrapped Marquis up and cradled the dying dog.

“Dad?” Hamilton’s lip quivered as he looked up.

“I’m sorry, Alexander.” He swallowed. “You need to say goodbye to Marquis.”

Tears spilled down Hamilton’s cheeks and he hugged his legs to his chest.

Mrs. Washington stroked his head. “Sit on the couch with me.”

Hamilton kissed Marquis on the head and followed his mom to the couch. She held him while they grieved.

Washington called the vet as he drove and carried the small dog inside. He was shown to a room and tried to hold it together once more.

The vet examined Marquis and gave the diagnosis Washington already knew.

“It’ll be less painful this way,” the vet said.

Washington wiped his right eye and signed the paperwork. He held Marquis as he breathed his last.

 

When Washington returned home alone, Lafayette sat on the couch with Mrs. Washington and Hamilton.

“I’m sorry, Laf,” Washington said and hugged him. “I know he was your favorite.”

“He had a good life,” Lafayette murmured. “I’m glad I was there for some of it.”

Washington hugged him tighter as they both sniffled.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton makes the stupidest decision.

For two days, Madison stayed in bed and watched TV shows and movies with Burr. They didn’t talk except to comment on whatever they were watching. But when night fell and darkness offered its cover, Burr opened up.

“I think my fear,” Burr said as he lay on his back next to Madison, “is not having someone to go to when I need a distraction. Which, I guess, is rather selfish.”

“But you care about Alex more than just for that,” Madison replied. He tucked his baby blanket close to his face and enjoyed the cool fabric against his cheek. “Your whole relationship with him wasn’t just sex, was it? I mean, you didn’t lose your virginity until a few months ago.”

“No.” Burr licked his lips. “But I did think once that happened we were over the past. I know it took some time to become comfortable with each other again but I haven’t felt any awkwardness of being around him and I thought he had forgiven me.”

He kneaded his blanket through his fingers. “I think he has. But an actual dating relationship does require another level of intimacy. I don’t think Alexander is ready for that with anyone.”

Burr swallowed. “But what if he is and it’s with Eliza and not me?”

“You have to accept it.” Madison rolled onto his side. “Or you can be miserable your entire life. Aaron—” He took a deep breath. “—Alex doesn’t owe you anything. If he doesn’t love you that way, you can’t make him.”

Burr sighed. “I know. I’m tired of losing people.”

Madison touched his shoulder. “I’m here. So is Thomas. Alex will still be your friend, too, if you can handle that.”

“Thank you.” Burr rested his hand against Madison’s. “You mean a lot to me, James. Thomas, too.”

***

Hamilton gave it two days before he couldn’t stand staying in the house any longer. With Burr at Madison’s house, he couldn’t help his mom babysit.

He decided to walk to Montpelier to give himself time to decide what to say. He texted Bur that he was going to come over and Burr hadn’t discouraged him.

The front door opened before he could ring the doorbell.

“Alex is here!” William shouted. He and Sarah grabbed him.

“Hey, easy.” Hamilton half-scolded as he chuckled.

Nelly appeared in the foyer with Bess. “Ah, ah!” Bess squealed.

Hamilton took the baby. “A-lex.”

“Lecks!” Bess grabbed his nose.

“Good job!” Hamilton kissed her head. His pleasure vanished though when he spotted Madison and Burr on the stairs. He returned Bess to her sister. “Hi, Aaron.”

“’Lo.” Burr looked at Madison.

Madison nodded his encouragement.

They went outside and walked toward the backyard.

“Can we still be friends?” Hamilton asked.

“Yeah, I think we can.” Burr glanced at Hamilton’s hand, desperate to link his fingers through. But it would be best to keep the touching to a minimum, at least while they mended hearts and decided how to proceed.

“I’m really sorry, Aaron.” Hamilton watched his friend’s dark hazel eyes. Sorrow filled them, a pain he probably had never lost since he was a toddler. “I wish…” He trailed off. To wish things had been different was to wish Burr had never abandoned him. Burr already knew that and nothing could fix that except to travel back in time to put Sadie on a better path that wouldn’t result in her making bad decisions, choosing the wrong friends, and dying.

“My only wish,” Burr said, “is that you had known this before we had sex. Before we won that final debate. Before we went to NYC. Alex, can you not see where I might have assumed differently?”

Hamilton nodded. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Is it because of Eliza?” Burr searched Hamilton’s face. “I know you pushed John to the curb when you started having feelings for me. You have got to figure out what you want in life, Alexander.”

“Eliza is a fresh start.” Hamilton looked at the grass. Despite all the words in his head, he didn’t have the ones to explain how he did still love Burr—Laurens, too—but the pain of those relationships held him back. He needed to know what it was like to be with someone who hadn’t hurt him, even when he didn’t feel it a hundred percent. “I need a fresh start.”

Burr’ hand hovered over Hamilton’s shoulder before he dropped it back to his side. “I understand.”

“Thank you.”

***

_Want to do something this Friday?_

Lying in bed and enjoying it, Hamilton texted Laurens back. _Sure. What do you have in mind?_  He hadn’t seen much of Laurens since the last semester of college ended. He wasn’t even sure what his friend’s summer plans had been. Not going back to South Carolina, he hoped.

_Maybe the mall?_

_Sure._

They decided on a time and Laurens gave his goodbye since he had to go to work. Knowing Mrs. Washington would appreciate if he didn’t stay in bed all day; Hamilton dragged himself up and headed downstairs. At once, his mom put him to work cleaning up the yard.

The mall was still quiet on the cloudy Friday morning as they arrived when it opened.

“Everything going well?” Hamilton asked as they wandered around.

Laurens brushed back a stray curl. “Yeah, no major complaints. I’m staying with my aunt.”

“Good.” Hamilton licked his lips. “The other... situation dealt with?”

Laurens grimaced. “Yes. I’m getting my life together.” He sighed. “I will miss the money, though.”

“John!” Hamilton nudged. “You could have gotten yourself killed.”

“I know, I know.” He met Hamilton’s eyes. “It also hurt you and I’m tired of doing that. You’re my best friend.”

“We put it behind us.”

Laurens rested a hand on Hamilton’s shoulder. “I don’t think anyone realizes how good of a friend you are. Aaron and I have sent you through the wringer multiple times and yet you forgive us. I want to be a better friend to you. You deserve that.”

Hamilton ducked his head. “Thanks, John.”

Laurens pinched Hamilton’s cheek and they continued walking.

The game store was empty as Laurens browsed for a new computer game. Hamilton picked up random boxes but he’d never been into gaming. 

“You play The Sims, don’t you?” Hamilton asked.

“Yeah.” Laurens looked at _The Sims 3: Pets_ box he held. “I have that one.”

“Can you make Potato?”

Laurens chuckled. “Sure. I’ll teach you how to play this fall.”

Hamilton grinned. “You know I won’t be able to keep any Sim alive.”

Laurens messed his already wild hair. “I believe it. Maybe—” He yanked Hamilton behind a display as two young men walked into the store.

“What?” Hamilton whispered.

“I know them and it’s not good,” Laurens replied. He inched his way toward the exit with Hamilton on his heels. But the wide glass front and doors had nothing near them to hide behind.

“Well, Johnny boy, it’s been a while.”

Laurens mind fought with whether to run or stay but his chance vanished as the second man got in the way. He pushed Hamilton behind him. “Hello.”

“What’cha been up to?” asked the first guy. He was taller than Laurens was, thin, toned with a handsome face. Knowing what Laurens had gotten himself into Hamilton guessed he was a stripper. 

Laurens shrugged. “Internship.”

“Not working anymore?”

“No.”

The second man stepped closer. “You should, John. You were good.”

Laurens shook his head. “I have greater potential than prostitution.”

Both men laughed. 

“That’s rich coming from an abandoned pretty boy.” The first man prodded Laurens’ chest. “You don’t have anyone. You’ll be back on the streets.”

“I have friends,” Laurens said.

“The gremlin behind you?”

Laurens snarled. “Leave me alone. I’m not coming back.”

“Uh huh.” He stepped aside.

Laurens yanked Hamilton out of the store with him. They sped-walked to a different portion of the mall.

“You will stay away from them, right?” Hamilton asked.

“Yes.” Laurens stopped and rubbed the goosebumps flooding his arms. “When James got attacked that day and Washington had his heart attack it made me realize how much I missed you guys that you’re my family. I don’t want to lose that.”

“Good.” Hamilton hugged him. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To the beach! Because nothing ever goes wrong when the boys go somewhere...

The boys had already planned a last weekend trip before college started and had a hotel booked near the beach. Despite his reservations—and knowing he’d be sharing a bed with Hamilton—Burr went along.

After checking in at the hotel, they changed into swimsuits and headed to the beach. Jefferson set up an umbrella and applied copious amounts of sunscreen to Madison.

Hamilton tossed the sunscreen tube at Burr. “I can’t reach my back.”

“You’re gonna fry no matter what,” Burr told him. “You have red hair.”

“Quit lecturing and help me.”

Burr squirted sunscreen in his hands and rubbed is on Hamilton’s back. He smoothed it over his shoulders and down his sides. Any chance to have his hands on Hamilton.

“You’re being a little gay, Burr,” Hamilton mumbled. “Finish up.”

Burr dabbed the tips of Hamilton’s ears. “Done.”

“Good.” He took the tube of sunscreen from Burr and tossed it near his bag. “Let’s go find a shark!”

“I’ll just… not,” Burr replied. He joined Madison under the umbrella while Jefferson ran after Hamilton toward the water.

Madison sat in his lounge chair and grabbed a book. Burr set himself up likewise. An occasional shout from the water would make them look up in time to see Jefferson throw Hamilton at a wave or Hamilton toss seaweed at Jefferson.

Jefferson jogged up the sand and stood in front of Madison’s chair, hand behind his back.

“You’re blocking the sun,” Madison complained. “I can’t see to read.”

Jefferson moved his hand around and gave Madison a perfect sand dollar. “For my love.”

Madison smiled and examined the delicate shell. “Thank you.”

Hamilton dropped to the ground near Burr and showered him with sand. “Look at this seaweed.”

Burr grimaced at the slimy plant. “Put it back.”

“Well, if it isn’t the whole gang,” a familiar voice called to them. Angelica and Eliza headed their way with Peggy running to catch up.

“Eliza!” Hamilton jumped up and shoved the seaweed at her. “Look.”

Her face had the same disgusted look as Burr’s. “You’re quite something, Alex.”

Hamilton grinned.

“How about you find me a seashell.” Eliza took his hand and pulled him toward the water. Peggy skipped after them.

“Just you and your sisters?” Burr asked Angelica. He set his book aside.

“Us and Maria,” Angelica said, “until we found Team Mulligan.”

She indicated to the boy’s friends and rival debate team heading down the beach toward them. Lafayette and his best friend Hercules Mulligan stood out above the crowd. Laurens carried a cooler with misfit teammate Charles Lee.

“Can we join?” Laurens asked.

“I suppose,” Jefferson said. He couldn’t really deny Laurens anything since he had saved Madison from Adams a few months ago.

Angelica helped Maria set up their own umbrella while Laurens and Lee dropped the cooler.

“Where’s Alex?” Laurens asked.

Jefferson pointed toward the water. “Eliza found him first.”

A conflicted expression of confusion and anger crossed Laurens’ face.

Jefferson dug through their belongings to find the sunscreen. Madison groaned. “I’m good, T.”

“I’m not letting you get cancer on top of everything else.” He set Madison’s book aside. “I wish you’d put a shirt on.”

“I wish I didn’t have anything on,” Madison retorted with a saucy grin.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” Jefferson slathered sunscreen on Madison’s chest.

In the wet sand by the water, Hamilton searched for the perfect shell for Eliza. Peggy splashed in the water near them and chased seagulls.

“I want to go out with you, Alexander,” Eliza said while rejecting the small seashell Hamilton held up.

Hamilton tossed the shell in the water. “I’m not good at commitment, Eliza. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Have you ever tried?”

“No, but…”

Eliza stopped. “What prevents you?”

“Everything.” He glanced at her nearly black eyes.

She sighed. “Well, that will be a bit difficult to fix. You can just say no.”

Hamilton took her hand in his and kissed her fingers. “I don’t want to say no but I can’t say yes either. Can you give me more time?”

Eliza nodded.

Peggy pelted them with seaweed. “No touching!”

Hamilton let go of Eliza’s hand. “I’ll find you the biggest seashell ever.”

Burr ground his teeth as he watched Eliza and Hamilton. He didn’t know what they said but it hadn’t looked good for his hope of still snatching Hamilton back. It was his own fault, he knew. He had hinted too much and for too long. He had abandoned Hamilton. He didn’t know what commitment was himself.

He set his book aside and got up to take a walk. Jefferson had seemed shocked he hadn’t hooked up with Angelica during the summer. The idea had never crossed his mind and it had weirded him out that Jefferson suggested it. Angelica was the first to know his story. She filled a corner of the void left by his own sister; she was like a sister to him. He didn’t want her but he wanted someone. But, ugh, relationships were so messy, so dramatic.

Hamilton had given him what he wanted and now that was over. Could he find someone else that would go for no-strings-attached sex? But he didn’t know anyone as well as he did Hamilton. It wouldn’t be the same. It would take too much work to break someone else in.

“Aaron!”

Burr glanced over his shoulder and saw Laurens trying to catch up.

“How do you walk so fast in the sand?” Laurens panted and rested his hands on his knees. “Running from something?”

Burr didn’t answer. Laurens’ curly hair fell across his sweaty, freckled face. He was thin, toned, a good several inches taller than tiny Hamilton was.

“Aaron?”

Burr snapped his eyes up before they ventured beyond Laurens’ bellybutton. “Getting too mushy down there,” he said.

“Agreed.” Laurens straightened up and wiped the sweat off his forehead with his arm.

He shaved; Burr noticed and glanced down at his legs. Also shaved.

“Want to get ice cream?” Laurens asked and pointed toward the boardwalk.

“I don’t have any cash on me,” Burr answered.

“My treat.”

Burr struggled not to smile. “Okay.”

They continued up the beach and toward the ice cream stand. They each ordered chocolate and made quick work of the fast-melting treat while they walked through the sand.

“Are you in all of Washington’s classes this semester?” Laurens asked.

“All but two,” Burr said. “You?”

“I think I’m in at least one of the same ones as you.”

Burr glanced at him and saw he had ice cream on his face. “You got a little chocolate there.” He pointed toward the side of his mouth.

Laurens tried to reach it with his tongue.

Burr chewed on his fingernails to keep from licking his own lips.

“Get it?”

“No.” Burr licked his thumb and moved to wipe it off.

Laurens grabbed his wrist. “Use your tongue,” he whispered.

Burr didn’t hesitate and pressed his lips against Laurens. He sucked on his lip and licked away the ice cream. Laurens’ hand clung against the back of his neck and kept him close, kept their lips together.

His hand dropped down Burr’s back and he stepped away. “I saw how you reacted to Ham and Eliza,” Laurens said licking his lips. “I’m just as conflicted. Maybe we can help each other.”

Burr nodded. “That would be nice.”

They continued walking, stealing glances at each other. They waded into the water to cool off and sat in the wet sand letting the waves lap over their legs.

“Look what I found for Eliza!” Hamilton shouted and ran toward them. He held up a spiral shell a few inches long.

“Sweet,” Laurens said not making eye contact.

Burr gave a strained grin.

They relaxed when Hamilton ran off.

Higher up the sand, Jefferson settled in the shade next to Madison. He glanced down the beach and spotted Burr and Laurens sitting together. “That’s new.” He pointed toward the water.

Madison grimaced. “That has bad idea written all over it.”

As the sun dipped low and the evening cooled, the groups packed up and discovered they were staying in the same hotel.

“Perhaps we shuffle things around a bit,” Hamilton said. “We’re all adults, right?”

“Not a chance,” Angelica said. “We girls have our own room and it’s staying that way.” She took Peggy’s hand and gave her other sister a pointed look. “Come on, Maria.”

“I want to hear Alexander’s idea,” Maria said.

Hamilton grinned at her. “You, me, Eliza, John, and Aaron can—”

“Nope,” Angelica interrupted. “Girls, let’s go.”

Maria rolled her eyes but followed the Schuyler sisters.

Laurens clapped Hamilton on the shoulder. “It was a good plan, babe, minus the girls.”

“Okay, so, you, me, and Aaron,” Hamilton suggested.

Jefferson cleared his throat. “Your numbers are all off, Alexander. Come along. Jem’s getting cold.”

Madison nodded swamped in Jefferson’s shirt.

Hamilton’s gaze lingered on Laurens.

“We’re roommates again this semester,” Laurens whispered to him. “We’ll have fun.” He glanced left at Burr. “You, me, and Aaron.”

Jefferson yanked Hamilton away. “Let’s go.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison does not like school and...

“Well, if it isn’t Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton,” Jefferson called out as he headed there way. His friends stood waiting by the law building. It was the first day of their junior year and Jefferson’s senior.

“Did you somehow get taller?” Hamilton teased.

“You just got shorter,” Jefferson retorted.

“Where’s James?” Burr asked.

“His mom’s bringing him. He’s… on a new medication.” He grimaced.

“Oh, Jesus,” Hamilton said. “What’s this stuff do to him?”

“Well, he has to pee constantly,” said Jefferson as they headed toward class. “Also makes him overly sensitive and he cries a lot—well, more. Those side effects are supposed to go away as he acclimates to the meds.”

“That doesn’t sound any different than usual,” Hamilton said.

Jefferson rolled his eyes at his tone. 

They found their first class—which they all had together much to their teacher’s annoyance—and waited for Madison.

“That didn’t take long,” Hamilton murmured as they spotted Madison coming down the hall, tears in his eyes.

Jefferson met him halfway and took his backpack. “What happened?”

“I wanna go home,” Madison whimpered.

Jefferson patted his shoulder. He got a packet of tissues out of Madison’s backpack and handed it to him.

“Hey, James,” Burr greeted.

Madison managed a half smile.

“Hey!” Hamilton said.

Madison’s smile widened.

They headed into class and took their usual seats along the far right side. Washington nodded to them and squatted next to Madison’s desk.

“Don’t worry about asking me permission if you need to leave,” he said.

Madison nodded.

He made it through class without incident but his second class was a new teacher and none of his friends were in it. He took a seat in back so he could leave with limited disruption.

However, during roll call, the teacher called him out. “I can’t see you sitting back there,” he said. “Come sit up front.” He pointed to an empty desk.

Madison dragged his backpack along the floor and took the seat dead center.

Within minutes—thanks to his added nerves—he had to pee. He raised his hand.

“Yes?” the teacher asked.

“May I use the bathroom?” Madison murmured.

“Speak up.”

“May I use the bathroom?” Madison’s voice still came out a whisper.

“Class just started. You’re an adult, hold it.”

Well, if he was an adult, he could leave if he needed to. He started to stand.

“I will not allow you to return if you leave.”

There was no way he could hold it. Madison grabbed his backpack and left. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he found the nearest bathroom.

The squad met up outside Madison’s classroom and found him sitting on a bench hugging a stuffed cat he’d brought along in his backpack.

“I take it class didn’t go well?” Jefferson said.

Madison shook his head and pressed his face into the spotted gray fur of Little. “I had to pee and he wouldn’t let me come back.”

“I’ll punch him,” Hamilton declared. “You get stuck with the worst teachers, James.”

“I know.” Madison sniffled.

Jefferson stroked his hair. “Do you want to come to the library with me?”

“I want to go home.” Tears leaked out of his precious blue eyes again.

“You have another class in an hour. Come on.” He held out his arms.

Madison let Jefferson pick him up and he tucked the cat between them.

“See you guys at lunch,” Jefferson told Hamilton and Burr.

Those two headed across campus for English. They weren’t in the same class, though. Hamilton was in English Composition II while Burr had English II with Laurens.

Laurens slipped in behind Burr and poked him. “How’s it going?”

“Tiring,” said Burr. “How was your summer?”

“Busy.” Laurens opened his notebook. “I had an internship and a job. I stayed with my aunt, though, so no shit to deal with at least.”

“Glad to hear it.”

Across the hall, Hamilton sat sideways in his chair and fiddled with his shoelaces.

“May I sit next to you?”

Hamilton’s head snapped up and he smiled at Eliza. “Of course.”

She slipped into the seat across from him and set down her books. She wore a green sundress with a yellow knit shrug. Her hair tamed in shiny ringlets. “My advisor assured me I could handle Comp II because of my grades in English 101 but I’m not convinced.”

“Comp I was easy,” Hamilton said. “I don’t think this class will be that hard either.”

“Yeah, but you’re like a writer genius.” She tucked a curl behind her ear.

Hamilton bent back over to mess with his shoelaces as the tips of his ears turned red.

The first week of classes always bored Hamilton. It was all syllabus’ and baby steps. He watched Eliza instead of listening as she took notes and highlighted dates on her syllabus. She was definitely a planner not a pantser like himself.

Fifty minutes later, he left the classroom wishing it was lunch but Monday was his busiest day and he had a law class to get through.

“I’m already overwhelmed,” Eliza said as she caught up to him. “The midterm essay is going to kill me.”

Hamilton shrugged. He couldn’t remember how many essays he’d written the night before they were due since high school. “Just bullshit your way through.”

“Will you help me?” Eliza met his magnetic eyes and bit her lip.

“For sure.” He shifted his backpack into place. “Really, it’s not that difficult.”

Eliza huffed. “For you, Alex, not everyone is as gifted.” She touched his arm. “I have Medical Terminology. See you at lunch?”

“Sure.”

They parted ways outside. Hamilton met up with Jefferson where he saw Madison off to his class amidst more tears.

“It’s going to be another great year for you,” Hamilton told Jefferson. “You picked a winner with your boyfriend.”

Jefferson rolled his eyes. “You’d still steal him from me in a heartbeat.” He took a seat near the back with Hamilton a desk ahead. “Who teaches this class anyway?”

“I think it changed.” Hamilton found his schedule crumped at the bottom of his backpack. His face paled and his eyes widened as he looked at Jefferson.

“What?” Jefferson’s brow creased and he grabbed Hamilton’s schedule.

_Criminal Law II: Jonathan Adams Sr._


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if Hamilton makes a good decision or a bad one.

Jefferson pressed a hand against his mouth as bile burned his throat and his stomach churned.

“Thomas.” Hamilton grabbed his arm as his friend started to stand.

The classroom door shut with a bang and a short, plump, balding man with a cane puffed himself up and sauntered into the room.

“Good morning!” His voice boomed. He passed Jefferson’s desk and knocked his cane against his chair.

Jefferson snarled and reached his hand out, to grab what, he wasn’t sure, but Hamilton stopped him before he did something stupid.

“Don’t,” Hamilton hissed. “We’ll talk to Dad.”

Mr. Adams stopped and turned to face Hamilton. “You are a daddy’s boy, aren’t you? George Washington’s precocious bastard.”

Hamilton jumped to his feet. “I’m his adopted son!”

Jefferson yanked him down by his pockets.

“Washington doesn’t have illegitimate children!” Hamilton shouted straining against Jefferson’s grip. “Don’t you dare speak ill of him.”

“Alexander, please,” Jefferson hissed.

Mr. Adams glared at the scrawny redhead. “Such a mouth on you, boy. Speak like that again and I’ll make sure you don’t graduate.”

Hamilton bared his teeth. “Do your worst.”

The father of their vile enemy continued to the front of the room amongst whispers from clueless classmates.

The class couldn’t end quickly enough and the two boys were first out the door.

“This is preposterous,” Hamilton exclaimed as they waited outside Madison’s classroom. “How could this happen? Dad would have stopped it. When—”

“Hush,” Jefferson said as the classroom door opened. He spotted Madison waiting at his desk for a safe exit. How could he tell his boyfriend? How had Mr. Adams even managed to procure a teaching position? Wasn’t he a businessman or something?

Madison hopped up when he saw Jefferson but he sucked in his bottom lip when he saw the worry etched into his boyfriend’s handsome face. “What’s wrong?”

“We have to talk to Washington,” Jefferson said and picked up Madison’s backpack.

The three headed down the hall and turned left to the row of offices. Hamilton knocked on the one marked _G. Washington_.

“Enter.”

The boys crowded inside.

Washington took off his reading glasses. “Yes, I’ve been made aware, too,” he said reading the looks on Hamilton and Jefferson’s faces.

“What’s going on?” Madison asked. He tugged at Jefferson’s shirt. “Thomas?”

“Jonathan Adams’ father is a new teacher,” Jefferson said. “One of our law instructors.”

Madison’s legs collapsed under him and he hit the floor with a thump.

“Jemmy!” Jefferson scooped him up.

“No,” Madison whimpered and hid his face against his boyfriend’s neck.

Hamilton hovered over Washington. “Jonathan Adams is in jail. How is his father allowed to be a teacher? Especially here. Why?”

Washington pressed a finger against Hamilton’s lips. “Hush.” He sighed. “Apparently Mr. Adams was a college professor before, hence the credentials for this job. Why here, why now, who can say. Maybe there is no motive. Perhaps it’s a coincidence.”

“You know it’s not,” Jefferson growled. “He’s here because his son is in jail and I’m not. He’s here because his family couldn’t successfully sue me. They want me taken down and they’ll take you and Alexander, too.”

Washington grimaced. “You boys may need to consider dropping his class. You’re not likely to get a good grade in it no matter how hard you work.”

“If he fails us,” Hamilton said, “we could prove he’s scum.” He latched onto his father’s arm.

“It’s not worth destroying your GPA over and hurting your law school chances, boys.” Washington pried his son’s fingers off him. “Settle down, Alexander.”

“No!” Hamilton stomped his foot. “I’m tired of bullies hurting us. There is no respect in this world. We have to stand up for ourselves.”

“The risk might not be worth it,” Washington cautioned.

“Keeping Jemmy safe will be worth it,” Jefferson said. “I don’t care if I get expelled.”

Washington sighed. “You say that now but when you and James are married and putting your dreams on hold year after year because your finances suck, you may sing a different tune.”

Jefferson grumbled and tightened his hold on Madison. “Maybe.”

“Let’s play it by ear,” Washington said and patted Hamilton’s hand. “Jonathan’s actions aren’t wholly unknown to the student body. Word will get around.”

“That’s my fear,” Jefferson said. “Word gets around what he did to Jemmy, what I did to Adams. We don’t need our lives as college gossip. That’ll hurt my future employment chances just as much.”

“Please, don’t act rashly.” Washington stood and made his way closer to Madison and touched his long hair. “Adams Sr. has the upper hand as a teacher. You boys could get yourself in serious trouble. Don’t say anything to him, understand?”

Jefferson and Hamilton exchanged a grimace.

Washington’s shoulders drooped. “What did you already do?”

“He dragged your name through the mud,” Hamilton said. “I had to speak up, Dad. He called me your bastard.”

Washington rested a hand on Hamilton’s head. “I can handle myself, dear boy. Watch your tongue around him, promise?”

Hamilton bowed his head. “Promise.”

“Same to you, Thomas.” Washington gave him a stern glare.

“Yes, sir.” Jefferson licked his lips.

Washington returned to sit at his desk. “Also, Thomas, I would advise you to be extra cautious not to drink. I know it’ll be tempting.”

Jefferson looked away. “Yes, sir.”

Washington shooed them out to get lunch before all the food was picked over in the cafeteria. And to get them out of his hair so he could finish reading another email from Mr. Stevens. Maybe he could use this drama as an excuse that fall was not a good time to visit and hope the man took the hint.

The cafeteria had quieted down from the initial noon rush but the food options were limited.

Madison vetoed every choice as he stuck close to Jefferson’s side. He pointed to the dessert table where a few slices of sheet cake were left.

“I’ll get it,” Hamilton said. He piled three pieces on one plate. He wasn’t hungry either and the unappetizing cafeteria food looked more repulsive than normal. He claimed Jefferson’s usual booth and waited for Jefferson to get a sandwich.

Madison slid across the bench a picked at a piece of cake.

“What do you want us to do, Jem?” Jefferson asked. He bit into his ham and pepper jack cheese sandwich.

“I dunno.” He popped a small piece of cake in his mouth. “My head hurts.”

“Your mom will pick you up soon.” Jefferson brushed Madison’s hair back.

Madison didn’t have any afternoon classes but his mom couldn’t get him until she picked up Sarah from school at one-thirty.

The afternoon dragged along and Hamilton was glad to finally give it up and return to his dorm after dinner.

Laurens looked up from his desk as Hamilton came in. “Haven’t seen you all day, Hammy. Aaron and I missed you at lunch.”

“Today sucked.” Hamilton sank into the beanbag chair across from their bunkbed. Laurens had gotten his way this year to stack the two beds.

“That’s not good for your first day.” Laurens closed his laptop. “What happened?”

Hamilton told him about Mr. Adams while Laurens’ face froze in a frown.

“Shit.” Laurens shook his head. “That’s never going to go away, is it? Adams Jr. is in jail because of an assault on this campus. How did his dad get hired?”

“Right?” Hamilton rubbed his eyes. “Thomas and I going to fail that class, no doubt.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Laurens took the other beanbag chair. “That’ll destroy everything you’ve done to keep your GPA so high. Washington can’t do anything?”

“He’s going to try.” He stretched out his foot and tapped Laurens’ leg. “Distract me?”

“I won’t say no to that.” Laurens stood and pulled Hamilton up. “Top or bottom?”

Hamilton’s eyes widened. “You’re going to actually let me pick?”

Laurens rolled his eyes. “I meant the bunkbed, you bottom.”

Hamilton grumbled under his breath, “Aaron always lets me top.”

“Good to know,” Laurens murmured.

“Huh?”

“Get naked.”

They discarded their clothes but the boys got no further before Hamilton’s phone rang. He leaned over the side of the bed to grab it from the back pocket of his castoff jeans. “It’s Eliza.”

“Ignore.” Laurens pulled at Hamilton’s arm.

Hamilton answered anyway. “Hello?”

“Hi, Alex,” Eliza said. “Are you busy?”

“Not really.” He brushed off Laurens’ fingers.

“Maria and I are trying to adjust my bed and we can’t lift it. Can you help?”

“Sure. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He hung up and studied Laurens. “She wants me to help her and Maria ‘adjust her bed’. Think that’s code? Want to come with me.”

“Girls, yuck.” Laurens stuck out his tongue.

Hamilton hit Laurens with a pillow. “It’s probably better that we don’t do this anyway.”

Laurens nodded despite the strained expression on his face. “I know you’re right as much as I hate it.”

Hamilton pulled on his clothes. “See you later, possibly.” 

Laurens pulled the blankets over himself. “Alex?”

“Hmm?”

“Good luck.”

The girl’s wing was on the other side of the common area and seemed so much brighter and cleaner. Hamilton knocked on room twelve. 

Eliza opened the door. “Hi. Thank you.” She let him in and indicated to the bed half taken apart as they had tried to adjust the height of the mattress box. “Maria could get her end but I couldn’t lift mine.”

“No problem.” _Maybe after this..._ He grabbed one end of the frame while Maria hoisted the other and inserted it into the rung Eliza wanted so the bed was high enough to fit her mini fridge underneath. 

“Perfect,” Eliza declared. “Thank you, Alex.”

Hamilton shoved his hands in his pockets. “No, problem.”

“See you tomorrow.”

Before he knew it, Hamilton was in the hallway with the door shut behind him. Now, what was he supposed to do? While he did think it was best that he and Laurens stopped having sex, he had left to pursue a potential new option and that proved a bust. Returning now would admit defeat. 

 _Oh, well,_ he decided. If Laurens wanted to laugh at him, so be it. They could watch a movie together or maybe Laurens could show him how to play The Sims.

But the room was empty.

Hamilton searched for a note but didn’t find one. He was likely in the bathroom, Hamilton decided. If he called, then he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t getting any action with two girls but if Laurens was gone for a little bit, he could lie, prove that he wasn’t pursuing a boring girl.

She was boring, wasn’t she? Why was he even drawn to her? She was so unlike anyone he fucked. _Is that what it is?_ Hamilton wondered. _Because she won’t fuck me? Do I want the challenge or the fact that she won’t?_

Nothing was ever easy to understand, he decided.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And....smut!

Burr looked up from his homework at the knock on his dorm door. He had been able to secure the closet-sized single dorm for himself again. He pushed his chair back and opened the door to Laurens.

Laurens pushed his way in and shut the door quickly. “Why won’t you text me back?” he demanded. “Did I read you wrong on the beach?”

Burr sighed. “Sorry. I got busy with school. I didn’t know what to say.”

“A simple ‘no longer interested’ would have been fine.” Laurens studied him with pinched brows.

“That would have been a lie,” Burr said and chewed on his lips. He looked up at Laurens. “I’ve been conflicted.”

Laurens’ expression remained sharp. “If it’s just sex, Burr, what’s the conflict?”

“I’m not attracted to you,” Burr admitted and looked back down.

“But you’re attracted to Alex who looks like an imp.”

“Dude—”

“Hey, whatever, Burr. You like what’cha like.”

“Come on.” Burr grabbed his arm. “You’re hot, like really hot. You’re out of my league by far. Why would you even want me?”

A bemused smile lit up Laurens’ face. “Here I’ve been thinking the same thing about you.”

Burr looked away. “You have to be joking.”

“I mean, you’re not a complete ten, Aaron,” Laurens touched his cheek, “but you’re a solid eight. If you worked out a little and built up some muscle. How do you not have everyone after you?”

Burr stared at him dumbfounded.

Laurens laughed. “That look would be why. You always look like you’re going to kill whoever speaks to you. You wanna hook up sometime or not, Aaron?”

“Maybe once I figure out if I’ve been insulted or complimented,” Burr said brow creased. He released his hold on Laurens’ arm.

“Come on, Burr, what do you stall for?” Laurens stroked Burr’s cheek again. “Alex is dogging Eliza. You’re gonna be alone forever.”

Burr stepped back as his breathing escalated, yet Laurens moved closer. Firm fingers ran down his chest and stopped at the button on his jeans. He glanced at Laurens’ hand—long fingers, clean nails—and his body throbbed to comply. Could Laurens feel it?

In an easy motion, those fingers undid the button.

Panting, his shoulders rising and falling, Burr’s thoughts raced and— _what am I doing/why am I doing this/I want this/right?—_ his heart thudded in his chest.

The zipper went down and Burr’s body sparked to life and took on a mind of its own. Laurens let his fingertips caress what he could reach. He drew his hand away and undid the buttons on Burr’s shirt. He leaned in closer.

Spicy cologne filled Burr’s nostrils. Is this what he wanted? Well, he didn’t _not_ want it. He let out a hungry gasp as Laurens sucked on his neck and pushed back his shirt.

Warm skin ran beneath Laurens’ hands as he moved over Burr’s body and freed him from his shirt. He raked his nails down his partner’s bare arms until he grasped fingers. Those fingers moved against his crotch, against the heat and desire. A keen passion burned in his eyes.

Breathing was unnecessary, right? Burr couldn’t catch his breath as he undid Laurens’ jeans and moved his hand in. A shiver shot through his body and he couldn’t ignore the wetness in his underwear.

Hot kisses bruised his neck as Laurens resumed. He eased up long enough to raise his arms for Burr to pull off his shirt. He grabbed Burr’s hips and pushed his jeans down. Their mouths pressed together, teeth clicking, tongues touching and exploring.

Burr sucked on Laurens’ lower lip until he moaned and they tumbled onto the bed.

Shoes thumped against the wall as they shook them off and ground together. Pinned to the bed, Burr thrust his hips up to meet his partner and grind against him. He gasped; eyes locked into Laurens and matched his zealous desire.

Clothes—discarded. Flesh stuck together as they continued to kiss in a frenzy. Elbows and knees jabbed each other but neither felt the subsequent bruises.

Laurens moved his mouth ever lower until he was between Burr’s legs.

Legs on Laurens’ shoulders, Burr struggled to breathe yet didn’t care that he couldn’t. He would come fast his body desperate for release.

Laurens swallowed as his hands moved everywhere on Burr that he could reach as his mouth went wild. He continued even as his jaw ached until Burr begged him to stop.

He dropped his legs and pulled Laurens on top. He rolled over and ran his hands down Lauren’s chest and pushed his legs apart.

“I’ll cum just as fast,” Laurens warned as his organ throbbed in Burr’s hand.

Burr went down. The adrenaline kept him from gagging and he managed to swallow and keep going. It was different from Hamilton. The taste, the smells—almost exotic, or was Hamilton that boring? He had nothing to compare to.

After a few minutes, Laurens pulled away and drew Burr close to him.

The rapid heartbeat thundered in Burr’s ear as he rested his head on Laurens’ chest.

Several minutes passed before either could catch his breath.

“That... was unexpected,” panted Laurens. He unclasped his arms from Burr and stroked his upper arm.

“Yeah.” Burr sucked in a deep breath. He rubbed his feet against Laurens’ smooth legs. He shifted his upper body and heard the squelch of their sweaty skin pulling apart. He straddled himself over Laurens to see his face. “Good unexpected?”

“Yeah.” Laurens smiled. “I was thinking you’d be slow paced, not as wild as Alex. You proved me wrong, Burr.”

“Well, I have fucked him.” Burr matched his smile.

Laurens grew serious and his tone lowered, “Then fuck me.”

Burr looked away. “I’m wiped out, John.”

“Come on.” Laurens sat up, forcing Burr to as well. “I know you could get me going again in a minute.”

Burr clasped his hands against Laurens’ neck. He smiled, fervent look in his eyes, and pushed Laurens back against the bed. He slid down and rubbed Laurens’ organ between his hands.

Fast breathing resumed as Laurens raised his hips off the bed. When he couldn’t bear it anymore, he grabbed Burr and pulled him forward. He maneuvered behind and his hands squeezed Burr’s buttocks.

“Lube,” Burr grunted as he felt the throbbing, hot organ against his skin. “Condom.”

“Where?” Laurens asked.

Burr gestured to the build in wardrobe behind them. “Top drawer.”

Laurens was quick to grab what he wanted and returned to Burr with a caress up his legs.

The first bit of pressure made Burr shiver and close his eyes. This...this had already gone further than he expected yet he had no desire to stop. Especially not once Laurens went deeper.

Moans erupted as Burr grabbed the edge of the mattress and shoved his body closer to his partner. The pain of Laurens’ fingernails digging into him made his skin tingle.

Laurens grunted and pulled Burr toward him until his own back was against the wardrobe, his sweaty skin sticking to the fake wood.

He let go in a last breathless thrust.

Burr sank against the mattress while his entire body pounded.

Laurens lay next to him his breath a wheeze. “And...you...thought...you were...tired,” he gasped.

Burr managed a grin.

They caught their breath in silence. When they shifted, they heard for the first time the bed clatter against the wall.

“Fuck,” Burr muttered. “Do you think it was that noisy the whole time?”

Laurens sat up and the mattress squeaked. “Oh, probably.” He reached to touch Burr’s face.

Looking elsewhere, Burr bushed his hand away. “Did you take the condom off already?”

Laurens shrugged. “I didn’t wear one.”

“John!” Burr shoved him. “I asked you!” His eyes blazed. He shoved Laurens again and knocked him off the bed.

Laurens stumbled and managed to keep his feet. “It’s okay. I don’t have anything.”

“The fuck you better not!” Burr shouted. “Why would you?”

“Feels better without. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Burr continued to glare at him. “I told you to put a condom on and you betrayed me, John. Get out.”

“Let me—”

“Get. Out.”

The door slammed behind him. He slammed his own door shut a moment later.

Burr let himself fall sideways against the bed and hugged his legs close. Hot tears strung his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. He should have known better than to trust Laurens. Should have known wanting no-strings-attached sex would prove his doom. If Laurens gave him an STD...

His sweaty body grossed him out as if he could feel germs ready to attack. He grabbed his bathrobe and shower caddy and headed to the bathroom. At least the bathroom had been redone over the summer and the shower stalls were individual now. He picked one at the far end and turned the water up as hot as he could stand.

Face still red from the hot shower, he saw Hamilton at the sinks brushing his teeth.

Hamilton spat out a mouthful of toothpaste and grinned at him. “You’ve been holding back on me, Aaron. Whom were you fucking?”

Burr kept walking and let the bathroom door swing shut. He hurried into his dorm and locked the door. The scent of sweat and sex hung thick. He pulled open the window near the bed. He sat at his desk and ran a hand through his wet hair. If... No, he admitted to himself, it would be a _when_ if he continued this way. When he got an STD, what was he supposed to do?

His phone dinged with a text from Hamilton. Burr ignored it and sent a message to Angelica.

_I fucked up. Help me?_

She replied within a minute. _What did you do?_

_Didn’t use protection. I didn’t know. I told him to and he lied._

_I’ll kick his ass. Who?_

_Laurens._

_The little shit. Are you alright?_

_Scared. He said he was clean._

_But you can never be sure. You can get tested on campus. It’s anonymous._

_Come with me?_

_Of course._

Burr set his phone down and dressed.

Angelica knocked on his door a few minutes later. She closed the door and gave him a hug. She wiped his cheeks with her thumbs as tears spilled free.

“You’ll be fine, okay?” she reassured. “I don’t think John is that much of a dick that he’d knowingly infect you with something bad. Chlamydia would be your likeliest bet and you can knock that out with antibiotics.” She wiped his cheeks again. “Sweetie, it’s okay.”

More tears spilled down his cheeks.

Angelica pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him. “Talk to me, hon.”

“It was so good,” Burr choked out. “Now it’s completely ruined.”

She patted his back. “Don’t think of it that way. A good time is a good time.” She pulled away and kissed his forehead. “Let’s get this over with, alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I have no business writing this chapter.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a dick move.

The tests came back clean. Burr continued to avoid Laurens. He would have avoided Hamilton, too, and his questions if they didn’t have so many classes together.

“The whole floor could hear you,” Hamilton said as they waited for Washington’s class to start. He lowered his voice, “Was it Laurens?

Burr stared forward. “Have you ever been tested?” he whispered

“Yeah, all the time,” Hamilton said.

The chair squeaked as Burr turned around. “Are you that careless?”

“No, it’s because I want to be careful.”

“Laurens isn’t.”

“I know. It took a lot of convincing to get him to be.”

Burr looked down. “I didn’t know that.”

“Shit, Aaron.” Hamilton leaned forward and touched his shoulder. “You okay?”

He nodded.

Jefferson slid into his seat behind Hamilton as Washington walked in.

“What’d I miss?” he asked Hamilton. “I got a weird text from Lee. Said something about me missing the action at your dorm.”

Hamilton pointed at Burr.

Jefferson grinned. “Good job.”

Burr shook his head and faced forward.

After class, the three walked together to the cafeteria.

“Was it Laurens?” Jefferson asked.

The sidewalk had a lot of cracks in it, Burr noted as he nodded.

“He didn’t know John is a barebacker,” Hamilton said.

“Didn’t you ask?” Jefferson’s brown furrowed.

“To put one on, yeah,” mumbled Burr. “Didn’t know he didn’t.”

“Get tested?”

Burr nodded again. “Clean.”

“Have you talked to Laurens?” Jefferson asked.

A stray rock skidded away from his boots. “No.”

“You gonna?”

“No.”

“Dude.” Hamilton grabbed Burr’s arm. “You can’t let this slide. You had a blast with him. Give him what for and fuck him again.”

Burr stared at Hamilton with a deadened look. “I’d rather never see him again.”

“You have classes together,” Jefferson said. “Although, he’s clearly avoiding you since he wasn’t there this morning. That might mean he’s remorseful and willing to listen to reason.”

“Just let it go, guys,” Burr said as he rubbed his neck. “I just want to forget it all happened.”

“Well, that ship sailed.” Jefferson indicated ahead where Laurens waited in their path.

Burr stopped in his tracks.

“Give him a peace of your mind,” Hamilton advised, “but don’t kill him.” He and Jefferson continued.

Laurens passed them closing the gap to Burr. “Look, I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have been stupid. You asked and I should have complied. I was a douche.”

“Yeah, you were,” Burr agreed. “What if I was a girl and that stupid mistake got me pregnant?”

“I don’t sleep with girls, Burr.”

Burr ground his teeth. “You’re a dick. I don’t want to be around you. You could have infected me.”

“I told you I was clean.” Laurens reached toward him.

Burr backed away. “Stay the fuck away from me.”

“You’re being a bit dramatic, Burr.” Laurens frowned. “I made a mistake. I apologized. What more can I give you?”

“Just get the fuck away.” Burr walked forward to go around him.

Laurens grabbed his arm. “Was it too much fun for you, Aaron?” he said in a low voice, almost a moan. “Afraid to admit you’re gay?”

Jerking his arm back, Burr smacked Laurens in the face. “Leave me alone. You’re such a twat!”

Laurens backed off.

Students whispered among themselves as Burr hurried away and Laurens stalked off defeated in the other direction.

When Burr sat down at their usual table in the cafeteria, Hamilton slid his phone toward him. “Text from Laf.”

_WTF is up with Burr and Laurens? They bitch fighting outside the caf. They fuck or what?_

Burr pushed the phone back. “It wasn’t pretty,” he admitted. “Can I ask you to change roommates, Alex?”

“That bad?” Hamilton questioned.

“Yeah.”

Jefferson patted his shoulder. “What do you want to eat? I’ll get you a plate.”

“Not hungry.” Burr folded his arms on the table and hid his face.

Angelica slipped into the seat next to Hamilton. She reached across the table and touched Burr’s arm. “Still feeling like shit, hon?”

Burr bobbed his head against his arms.

“Want to go out for ice cream later?”

He repeated the movement.

Those eating finished lunch in silence.

Burr barely made it through the rest of the day and met Angelica outside their dorm. They headed for the ice cream shop a few blocks away.

“What’s got you down about this, hon?” Angelica asked. She looped her arm through Burr’s.

“My life choices,” Burr mumbled.

“You think this makes you a whore.”

Burr nodded eyes on his boots.

“Sweetie, John is only the second person you’ve slept with. You are so far from being a whore.”

Burr swallowed. “You think so?”

“I’ve slept with three guys. Do you think I’m a whore?” Angelica raised an eyebrow.

He looked up. “No. You’re like the opposite of that.”

“Then why are you being so hard on yourself?”

He sighed. “Guess because I don’t know if I can stop. It’s two now, what if it’s five in another month? Laurens tricked me this time, what if I’m the one to say screw it the next time?”

“I don’t think you’re like that.” Angelica hugged his arm. “I think you know your limits. I think you have a lot of respect for yourself. I’m not worried that you’re going to end up a sex addict with AIDS. You choosing to be a lawyer is far worse than any sex mistake you could make.”

Taking a deep breath, Burr managed a grin. “You’re probably right. It was spur of the moment and I freaked out. I really blew up at Laurens. Should I apologize?”

“Yeah, I think you should. It was a dick move, literally, on his part, but he did apologize. But ice cream comes first.”

They talked about less dramatic topics while they ate and had a good laugh over Hamilton’s attempted romance to Eliza with a gift of pens.

At the dorm, Burr knocked on Hamilton and Laurens’ door. Laurens answered and began to slam it.

“Hear me out,” Burr pleaded as the door smashed into his foot. “You apologized. I shouldn’t have blown up at you. It was my own insecurities. I’m sorry, John.”

Laurens crossed his arms. “That’s a real nice declaration. Doesn’t change you calling me a twat at the top of your voice in public.”

“Your crime is far worse,” Burr growled. “Don’t make me the bad guy here. You betrayed me. You didn’t respect me.”

Laurens sighed. “Okay, you’re right. Am I allowed to stay Alex’s roommate?”

“I’ll leave that between you and Alex.”

Laurens extended his hand. “Truce?”

Burr took his hand but let go after a half a pump. He wanted that strong hand against his body again. Wanted those lips—Nope. He wasn’t going there again. He turned abruptly and hurried the few doors down to his room. He was careful not to look back.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pranks!

“So, Burr is a hypocrite,” Laurens told Hamilton after he closed the door.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” replied Hamilton, his tone ambiguous as to whether he was joking or not.

“After all, he said he could barely stop himself from throwing himself at me. I’m honestly surprised we’re not fucking right now.”

“You’re good in bed, John,” Hamilton said. He climbed up to the top bunk of their bed. He dropped his shoes down to the floor. “Wouldn’t you sleep with him again?”

“In a heartbeat.”

He leaned over the edge of his bunk to peer at Laurens. “Then why are you still here?”

“He called me a twat.”

“I called you a twat before.” Hamilton sat up and unlocked his phone. “If you want him, go get him.”

Laurens shook his head and changed the subject. “You present tomorrow in Washington’s class, right?”

“Yeah.” Hamilton looked up from his phone. “Why?”

“Good luck.”

“John...”

Laurens grinned at him. “For real, Alex.”

Hamilton pursed his lips. “Uh huh.”

When he woke at seven, Laurens was already gone. Hamilton rubbed his eyes and opened the wardrobe attached to the wall.

“What?” He stared at the empty rod, not even his hangers left. He yanked open the three drawers. “Fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair and ground his teeth. “I’m gonna kill you, John.”

Laurens wardrobe was empty, too, preventing him from borrowing anything.

Hamilton glanced around the room hoping that, at least, a jacket might be left, but there was nothing, not even his shoes.

Grumbling a continuous string of curses, Hamilton left his dorm in his boxers, white t-shirt and bare feet and headed down the hall to Burr’s room. He knocked but received no response. Either Burr wasn’t inside or he was in on the prank and not going to assist Hamilton with clothes.

“Damn you, John.” Hamilton returned to his room. It was after seven, too late to call Washington and ask him to bring clothes from home. Mrs. Washington would already be at Montpelier and unavailable. He sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his cold toes. Walking across campus would be painful. It had been a long time since he’d gone barefoot everywhere. In fact, he was certain the first time he wore shoes was to his mother’s funeral and then the boat ride to the US—where everyone insisted he wear shoes all the time.

With no other options, Hamilton headed to class at a quarter to eight, wincing along the cold sidewalk and grunting when he stepped on random pebbles. He took his usual seat and waited for Laurens to show up to punch him.

Laurens slid into the seat behind him. “Nice outfit. I’m surprised you showed up.”

Hamilton slapped Laurens’ arm. “You’re a jerk, John.”

Laurens smirked. “I’m curious to see how you retaliate, Hammy.”

“Game on,” Hamilton growled.

Washington walked up the aisle and backtracked as he passed Hamilton. His son never wore shorts and the sight of his bare legs caught his attention first before noticing the shorts were boxers and his feet were bare. “Alexander?”

“John took my clothes,” Hamilton said.

Washington sighed. “Can you still give your presentation?” He glared at Laurens.

“Yes, sir.”

Rubbing his forehead and already experiencing secondhand embarrassment, Washington took his spot at the head of the room. Once he took attendance, he called Hamilton to the front.

“Make sure you don’t poke out of your shorts,” Laurens teased in a whisper.

Hamilton shot him a scowl and grabbed his cue cards.

He ignored the giggles as he stood before the class. He’d stripped on stage at a debate before; he could do this, although, that had been his choice. His face reddened as he stumbled over his introduction and goosebumps ran up his chilled legs. He caught sight of Laurens’ smirk and his voice grew louder and clearer.

Finished, Hamilton gladly took his seat and tucked his bare feet beneath him to warm.

After class, Laurens returned Hamilton’s clothes. “You’re a good sport, Hammy,” he said.

Hamilton ground his teeth. “I’m getting you back, John.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

They each had a separate class and met up with Burr for lunch.

“How’d your speech go?” Burr asked as they waited in line for sandwiches.

“I gave it,” Hamilton replied and narrowed his eyes at Laurens.

“Good job.”

They headed to their usual table.

Hamilton set his plate down and went to take his seat but fell hard on his butt onto the floor.

“Jesus, Alex,” Laurens said, “you’re kind of a disaster today.”

Anyone near the table smirked and tried not to laugh as he got to his feet. He grabbed Laurens’ drink and threw it in his face.

“Thanks.” Laurens wiped his face with his sleeve.

Hamilton pushed his chair back and sat. He took a drink of water and struggled not to make a face at the taste. Someone had dumped copious amounts of salt in his glass. He took another sip, staring down Burr as he did. His attention had been on Laurens too long for him to pour in the salt. If Burr was in on the pranks, too that explained the reason—his friends asserting their coupling dominance over him and, likely, some petty jealousy and annoyance that he wasn’t fucking them. Well, if they were a team then he was free to recruit Eliza to help him.

***

“I won’t get in trouble, right?” Eliza asked as she painted clear nail polish on Laurens’ bar of soap.

“No,” Hamilton assured. “I’ll take any blame but John has this coming.” He poured talcum power in Laurens’ blow dryer. “Tomorrow is going to be a rough morning for Jacky.”

***

Hamilton woke with a start to water splashing his face and tumbled out of bed. “Good morning, Jack,” he spat out.

Laurens let the last drops spill from the water bottle onto his friend’s nose. “Morning, Hammy.” He crunched the bottle in his fist and grabbed his stuff for the shower.

At least he had clothes to wear this morning, Hamilton thought as he dressed and headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth and spy on Laurens.

A defeated yell rang out from the showers followed by the sound of something soap-like hitting the floor.

“Good job,” Laurens said as he stormed past Hamilton.

Hamilton saluted him. His own day got even better when he returned to their dorm to find Laurens coated in white powder, blow dryer in hand. “Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“Your day is about to become hell, Alexander.” Laurens returned to the bathroom to shower again.

Petty pranks lasted through the day and Hamilton returned to their dorm to find his bed wrapped in toilet paper. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys decide to be decent humans.

During a morning break, Hamilton returned to his dorm and grinned to find Laurens’ laptop unoccupied and unlocked. He went to work taking a screenshot of his screen, hiding all the icons, and replacing his background with the screenshot. Finished, he went on Facebook and populated Laurens’ feed with pictures of cats.

A text from Laurens interrupted his fun. _Get off my FB!_

 _Why?_ Hamilton replied. _James has already liked all your pictures._

 _I’ll post this._ Laurens sent a picture of Hamilton sleeping, drooling, thumb in his mouth.

_Fine._

Hamilton turned the volume up to its limit and left the laptop alone. It was time for the first debate meeting anyway.

Since Team Jemmy had won the competition last year, the four didn’t need to tryout—unless they wanted to switch teams, which none did.

Washington beamed to see his team together. It had been a struggle for sure but worth it. Would the success last, though, he wondered as he watched the boys. Hamilton and Burr didn’t sit next to each other, although their interactions remained friendly and relaxed. Three weeks into the semester and Madison had a look of overwhelmed exhaustion on his peeked face. Could he manage another year of debate? Washington predicated easy wins and that meant traveling, hotels, nights away from home. Madison had surpassed everyone’s expectations last year but his health had been stronger.

Madison stood. “I need to use the bathroom.”

“Go ahead,” said Washington.

Jefferson followed his boyfriend out of the room.

“When will we know if Team Mulligan survives?” Hamilton asked. While they wanted to see their friends remain together on a team, they were Team Jemmy’s biggest rival and having the four boys split would make things even smoother.

“Friday, I believe,” Washington said.

The door opened and Jefferson poked his head inside. “Jemmy’s nose won’t stop bleeding. I’m going to take him home.”

“Do you need any help?” Washington asked.

“I can manage as long as he doesn’t pass out.”

Washington grimaced. “Is it that bad?”

Jefferson pushed the door open fully to reveal Madison with a wad of bloody paper towels to his nose and the front of his shirt covered with red droplets.

“All under control,” Jefferson said and begged Washington with his eyes not to suggest the situation was more urgent and upset Madison.

“Text me when you get home,” Washington said.

Jefferson lifted Madison and let the door close behind him.

The group met again Friday and Jefferson had a chance to share what he’d learned from his internship. “Randolph had a lot of good pointers,” he said and shared his notes.

Washington read the papers. “Indeed, Thomas. He pinpointed your strengths and weakness as well as I could.”

“He had some thoughts on Alexander, too.” Jefferson pulled out more notes from a folder. “It’s what you’ve told him before—stop gesturing so much.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “I can’t help it. My hands and mouth work together.”

The team spent a half hour going through the notes before a knock on the door interrupted them.

Washington opened it to Angelica.

“Sorry to intrude,” she said, “but did you know all the girls teams are being cut?”

Washington blinked in surprise. “I did not know that.” He pulled out his phone to check his emails.

“Apparently, it was just decided, I guess?” Angelica shook her head. “Not enough interest or some shit. Girls need a debate team, too.”

Washington’s lips went in a thin line as he found the recent email explaining the school’s decision to cut the female only teams due to only having enough young women to fill one and a half teams. “I’m sorry, Angelica.”

“The teams need to be co-ed then,” Angelica said.

“I’ve been saying that forever,” Hamilton spoke up.

“We’ll figure this out,” Washington assured.

“Please, do.” Angelica’s face set in a determined frown. “Plenty of other colleges have co-ed teams and there are more advancements for those teams.”

“I know.”

“I’ll help you get the word out, Angelica,” Burr said.

“Thank you.” She looked back at Washington. “I’ll let you get back to your team. Oh, Team Mulligan remains intact.” She closed the door.

“What’re we going to do?” Hamilton asked. “Can teams have a spare? We could have Angelica on our team then.”

Washington rubbed his forehead. “A lot of the co-ed teams do but that’s a different competition than our college competes in. It would be up to the school board to change our school’s style. I don’t know if we can make that happen this year.”

“But Angelica graduates in the spring,” Jefferson said. “It’s not fair that she’ll lose her last year of debate.”

“I know.”

“How do we get the school board to change the debate style?” Burr asked. “Would a petition help?”

“It would be a good place to start,” Washington said. “You’ll need to act fast before public debates start but I’m doubtful the school can change the form mid-season. Maybe for the spring semester.”

“We’ll make it happen,” Burr said.

“I’d give her my spot,” Madison piped up.

Hamilton rubbed Madison’s head. “Little duck, but this is Team Jemmy.”

“Angelica speaks not researches,” Jefferson said. “If we can get the school to adopt the five-person team, I’ll be swing and Angelica can debate.”

“We can worry about that later,” Washington said. “Start your petition, boys, see what you can do. I’ll put pressure on the board as much as I can.”

“They’ll listen to you, Dad,” Hamilton insisted. “Your team won.”

Washington smiled fondly at his boy. “Thank you for the vote of confidence, Alexander.” He didn’t bother to mention that he only had one win out of two years and other debate coaches had many, many more wins than him.

The boys got right to work creating a petition and pamphlets on how the girls team was eradicated and why co-ed teams would be for the better.

Washington watched them as his heart burst with pride. Madison and Burr used their research skills to find the best arguments for a style change for their college and any cons to address. Hamilton and Jefferson wrote everything up, what they excelled at even more than speaking. None worried about losing the practice time for their own team. Angelica was special to all of them and they were going to make things right for her and the other girls.

The next time the boys met, they weren’t alone. Team Mulligan waited in Washington’s classroom where they always gathered.

“We heard you’re making a petition and stuff for the girls,” Lafayette said. “We want to help. The more teams on your side, the better.”

Hamilton grinned at his brother. “Thanks, Laf.”

“You still have to convince, Charles.”

Lee scowled. “I’m here, aren’t I? I just think the debate style we have is fine.”

“But it’s not fair,” Hamilton said. “It was fine when we had two divisions but the school can’t cut one and not give an option for the displaced team members.”

Lee shrugged.

Laurens wrapped an arm around Hamilton. “I know you’ll make this happen.” He picked up a package of Oreo’s. “Cookie?”

“Me!” Madison grabbed at the package as Laurens grimaced. Madison took a bite and let the cookie fall out of his mouth. “What is in this? Toothpaste?”

Hamilton chuckled. “Nice try, John.”

Laurens grumbled. His friend had gotten him earlier that day with a donut filled with mayonnaise. “Here, James.” He took a cookie from the back of the package. “I only filled a few with toothpaste.”

Madison took the proper cookie. “Thank you.”

“Let’s get to work,” Hamilton said.

When Washington arrived, the boys were deep in their protect. He let them work and did his own paperwork. But every once in a while he looked up and just watched them. Hamilton was growing into a natural leader and no one had a problem deferring to him. Jefferson was his second, then Laurens and Lafayette. Mulligan who had the most artistic flare helped Madison and Burr with posters and formatting on the pamphlets they’d researched and Hamilton and Jefferson had wrote up. Lee was the odd one out for his less enthusiastic views and not having a close bond to anyone as the other boys did.

The package of cookies was passed around and soon emptied, including the ones with toothpaste.

Washington slipped out once to bring them water and pop.

It was after nine before anyone realized the time.

Jefferson hid a yawn behind Madison’s head, who sat on his lap. “We either need coffee or a break. I have class at seven.”

“Break.” Madison gave into his own yawn.

The boys gathered their papers and supplies and said their good nights.

Washington helped Madison with his jacket. “I’ll take you home.”

Jefferson kissed his boyfriend goodbye and watched him leave.

Madison stopped at the door to make a heart with his hands. Jefferson returned the gesture.

“You guys set the bar too high for us mere mortals,” Lafayette teased. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe some redemption?

As if to pacify them, Mr. Adams left Hamilton and Jefferson alone for the next several class periods. Then the first week of October, he said, “We’re going to learn about assault cases.”

Hamilton turned to look at Jefferson, eyes wide, brow creased.

Jefferson breathed heavily and clenched his hands.

“Most assaults end in a plea deal,” Mr. Adams said. “With the cuter, more vulnerable person winning not mat—”

Jefferson jumped up. “That’s a lie!”

Mr. Adams pointed his cane at the unruly student. “Sit down, Mr. Jefferson. You are not the teacher.”

“You’re just pissed,” Jefferson continued and made his way to the front of the room, “that your son could not sue me and that he is in jail until January.” He stopped in front of the teacher. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Mr. Adams. “Your son almost raped my boyfriend twice.”

“Your boyfriend is a menace,” Mr. Adams growled. He prodded Jefferson in the chest with his cane. “Sit down.”

“No.” Jefferson crossed his arms. “But let’s hear what you have to say.”

Before he could continue, another student raised his hand. “You really are the father of that guy who attacked James Madison last spring? I thought the names were a coincidence.”

“My son is innocent,” Mr. Adams declared. “Each of you needs to learn to listen to the evidence and not what the victim looks like. Cute and young are not synonymous with innocent.”

“Yeah, but your son dragged James out of the bathroom and to a secluded area.”

Nods of agreement filled the room.

“What about Mr. Jefferson?” Mr. Adams snarled to the class. “Is he innocent, too? He broke into my house and attacked my son twice.”

“He was never charged,” Hamilton spoke up. “He’s innocent in the eyes of the law.”

“Yes, Mr. Hamilton, do tell us all about the law.” Mr. Adams pointed his cane at the slender redhead. “After all, you had the honor of a prestigious internship with Senator Schuyler. But—” He tapped his chin “—you didn’t stay the whole eight weeks. Too hard to be away from your daddy that long?”

Hamilton gnashed his teeth and jumped to his feet.

Jefferson shifted to let Hamilton have his shot but he wondered if Mr. Adams mistook his movement as an incoming attack as the teacher whacked him with his cane and caught him against the knee.

It was almost reflexive and Jefferson didn’t realize he extended his arm until the jolt ran through his hand after his fist collided with Mr. Adams face.

Chaos erupted as Mr. Adams shouted. Student jumped to their feet to retreat, watch, or stop the teacher and student brawl. The fight lasted only a minute before the classroom door opened and Washington’s presence subdued the violence.

He strode to the front of the room and stepped between Jefferson and Mr. Adams. His eyes swept to Hamilton first—sporting a bruise on his face—then to the instructor. “What happened?”

Mr. Adams opened his mouth but another student spoke first.

“I caught it on video, Professor Washington.”

Washington nodded to the young man. “Send it to me.”

“Yes, sir. Mr. Adams struck first.”

Another student chimed in, “He hit Thomas with his cane.”

“He hit Alexander, too, that’s what happened to his face.”

More voices ran together as everyone voiced their annoyance with Mr. Adams and what his son did to Madison.

“James is, like, the cutest thing in the world,” one student said. “Why would anyone hurt him?”

“Jonathan Adams is a monster,” said another.

Washington held up a hand to silence everyone. “Send me any videos,” he said. “This ends today.” He glared at Mr. Adams. “You’re done harassing my boys.”

Mr. Adams spat at Washington. “You and your faggot boys will all be dead soon.”

Maintaining a placid expression, Washington turned and indicated for all the students to leave. He followed behind keeping Jefferson and Hamilton close to him.

“What’re you going to do?” Jefferson asked. He limped on his sore knee and it hurt to talk with a swollen lip.

“Get Mr. Adams fired,” Washington said. “Get you and Jemmy restraining orders against him and his son. I am fucking tired of that family.” His voice hit a snarl that neither boy had ever heard before. He let them in his office and got ice packs from his lunch bag for their faces.

A knock on the door made everyone jump. Washington opened it with apprehension but let it fall open at once.

Madison ducked under his arm. “Thomas, you weren’t—Shit, what happened?” He ran to his boyfriend. “Was it Mr. Adams?”

Jefferson nodded. He sat and pulled Madison onto his lap. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against his boyfriend’s. “Everything is going to be okay now,” he whispered. “I promise.”

“You’re hurt.” Madison touched Jefferson’s swollen lip.

“As long as you never are.” Despite the pain, he kissed Madison’s cheek.

“I’m going to take these videos to the dean,” Washington interrupted. “The three of you should stay in here and lock the door.”

“I’m going with you,” Hamilton insisted. “Please?”

Washington nodded and led his son out. He locked the door behind them.

Madison slid off Jefferson’s lap and stood in front of him. “Tell me what happened.”

“How about I just kiss you instead?” Jefferson suggested and took his boyfriend’s hands.

“You can barely talk. Your lip is a mess.”

“Life’s short, Jem, and you deserve more than I have given you.” Jefferson kissed his fingers. “We weren’t ready before but...”

Madison stared into Jefferson’s dark eyes. “Yeah, obviously not here, but...”

“We start talking about it?” He held the gaze steady.

“Yeah.” Madison returned to his lap, straddled across his legs. He stroked Jefferson’s cheek and nose. “I would imagine I’m a bottom.”

Jefferson chuckled. “You are such a bottom.” He kissed the tip of his nose. “Now, I’ve never had any interest in looking this stuff up so you’ll have to tell me what you know and show me what you want to do.”

“All of it.” A half-smile teased up part of his mouth.

“Okay.” Jefferson’s eyes crinkled at the corner. “This mess will be behind us soon and it’ll be you and me. Safe.”

***

The dean was more than receptive of Washington’s complaint, citing several others he had received. “I was against hiring him as a law teacher to begin with,” he said. “The class is yours to take on if you wish, George.”

“I’m not a lawyer,” Washington said. “That class requires some actual hands-on experience to teach it to its potential.”

“Take it, Dad,” Hamilton insisted. “You could teach any subject.”

“Your boy is right,” the dean said. “I have no concern with you taking on that class. I don’t expect anyone else to voice a concern either.”

“I’ll discuss it with Martha,” Washington said. “Will the school be opening any disciplinary action against Thomas?”

“No.” The dean folded his hands on his desk. “Adams Sr. provoked him and Thomas had good reason to fight for his honor. With all Adams’ off campus, Thomas isn’t a threat to anyone.”

“Thank you.” Washington rested a hand on Hamilton’s shoulder. “And this disaster of a boy?”

The dean chuckled. “Very threatening,” he teased.

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “I’ve taken wrestling.”

Washington laughed. “Love, you never lasted more than ten seconds. Your coach requested you not take the class ever again.” He ruffled his son’s hair. “All good, dean?”

“Just let me know your answer as soon as you can.”

Hamilton followed his dad out of the office. “Are you going to say yes?”

“Most likely.” Washington checked his phone. “Now that Mom and I aren’t fostering, I have the time.”

“Why...” Hamilton paused. “Why aren’t you fostering anymore? You only took in Bree after you fostered me. Was I that much work?”

Washington patted Hamilton’s back. “No, we’d been slowing down with the fostering for a few years. It’s a lot of work and Mom and I are getting older. We were satisfied with what we had achieved. Plus it won’t be long before you and Laf give us grandbabies and we want to enjoy them as much as we can.”

Hamilton smiled. “Good.” 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First debate! Hamilton says yes?

The first debate arrived. While plenty of shit had gone down already, the boys—as a team—knew they had the focus and drive to win. If they won, they would bypass the other on-campus debate and qualify for the first out-of-town convention.

The bright lights of the stage made Hamilton hop from foot to foot. The team was supposed to be helping Washington check the sound and lighting but only Burr and Jefferson paid attention.

“Alexander,” Washington complained. “For the tenth time, check the sounds.”

“Yes, sir!” Hamilton scampered across the stage and shouted into the microphone.

Feeling the start of a bad headache, Washington rubbed his forehead and found aspirin in his briefcase. “Good job with the lighting, Thomas.”

Jefferson climbed off the ladder. “Thanks.” He sat next to Madison at the edge of the stage and swiped one of his animal crackers.

“Hey!” Madison whined.

“You have a whole box.”

“Fine.” He offered his boyfriend another cookie and snuggled against him.

Reading through the list on his clipboard, Washington crossed off half the tasks. “Where’s Aaron?”

The words barely got out of his mouth before a crash sounded from backstage.

As the closest, Hamilton was first on scene and pushed the fallen ladder off Burr. “Are you okay?”

Burr sat up. “Yeah.” He rubbed his elbow. “Luckily I was almost down before it tipped.”

Washington checked him over anyway and gave Jefferson a pointed look. “You were supposed to be spotting each other.”

Jefferson gestured at Madison. “He had cookies.”

“Finish up.” Washington returned to the stage.

Hamilton pulled Burr to his feet and let his hand linger in his friend’s. “Are you sure nothing hurts? I can check you over.”

That teasing, flirtatious tone almost did Burr in and he had to look away to avoid staring at Hamilton’s lips. “All good. May I have my hand back?”

“No.”

“Kiss already,” Jefferson said.

“Fuck already,” retorted Hamilton. He let go of Burr’s hand. “What else does Dad need us to do?”

“Win, probably,” said Jefferson.

***

Team Jemmy took their seat in the auditorium to hear the debate topic.

“Revolutionary War: Crossing the Delaware: sane or insane?”

The second “Revolutionary War” was mentioned Jefferson and Hamilton exchanged giddy grins. This would be a piece of cake. Jefferson had more knowledge than he needed on the subject even without his researchers help. While Hamilton’s historic preference was medieval England, he’d watched many documentaries and war drama with Jefferson to have a fair amount of knowledge.

“Don’t get too cocky,” Washington told his team. “Lafayette and Hercules are history buffs, too.”

“Yes, sir,” Jefferson said fighting down a grin. This was his time to shine.

And shine he did.

His first speech was the best he’d ever given. He needed no assistance from his researchers and his words flowed from point to point with precise timing. He knew the subject and never faltered. Finally, he had a chance to spill out his knowledge to people forced to listen to him. His only flaw was barely stopping at the time limit.

The auditorium erupted in applause as he bowed and left the stage. His teammates high-fived and hugged him.

But they couldn’t consider it a win yet. Mulligan was a powerful speaker himself and confident in the topic. Plus he had Lafayette to research and he was by far the best among any team. The weak spot for them was Laurens who didn’t have the background knowledge on the subject to the same extent. While never a problem usually, it was a disadvantage when many teammates did have ingrained knowledge from which to draw.

Hamilton allowed Jefferson to take lead and only spoke twice instead of his usual thrice. His words got away from him once and he went over the time limit but he proved his intelligence and a knack for timing his gestures for impact, finally taking Washington’s advice not to overdo it with his hands.

“If we somehow lose...” Madison fretted as the announcer took the stage with the score sheets.

“The winner by one point is... Team Jemmy.”

Applause rang through the auditorium as the team celebrated. This was the invitation for the first off-campus debate, their first victory on the path to winning again. Hamilton grabbed Burr and kissed him.

Madison’s squeal made him realize his actions. That his hands were cupping Burr’s face. That their lips were touching. Hamilton stumbled back redness darkening his florid coloring.

Burr turned away, face hot, fingers against his tingling lips. He focused his attention on Angelica who came to congratulate them.

“Little lion!” Lafayette lifted Hamilton off his feet. “Good job, bro.”

Hamilton managed a smile while his mind raced away from him. He spotted Eliza near her sister, a look of betrayal burning her dark eyes. She should have known, Hamilton told himself. He had warned her plenty he was not one to commit. But committing to Burr wouldn’t be any different. Except that, Burr gave him sex. Burr was more aware of what he was like. Burr wasn’t much better at commitment either. He pressed his face against Lafayette’s shoulder.

“You okay?” Lafayette asked and patted Hamilton’s back.

“Tired,” he lied.

Lafayette set him back down and ruffled his hair. “Better get a good sleep. Congrats, Alexander.” He tapped his brother under the chin.

Hamilton thanked him and wandered over to where Washington spoke to the judges to get the score sheets.

“There’s your little star,” one of the men teased.

“Thomas was the star tonight,” Hamilton replied. He leaned into his dad to find the security he always offered as his mind continued to jump through hoops and show him Burr’s face again and again. He hurt Burr. He couldn’t ask for a second chance. Besides, what if the outcome was the same? That would be the end of their friendship.

Taking the score sheets, Washington steered Hamilton away. “You should be celebrating with your friends.”

“I kissed Aaron,” Hamilton mumbled.

“I saw.”

“Now what do I do?” He looked up at his dad. The dim lighting made his eyes look black and haunted.

Washington set his briefcase down on a nearby chair and stored the papers inside. “What do you want to do?”

Hamilton stared at his feet. His lips moved but Washington couldn’t hear him.

“Alex?”

“Fuck. Him.”

Washington sighed. _Why are you like this?_ It wasn’t a question to say aloud, though, and he knew why his son was like this. Foster children struggled for purchase no matter how old. He had seen many who flocked toward conflict and many that avoided it. Hamilton seemed to do both. He did everything in his power to ruin every situation, add drama, hurt people, but at the same time when things—by his own creation—became too messy, he fled and didn’t know how to fix what he started. His jumping through “relationships” had never surprised Washington. He considered it rather typical for someone of Hamilton’s age, temperament, and life situation. He could only hope, now, that Hamilton had reached an age of sensibility and responsibility. “It’s your decision, Alexander.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Alex!” Madison ran over and grabbed his hand. “We’re going out for dinner. Come on!” He tugged his friend’s hand.

Hamilton put on the brakes. “I... I might...”

“No.” Madison let go and braced his hands on his hips. “You kissed Aaron. You know he wants you and you want him. This is your chance, Alex. This is your chance not to make a mistake. Follow your heart.”

Washington could only grit his teeth and realize Hamilton’s brain never made any more logical choices anyway. Maybe following his heart would work.

Hamilton let Madison pull him toward their friends. Burr watched him but didn’t say anything. Jefferson finished talking to Angelica and grinned at Hamilton. “We’re on fire this year!”

The enthusiasm was infectious and Hamilton closed the curtain on his doubts and worry over Burr. He would see what would happen.

The squad headed outside to Jefferson’s truck as they discussed where to get dinner.

“Dairy Queen,” Madison said. “I want an Oreo blizzard.”

“Are you going to eat anything else?” Jefferson asked. He opened the passenger door for his boyfriend.

“No.” He climbed in the truck.

Burr and Hamilton got in the back.

“I’m good with James’ suggestion,” Hamilton said. “Aaron?” He glanced at him quickly.

“Fine with me.” Burr buckled his seatbelt at the same time Hamilton did and their hands brushed against each other.

It was a short drive to the nearest Dairy Queen. Madison got his blizzard while the other boys got chicken strips, hamburgers, and fries. Talk of the next debate flowed around the table. It would be upstate at a private college, one known for skilled debaters and tough topics.

“We’re good, too, though,” Hamilton said.

After dinner, Jefferson dropped Hamilton and Burr off on campus.

Hamilton dug for his keys as they reached the main door. A shiver shot through him as Burr touched his hand.

Neither said a word until they were inside.

“My room?” Burr whispered.

Hamilton followed him down the hallway. Once inside the small room, he pushed Burr again the door. With one hand, he locked it while the other held his friend close.

The kisses were soft and slow as if, they needed to taste, test.

“You know what I’m like,” Hamilton murmured.

Burr ran his nose against Hamilton’s cheek and let his warm breath tickle his partner’s ear. “I still wanted you. I’m not into romance, Alex.” He took Hamilton’s bottom lip between his and sucked.

The tingling made Hamilton melt and he held on tighter.

“I love you,” Burr whispered. “We’ve hurt each other and we’re damaged. Let’s give this a chance.”

In response, Hamilton slipped his hands under Burr’s shirt and maneuvered it off. They moved toward the bed, lips touching, still covering each other with slow, sensual kisses.

With gentle hands, Burr got Hamilton out of his shirt and kissed at his neck and shoulders. His lips moved down, fingers unbuttoning his partner’s pants.

A woodsy pine scent filled Hamilton’s nose and he was jolted back long ago to their freshman year when hope remained. He lay back and let Burr finish undressing him.

Still scrawny and thin, Burr ran a hand down Hamilton’s bony chest and hips. He tugged off the rest of his own clothes and cuddled next to him. A stroke against his back made him shiver and relish the familiar touch.

“Roll over,” Hamilton whispered.

Burr complied.

Hamilton lay across Burr’s back and kissed his neck then rested his cheek between his partner’s shoulder blades. “I want to be with you,” he whispered. “But I hurt you.”

“I know you want a fresh start,” Burr replied in a soft voice. He reached back and Hamilton clasped his hand. “Can it be with me?”

“Are you sure?” He sucked in the familiar scent and a pang of desperate longing smacked him and he squeezed his body tight against Burr. “I told you...”

“I know and do you still feel that way?” Burr rolled over and gently tipped Hamilton onto the bed next to him. He found the familiar nose and jaw in the dark and stroked the smooth skin.

“No.” He snuggled closer for warmth and comfort. “I’m trying to understand and figure out who I am. I thought I need a complete fresh start with someone new to do that. But what happened before doesn’t define who I am. I know my past actions do have consequences and I was a jerk to you. I didn’t respect you. I respect you now, Aaron. I promise you that. Do you respect me?”

“Yes.” Burr kissed him. “I’ve always had great respect for you.”

“What’s the next step?”

“Play it by ear?”

“Okay.” A deep sigh escaped from Hamilton and he wiggled under the blankets.

Burr followed suit and they cuddled close, skin against skin.

“I love you, Aaron.”

Burr swallowed Hamilton in his embrace and a long-held knot loosened in his gut. This could work. This would work. “I love you, too.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jefferson and Madison might be ready.

As Jefferson and Madison headed for the exit in the law department, a kid almost as tall as Jefferson bumped into Madison and stepped on his toes.

“Watch where you’re walking!” Jefferson shouted.

The guy turned around. “Oh, sorry, couldn’t see him.”

Jefferson’s lip curled. “Apologize.”

The guy moved closer to Madison who backed up. “You’re the fag who can’t sit through a class. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jefferson shoved the guy. “Speak like that again…,” he snarled.

The guy rolled his eyes. “It must be nice to have Washington on your side and no fear for consequences.” He looked around Jefferson at Madison. “Cry, little fag.”

Jefferson socked him in the mouth. “I fucking told you…!”

The guy hit Jefferson back. They threw more punches until Jefferson managed to step aside and the guy lost his balance mid-swing and toppled into Madison. Madison crashed to the floor with a crack.

Jefferson kicked the guy out of the way and dropped to his knees. He helped Madison sit up and checked him over. Madison whimpered when Jefferson touched the back of his head.

“I’m dizzy,” Madison whispered.

Jefferson pulled out his phone and picked up Madison. “Alex,” he practically shouted into his phone, “I’m taking Madison to the hospital. Tell Washington.”

A classroom door down the hall opened and Burr and Hamilton rushed out.

“What happened?” Hamilton asked.

Jefferson could only shake his head and indicate with his chin toward the retreating guy. He’d find him later and get his revenge but he had only one thought right then.

He drove Madison to the hospital to get him MRI’d. He called Mrs. Madison on the way.

“He’s not going back to school,” Mrs. Madison said firmly.

“I agree,” Jefferson said. He glanced at Madison to make sure he was alert.

“I’ll have Martha pick the children up after school. I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

“Okay,” Jefferson said goodbye and hung up. “Still with me, Jemmy?”

“Yeah,” Madison said. “I have to pee.”

“We’re almost there.”

“No! Now!” Madison shrieked.

“Jem…” Jefferson glanced around the area he was driving through. It was mostly residential and he could see the hospital a mile ahead. “Jem, I don’t…”

Madison unbuckled his seatbelt and hit the unlock button on the door.

“James!” Jefferson grabbed Madison’s shirt as he opened the car door. He slammed the brakes. “The fuck!”

“No!” Madison screamed and kicked at the door, which flew open.

Jefferson managed to pull over and put his hazard lights on as he partially blocked traffic. He pulled Madison toward him, his hand aching from clenching so hard to Madison’s shirt.

“Deep breathes, Jemmy. We’ll get out, but I’m not letting go of you.”

Madison twisted and screamed.

Another car stopped behind them and Jefferson could see the headlines: _Tall black man tries to kidnap screaming white boy._

“Jem, please, calm down.”

The man from the other car approached and Jefferson was obligated to roll down his window when all his attention needed to focus on not letting Madison loose.

“Is everything alright?” the man asked.

“Does it look like it?” Jefferson snapped above Madison’s howls. “Can you, please, close the passenger door so I can get him to the hospital?”

The man gave him a misgiving look. “He seems pretty scared.”

“I’m his boyfriend. He’s nineteen. I need to get him to the hospital. Stop judging me.”

The man frowned as the scent of urine wafted through the car. “I’m calling the police.”

“I’m calling a lawyer,” Jefferson spat and reached for his own phone. He called Mrs. Madison. “I can’t get Jem to the hospital,” his voice cracked. “He’s freaking out and I had to pull over. Now, this guy thinks I’m trying to kidnap him.” Tears burned his eyes and his breathing intensified. “I can’t—I don’t—”

“I’ll be right there, hon,” Mrs. Madison said. “It’s okay, Thomas.”

He couldn’t answer. His hand was numb from gripping Madison’s shirt and Madison continued to scream.

The stranger stared at him, mouth open. He hung up his phone without saying anything. He was quick to vacate when Mrs. Madison showed up.

“Get a pic of his license plate,” Mrs. Madison said as she took Madison in her arms.

Jefferson did as tears trickled down his cheeks.

“Jemmy, Jemmy, hush,” Mrs. Madison soothed her son and rocked him. “We’re going to get you taken care of.” She turned to Jefferson. “There’s a blanket in my car. He’s soaked.”

On weak legs, Jefferson hurried to grab the blanket. Mrs. Madison wrapped Madison up and settled him in the passenger seat of her car. “I’ll drive fast,” she told Jefferson.

Jefferson nodded as he wiped his cheeks. They got in their vehicles and pulled back into traffic. They made it the rest of the way without incident and Madison was wheeled away.

Jefferson broke down in the waiting room with soundless sobs. His body shook and he struggled to breathe. Mrs. Madison stroked his back as he struggled through his anger, frustration, and fear. And the worst one: that he couldn’t protect Madison.

His breathing deepened and he closed his eyes. Mrs. Madison rubbed his arm.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” she said.

“He was pushed down. I was right there,” gushed Jefferson and tears sprung back to his eyes. “If I had let the fight stop, he wouldn’t have gotten pushed. I should have walked away.”

“You wanted to protect Jem,” Mrs. Madison soothed. “It’s okay, T.”

“It’s not. What if—” He stopped when a doctor approached them.

“He’s going to be okay,” the doctor said. “He does have a mild concussion and that’s resulted in some unusual anger in combination with his medication. He’s alert now and more focused. He wants to see Thomas.” He nodded at Jefferson with a smile.

Jefferson jumped up and followed the doctor. As soon as the doctor pointed out the room, Jefferson ran inside.

“Jem, I’m so sorry!” He dropped next to the bed and grabbed Madison’s hand. “It was stupid to fight back.”

“He called me a fag,” Madison replied. “I would have been mad if you hadn’t defended my honor. I’m sorry I peed in your car.”

“I don’t give a crap about that.” He stood and kissed Madison’s forehead. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah.” Madison squeezed his hand. “I love you.”

“Babe, you’re my entire world.” Jefferson perched himself half on the bed. He caressed Madison’s face. “I love you so much.”

“What if I don’t graduate from college?” Madison asked. His blue eyes bore into Jefferson’s. “What if I can’t get a job?”

“So? It’s not like you ever needed to work, you know.” He kissed Madison’s forehead again. “I want you to do whatever makes you happy. Whatever keeps you healthy, okay?”

Madison nodded.

Jefferson let his lips brush against his boyfriend’s. “I’m tired of seeing you in a hospital gown.” He lowered his voice. “I want to see just you.”

A smile crept up Madison’s face. “Go for it.” He reached behind his head and undid the bow tying the gown closed.

Jefferson cleared his throat and he glanced toward the door. “Jem, seriously. You have a concussion. You shouldn’t—”

Madison slipped the gown off his shoulders. “I feel fine.”

“You’re killing me,” Jefferson murmured as his body reacted against better judgement. He saw Madison’s eyes flicker to the expanding bulge.

Madison slipped his arms out of the sleeves and grabbed Jefferson’s hand. He pulled it under the blanket toward his own pulsing body.

 _Shit, if someone walks in_ … Jefferson thought as his fingers stroked the smooth, taut skin. He groaned as his own body throbbed.

Madison untied the second bow on his gown just to mess with Jefferson more.

Jefferson leaned forward and smashed his lips against Madison’s.

The gasp and quiet, “oh, dear” snapped him back to reality and he stumbled back.

Madison’s face reddened but the grin remained.

“Yes, I think he’s well enough to go home,” the doctor commented to Mrs. Madison. “I’ll get the discharge papers.”

“Sorry, Mom,” Madison said.

Jefferson took a seat and willed his body to settle down.

Mrs. Madison shook her head. “You’re adults, I suppose. But you’re in the hospital for goodness sakes, James. I got your clean clothes from your backpack.” She set the clothes on the bed. “I think he can manage to get dressed, Thomas.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jefferson mumbled. He stood and pulled the curtain around Madison’s bed.

Jefferson called Hamilton as he drove to Montpelier. Madison rode with his mom since the passenger seat remained damp and the car smelled horrible.

“Jem’s okay,” Jefferson said at once. “Mild concussion.”

Hamilton sighed. “Good. Can we come over after class?”

“Yeah, that should be okay. Talk to you then.” Jefferson hung up as he pulled up behind Mrs. Madison at the front gate.

He carried Madison upstairs to his room and set him down in the bathroom. He turned on the shower.

“Shower with me,” Madison said.

Jefferson nodded.

They undressed and got in the huge shower. With multiple showerheads neither had to freeze while the other washed.

After Madison’s hair was wet, Jefferson shampooed it. He kept quiet as he worked up a lather and watched the suds spill down Madison’s back and butt.

“Thomas?”

Jefferson’s attention snapped away from the suds. “Hmm?”

“I’m scared.”

Jefferson pulled his hands out of Madison’s hair. “What’s wrong, Jemmy? Did I—”

“No.” Madison turned around and looked up. “You’re amazing. I’m scared I won’t ever be healthy. I want to make out with you and have sex with you but I’m always sick.”

Jefferson smoothed back Madison’s lathered hair. “You know that doesn’t bother me. I’m easy to satisfy.”

Madison reached for the bottle of conditioner and handed it to Jefferson. “Finish then because I’m not.” His hand strayed up Jefferson’s thigh as his intense blue eyes stared into Jefferson’s brown ones.

That stare was magnetic, magical and made Jefferson’s heart pound. “Are you sure?”

“If you’re ready, too.” He moved his hands along his boyfriend’s wet body.

“I think so.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison throws up.

Madison insisted that Jefferson finish conditioning his hair first and messed with his boyfriend while his own body ached to be out of the shower and in his arms, against his body.

The shower door closed with a careless clatter as Madison reached for a towel. He swatted Jefferson’s hand away from the second one.

 “Let me dry off,” Jefferson said, almost panted as he stared at Madison’s slender frame as he teasingly dried off.

“No.” Madison squeezed water out of his hair. He pulled it back in a ponytail.

Shivers shot through Jefferson’s body as he pictured that towel falling off Madison’s body. He shut his eyes for a moment at the overwhelming urge flooding his mind and stealing his body away from his control.

“Ready?” Madison chewed on his lip and fought down the sudden fear.

“Babe…” He didn’t have any more words and let Madison’s hand pull him into the bedroom. “Tell me what to do.”

Madison trembled. “Stand on the bed.”

Jefferson didn’t hesitate and did as instructed. He grabbed the bedpost as his shaky legs floundered for purchase on the squishy mattress.

Chilled and scared, Madison climbed up next to him and dug his nails into Jefferson’s hips.

“Jem…” _This will be okay. Do it for Jemmy. You’re ready._

“I’m gonna give you a blow job,” Madison whispered. He looked up at his boyfriend, pupils dilated.

“Okay.” He leaned against the bedpost as Madison’s mouth touched him and his legs turned to jelly. He didn’t—he wasn’t—“Jem?”

Madison pulled out, eyes up at him. “Not good?”

“I want to fuck you.”

A fluttering lightness settled in his chest as he bit into his lip. “Okay.” With a surprising quickness, Madison scooted off the bed and opened the top drawer of his nightstand. Digging underneath all his junk, he pulled out lube and condoms.

A nervous squeak slipped out of Jefferson’s lips as he took the items. His body trembled and his mind raced through thousands of thoughts. Would he be able to perform if he was this anxious? He didn’t want to hurt his boyfriend. This was real. They were going to do this.

“I’m scared, too,” Madison said and stroked Jefferson’s chest. “But I don’t think I’ll ever not be and I know I’m ready. I love you.”

Throat too dry to speak, Jefferson nodded. He let Madison’s delicate hand pull him close, touch him, kiss him. Eyes closed, with the warm, gentle touch of the person he loved more than anyone else, his body stopped shaking.

Together, skin touching, they murmured what they wanted to do and got the condom and lube situated.

“Ready?” Madison asked.

“Yes.” Jefferson gripped Madison’s hips and pulled him close. The tremors resumed and he realized he wasn’t hard enough to make an attempt. “Not ready.”

Madison turned around and pushed his boyfriend over. He kissed him, whispered to him until he noticed him begin to relax once more.

Warm lips trailed down his skin and made everything tingle. Jefferson spread his legs apart and let his boyfriend do what he wanted. A moan wanted to escape but he couldn’t quite let go and let his body have total control.

“Ready?”

Jefferson nodded. “Yes.”

Biting back a grunt, Madison was glad Jefferson couldn’t see the faces he made as his inexperienced and much larger boyfriend battered into him. “Slower.” He closed his eyes and his muscles relaxed as they achieved a much less painful position and rhythm.

Hoisting Madison up higher, Jefferson struggled to maintain interest as everything hurt and doubts collided inside his mind. _It’s only this bad because we don’t know what we’re doing,_ he tried to remind himself. _We’ll get better._ But that would require this to happen more often and…. _It’s for Jemmy. You can do it for Jemmy._

A faint moan slipped out of Madison’s lips as he pressed his face into his pillow and used one hand to rub at his own erection.

How long had he lasted? Jefferson wondered as he pulled out and gasped for breath. It felt like minutes but he had a feeling it had been, maybe, thirty seconds. His tense muscles ached as if he’d been riding for hours. He curled around Madison and nibbled his ear. “Okay?”

A smile played at Madison’s lips and he didn’t answer right away, lost in Jefferson’s warm embrace and love. “Yeah, T. Although…”

Jefferson sat up. “What?”

“I might be bleeding.”

 “Shit, Jem, you should have said something.” He dug his fingernails into his neck. “I’m sorry.”

Madison touched his cheek. “No, it’s not your fault.”

Jefferson raised an eyebrow. “Pretty sure—”

A kiss silenced him. “I’m okay.” He got off the bed and went into the bathroom.

Trying not to hate and blame himself, Jefferson followed him to dispose of the condom. “You sure?”

Madison cleaned off in the shower. “Yes. Promise. I kind of expected that to happen.”

Jefferson’s brow knitted together as he found his clothes. “Is that going to happen every time?”

“No.” He dressed and checked his phone. “Crap, Alexander and Aaron are on their way over.”

“Shit.” Jefferson had forgotten they asked to come over.

They rushed to finish dressing and clean a few spots on the bedspread.

Less than ten minutes later, Burr and Hamilton burst into the bedroom.

“You had sex,” Hamilton said at once.

“The fuck?” Madison replied.

“You can smell it,” Burr replied. “You must be feeling better, James.”

Madison’s face colored and he didn’t know where to look.

Jefferson pinched his bottom lip as heat flared up his neck and cheeks.  

“We should celebrate that you two are finally not virgins,” Hamilton said. “Right?”

The couple glanced at each other. “Yeah, that was the first time,” murmured Madison and a grin spread across his face.

“Took you guys long enough.” Hamilton punched Jefferson’s arms. “Good for you, T.”

“Thanks.” Jefferson twisted his fingers together. “So, you’ve seen that Jem is better and you—”

His words were cut short as Madison heaved, which was followed by gagging and the splatter of vomit. Some of it landed on Jefferson’s bare feet and his own stomach rolled in disgust.

More vomit followed before anyone could react.

The smell hit Jefferson’s nose and he couldn’t keep it in any longer himself and bolted for the bathroom.

“Did you get it all out, James?” Burr asked his forehead creased in repugnance.

“I’m sure T was bad but I didn’t expect that,” Hamilton teased.

“Sorry,” Madison whispered. “I think it’s the concussion.”

“Let’s just get you cleaned up,” Hamilton said. He walked around the vomit pile and pulled Madison aside. He lifted the back of Madison’s shirt and received a slap.

“I’m not a toy,” Madison snapped.

Hamilton held his hands up and backed off. “Sorry. You’re right. Do you need any help?”

Tears flooded Madison’s eyes and his hands trembled.

“Oh, shit,” murmured Hamilton.

“Thomas, we need your help,” Burr called out.

Jefferson stumbled out of the bathroom but one look at the brown chunky pile and he darted back in and puked.

Madison’s tears turned to full-blown sobs and he pulled at his clothes and hair.

“I’m finding his mom,” Hamilton said and rushed out.

“Hey, James, it’s okay,” Burr tried to soothe. “Your medication and concussion got you messed up, I know. What can I do?”

Madison screamed and fell to his knees. His sweatpants darkened with urine and he tried to pull them down.

“Thomas?” Burr said.

Jefferson staggered out and knelt down next to Madison. “Jemmy, Jemmy, breathe.” He tried not to breathe himself. “I’m going to take your shirt off so I don’t throw up again, okay?”

He eased the back of the t-shirt up and over Madison’s head to avoid the messy front touching Madison. He tossed the shirt away. “Get his bathrobe or a towel,” he told Burr.

Burr returned with both and Jefferson almost couldn’t decide what to do as lightheadedness overwhelmed him. He got a small taste of what it felt like in Madison’s addled mind. At the panic and confusion over easy decisions that resulted in these meltdowns. He grabbed the robe and draped it over Madison’s shoulders. “You’ll feel better out of your wet clothes, Jem. Let me help you.”

Madison shrieked and kicked him in the stomach.

Already sore from vomiting—and sex—the kick hurt worse than it should have and a burst of annoyance rushed through Jefferson.

 _Keep it together. Keep it together,_ he admonished himself. This was his fault after all. He should have known too much activity after a concussion was an irresponsible idea. Why had he done it? _I’m so stupid!_ He let Madison be yet received a slap across the face.

“The fuck, James!” he shouted and pushed Madison back. His cheek stung but the tingling in his hand from shoving Madison felt worse.

Madison’s cries rose higher and he threw himself on the floor and beat his fists and feet.

The door opened and Mrs. Madison rushed in and to his side. “Jemmy, it’s okay.”

Madison shoved at her hands. “I’m not a baby!” he screamed.

“Deep breathes, James,” she soothed.

Madison kicked at her. He sat up and scooted away, pulling off the rest of his clothes.

“Alex, block the door,” Mrs. Madison commanded.

Hamilton hurried to shut the door and stand in front of it.

As he threw himself at the nearest wall, Jefferson grabbed Madison and held him in a bear hug while he squirmed and kicked. After a few minutes, he wore himself out and went limp.

Jefferson sank to the floor and released his hold. He panted as hard as Madison did.

Tears returned and Madison burrowed himself in Jefferson’s chest where strong, secure arms tucked him close. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Jefferson rocked him, shaking. “I’m sorry for pushing you,” he murmured.

“I don’t even remember.” Madison somehow made himself even smaller against Jefferson’s body.

Jefferson glanced over at his friends and Mrs. Madison. He could see the exhaustion and worry in Mrs. Madison’s face. His friends looked traumatized, their eyes wide and Burr shook.

“I’ll have the maid clean up,” Mrs. Madison said mostly to herself. “Thomas?”

“I have this handled,” he said while thinking the exact opposite.

Hamilton crept closer and sat on the floor near Jefferson. “You’re scaring us, James,” he admitted.

Madison kept himself tucked away.

Burr sat next to Hamilton and leaned against him. The four sat in silence while the maid came in and cleaned up and gathered the soiled clothes.

When they were alone again, Madison said muffled against Jefferson, “I’m tired of you guys seeing me naked and peeing myself.”

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Burr said. “We know it’s your medication.”

“I feel like a baby all the time.” He kept his face hidden.

Jefferson squeezed him gently. “I know it’s always been hard for you since you’re small and look young. All this crap doesn’t help.”

Madison closed his eyes but hot tears leaked out and soaked Jefferson’s shirt. “I want them to leave,” he whispered.

Jefferson looked at their friends huddled together. If they ever got their shit together, they would be a dang cute couple. “Can you guys leave?”

“Yeah,” Hamilton said. He stood and pulled Burr to his feet. Their hands remained clasped together.

When the door closed, Jefferson relaxed his hold on Madison. “Can you talk to me?”

Madison shifted to move his head away from Jefferson’s chest. His nose and eyes were red from crying. “I can’t function anymore.”

“We’ll go to the doctor. We’ll find something that’ll manage these mood swings.”

Madison nodded. “I’m not going back to school.”

“I know. That’s okay.” He kissed Madison’s head. His hair was almost all the way dry now. “Do you feel suicidal?”

“No.” Madison closed his eyes and listened to Jefferson’s heartbeat. “I’m tired.”

“I understand. You’ll tell me if that changes?”

“Yeah. You’ll stay, right?” Tears spilled down his cheeks.

“Forever, Jemmy. Forever.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debate time!

Washington counted heads as the boys loaded into his Cadillac to upstate for the first regional debate convention. Because of the short notice, Madison remained on the team since he had no desire to let them down. He would officially drop out of college once the debate was over. They would figure out what to do about his position then.

“How am I missing my child?” he complained. “Wasn’t he just here?”

“Sir,” Jefferson said as gently as possible, “this is Alexander. Something probably caught his eye.”

Indeed, Hamilton had wandered twenty feet away to pet a dog.

Washington headed over and apologized to the woman trying to walk her terrier. “Time to go, Alexander.”

“We need a dog like this,” Hamilton replied. He scratched the scruffy beastie under the chin. “What breed?” he asked the woman.

“Cairn terrier,” she said.

“Dad?” Hamilton looked up hopeful.

In response, Washington pulled him up by the arm. “We have enough dogs.” He dragged his son back to the car while Hamilton waved to the dog.

Once everyone was inside the Cadillac, Washington asked, “Everyone buckled?”

A chorus of “yes” followed.

“Good boys. That could save your life someday.”

An hour drive later, Washington checked them into their rooms at the hotel. One with a single king-size bed for himself and one with two queen-size beds for the boys. Once luggage was dropped in the rooms, he took them out to dinner.

The vague theme for the debate was science and team talked about the potential topics while Hamilton and Burr stole glances at each other whenever the other wasn't looking. Neither had said anything to their friends about the possibility of them becoming a couple for real. But Madison had his assumptions and as they left the restaurant, he whispered to Jefferson, “We should suggest changing who shares a bed with who. See how much Alex and Aaron freak about not being able to sleep together.”

Jefferson glanced at their other friends walking ahead and way too close together. He smirked. “I’ll suggest it.”

Once in the room but before anyone got comfortable, he said, “Why don't we switch things up? I always sleep with Jemmy. You and me, Alexander?”

Burr and Hamilton couldn’t even hide their looks of distress. Trying to keep things quiet while they decided how it would go, Hamilton couldn’t sleep in Burr's room without alerting Laurens and they had looked forward to this chance.

“Um,” Hamilton fought for words. “I kick a lot, T. And remember what happened the last time we shared a bed? You pushed me on the floor.”

Jefferson shrugged. “That was a twin-size. We have more space here. I don’t want you and Aaron uncomfortable.”

“Uh, yeah.” He shot Burr a look for assistance.

“It’s not a big deal,” Burr said. “Alex and I can share. I don’t really want to sleep with all James’ toys.” He forced a smile at Madison. “No offense.”

“But I thought you liked stuffed animals?” Madison said and had no trouble making his face look pitiful and sad.

It was Burr’s turn to shoot Hamilton a desperate look. “Yeah... But don’t you want to share with Thomas? Isn’t tomorrow going to be hard for you?”

“All of you comfort me,” Madison said. “We didn’t think you guys would want to share after, you know.”

“Uh, it wasn’t that big of a deal,” Burr mumbled and rubbed his neck.

“Yeah, but—” Jefferson fought a grin “—after he said what he did before, didn’t that hurt? We need you both able to focus tomorrow.”

“We talked,” Hamilton said not making eye contact with anyone. “We’re good, okay? Can we just keep the sleeping arrangements how we always have?”

Jefferson and Madison exchanged a smirk. “Sure.”

Since it was only a little after eight, phones came out and everyone whiled away the time in silence. At nine-thirty, Madison got ready for bed.

While he was in the bathroom, Jefferson unloaded his boyfriend’s comfort items, pulled the blankets back, and fluffed up the pillow.

Madison kissed him as he crawled into bed.

Everyone else got ready for bed shortly after.

Hamilton dove into bed shivering after he undressed. “I’m freezing!” He used that an excuse to snuggle into Burr and exaggerated his shakes. Once the lights were off, he stopped at once and kissed his friend instead.

Across from them, Madison curled into his little spoon position against Jefferson and held tight to his blanket and stuffed narwhal. “How long before they...” His whisper faded away as Burr turned a groan into a cough.

Reaching around Madison, Jefferson turned on the light and watched Hamilton pull the covers over his head. “Not getting sick, are you, Aaron?” he asked.

Burr shook his head as he struggled to catch his breath and not appear to do so.

Once the darkness returned, Hamilton sat on top of Burr, blanket over his head and shoulders. Burr yanked down at once so his silhouette wasn’t obvious. “What are we even trying to do?” he whispered.

“No idea,” Burr admitted. He wrapped his arms around Hamilton and kept him close. “Should we just tell them?”

“What difference would it make?” Hamilton whispered. “Not like they’d want us having sex three feet away either way.”

“True.”

“We know you guys are kind of together,” Jefferson said, “and we can hear you. Go to sleep.”

Hamilton and Burr fell silent.

 

Burr’s alarm went off first at six. He pulled Hamilton tighter to him for a moment before he dragged himself out of bed.

A few minutes later, Hamilton joined him in the bathroom.

“We’re not showering together,” Burr said from behind the curtain.

“I showered yesterday,” replied Hamilton. He rubbed a hand along to his face to decide if he needed to shave but his skin was still smooth. He brushed his teeth and got dressed instead.

In the other room, Jefferson snuggled Madison close to him and let him get as much sleep as he could in hopes he could make it through the grueling day. While Madison had recovered from his last bought of medication adjustments, he remained worn out and quick to shut down. Once Burr was out of the shower, Jefferson slipped out, got himself ready, and woke his boyfriend at seven.

“You’re not wearing a skirt,” Hamilton commented when Madison came out of the bathroom.

“Mom found me some comfortable pants,” Madison replied. “They’re soft and stretchy. I think they’re jeggings.”

Hamilton glanced at Jefferson who shrugged. Madison hadn’t gotten in trouble for wearing a skirt before. As long as his pants matched his suit jacket—black—he doubted anyone was going to check if they were proper slacks.

Breakfast and the debate were held at the college a block away rather than the hotel convention hall like usual. The boys left twenty-minutes early after Jefferson fussed over Madison’s coat, hat, and scarf for five minutes.

“We’ll be outside for, maybe, ten minutes,” Burr reminded him while Hamilton coaxed them to the door.

“Your point?” Jefferson said. He tugged Madison’s purple hat almost over his boyfriend’s eyes.

Hamilton and Burr glanced at each other.

“He looks cute,” Hamilton said. “Let’s go.”

“I’ll be warm enough,” Madison assured and took Jefferson’s hand. “Keep my fingers warm.”

“Shit, you don’t have mittens.” Jefferson dropped his hand to search through the pockets of his own jacket.

“T! I’m okay.” Madison grabbed his hand again. “I’m ready.”

It was rather frigid outside and Hamilton wished someone had doted on him the same way as he shivered and his ears froze.

Washington met them at the school having gone early to sign them in and look around. “Cold?” he teased his son.

“Ugh.” Hamilton rubbed his ears. “Can we move to Las Vegas?”

Washington cupped Hamilton’s red ears in between his warm hands. “Maybe when we retire.” He looked at Madison. “Doing okay, Jemmy?”

“I’m nice and toasty,” Madison said. He smiled at Jefferson.

Some of the lingering worry lines erased from Jefferson’s face.

The group followed Washington down an elegant hallway with dark wood floors and paneled walls. Huge tapestries hung on the walls and gave it a majestic feel.

“This is too fancy,” Burr murmured to Hamilton as they passed a marble fountain. “The other teams are probably super rich.”

Hamilton squeezed his hand but wasn’t about to remind him that they, other than Burr, were also wealthy. “Doesn’t mean they’ll be smart.”

The dining hall had a high peaked ceiling and crystal chandeliers. Team Jemmy found their assigned table while the other teams checked them over with snooty looks.

“Are we the only team not from a private college?” Jefferson asked Washington in a whisper.

“I believe so,” Washington said. “Several of the teams are from DC and Virginia. Don’t let that get to you, boys.” He reached over and tapped Hamilton’s nose. “Stop staring.”

Hamilton snapped his attention away from a rival teammate who had locked eyes with him and gave a flirty smile.

“Yes, sir,” Hamilton mumbled.

Breakfast was served on china plates and crystal goblets with gold utensils.

“This is ridiculous,” Burr said as he stared at the steak and eggs on his plate.

“You boys earned it,” Washington replied. “Fancy only gets you so far. Your brains got you here. Eat up.”

Madison pushed his plate away. “I can’t.”

“You like eggs,” Jefferson said, worry lines returning.

“Only scrambled. I want a donut.”

Jefferson searched through the breadbasket on their table and offered Madison an English muffin. “With jam?”

“I guess.”

He cut the muffin in half and spread on blueberry jam while Burr and Hamilton divided Madison’s food among them.

Washington’s face had the worry etched on, as did Jefferson as he watched Madison nibble the muffin and only manage half.

At nine, the teams were led to the auditorium that boasted a huge stage with red velvet curtains and plush chairs.

The flirty rival team member fell into step beside Hamilton. “You’re Alexander Hamilton.”

It wasn’t a question leaving him unsure what to say.

“I watch all your debates online,” the young man continued. “You’re like a legend.”

“Huh.”

“Don’t be modest.” The rival gave a quiet chuckle. “Aren’t you like famous at your college?”

“Um, not really.” Hamilton glanced at his teammates. They were all rather reviled, he thought, although known by most, he supposed.

“You need to switch school then.” He grinned. “Good luck, Alexander.”

“Thanks, you, too.” Hamilton turned to Washington. “Who was that?”

“Benjamin Franklin Bache, I believe,” Washington said. “Very intelligent. His team will be your biggest challenge.”

“You should have kissed him,” Burr whispered to Hamilton. “Thrown him off his game. I give you permission.”

“I may have to do something.” Hamilton chewed on his lip.

The day’s topic played to none of their strength disheartening the squad further.

“I hate science,” Madison whined as he stared at the screen hanging from the middle of the stage and announcing “Protons vs Neutrons.”

“We knew it would be bad,” Burr said. The debate topic had been “science” after all but they had all hoped for animal debates or things like weather, anything more tangible.

“We’ll manage,” Jefferson assured. The clock started for the half-hour of prep and he cracked open one of the books they brought. He flipped through and handed it open to Madison.

“I’m already bored,” Madison complained.

“Jemmy, please try.” Jefferson stroked his face.

Madison nodded and bent over the book.

A half hour wasn’t enough to come up with anything great since none of the boys had the slightest background in atomic science.

“That boy, Bache, speaks after me,” Hamilton whispered to Burr. “What should I do?”

Burr studied his friend. “I wish you didn’t have to wear a tie.”

“Right?” He glanced at the clock—five minutes to go. “I can’t work in stripping with the stupid topic.”

“How unprofessional do you want to look?”

“Huh?”

Burr fingered a middle button on Hamilton’s shirt. “Maybe have your fly down or a random button undone. Maybe he’ll focus on that.”

“Probably not enough.” Hamilton chewed on his thumbnail. “I can bullshit through the speech but it’s not going to be impactful.”

Jefferson jumped in the conversation. “Just be yourself, Alexander. That’s impressive enough.”

“You sure?” Hamilton watched him.

“Yes.”

The first speaker took the stage and tripled the doubts of Team Jemmy. While both their speakers had good form and voice, the fact remained that their words would be weak. It would require all their charm and self-confidence to convince the judges they had an argument.

As Hamilton prepared to take the stage, his friends encouraged and pampered him.

“You got this,” Jefferson said. “You’re Alexander Hamilton.”

Hamilton smiled. He bounced on stage and gave the most energetic and gesticulated speech possible. Half his words may have been empty but he spoke them with as much conviction as a child talking about Santa Clause. Burr and Madison struggled to keep up with him but he didn’t need much assistance as the words poured out in his unconscious style.

Rival teammate Bache watched entranced and he grinned when Hamilton made eye contact with him. Being star struck alone might be enough to put the young man off his game.

Panting and almost shaking with adrenaline, Hamilton returned to his seat and accepted the hugs and pats from his team.

“Well, I can’t top the speed and energy of that,” Bache said as he took the microphone. “But...” He launched into a flawless counter-argument rich in facts that torn into all the holes in Hamilton’s speech.

Team Jemmy watched and listened with growing despair.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison is a fuck up (but we love the smol bean anyway).

The morning passed in a blur.

During his first speech, Jefferson tripped over his words and only found himself if he stared at Madison, which docked a few points.

When the teams broke for lunch, Benjamin Franklin Bache joined them at once. “Hi, Alexander.”

Hamilton managed an uneasy smile. “Hello.” He wanted to compliment him on his speech, be a good sport, but Bache’s smile made him forget how to make words go.

“I’ve been admiring your team,” Bache said. “You guys seem like you’re all really good friends.”

Hamilton swallowed and got out, “We are. Aren’t you close with your team?”

Bache snorted. “Hell, no. I can’t stand any of them.”

“Oh.” He glanced back at his teammates waiting for him to go with them to lunch. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” Bache rubbed his neck. “It didn’t bother me too much until I saw how you guys work together. None of my teammates would ever congratulate me after a speech. You’re lucky. Anyway, good luck, Alexander. Maybe we can hang out at the party after one of us wins.”

“For sure.”

When he turned back to his team, Jefferson said, “You distract too easily. A head of curls and a pretty smile and you’re done for.”

“Whatever.” Hamilton rolled his eyes. He nudged Burr with his shoulder. “Sorry.”

They followed the crowd back to the dining hall and Burr slipped his hand into Hamilton’s.

“You’re good,” he whispered, “as long as it’s me you’re with _after_ the party.”

“Of course.”

Lunch was a fancy seafood pasta dish that Madison promptly pushed away.

“Let me see if I can get you something different,” Washington said. He squeezed Jefferson’s shoulder as he walked by noting the worry in his eyes.

The other boys picked at their lunch. Burr and Jefferson decided it wasn’t bad but Hamilton only ate the noodles and devoured several pieces of bread.

“Here, love.” Washington set a peanut butter sandwich in front of Madison. “I’m not sure the cook believed me when I said you were allergic to seafood but not nuts, but there you are.”

“I am allergic to bananas and strawberries, though,” Madison said and picked off the crust. “Thank you.”

Some tension released from Jefferson’s shoulders as he watched his boyfriend eat.

***

The stress got to Madison by early afternoon and he stopped talking.

His team tried to soothe him but Madison pulled away and curled into a ball.

“I go up next,” fretted Hamilton. “I need his cue cards.” He fanned through the sheets of paper with chemical equations, dates, and a word he struggled to pronounce.

“I’ll manage,” Burr assured and took the papers. His brow wrinkled as he tried to think of how to manage his own cue cards, too.

“Sorry.” Hamilton tugged at his hair. “I should have memorized this stuff better so I didn’t need as much assistance.”

“No, Alex, that’s my job.” Burr squeezed his hand. “Go on. I got you covered.”

Jefferson gave him a weak but encouraging smile as he stroked Madison’s hair and whispered to him.

The speech was the most inadequate he’d ever given. Each word was a struggle between brain and mouth. Hamilton looked to Burr constantly for help as he spit out nonsense and tried to find his usual flawless internal organization. But each time he looked to Burr, he also saw Madison curled up in his chair, long hair hiding his face, and could feel his anxiety.

Sweat soaked his shirt as the words left him completely. Heat flooded his face and his heart pounded and he could only hear the rushing in his ear.

_You fucked up. You let your team down. You always destroy everything._

_Get it together! Think!_

_What the fuck is a proton? What am I even talking about?_

_Don’t let Dad down!_

“Alex,” Jefferson hissed. “Breathe.”

Hamilton sucked in a deep breath.

Jefferson held up his fingers and counted them down as Hamilton exhaled.

The buzzer went off for the silence but Hamilton found his place thanks to Burr’s cards and managed to sputter out a few sentences that weren’t complete garbage.

His legs shook as he clambered down the stairs and took his seat.

Washington gave him a bottle of water and rubbed his back. “You’re doing great, Alexander.”

Hamilton closed his eyes and focused on the gentle pressure moving against his back and getting his breathing back to normal. In and out. He sipped the water and almost choked as his dry throat forgot how to swallow.

Jefferson slipped off his seat, knelt in front of Hamilton, and squeezed his knees. “Deep breathes,” he soothed his soft voice just as comforting. “Do you want me to give your last speech?”

Hamilton shook his head. He leaned forward until his head rested against Jefferson’s. Bache was right. His team was lucky to be such close friends. “I can do it.”

“End with a joke.” He kissed Hamilton’s head and returned to Madison who leaned against him and clung to his vest.

Tears leaked down Madison’s cheeks as Jefferson left him to give his last speech.

His vest was wrinkled but his voice remained clear and strong, albeit quiet. Despite everything, he remained composed, eyes skimming past his boyfriend when he needed Burr’s assistance. His speech wasn’t great but decent.

As soon as he sat down, Madison crawled into his lap. “I wanna go home.”

“Shh.” Jefferson held him tight.

“Might as well share the duck picture now, too,” muttered Hamilton as the other teams gave them weird looks.

“I need your help, Ham,” Burr tugged his sleeve and handed over his out of order cue cards.

Hamilton’s last speech was also the last one of the night. The pressure was on to land his last statement. He whispered to Burr to write part of it down so he could nail it.

While most of his words were a blur of disjointed statements and lots of gestures, he got the laughs, grins, and eye rolls he wanted with his final sentence, “The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

But it wasn’t enough and they came in fifth for the day.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have children on your team,” taunted a rowdy competitor as he pointed at Madison. “Looks like he needs a nap. Need a bottle, too?”

“Leave him alone,” Jefferson growled.

“Piss off,” the kid said. “What’re you his nanny?” he snickered.

“Boyfriend. Insult him again and you won’t see tomorrow.”

“Fuck off, man,” the kid shook his head and walked away.

They headed out of the convention hall. Madison dragged behind and the other three waited for him to catch up.

“Hold the fuck up,” Madison said.

“We’re waiting,” Jefferson replied.

“No, hold me, I’m the fuck up.”

Jefferson smiled and picked him up. “It’s not your fault, Jemmy.”

“We can still kick this tomorrow,” Hamilton said. “We like a challenge.”

“Can we go out for drinks?” Burr asked. “I think we could use it.”

“I’m game,” Hamilton said.

“I want to go back to the room,” Madison said and yawned.

“We won’t stay out late,” Jefferson assured him. “Alexander, do you want to ask Washington if we can take the car? I’ll DD.”

Hamilton did as requested, although without mentioning that they were specifically going out for drinks.

Washington handed over the keys since he knew the boys were frustrated and needed to blow off some steam.

Jefferson got in the driver’s side of the Cadillac, pleased that he didn’t have to adjust the seat. Madison got in the passenger side while Hamilton and Burr buckled up in back.

“Where exactly are we going?” Jefferson asked.

Hamilton found directions on his phone. “Just a few miles. You’ll make a right out of the parking lot.”

Jefferson followed Hamilton’s directions and soon saw the bar up ahead on the left. He put on his blinker and waited for the arrow. He turned left and another vehicle—an SUV—blew through the light and collided with the Cadillac.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton on drugs.

The bright lights made Hamilton squint. His body jerked with sudden adrenaline and he sat up panting. The crunching of metal and plastic filled his ears and he could still hear Madison’s cries.

“Easy, son,” Washington said. He rested a hand against Hamilton’s head and stroked his messy hair. “You’re okay now.”

Hamilton relaxed and suddenly felt the screams of pain in almost every muscle. Bruises lined his arms. “What happened?” He closed his eyes. The jolt of the impact slammed into his body again and his bones seemed to vibrate.

“Car accident.” Washington stroked Hamilton’s head.

“Is everyone…okay?” He opened his eyes. “James?” He had been on the passenger side as well and as fragile as he was…

Washington continued petting Hamilton’s hair. “He suffered a grand mal seizure. Possibly a stroke, too.” His hand faulted against Hamilton’s head. “He’s still unconscious.”

Hamilton trembled. “Thomas and Aaron?”

“Bruised and cut.” Washington sighed. “Thomas has a cracked rib.” He patted Hamilton’s cheek unable to let go of him. The boys were lucky. If Jefferson had turned a little later or slower, the SUV would have made contact dead center rather than clipping the tail end. He doubted James would have survived that and Hamilton would have been in a lot worse shape. There was fear that he had a concussion after he passed out while being checked over by a paramedic but everything came back clean.

Hamilton winced as he shifted his weight. “Everything feels broken,” he moaned.

“I know, son.” Washington took his hand. “You rest, okay? Mom and Lafayette will pick us up in the morning.”

Hamilton started to close his eyes before they popped back open. “Is the Cadillac totaled?”

“Yes.” Washington brushed his fingers against Hamilton’s eyelids. “Sleep.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It saved your life. It’s all I could ask of it.” Washington watched Hamilton relax back to sleep, his body pumped full of drugs. He’d bought the Cadillac almost fifteen years ago as a present for his and his wife’s anniversary. But he could get a new one and celebrate thirty years; he couldn’t replace his son.

A nurse pulled the curtain aside. “Sir? Aaron Burr was asking for you. He’s a few beds down.”

Washington thanked her and left Hamilton’s bedside.

Burr had taken the least of the impact and waited to be discharged. A bandage covered his cheek where he’d sustained a gash. All of the boys had deep bruising on their chests from the seatbelts but better than having become a projectile and died.

“Doing alright, Aaron?” Washington asked.

Burr nodded. “Any news on James?” He had spoken to a nurse earlier to ask about his friends. He moved slowly to sit up and dress in the clean clothes Washington had gotten from their hotel room. Blood from his cheek had soaked his other shirt.

“Not yet.” Washington helped him out of the hospital gown.

Burr trembled with the effort of moving his sore upper half and was grateful Washington had brought him a button-down shirt and he wouldn’t have to move his arms overhead. It still took a long time to button the shirt, though.

Washington hovered around him but respected Burr’s comfort level and didn’t swoop in, as he would have with Hamilton.

A nurse returned and handed Burr a clipboard. He signed the papers and Washington took him to the waiting room where Mr. and Mrs. Madison sat having arrived ninety minutes after the crash.

“No change,” Mr. Madison told Washington. He opened his mouth as if to say more but closed it instead. His wife leaned against him and he moved his arm around her shoulders. “Can you check on Thomas?”

Glad to be of use and to push away his guilt—he should have insisted Madison sit out the debate and find a substitute, Washington left to inquire at the front desk.

“Jefferson?” The nurse frowned. “He checked himself out twenty minutes ago. Against doctor’s orders, I believe.”

Washington gripped the edge of the counter. “Why?” His breathing quickened. “He has no car, nowhere to go. Why would he be allowed to leave?”

“Sir,” she soothed, “I’ll try to find answers for you. It looks like he had x-rays taken and was given pain medication. It appears he then refused the twenty-four hour stay.”

“Why?”

She gave a strained smile and Washington backed off with an apology.

“I’m worried because I know he’s distressed,” Washington said. “His boyfriend is the young man who had a seizure and Thomas was the one driving. I’m sure he blames himself.”

“I understand. Let me see if anyone spoke to him.”

Washington thanked her and tapped his fingers on the counter while he waited for her return. Was Jefferson wandering around outside blaming himself and hoping to get hit by another car? Had he, maybe, returned to the hotel? He had to be in pain, exhausted.

The nurse returned. “The doctor who examined him said he was coherent and didn’t seem distressed when he asked for a discharge. There wasn’t a reason to force him to stay.”

Washington nodded and walked away. He pulled out his phone and called Jefferson’s cell but it was either off or dead. He found the number for the hotel instead to ask the front desk if they’d seen Jefferson.

“Tall, African-American and limping?” asked the man on the line.

“Yes.”

“He just made it inside the front door.”

Washington sighed with relief. “Can you put him on?”

“I’ll try. The phone has a cord and I don’t know if he can walk much further.”

Washington jiggled his hand against his leg. He needed to know Jefferson was all right and there was a nagging voice in his head telling him to return to Hamilton’s bedside.

“Sir?” Jefferson mumbled.

“Oh, thank God, Thomas.” Washington paused to say a quick prayer. “Why did you leave the hospital? You’re in no shape to be walking.”

“It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not. That idiot ran a red light. I will come get you.”

“No.”

“Thomas—”

“I can’t see Jemmy, sir.” Jefferson’s voice cracked. “Not in the hospital. Not again.”

“I understand,” Washington said. “But—”

“No.” Jefferson sucked in a shaky breath. “If he’s going to die—” A sob jerked out. “I’m not—remembering him—that way.”

“Thomas.” Washington closed his eyes and pain settled in his chest. “Jemmy is going to be okay. I’ll be with you in a few minutes. Stay there.”

If Jefferson answered, it was lost in uncontrolled sobs.

Washington hung up and returned to the waiting room. He told the Madison’s what was going on and Mr. Madison gave him his car keys. “Aaron, can you go sit with Alex?”

Burr nodded and made the arduous journey back into the ER.

Washington drove cautiously back to the hotel and found Jefferson in the lobby on a bench near the front door. He thanked the hotel porter who kept watch over him and accepted his help in getting Jefferson upstairs to his hotel room.

Jefferson’s cries were silent, his face twisted with pain.

Once the two of them were alone, Washington rubbed Jefferson’s back as gently as he could and tried to give him hope. But the truth was they wouldn’t know anything until Madison woke. He’d suffered many seizures before with no major side effects. But if he did have a stroke, too, it was hard to say what might be compromised. He could wake up fine or he could wake with brain damage.

About a half hour later, Washington’s phone rang. He answered it at once to see Mr. Madison’s name.

“He’s awake,” Mr. Madison said.

“Thank God,” Washington breathed. “Any prognosis?”

“Still too soon to tell but the nurse said he spoke a little. He asked for Thomas.”

A faint smile tugged at Washington’s lips. “I’ll let him know. I’ll return to the hospital soon. Thanks, Jim.” He hung up and patted Jefferson’s shoulder. “Jemmy is asking for you.”

Jefferson remained on his side too stiff to roll over. A multitude of thoughts and emotions raced through his head but he could only voice the smallest one. “They’re not mad?”

“The accident wasn’t your fault,” Washington reminded him. “Do you want to go back to the hospital?”

Jefferson put a hand against his ribs as he sat up. “Okay.”

It was a slow walk downstairs and to the car. Once at the hospital, Washington procured a wheelchair and handed Jefferson over to Mr. Madison. He returned to check on Hamilton.

Burr had his head resting on the bed as he tried to find a comfortable position in the plastic chair while his body screamed to lay down and rest.

“Aaron?”

Burr blinked to focus his tired eyes.

“How is he?”

“They gave him more meds,” Burr said and yawned. “He woke screaming. Nightmares, I guess.”

Washington stroked Hamilton’s face and his son’s eyes opened.

“Daddy!” Hamilton reached out both hands toward him.

“I’m here, son.” Washington clutched his hands.

“Where’s Mom?” Hamilton’s eyes held no focus and a weird smile stayed on his lips.

“She’ll be here soon.” She’d texted him right after Mr. Madison’s call to say she and Lafayette were getting ready to leave.

“And Laffy?” Hamilton played with a button on Washington’s shirt.

“Yes, Lafayette, too.” Washington watched him and had a sudden wonder of what he had been like as a child. Had Hamilton ever had a chance to be a kid? He had started working the docks at a young age. Had anyone indulged his inquisitive questions? Had anyone let him be a little boy?

“Daddy?” Hamilton whimpered.

“Right, here, baby.” Washington touched his cheek. “Try to get some more sleep. I’m not leaving.”

Hamilton closed his eyes and his hand went lax against Washington’s chest.

Washington turned his attention to Burr who looked all kinds of broken. “My wife and Lafayette will be here in about forty-five minutes. Laf can take you back to the hotel then.”

Burr nodded. He tried to find a comfortable position but his back hurt against the chair while his neck wanted something to lean against. He rested his head back against the bed.

***

Madison looked even paler than usual under the white hospital sheet. But his bright blue eyes watched Jefferson and a tired smile touched his lips.

Mr. Madison wheeled Jefferson close to the bed. “How are you?” Jefferson asked.

“Hurt,” said Madison his voice soft and strained.

“I’m sorry.” He took his boyfriend’s hands and warmed his cold fingers.

Madison struggled to keep his eyes open. “Not your fault.”

“Sleep. I won’t leave.” Jefferson turned to Mr. Madison as his boyfriend dozed off. “Prognosis?”

Mr. Madison set aside his phone. “The doctor is concerned about him developing breathing complications due to the stroke and his asthma.” He sighed. “He’s weak and any mild illness could devastate him right now. We hope and pray as usual.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Potato doesn't like Jefferson.

Mrs. Washington and Lafayette made their way back to Hamilton’s bed in the ER. They each hugged Washington and Burr and turned their attention to half-awake, loopy Hamilton.

“Laffy!”

Lafayette looked at Washington.

“Just go with it,” Washington murmured.

Lafayette rolled his eyes. “Hey, little lion. Ready to go?”

“Yes!” Hamilton pushed himself upright and tried to toss the blankets back.

“Easy.” Washington held him in place and adjusted the hospital gown falling off one shoulder. “Let me make sure you’re good to go.”

“Don’t leave!” Hamilton grabbed his arm. “Daddy!”

“I’ll take care of that,” Mrs. Washington said. “Stay here, dear.”

Washington comforted Hamilton while Lafayette stood off to the side glancing around. Burr adjusted his position and grimaced.

Mrs. Washington returned. “We’ll be good to go in a few minutes. Laf, help Aaron out to the car while Dad gets Alexander dressed.”

Lafayette helped Burr stand and found him a wheelchair. Mrs. Washington pulled the curtains around the bed and waited on the other side.

Washington set Hamilton’s clean clothes on the bed and moved the blankets aside. “Lie still, alright, Alex?” It would be awkward enough without Hamilton flailing about or trying to help. He eased Hamilton’s boxers up under his hospital gown. Once covered, he tossed the gown aside and got a good look at the bruises covering his son’s chest and right arm and shoulder. “Good boy, Alex.” He maneuvered his feet into the legs of his sweatpants and pulled them up. “Sit up.”

Hamilton did burrowing his face into Washington’s chest.

Washington slipped the shirt over his head and carefully moved his arms into the sleeves. Socks were last and he pulled the curtain aside.

Mrs. Washington chatted with a nurse, biohazard bags of Hamilton’s soiled clothes under her arm. She handed her husband the clipboard with discharge forms and he signed them.

The nurse handed over Hamilton’s pain medication and pushed over a wheelchair. Washington settled Hamilton on the seat.

“I’ll go with Laf and get the boys settled,” he told his wife. “Then I’ll come back. I’ll let Mr. Madison know you’re here.”

“Thanks, dear.” Mrs. Washington kissed his lips and Hamilton’s cheek.

At least the hotel was close to the hospital. Lafayette drove the van. Washington carried Hamilton up to the hotel room while Lafayette supported Burr.

Burr lay down on the bed with a grateful sigh.

Washington tucked Hamilton under the covers on the second bed.

“You should get some sleep, too, Dad,” Lafayette said. He sat at the small corner table and pulled out his phone. “You’ve been up for over twenty-four hours.”

The call had come a little after nine the night before, Washington had just been about to get ready for bed. Instead, a police officer arrived to take him to the ER. Burr and Jefferson had been numb with shock while Hamilton made his pain and fear known. Madison had already been rushed away as he seized.

He couldn’t believe that it was morning now. That he hadn’t slept, that he hadn’t needed to sleep. The realization attacked his body and Washington sat on the edge of the bed, exhaustion weighing down his limbs. He handed Lafayette his phone. “Let Mom know I’m going to stay here for an hour or so. Answer if Mr. Madison calls and wake me.”

“Yes, Dad.”

Washington sank down on the bed beside Hamilton. His weary muscles melted into the mattress and he was asleep before he could think to take off his shoes or get under the blankets.

It felt like he’d barely closed his eyes before Lafayette shook him awake. “Dad, Mr. Madison called. He said James is more alert.”

Washington rubbed his aching head and struggled to get his dry throat to swallow. It had been a long time since he’d been hungover but it sure felt like it now. “Good,” he said in a scratchy voice. He sat up and massaged his temples. “I should go be with them.”

“Nope.” Lafayette stopped him from getting up. “You do everything for us and it’s time one of us did something for you. You’re going to stay and sleep.”

Washington managed a tired smile. He could hardly argue as his eyes kept closing. He’d get in a car accident himself if he attempted to drive right now.

 ***

Lafayette drove everyone back home that evening. While Jefferson protested leaving Madison’s side, the Washington’s and Madison’s insisted he leave to rest and not aggravate his injuries sleeping in a plastic chair. Madison’s strength had improved throughout the day, although he was prone to coughing if he spoke too much.

“Where am I taking you, Thomas?” Lafayette asked as he turned into the Estates.

“Mount Vernon,” Jefferson replied. He stopped a yawn and didn’t have the energy to deal with his mom. She’d blame him for the car accident, he was sure, probably accuse him of drinking and driving.

Once home, Mrs. Washington greeted all her dogs whom Marty J Jefferson had taken care of for the day. “I’ll make some popcorn.”

“For us or the dogs?” Burr asked Hamilton in a whisper.

“Good question.” He made his way one slow step at a time toward the stairs. Burr helped him.

“You want to share, Aaron?” Hamilton asked as he made it to his room. Jefferson had already tossed his bag into the room with twin beds.

Burr nodded. “I’m gonna take a shower. I can feel the hospital on me.”

“Can I join you?” Hamilton asked.

“Yeah.”

Hamilton closed the bathroom door and turned on the shower.

“Oh, shit, Ham,” Burr said as he helped Hamilton undress and he could see the extent of the bruises. “You really took a beating.”

Hamilton grimaced as he saw himself in the mirror. His right side and chest were almost black with touches of red, blue and purple. The bruises extended down his leg and across his neck.

By contrast, most of Burr’s bruising remained on his chest and neck.

Hamilton stepped into the shower and let the hot spray hit his sore body. Burr got in and shivered in the corner. He flinched when Hamilton brushed a hand against his thigh.

“Okay, Aaron?”

Burr locked his eyes with Hamilton’s. “Yeah, except for still feeling like I’m in la la land a bit.”

“I hear ya.” He nudged Burr under the water. He examined the assortment of soaps, shampoos, and conditioners on the corner rack. He chose a shampoo that said it smelled like vanilla and squirted some in his hand. “Bend down a bit,” he told Burr.

He massaged the shampoo into Burr’s dark hair, careful to keep the suds from rolling down his face. Burr did likewise for Hamilton, although without the inability to reach.

“Do you think I can stay here over winter break?” Burr asked as he rubbed Hamilton’s scalp.

“I don’t see why not,” Hamilton said. “You’ll always have a home here.”

Burr wrapped his arms around Hamilton, their wet bodies sucking against each other.

The Washington’s spent their evening watching Family Feud while Mrs. Washington knit and Washington scrolled on his iPad in his recliner. The four small dogs lay around Mrs. Washington’s feet or on the couch next to her. Jefferson sat opposite Mrs. Washington on the couch and tried not to move as Potato growled at him if he did.

Every once in a while, one of the Washington’s would guess an answer to a question on Family Feud. Mostly they sat in silence, at peace with each other.

Burr and Hamilton joined them almost an hour later. They sat on the floor dressed in their pajamas.

“You didn’t save us any popcorn,” Hamilton scolded Jefferson.

“There’s more in the kitchen, dear,” Mrs. Washington said. “I’ll get it for you.”

Potato followed her, tail wagging.

Jefferson gratefully shifted his cramped legs without fear of an attack.

Hamilton took the bowl of popcorn and pet Potato’s head. She growled at Jefferson when he tried to scratch his nose.

“I love Potato,” Hamilton gushed to the fat dog. She wagged her tail at him and gave Jefferson a shifty look.

“What did I do to that dog?” Jefferson asked.

“Sorry, son, but we think she’s a bit racist,” admitted Washington.

Jefferson rolled his eyes. “Aaron is almost as black.”

“She can sense that stick up your butt,” Hamilton said with a smirk.

“Really, Alexander?” Washington scolded.

At nine o’clock, Mrs. Washington put aside her knitting and called to the dogs to go outside. Potato growled at Jefferson as she ran after the pack.

Washington chuckled.

“It’s not funny!” Jefferson insisted.

“You’re definitely right and I apologize. But you’re 6’2 and she weighs ten pounds.”

Hamilton and Burr giggled as well.

“Well, I never liked dogs,” Jefferson huffed. “I’m going upstairs before the evil thing comes back inside.”

“We’ll protect you,” Hamilton said. “Night, Dad,” he told Washington.

“Night, son.”

Jefferson bade them goodnight and closed the door to his guest room. Burr and Hamilton got under the covers in Hamilton’s bed.

An hour passed and Burr remained awake watching the shadows of the trees outside move against the window. He began to doze and a sudden vision of headlight and crunching sounds flooded his brain. His body jerked awake and he sat up panting in fright and pain. “Alex?”

The panic in Burr’s voice woke Hamilton at one. “What’s wrong?” he said. He heard the bed creak and felt Burr shift closer to him.

“I can’t sleep.”

“I’m here.” Hamilton found him in the dark and pulled him close.

Burr burrowed into Hamilton’s warmth and fell asleep.

***

The barking of yappy, little dogs and the skittering of their nails against the wood floors woke Jefferson promptly at seven. He checked his phone hoping for an update on Madison but no messages showed.

He showered, dressed and went downstairs where Potato greeted him with an angry howl and ran at his ankles.

“Potato!” Mrs. Washington scolded. The fat dog scampered back to her and jumped at her leg. “Good morning, dear. Breakfast is almost ready.”

Jefferson took a seat at the table prettily set with a red tablecloth and dishes patterned with flowers. A vase stuffed with cinnamon sticks filled the room with a rich scent.

Washington came in from the backyard with three of the dogs. He kissed his wife on the cheek before he greeted Jefferson.

Jefferson returned the greeting. “Have you heard from Jim?”

“Not yet,” Washington said. “He’ll call soon. I know they want to get Jemmy transferred to the local hospital today and as soon as they do, I will take you.”

Jefferson nodded. “Will James ever get better?”

“He’ll recover from this,” Washington said. “The signs are prom—”

“No,” he interrupted. “Better from being so fragile. Is it always going to be one crisis after another?”

Washington looked at his wife as she paused in flipping pancakes and watched him with a worried face. “Thomas…”

Jefferson pushed his chair back and went upstairs.


	37. Chapter 37

“I’m sorry you had to forfeit the debate.” Laurens sat on the floor in his dorm while Hamilton and Burr claimed the beanbag chairs. “I’m glad you’re both okay, though.”

The boys had stayed home a few extra days to recover. When they returned, Team Mulligan was all over them to make sure they were fine and had everything they needed. Angelica had already stopped by twice, too, to bring her heating pad for Hamilton’s still stiff neck, and several bags of candy.

“We’re recovering,” Hamilton said. “I hate that we’re done for the semester, though.” They could still debate on campus but there were no further chances to seek glory elsewhere.

“You don’t have a fourth member anyway,” reminded Laurens. “How is James?”

“Making Thomas question his life choices,” Hamilton said with a grin. “Our little duck is not a restful patient, believe it or not.”

“But he’s alive,” Burr said. “He might—”

“Don’t,” Hamilton commanded. “I don’t want to think about it.” He reached for a bag of gummy worms and stuffed one in his mouth.

Laurens got up to grab some stuff off his desk. “This’ll distract you.” He handed Hamilton the papers. “The petition for co-ed debate teams. That’s only a quarter of the signatures. Mulligan and Laf have been working their asses off to promote it after you guys got hurt. Gave us something to do.”

Hamilton smiled. “This is awesome, John. We’ll have Angelica on our team next semester for sure. We can give her and Thomas a final win before they graduate.”

Laurens and Burr watched Hamilton with the same proud expression.

“You’re something, Alex,” Laurens said. “You’re growing up.”

“Nah.” Hamilton tore into another gummy worm. “You guys are just immature.” He stood and tossed Burr the candy. “Gotta pee. Be right back.”

As he closed the door to his dorm, Eliza called his name from the common area.

A grimace stole across his face. It had been easy enough to avoid her after kissing Burr but he knew that couldn’t last. He turned her way but didn’t leave the security of the boy’s hall. “Hi, Eliza.”

“How is James?” Eliza moved toward him instead.

“Okay.”

“I have to ask, Alex, what is your deal?” She stopped a few feet from him, hands on her hips. “I don’t understand you. Words are everything to you but you don’t mean them. Everything out of your mouth is empty. I pity Aaron thinking he might get something from you and that he hasn’t learned that you are all talk and no action. I’ve learned my lesson. My sister was right to steer me away from you. You will never be satisfied. Good luck with your poor excuse for a life.”

Hamilton closed his mouth not even realizing it had dropped open at the speech. “What?”

Eliza shot him a scornful look. “Grow up, Alexander.”

A frown stole across his face and he followed her across the common area. “I am growing up, Eliza, and I’m sorry you can’t see that. I’m sorry your sister thinks so little of me that she has poisoned your mind against me. Hasn’t she told you everything my friends and I are doing to help her get on a debate team? What does maturity mean to you? What do you want from me?” He panted from sprouting off the words and half-chasing her down the hall.

“I wanted you to be my boyfriend.” Eliza held up her hand to stop his approach. “Now I want you to leave me alone.”

“Fine.” More words burned his tongue and he struggled to keep them in knowing the sting they would inflict. They spilled out nonetheless. “I was lying when I said I liked you back anyway.”

Eliza slammed her door.

Across the common area, Laurens and Burr weren’t quick enough to hide that they’d been listening since they heard Eliza call Hamilton’s name.

“Dude, that’s why I don’t date girls,” Laurens said. “They need too much commitment.”

Hamilton dragged himself back to them. “No, the same amount of commitment anyone deserves. She’s completely right.” He looked at Burr. “I’m not good with relationships but I’m trying, Aaron.”

Burr nodded.

“Let’s forget about all this crap,” Laurens said. “Dinner?”

“Sure,” Hamilton said. “I still have to pee, though.”

A few minutes later, they piled into Hamilton’s truck since Hamilton refused to walk far in the cold, even though the truck didn’t get warm by the time he parked at a restaurant down the street.

“I was born in South Carolina,” Laurens teased him. “I’m not this averse to the cold.”

“That’s your problem,” Hamilton said as he shivered inside the building.

The boys were soon seated and browsed the menu.

A waitress set a basket of chips on the table and took their drink order.

“Less than three months and I can drink,” Hamilton said. “Legally.”

Laurens smirked. “Babies.” He’s already turned twenty-one in October. “So are you done pursuing women, Alex? Going to commit to the right side?”

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “No. I’m still bi, John. I just don’t know what I’m doing as if I ever have.”

“Truer statement never was spoken, Hammy.” Laurens nudged Burr seated next to him. “What about you? You have that dumb urge to fuck women?”

Burr shrugged. “I dunno.” He sipped his Dr. Pepper. “Can we talk about other people’s problems rather than our own?”

Hamilton and Laurens agreed and jumped into discussing when they thought Jefferson and Madison would get married and how the honeymoon would go.

***

“Just take the medicine, Jemmy.” Jefferson held the small cup of thick red liquid to his boyfriend. “You’re trying my patience.”

“It tastes like melted crayons,” Madison whined.

“How would you even know what that tastes like?” Jefferson set the cup on the nightstand and knelt at the side of the bed. “Please, Jemmy? We can’t let your cold get any worse.” He kissed his boyfriend’s hand hating how warm it felt. He’d been out of the hospital barely a week before he was sick again. “You can have all the ice cream you want as soon as you take the medicine.”

Madison gave an exaggerated sigh of defeat. “Fine.” He pinched his nose and swallowed the thick syrup in two shuddering mouthfuls.

“Good boy.” Jefferson kissed his head. “I’ll get your ice cream.”

“I want a blizzard from Dairy Queen. Oreo.” His large blue eyes pleaded.

“Yes, my liege,” Jefferson teased. “Anything else?”

“Maybe some fries?”

“Your wish is my command.” He headed downstairs where Mrs. Washington was cleaning up following a late dinner while Mrs. Madison got some sleep after staying up with Madison for two nights and Mr. Madison remained at work to catch up on paperwork. “Jemmy only wants Dairy Queen,” he told her. “But he took his medicine.”

“Thank goodness,” Mrs. Washington said. “How’s his cough?”

“Better.”

They didn’t need to discuss further how him not coughing was the biggest relief. The stroke, seizure, and asthma had all weakened his lungs and to add a cold on top of it… The past two days had been worrisome, to say the least.

The restaurant was a half-hour from closing when Jefferson pulled up to the drive-thru. He ordered the ice cream and fries while fighting a yawn. He should stop for coffee, too, but hoped Madison would have a restful night and allow his loved ones some sleep as well.

By the time he returned, Madison was asleep. Jefferson stuck the ice cream in the freezer and ate the fries while he finished an assignment for speech class. A little before midnight, he crawled into bed and snuggled Madison to him. “I love you, Jemmy,” he whispered.

Madison made a faint purring sound half-asleep. “Same.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burr and Laurens fu--

Burr jumped at the knock on his door and his phone clattered to the floor. It was after ten o’clock at night. His first day back to class had exhausted him and nothing looked more inviting than his bed. But a shiver ran through him. Maybe it was Hamilton.

With a deep breath, Burr opened the door.

Laurens handed him a condom. “I’m not going to disrespect you again.” He closed the door behind him and cupped Burr’s face. His kiss was gentle, slow.

A musky scent filled Burr’s nose as he closed his eyes and tasted Laurens’ lips. _What am I doing?_ His hands moved up Laurens’ sides brushing up his shirt. _Not Alexander._

Hands pulled at the collar of his shirt as Laurens slipped his tongue in Burr’s mouth, exploring. He pulled back to murmur, “I know I’m not who you want but he’s not going to commit and you know it.” Laurens kissed him. “Let me give you what you need.”

In response, Burr moved his body closer to Laurens’. It was true, while he and Hamilton had talked that one night no action had come of Hamilton’s words. True, the car accident and Madison’s illnesses had been a distraction. But if Hamilton had meant what he said and wasn’t just trying to pacify Burr once more, he’d have asked by now, wouldn’t he? Eliza was out of the picture for sure. But Hamilton was as dense as they came. Still, Burr returned Laurens’ kiss and melted into the body he knew would please him.

Firm lips attacked his neck and dotted his skin with bruises. Laurens unzipped Burr’s hoodie and pushed it aside. He pulled off the t-shirt and moved his lips downward, sucking and nipping.

“John…” Burr tugged at Laurens’ ponytail. “This…”

“Him not asking you isn’t right either,” Laurens replied without the need of further context. “Aaron, he’s going to toy with you back and forth and never ask you out. He’s probably not even going to sleep with you. He hasn’t, has he?”

Burr shook his head.

“Get your frustrations out.” He moved his hands to Burr’s jeans. “It’ll clear your head.”

They were soon naked on top of each other, clueless to the noise they created and the bruises they gave each other.

Burr made sure Laurens put the condom on. He hated to admit it—and wouldn’t—but Laurens had been right. It felt a little bit better going bareback. Or maybe he was just unsure and tense this time.

“Will you return the favor?” Laurens murmured afterward as he rested against Burr’s back.

Burr turned to kiss him. “Yeah.” He wasn’t near as certain once he has the condom on and realized he’d never been on top.

Laurens sensed his hesitation. “If you prefer bottom, you can give me oral.”

Burr chewed on his lip. His body felt cold as the sweat dried and Laurens wasn’t against him. “Is that okay?”

Laurens twisted around to face Burr. “Yeah, Aaron.” His face was relaxed into an expression of tenderness. “I want you comfortable with me. If that’s what you prefer, that’s what we’ll do.”

Skepticism remained on Burr’s face but he spread apart Laurens’ leg and rubbed his hands against him until he was hard and moved in with his mouth.

 

Burr guessed it was around three in the morning when he heard his phone ringing. He struggled to move his heavy and aching body. Laurens sighed deeply in his sleep and rolled onto his stomach. Burr slipped off the bed and picked up his phone still on the floor.

Hamilton.

What was he supposed to say? He began to cuss himself out in his mind but stopped when he heard Hamilton whisper, “It’s James. They don’t think he’s going to make it.”


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I make y'all cry.

Time stopped. Burr’s heart thudded in his chest. His mouth already dry, wouldn’t open. He tried again and couldn’t find words. He couldn’t find anything. He hung up and threw on some clothes. He ran down the hall to Hamilton’s dorm as his friend opened the door.

Car keys in one hand, clothes in the other, Hamilton stared at Burr with wide eyes, face deathly pale. “Dad called me,” he said his voice barely a cracked whisper, “a few minutes ago.” They headed out of the dorm almost running. “Said he’d pick us up. But we’re closer to the hospital.”

The drive was a blur. Burr remembered only the faint murmur of the radio and Hamilton’s rattled breathing. Madison had survived so much and was over his cough, how could he be sick again? No, not sick—dying.

Hamilton parked crooked in the parking lot but neither cared. They didn’t realize how much of a disaster they looked until they saw the receptionist’s horrified and shocked face.

“James Madison,” Hamilton shouted at her.

“You’ll need to put pants on, sir,” she said.

“Who the fuck cares?” Hamilton exclaimed. “Where’s our friend at?”

Burr clung to Hamilton’s shoulder as his eyes burned and a prolonged shiver struck his body.

The peeved receptionist typed something into her computer. “Third floor.”

They took off running toward the elevator. Burr pounded his finger again and again at the button. He did the same once inside.

“What if he’s dead?” Hamilton sputtered and hyperventilated. His chest hurt and his arms felt numb. He shut his eyes against the flood of tears that wanted to spill free. _Keep it together. He’s going to be okay. Not our little duck!_

The elevator door opened and they raced down the hall.

“James Madison?” Hamilton yelled at the first hospital employee they saw.

The poor bewildered nurse stared at them.

Hamilton dragged Burr away to find someone else not having the patience to explain. He almost threw himself across the desk at a nurse’s station. “We’re looking for James Madison.”

She gave a strained smile. “Room 303.”

Burr scanned the walls for numbers and bolted toward the left, Hamilton at his heels.

But what would they find behind the door? Neither wanted to make the move. However, they were making enough noise in their panic that Jefferson let them in.

Jefferson’s face was ashen and puffy. His eyes distant, dead. He didn’t look at them and returned to a chair near Madison’s bed. Mr. and Mrs. Madison sat on the other side.

Ghostly white and still, it didn’t appear that Madison was breathing if not for the steady beep of the heart monitor.

Burr wanted to ask what happened, tried to, but his lips refused to cooperate and trembled instead.

Hamilton stood frozen at the end of the bed. A tear rolled down his cheek and a quiet gasp escaped while he struggled to hold it in.

“We think it was an asthma attack,” Jefferson said in a low choked voice. “He just stopped breathing. He can’t breathe on his own.”

Hamilton squeezed his eyes shut and felt Jefferson’s hand touch his and pull him close. He let himself sink onto his friend’s lap. He looked ridiculous in hotdog printed boxers and heavy combat boots but no one even noticed.

The door opened quietly and the Washington’s slipped inside. Mrs. Washington embraced Madison’s parents as they all sobbed. Washington swallowed multiple times, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy.

Silence other than the beeping settled in the room and made Burr’s ears ring. No one stirred even a finger.

Outside the thin curtains, dawn crept up and painted faint lines across the floor. A nurse checked in periodically and the hallway filled with the hum of chatter as more employees showed up for work.

A sudden ringing made everyone jump and Mrs. Madison almost screamed. Burr fumbled for his phone out of his back pocket and silenced the intrusion. His tired eyes returned to Madison’s death pallor.

“I should call home,” Mr. Madison said a little later. “The children ought to be here.” A tear rolled down his cheek as he kissed his wife and stood. He moved like a man of eighty, his steps slow and broken. Burr slipped out after him and checked to see who had called.

Laurens.

Burr sent him a text back explaining that Madison was in the hospital. What had happened—again—between them couldn’t penetrate his mind. None of that mattered. He pulled up Angelica’s text stream and told her what was going on, too. She replied first.

_How bad?_

Burr squeezed his eyes shut and typed blindly not wanting to see or think of the words.

_Really bad. Not breathing on his own._

_I’m on my way._

_Room 303._

Burr locked his phone and rested his head against the wall. He stayed there even after Mr. Madison returned inside. He was still there a half hour later when Angelica arrived.

She pulled him close and stroked his back. She didn’t say anything, just held him.

After a few minutes, they went into the room. Jefferson stood by the bed stroking Madison’s cold cheeks. Silent tears streamed down his face. Angelica touched his back and stood next to him.

A quiet sob escaped from Hamilton again and Washington pulled him close.

The morning passed in silence, in waiting, in praying, in hoping.

The doctor came in around noon and asked everyone except the parents to leave so he could conduct some tests.

“Thomas, you can stay,” Mr. Madison said. He held his wife close.

Jefferson shook his head and hurried out. He headed toward the bathroom.

The Washington’s led the other three to the nearby waiting area. Angelica and Burr sat next to each other. Washington held his wife’s hand while Hamilton squeezed into the chair with him.

At least an hour passed. Jefferson sat with them for a few minutes as he composed himself before he returned to Madison’s side. Distant crying pulled them out of their stupor. Instantly tears flooded down Hamilton’s cheeks and Mrs. Washington gasped. They returned to room 303 where Mrs. Madison had passed out and Mr. Madison couldn’t hold it together.

Jefferson was bent over Madison. His whole body shook and desperate cries escaped.

The doctor looked at the group crowded in the doorway. “We’ll be taking him off the ventilator soon.”

Angelica wiped her eyes. “Is there any chance?”

“Very slim.”

Washington caught his wife as she wavered on her feet. A tear spilled down his cheek and he pulled his son close to him with his other hand.

Jefferson’s sobs grew louder and his whispered pleas made it all the worse as he begged his boyfriend not to leave him forever.

Hamilton kept wiping his eyes but it did no good. His throat ached and he couldn’t swallow. He looked around for the person missing from the group and realized it was Madison. They couldn’t lose their little duck.

Please, not their little duck.

Mrs. Washington composed herself enough to help Mr. Madison as he assisted his wife to sit up as she revived. One look at her son and she screamed and bawled.

Jane and Mary—Jefferson’s two older sisters—arrived with the wailing children to say goodbye to their brother.

Non-family members, not including Jefferson, were shuffled out but sitting in the waiting room couldn’t muffle the crying or Nelly’s screams. Mrs. Washington remained closer to the room to be of any assistance and soon returned to the waiting area with Bess who couldn’t understand what was happening. Terror filled her big blue eyes and she held tight to her stuffed monkey.

“Lecks?” She reached out toward Hamilton.

But Hamilton shook his head and buried his face against Washington’s chest. “Dad, is he really—” His voice broke and his whole body shuddered.

No one knew what to do. Tears would start to dry for the moment then another wail would erupt from room 303. Quiet would return, then someone in the waiting room would sniffle and send someone else back into tears.

No one wanted to meet the doctor’s eyes when he appeared in the doorway. “It’s time.”

Washington stood and pulled Hamilton to his feet. Mrs. Washington gave Bess to Jane and took her husband’s hand. Burr and Angelica followed behind.

Nelly and Ambrose remained in the room with their parents while Mary took William and Sarah. Frank chose not to stay.

The doctor made his way into the crowded room and tried to get Jefferson to move from Madison’s bedside.

“I’m not letting go,” Jefferson cried.

“Thomas,” Mr. Madison choked out. “Please.”

Jefferson moved back and collapsed in the vacant chair. The chair rocked under his shaking body.

The doctor removed the ventilator and they waited for the beeping to stop. For the ominous buzz. For the silence that would follow the machine being turned off.

For their little duck to breath his last.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Probably more crying.

The steady beep of the monitor continued.

Jefferson looked up wiping his eyes.

A minute passed.

No one dared move. The buzz would come just as they began to hope.

Washington’s arm pulled tight against Hamilton and he could feel every muscle trembling in his son’s body.

At the back of the room, Burr squeezed Angelica’s hand tight.

Two minutes.

Mr. and Mrs. Madison moved closer to the bed. Their tear-streaked, desolate faces didn’t begin to hope. Ambrose and Nelly clung to their parents, eyes focused on their eldest brother’s pale face.

Three minutes.

Reaching a hand toward Madison’s head, Jefferson stroked his hair, his hand just barely touching as if too much would break him.

Four minutes.

Madison’s chest rose up with the first deep breath. The beeping on the monitor grew stronger, louder.

Jefferson opened his mouth but no sound escaped. He stepped back to let the doctor in closer to examine Madison. He moved Madison’s arms out of the blankets. Madison’s fingers twitched.

“Jemmy,” Jefferson blurted.

“Take his hand,” the doctor said.

Jefferson picked up the pale, limp hand. “Jemmy, we’re all here. Can you hear me?”

Madison’s hand flexed in his boyfriend’s.

“You’re doing great, Jem.” Jefferson kissed his fingers.

Madison took another deep breath and his eyelids fluttered.

“Deep breaths, son,” Mr. Madison whispered. He touched a hand to Madison’s pale cheek. “Mom and I are here, Jem.”

A sliver of bright blue appeared under barely opened eyelids. His mouth parted as if to speak but he was too weak to get out any words.

Mrs. Madison crowded in and touched his forehead. “Jemmy, love. Stay strong.”

His hand flexed in Jefferson’s again.

Still not daring to hope, Jefferson rubbed his thumb against the back of Madison’s hand. He sucked in a shaky breath. That death buzz could fill the room at any moment.

Madison wheezed on his next breath and everyone froze.

A nurse stepped in and put an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. “Breath as normal, James,” she instructed.

Madison took a deep breath.

“We’ll run more tests,” the doctor told Mr. and Mrs. Madison. “I like what I’m seeing. His lungs may be stronger than we dared hope.”

Tears spilled down Mrs. Madison’s cheeks and her husband hugged her.

Hand almost crushed, Angelica shook it free of Burr’s grip. She hugged him and refused to let go.

Washington relaxed his hold on Hamilton and hugged his wife. “Let’s give the doctor some space,” he said in a thick voice. He steered Hamilton out and used his other hand to guide Burr and Angelica out of the way.

“Do you have pants, Alexander?” Washington asked.

“In my truck,” Hamilton replied his voice a rasp. His face felt dry and stiff from all the tears.

Burr headed for the bathroom and it was only when he undid his jeans did he realize he’d never put on underwear. He could now feel his sockless feet rubbing at the soles of his shoes. His thick hair was matted to the back of his head. Not to mention how pale and drained he looked with dark circles under his eyes. Unrelated to that were bruises on his neck visible without a collar to hide them.

He washed his hands and checked his phone. Laurens had sent several messages; each more panicked then the one before. Burr quickly replied that they were hopeful. He found Angelica in the waiting room on the phone with Eliza. Mrs. Washington spoke to the children and dried their tears. Burr took a seat and his body collapsed inward as his tight muscles released.

Angelica hung up and sat next to him. “I can’t even imagine what his parents and Thomas went through.” She found Burr’s hand and twisted their fingers together. “Are you doing alright?”

Burr unstuck his dry lips and struggled to find his voice. He could imagine it all too well. “Yeah.”

Washington and Hamilton returned with coffee and donuts.

Burr gratefully took the drink as his gritty eyes struggled to remain open.

In room 303, Jefferson chewed on his cuticles as the doctor ran test after test on Madison. He was weak, his heartrate slow and too long without the oxygen tank made him wheeze. But he was alive. The antibiotics he’d been given upon his arrival to the hospital had kicked in in the nick of time. As long as Madison could fight the infection, the doctor gave them hope.

“If Thomas hadn’t been by his side when he stopped breathing,” the doctor said, “he wouldn’t be here. We’ll keep him on oxygen overnight. His white blood cell count is low, which is worrisome with the infection. We’ll need to do an MRI soon to determine the extent of the damage to his lungs. Keep praying.”

Washington slipped in as the doctor left and handed out coffee.

Jefferson sipped his drink and watched Madison sleep. His mind flashed back to the horrific sensation he’d gotten when he’d rolled over in bed—was it already twelve hours ago?—that chill, that sudden panic. He couldn’t describe the feeling only the knowledge that something hadn’t been right. He remembered resting a hand on Madison’s chest and the coldness of his tiny body. He’d broken a lamp trying to turn it on in haste and had dialed 911 while pulling a shard of glass out of his foot and giving Madison mouth to mouth.

He would never forget how Madison had looked when he had finally gotten a light turned on. That pale, stiff, open-eyed stare would haunt his nightmares forever.

Now he watched for each breath as his own body continued to tremble. The warm coffee cup felt good against his stiff, cold hands.

Exhausted from the overwhelming twelve hours, Mrs. Madison fell asleep against her husband. Mr. Madison focused on Jefferson. “Thank you, Thomas. I know things have been a struggle for you dealing with Jem’s health and making your relationship work. But you are very important to all of us.”

Jefferson could only nod, his tender eye contact showing his feelings better than words could anyway.

The coffee soothed his raw throat and Jefferson only then realized how much he’s cried and screamed since two in the morning. It all felt like a dream, a nightmare. As if he watched it happen from outside his body.

“Why don’t you stretch your legs for a few minutes, Thomas,” Washington said. “I’ll stay here.”

Jefferson set his coffee down and stood as his legs wobbled. He staggered out of the room and found the bathroom. He hadn’t realized how badly he needed to pee until then. He was glad the restroom was empty for how long he seemed to urinate.

Burr and Hamilton jumped up when Jefferson entered the waiting area. He was relieved to see Hamilton in pants again and a sudden rush of affection flooded him. He pulled both of his friends to him and wondered if he had ever hugged Burr before. Despite seeing Burr almost every day, he realized how little they communicated to each other on a personal level. He would fix that. Life was too short and fragile.

Burr rested his head against Jefferson’s shoulder, just barely tall enough to do so. He closed his eyes and held on tight.

“Is our little duck going to be okay?” Hamilton asked. His blue-violet eyes remained puffy and red.

Jefferson nodded and touched his friend’s face with a chilled hand.

“I know you and I don’t talk much,” Burr began to Jefferson in a thick whisper, “but you mean the world to me as much as James does.” Tears filled his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.

Jefferson had no hope for control and cried as well.

“You guys gotta stop,” blubbered Hamilton.

Jefferson wiped his face. “Knowing you guys would drop everything—” His voice cracked “—at three in the morning.” He closed his eyes a moment trying to gain control. “I love both of you.”

Hamilton buried his face in Jefferson’s chest. “Stop being sappy,” he sobbed.

Jefferson rubbed Hamilton’s head.

Burr backed out of the way rubbing his eyes while Jefferson lifted Hamilton up and hugged him.

“Jeez, you barely weigh more than Jem,” he teased. He set Hamilton down. “Thanks for being here. You, too, Angelica.”

Angelica waved a hand as she tried to wipe her tears. “Don’t mind me blubbering at you guy’s moment,” she said.

Jefferson headed back to Madison’s room.

Burr and Hamilton sat down, exhausted. Coffee and sugar didn’t help anymore. Burr let his head rest on Hamilton’s shoulder and his spent body drifted asleep.

 

The Washington’s took Burr and Hamilton home with them around six. Angelica had helped the Jefferson sisters take the children home an hour earlier.

Mrs. Washington heated up leftover lasagna and stuck a loaf of garlic bread in the oven. She dished up large pieces and urged multiple pieces of garlic bread. No one had eaten much all day and needed little encouragement.

Finished eating, Burr struggled to keep his eyes open and almost dozed at the table.

“Best go on up to bed,” Washington said.

Burr didn’t protest. He and Hamilton grabbed the bags they had gotten from a quick detour to their dorms and headed upstairs.

“Which room do you want?” Hamilton asked.

“I don’t want to sleep alone,” Burr said.

Hamilton opened the door to his room. “Do you want to shower?” he asked.

“I’m too tired,” Burr replied. He dropped his bag on the bed and pulled out his pajamas.

They soon got in bed and Hamilton fell asleep. Despite his exhaustion, Burr lay awake. He struggled to place the day’s events in order and figure out where one ended and the other began. What had he been doing twenty-four hours ago? Was that when he hooked up with Laurens? That felt like forever ago.

He rolled on his side and thought briefly of Laurens. He had texted a few times throughout the day to ask after Madison. His life hadn’t been crushed by the prospect of losing him, though.

Hamilton snorted in his sleep and flung an arm at Burr. Burr stroked his hand. How could he have betrayed Hamilton by sleeping with Laurens again? It was true Hamilton hadn’t asked him out yet and, maybe, didn’t plan to. But they still had something, didn’t they? Had he ruined it by hooking up with Laurens? But if Hamilton truly wanted him…

Burr ground his teeth. He couldn’t continue this not knowing. Sleeping with Laurens had been wrong, that was clear by the day’s tortured events. He didn’t love Laurens, had no interest in dating him. But damn was he good in bed.

 _Ugh!_ Burr didn’t want the relationship; he didn’t want the doting partner and the drama. He created enough drama himself anyway. He just wanted… what?

 _To know who I am._ He’d lost his parents as a toddler and couldn’t remember them. Uncle Timothy had never loved him. Sadie had been his everything, the one person who cared for him. She had given him an identity in a way, at least provided him with a sense of family. Now she was gone. Uncle Timothy wanted nothing to do with him. There was no family for him. He had his friends and college. Those things would end in a year and a half.

 _Or sooner_ , Burr thought. He would turn twenty-one in February and have access to his trust fund for purposes other than college. He could spend the remainder of his junior year looking for a job, getting his name out there. The trust fund money would give him a down payment on an apartment and cover several month’s rent and groceries. Preferably, he’d have a job as well. He could start his life; find out who he was. Make himself into something instead of waiting for others to do that for him.

It’s what needed to happen, he decided. College wasn’t helping him find himself. He needed to be on his own. He couldn’t keep waiting. Life wasn’t guaranteed. Nor was happiness.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton says yes.

Jefferson didn’t leave the hospital until eleven and returned by six the next morning. Madison’s room was empty except for the sleeping patient, but he noted Mrs. Madison’s purse on the floor next to a chair. He dropped his backpack next to the other chair and sat by the window to watch the sun rise and finish his coffee. He fell asleep a few minutes later instead.

“Thomas?” Mrs. Madison touched his shoulder.

Jefferson mumbled nonsense as he squinted awake. “Huh?”

She touched his cheek with a faint smile. “This is Jemmy’s nurse, Inez.” She indicated to the calm, middle-aged woman standing near Madison’s hospital bed. “She wanted to talk to us.”

Jefferson nodded and rubbed his eyes.

Inez moved another chair over to sit near them. “An MRI is scheduled for eight this morning,” she said. “But more importantly—” she smiled “—does he prefer to be called James or Jemmy?”

Mrs. Madison and Jefferson exchanged a glance.

“Well,” Mrs. Madison began, “I don’t believe we’ve ever asked his preference. Our family has always called him Jemmy but I know his friends call him James and that’s what he’s gone by at school.”

 “I don’t want to intrude on his family name then. Our main concern with James is that he is very fragile,” she continued. “We believe what’s going on now is a complication from his stroke a few weeks ago along with an infection.” She looked between the two—the short, curvy woman and the tall, muscular man. “The tests we ran last night indicate a lot of general weakness. He will need physical therapy. He will need to spend some time in the hospital. His recovery could take months if he can fight the infection.”

Mrs. Madison looked at her hands as she took in the news.

“What kind of physical therapy?” Jefferson asked. He struggled to swallow and cleared his throat. That “if” rang in his head and he tried to ignore it. His heart wanted to celebrate that Madison was alive and that meant all would be fine but his brain focused on the struggle still to come.

“I’m not sure what program will be decided but he’ll need exercises to strengthen his legs. He’ll likely need to be in a wheelchair for a short time.”

An ache settled in his chest and Jefferson pressed his knuckles against it. He had many questions but knew none would have a definitive answer. No one could know right now how long it would take Madison to recover his strength or if he could. He could suffer another stroke tomorrow or the infection could take a turn that he couldn’t fight. No one could give him the certainty he wanted.

Mrs. Madison looked up. “Any timeline on how long he’ll need to stay in the hospital? My husband and I have four young ones at home. We’ll need an idea of how to make arrangements.”

“A week minimum,” Inez said. “I know you want a friend or family member here with him at all times, but I can promise you he’ll be sleeping a lot and won’t know. Our hope is for him to start therapy soon and we’ll give you a schedule for that once it’s decided.”

“I can be here whenever,” Jefferson told Mrs. Madison. “Washington will understand and let me submit all my work online to him.”

Mrs. Madison patted his leg. “I know but you have other classes, too, and finals are around the corner. Your future is important, Thomas. We’ll figure this out. Martha and I can trade off on watching Bess in the morning. Jim can take an afternoon or two off for this week.”

“James has a lot of people who love him,” Inez commented. “Support goes a long way in recovery.” She checked her watch. “It’s almost eight. We’ll need James awake for the MRI. I’ll be back shortly.” She left the room.

The chair squeaked as Jefferson stood and approached Madison’s bed. He stroked his boyfriend’s forehead. “Good morning, Jemmy,” he whispered.

Madison’s eyelids moved and squinted open a sliver. “T.” He closed his eyes again.

“You need to wake up for a little bit.” He tucked some stray hair back behind Madison’s ear and breathing tube. “How do you feel?”

“I dunno,” Madison whispered. “My legs hurt.”

“You’ll need some physical therapy,” Jefferson explained to him. “Maybe a wheelchair for a while. You know I’ll always be here to take care of you.”

Madison opened his eyes fully this time and took in his boyfriend’s face. “I’m lucky.”

A soft smile touched Jefferson’s face. “And so am I.” He kissed Madison’s forehead. “You’re getting an MRI and I’ll be right here when you come back.”

“Okay.”

Inez and another nurse soon took Madison away. Mrs. Madison and Jefferson took up residence in the two seats by the small window. She took out some knitting and he opened his laptop and used a hospital tray to hold his law book as he worked on a paper.

A half hour later, Jefferson looked up from his computer. “Does Jem know what happened? Like, how bad it was? Do you think he saw anything?”

The yarn faltered on Mrs. Madison’s needles. “Heaven?”

Jefferson nodded. “He had stopped breathing. He was…” There was no point in explaining. They both knew how close he’d come to dying multiple times.

“I don’t know, Thomas. I don’t know if I want to know.” She picked up the dropped stitch. “Don’t tell him or ask him.”

“I won’t.” He returned to his laptop.

Inez soon returned Madison to his bed and he fell back asleep.

There was one class he couldn’t miss that morning and Jefferson headed for the college. “I can bring you back something for lunch,” he told Mrs. Madison as he put away his laptop.

“Thanks, Thomas.” She squeezed his hand. “Don’t tell the children but I would love a hamburger and fries.”

Jefferson grinned. “Got it.”

***

He wasn’t even out of his truck when Hamilton and Burr ran toward him.

“How’s James?” Hamilton called out.

“Sleeping.” Jefferson pulled them both in a hug. He told them about the lengthy expected recovery but couldn’t bring himself to voice the uncertainty of the lung infection. “Anything I need to know from Washington’s class?”

“Nah,” Hamilton said. “Dad said he’d email you anything important. You just have to show up for the finals.”

“Cool.”

His friends walked him to class before heading back in the opposite direction.

“We need to talk, Alexander,” Burr said.

Hamilton stopped as color drained from his florid face. “Aaron—”

“I’m dropping out of the college after next semester,” Burr said. He scraped the toe of his boot on the sidewalk. “I’ll have access to what’s left of my trust fund then.”

A frown creased his forehead. “But—Aaron—what about law school?” Hamilton sputtered.

“I could never afford that and don’t want to be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.” Burr looked up. “I’m not eloquent like you and Thomas. I’m more suited to behind-the-scenes stuff. I’d rather do that.”

The frown deepened. “But you still need your degree.” Hamilton reached to grab Burr’s hand.

He stepped back from his friend’s grasp. “I can spend next semester looking for a job. I’ll manage.”

Grinding his teeth, Hamilton asked, “Have you talked to Dad?”

“No. I’m not going to.” Burr took a step, bidding Hamilton to follow.

“Don’t do this, Aaron.” Hamilton moved in front of him. “I know it’s because of me. I’m sorry, I know I should—”

“Shut up, Alexander.”

Hamilton’s lips parted and he stared at Burr.

Burr watched his hands. “When you told Eliza that you had never liked her, were you telling the truth then?”

Hamilton nodded.

“When you told her that you did like her after she told you she liked you, why did you say that?”

Licking his lips and as he tried to sort out what Burr said, Hamilton began slowly, “Probably because she said it first. I wanted to make her happy and when she said she liked me, I felt this sudden surge, like, I did like her because if someone liked me, how could I not like them back?”

Burr stole a quick glance at Hamilton’s troubled eyes. “So, when we talked recently, you were in effect, telling me what I wanted to hear because you felt bad that you had hurt me earlier by telling me the truth.”

Hamilton rubbed his forehead. “I’m not sure where you’re getting that you wouldn’t make a good lawyer, Aaron. I don’t know. Honest.”

“Then why don’t we try?” Burr searched out Hamilton’s gaze.

A sudden gust of wind made Hamilton hunch his shoulders and pull up his hood. “I don’t know how to date. I don’t know how to buy gifts and be sweet and all that shit.”

“Good,” Burr said, “because I don’t have money to reciprocate and I hate mushy shit. Alexander, if you honest to God don’t love me, then walk away. But if you have some desire, then let’s try.”

“Okay.”

Burr took a deep breath. “Alexander, will you go out with me?”

Looking up for the first time, Hamilton nodded. “Yes, Aaron.” He held out his hand.

Burr took it and laced their fingers together. “Why don’t we play hooky today and make a blanket fort and watch movies?”

Hamilton’s face lit up. “Yes!”

They hurried back to the dorm and grabbed extra blankets and pillows from Hamilton’s room. Burr’s dorm was too small to move the mattress to the floor but they made a cozy fort under the bed with a blanket hanging from the side.

With blankets beneath them, Hamilton and Burr lay on the floor and watched movies on Hamilton’s laptop. They forgot about lunch but by late afternoon, Burr couldn’t ignore his growling stomach any longer.

“Can we grab some snacks from the campus café?” he asked.

Hamilton paused the movie. “Of course.” He crawled out of the fort. He raided Burr’s closet for a hoodie to layer over his flannel shirt and pulled on his coat over that.

Burr grabbed a jacket.

At the café, they loaded up on sandwiches, cookies, candy bars, and juice and ran back to the warmth of the blanket fort.

Just before five, Hamilton’s phone rang.

“Ugh, it’s Dad.” Hamilton made a face and answered. “Hello?”

“Where were you today?” Washington asked.

“Watching movies with Aaron.” He glanced at his boyfriend. “We needed to spend the day together.”

“The semester is almost over,” Washington chided. “You can’t be slacking now.”

“Dad, I know. But James almost died and I need—” His voice cracked as a sudden wave of sadness and terror washed over him. What if Madison had died? What if any of his friends did? What if… what if Washington died?

“It’s okay, son.” Washington’s voice softened. “I wasn’t yelling at you. I understand. Do you want to come home?”

“I’ll stay with Aaron.” Hamilton rubbed at his eyes.

“Okay. Call me in the morning.”

“I will.” He sniffled. “Dad, I love you.”

“I love you, too, Alexander.”

Hamilton hung up and squeezed his eyes shut. An arm pulled him close and Burr kissed his head.

“This is why I need you,” Burr whispered. “It’s also why I plan to drop out of college. I need to find myself before it’s too late. Time moves too fast.”

“I think I understand now.” Hamilton tucked himself against Burr’s chest. “I can’t be as amazing as Thomas is to James but—”

“Thomas’ level of devotion is unattainable and insane,” Burr interrupted. “Just be you, Alex. That’s who I love.”

Hamilton looked up and kissed him. “I’m good at being me,” he murmured.

Burr smiled. “Good.”


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if... what if...

“You must be Thomas,” said a different nurse as she came in the room the next morning to find Jefferson parked near the window with a book. She took Madison’s temperature and gave him his medicine.

“Yes, ma’am,” Jefferson said. “What’ve you heard?”

The nurse chuckled. “You’re all this dear boy talks about. Look at him smiling.”

Jefferson looked at Madison’s face and saw him staring at him, love consuming his peaked, pale face. He smiled at his boyfriend, although he doubted Madison talked about him since he seemed to sleep twenty hours a day.

“Inez will be in shortly to take James to therapy,” she said and left the room.

Setting his book aside, Jefferson stood by Madison’s bed. They were on day five of his hospital stay. “Are you ready for this, Jemmy?”

“Duncan,” Madison whispered.

Jefferson glanced around the bed, then the floor and found Madison’s dropped narwhal.

Madison cuddled the toy and closed his eyes.

“No, Jemmy.” Jefferson stroked his head. “You have to stay awake. Inez said you’d start with only fifteen minutes. I’m sure you can take Duncan with you and I’ll be there, too.”

“Okay.” Madison scooted himself slowly to sit upright. That had been yesterday’s task, to sit upright for ten minutes each hour while he was awake. That resulted in a meltdown at eight o’clock last night, which led to crying, difficulty breathing, and more crying from his family.

“Good boy.” Jefferson kissed his head.

Inez came in with a smile. “Look at you, James, all ready to go.” She maneuvered a wheelchair close to the bed. “Thomas, can you get James comfortable in his throne?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jefferson pulled back Madison’s blankets and scooped him up while Inez repositioned the oxygen tank and tubes. He tucked another blanket around Madison and Duncan and found his slippers.

“A-OK, James?” Inez asked.

Madison nodded.

She led the way out of the room and to the elevator. On the fifth floor, she directed Jefferson through a glass door and introduced him and James to the physical therapist.

Lila looked about thirty with short cut hair, a nose ring, and a tattoo on her wrist. “I’m pleased to meet both of you,” she said. “We won’t keep James out of his warm bed for long. Thomas, if you want to set him on the mat.” She indicated to the floor.

Nearby, other physical therapists worked with patients. Jefferson’s eyes wandered briefly, as he lifted Madison out of the wheelchair. He wanted to see what else was going on but at the same time didn’t want to get discouraged either by patients much stronger than his boyfriend nor did he want to dwell on how weak Madison was.

At Lila’s instructions, Jefferson sat with Madison between his legs to help hold him up.

Madison hid his face behind his narwhal.

“You’re shy, aren’t you?” Lila said. “You don’t have to talk, I promise. Can I take off your slippers?”

Madison bobbed his head.

She set the slippers aside and drew his legs out straight. “You have a bit of a claw toe,” she explained. “I’m going to stretch your toes a little first before we work on your legs.”

Jefferson watched her pull the knuckled toes downward.

Madison whimpered.

“I know it’s painful,” Lila said. “We want to re-straighten the joint. You’re doing amazing.”

Finished, she instructed Jefferson to help Madison lie on his stomach. “Can you raise your right leg backward?”

“No,” Madison whispered.

“Can you try?”

He moved his leg off the ground a few inches.

“Great!”

It wasn’t _great_ , Jefferson thought. Madison was much weaker than he expected. He thought Madison would be on his feet, using aids to take steps, not lying on his stomach barely able to move his leg up a few inches.

The session ended a few minutes later and Jefferson took Madison back to his hospital room.

Once Madison was asleep—ten minutes later—Jefferson stepped out of the room and called Mrs. Madison.

“How did it go?” she asked.

“I hadn’t realized how weak he is,” Jefferson admitted. “It was, kind of, distressing.”

“The doctor thinks he’ll gain the strength back quickly, at least once the lung infection is wholly cleared up. Is he asleep now?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be there soon. Thank you, Thomas.”

Jefferson hung up and stepped back in the room.

“T,” Madison whispered. “I thought you left.”

Two long strides took him to Madison’s bedside. “Of course not, Jem.” He kissed his boyfriend’s forehead. “I wanted to call your mom.”

“Stay.” He grasped Jefferson’s shirt.

“I am, Jemmy.” He managed to perch himself on the edge of the bed and checked to make sure he wasn’t in the way of the oxygen lines as he leaned back. He pushed up the sleeve of Madison’s pajama top and ran his nails gently against his skin.

The pretty blue eyes closed.

Just in time, Jefferson thought as tears spilled down his cheeks. The _what if_ remained behind every thought he had, every word he spoke. Madison’s parents tried to persuade him to make all his classes but _what if_ Madison took a turn while he was giving some stupid speech in class? _What if_ Madison stopped breathing while he was wasting time in the cafeteria? _What if_ Madison needed him and he was in asleep in his dorm? He couldn’t bear the guilt of not being here if his boyfriend needed him. What difference would a B in any class make? Or even a C? Maybe law school had to wait another year if Madison’s health remained fragile and he needed the extra care. None of that would matter. Not being here if his Jemmy…

He didn’t hear Mrs. Madison come in and jumped when her hand touched his back.

Small as she was—a little shorter than her son—she wrapped Jefferson in her embrace. “It’s okay to cry,” she soothed. “Let it out.”

A whimper escaped Jefferson’s mouth as the tears dripped off his chin. He couldn’t wipe them away fast enough.

“You’re doing so much for him,” Mrs. Madison said as tears leaked from her own eyes. “But don’t forget to take care of yourself, okay? George has offered to stay with Jemmy tonight. Will you stay at Montpelier?”

Jefferson nodded.

 

He should have declined, Jefferson thought as he stood in the doorway of Madison’s bedroom. He already knew he couldn’t sleep in that bed as the memory of that night smacked him in the face. He would have a heart attack if he woke in the night and discovered Madison not by his side before he remembered his boyfriend was in the hospital. He would sleep in the guest room but he needed to get his clothes.

“Why are you here?”

Jefferson grunted as he slammed his finger in the dresser drawer at the sound of Frank’s voice. “Your mom invited me.”

Frank crossed his arms. “You have your own mom.”

“I like yours better.” He quickly changed the subject before he dwelled on another sore spot in his life. “What do you want?”

“Is he going to die?”

Jefferson looked over at the tallest of the siblings. He would be graduating high school in the spring. He wanted to be a doctor, Jefferson knew and hoped his bedside manner was better with strangers than with his own brother. But a look of humanity touched Frank’s eyes for once. “No, Frank.”

Frank nodded and disappeared from the doorway.

Jefferson resumed digging for his pajamas and clothes to wear tomorrow. “What the fuck?” he mumbled and pulled out a stack of tank tops he knew his pajamas had been underneath before.

“Thomas, we put your clothes in the guest room already,” Mr. Madison said.

“Fuck!” Jefferson exclaimed as he slammed his finger again. “Dammit. Sorry, Jim.” He stuck his sore finger in his mouth.

Mr. Madison shook his head a bemused quirk to his lips.

“How did you know I kept clothes over here?” Jefferson asked as he followed Mr. Madison out.

“Do you think Jemmy ever puts away his own laundry?” Mr. Madison opened the guest room door. “Eleanor noticed stuff out of order when she was putting things away. That was months ago. We just never told you we knew.” He indicated to the closet. “Eleanor hung up your shirts and pants. Honestly, Thomas, while Jem is sick you might as well stay here. We’ll know where you are if anything arises at night and when Jem is home, you can be with him.”

Jefferson stared at the short, balding man and willed his eyes to stop burning. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“You’re family, Thomas. Good night.” Mr. Madison closed the bedroom door.

The closest held his shirts and cargo pants in a tidy row. One dresser drawer held socks and underwear, another his pajamas.

He plugged in his phone and got out his laptop from his backpack. Washington had emailed him the PowerPoint from the day and he wanted to view it before exhaustion took over.

As soon as he was settled on the bed, his phone rang.

 _Mom_ flashed on the screen and his shoulders slumped. What did she want to yell at him about this time? He hadn’t seen her since before the car accident. He hadn’t truly thought she would blame him for it but she did. After she screamed on the phone at him for five minutes about how careless and thoughtless he was, he had ranted back at her and not answered a call from her since. The first message she left was a few days before the night Madison almost died.

_If you think, you have the privilege… If you think, I’m going to continue paying for your education…If you can’t…_

Snarling at the memory, Jefferson hung up on the incoming call.

The second message had been after that horrible night.

_Maybe this will be a wakeup call to you… Maybe you’ll learn not to be so careless…_

There was no point in trying to reason with her. His flawless record as a good, obedient, studious son for twenty years meant nothing after he made one mistake. True, it was a big mistake but that didn’t make him a bad person. Some of her fears may have been valid—he was an African American male in a country that thought he was always up to no good—but how could his own mother think he’d perpetuate a life of crime because he went after his boyfriend’s assailant?

Boyfriend—that was the true reason, Jefferson was certain. His mother may have gone with it when he came out in eighth grade but she never had much to fear of him being an embarrassment since he never dated until his sophomore year of college. He didn’t have an “overly gay” persona; his mother could pretend he was straight. But then he had the audacity to ask out his flamboyant, cross-dressing best friend. Yes—that was it. That was why his mother couldn’t deal with him anymore. Well, he couldn’t deal with her anymore either.

An alert sounded on his phone to inform him of a voicemail.

He grabbed his phone and pulled up the message. _Delete it._ That was the sensible thing to do. He knew it wouldn’t be anything positive. He hit play instead.

_I hope you’re not wasting your education—that I’m paying for—by spending all day at the hospital. Do you want to end up in jail? This is your chance to step away and—_

Jefferson deleted the message and blocked her number. Jane could keep him informed on their mother’s hate of him. He didn’t need to hear it directly from her.

The PowerPoint made no sense to his grief-stricken, exhausted brain. He set aside his laptop and wandered down the hallway. It was only a little after nine but he knew the Madison’s were “early to bed, early to rise” people.

The door to the master bedroom was open and Jefferson slipped inside. The two cats that he forgot the Madison’s even had lay on the bed and watched him with unblinking eyes. “Sorry to bother…” He rubbed at the back of his neck.

Mr. Madison took off his reading glasses while his wife set aside her book. “What is it, Thomas?” she asked.

“My mom,” he mumbled. “I don’t think I’ll be seeing her anymore.” He swallowed. “She hasn’t been kind to me about Jemmy for a while. I don’t think she ever supported me coming out either.”

“Oh, Thomas.” Mrs. Madison’s weary face seemed to age as she grieved for him.

Mr. Madison pointed to the rocking chair near the bed. “Sit, son.”

Jefferson sank into the chair, the wood creaking beneath his weight.

“What has she said?” Mr. Madison asked. He rubbed at his left eye.

“Well, a few minutes ago she left a message to tell me that Jemmy being in the hospital was a good chance for me to jump ship and abandon him.” He pinched at the bridge of his nose. “She also blames me for the car accident. Pretty sure she hates that I’m black and—”

“Thomas,” Mr. Madison stopped him. “You have the right to walk away from your mother or Jemmy.”

“I’m never leaving Jemmy.” Jefferson’s breathing quickened. “Don’t you dare try to kick me out, too.”

“Thomas!” Mrs. Madison exclaimed. “Goodness, don’t think like that.” She got out of bed and moved to stand beside him. She rested a hand on his shoulder. “You will always have a home here. If you want us to, we can talk to your mother.”

Jefferson shook his head. “Not right now, at least.” He buried his face in his hands. “I had hoped to push all this away until Jemmy was better and I could cope with it.” His voice turned bitter, “But she had to call again.” He clawed his fingernails down his cheeks.

“Don’t worry about her now,” Mr. Madison said. “Focus on taking care of yourself. You have here or your dorm to stay. If you need money to pay for gas for your truck, let me know.”

Jefferson let his hands drop to his lap. “Thank you.” He glanced at both of them. “Do you think this would have happened if my dad was alive? I know the stress of raising so many kids alone got to her. How much different do you think things would have been?”

Mrs. Madison glanced at her husband. “It’s impossible to say, Thomas.” She rubbed a hand against his back. “Being a single mom wasn’t something she expected and she did struggle. But that doesn’t excuse the things she said to you. Your father was a mellow, easy-going man. I think he would have respected Jemmy for who he is and the choice you made. But we can’t know.”

Jefferson nodded. He rubbed his eyes. “I should let you guys get some sleep.”

Mrs. Madison stopped him from getting out of the rocking chair. “Are you going to be okay tonight?”

“No,” Jefferson admitted. “I’m going to go to the hospital and keep Washington company. I’ll text you when I get there.”

“We appreciate it,” Mr. Madison said. “Good night, son.”

Jefferson let Mrs. Madison kiss his cheek and bade them goodnight. He grabbed his laptop and phone from the guest room and made a quick stop in Madison’s room to get a few things to take to his boyfriend.

The truck roared to life in the quiet, cold night. Jefferson rested his forehead on the chilled steering wheel. His throat ached to feel the burn of alcohol. His mind wanted the sweet surrender of blissful, drunken happiness. But that would make him the man his mother believed him to be.

He sat back and reached over the console to grab Madison’s stuffed triceratops. He held Tricycle on his lap while he drove to the hospital.

In the dimly lit room, he tucked the toy next to his boyfriend and joined Washington near the dark window.

“Having a rough time?” Washington asked. He set his phone aside.

Jefferson rested his head on his mentor’s shoulder and closed his eyes. His body slumped down in the chair for some semblance of comfort. “Really rough.” Tears leaked under his eyelids and rolled down his cheeks.

Washington squeezed his hand. “We’ll get through this, my boy.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton is not allowed to turn twenty-one.

It was impossible to sneak into Mount Vernon. As soon as Hamilton put his key in the door, Potato began her high-pitched yapping. That was followed by Potomac’s only slightly deeper bark, then the squeak of France the Pom, and finally the snorting of Musgley the Pug.

“Quiet,” Hamilton scolded them as he and Burr slipped inside.

Potato barked louder.

“Who is it, Tato?” Mrs. Washington called from the kitchen.

“Me and Aaron,” Hamilton replied.

“You’re late. Dinner’s on the table.”

The boys dropped their backpacks by the stairs and headed into the kitchen behind the pack of dogs.

The Washington’s were almost finished eating as the boys took their seats.

“I thought you were right behind me,” Washington said. “Didn’t you tell me you just had to grab your computer?”

“Yeah…” Hamilton glanced at Burr who looked away as his cheeks darkened.

Washington shook his head. He reached for a biscuit. “Is it official then, that you two are dating?”

“Yup,” Hamilton said. “Two weeks.” He grinned at Burr.

Burr squeezed his knee under the table. “I’ve only attempted to kill him twice, sir.”

“Only twice?” Washington’s eyes twinkled. “That is impressive.”

“Should we separate them tonight then, dear?” Mrs. Washington teased. She handed out pieces of chicken to the dogs.

“We’re adults,” Hamilton fake whined. “I’m almost twenty-one.”

“Nope, your birthday was canceled,” said Washington. “Redheads are not allowed to turn twenty-one. You’ll turn into a gremlin.”

“That’s if you feed him after midnight,” Burr countered. “You might turn into a werewolf, Hammy.”

“Good.” Hamilton stuffed a piece of chicken in his mouth. “Maybe then I could grow facial hair.”

Washington chuckled. “Better if you turn into a young man who knows not to talk with his mouth full. What did you want to do for your birthday?”

“Laser tag!” Hamilton exclaimed and made the dogs bark.

“Not if you want Jemmy there,” Mrs. Washington reminded gently.

Hamilton nodded. “When will he come home? Before Christmas, right?” His blue-violet eyes looked hopefully between his parents.

“Friday, I believe, is the goal,” Washington said. He took a drink of water. “Right before finals but, maybe, that will help Thomas focus.”

“I’ve only seen him once all week and he looked like crap,” Burr said as he used his fingers to brush peas onto his fork. “Does he ever sleep?”

Washington buttered the second half of his biscuit. “I don’t believe so. The boy’s going to be in the hospital himself before Jemmy is out.” He sighed. “Back to your birthday, Alexander, what do you want to do?”

After much discussion, Hamilton decided on a party at home to be certain Madison could attend and not exhaust himself. The menu was still up in the air other than alcohol. Since his birthday was in the middle of the week, he agreed to have the party on Saturday.

“I’ll take you out on your birthday, though,” Washington whispered to him as they cleared the table. “Wherever you want to go.”

“Just don’t tell Mom?” Hamilton replied.

“Exactly.”

***

Early Sunday morning, Jefferson picked up Nelly and William and took them to see their brother. While Madison’s white blood count remained dangerously low, his doctor thought it safest to keep the younger children away. The lung infection was cleared up now and his numbers up enough that permission had been granted for a visit.

William chattered for most of the drive as he told Jefferson about his school’s Christmas pageant and his role as a toy soldier. His sister stared out the window and held tight to her mermaid backpack.

“Remember to be quiet,” said Jefferson as he took their hands to cross the parking lot. “Sick people are trying to rest.”

William and Nelly nodded, their eyes suddenly anxious and their hands cold in Jefferson’s grasp.

On the third floor, Inez greeted them outside of Madison’s room. “He just had breakfast,” she said. “He’s up coloring now.”

Jefferson went into the room first and smiled at his boyfriend.

Madison sat by the window, a small tray table in front of his chair to hold his coloring book and crayons. He could stand now and was able to sit up for twenty to thirty minutes at a time.

“Hey, love.”

A smile brightened the thin, pale face as Madison looked up. “Hi.”

“I brought visitors.” Jefferson ushered Nelly and William inside.

The younger siblings crept in, eyes scanning the hospital room and their brother.

“Show him what you brought,” Jefferson urged to help them relax.

William climbed on the chair next to his brother and showed him the toy he brought. “Mommy got it for me after the Christmas program,” he said and looked at Jefferson.

“Show Jemmy what it does,” Jefferson prompted. He took a seat on Madison’s hospital bed.

Quiet and hesitant at first, William explained how the action figure could morph into different beings.

Madison remained intent on his little brother and studied the toy as William showed him how it worked. “That’s really cool.”

After a few more minutes, William had thoroughly explained the toy and Madison turned to Nelly patiently standing beside him.

“Did you sing in the Christmas program?” Madison asked.

Nelly shook her head. She fiddled with the zipper on her backpack.

“Show him, Nelly,” Jefferson said.

She unzipped the bag and pulled out a thin book stitched together with ribbon. “I made this for you,” she whispered.

Madison took it and examined the sequin decorated cover. He turned the first page. “Did you draw this?”  It was a well-done picture of a cat in a rainbow of colors.

Nelly nodded. “That one’s Queenie.”

Madison turned the page to another rainbow cat. “Sapphira?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you could draw so well, Nelly. These are amazing.” He turned the page.

Nelly leaned closer to him; hand on his shoulder, as she explained the pictures. “That Montpelier. That’s you and me. There’s Alex and Bess.”

Madison giggled. “You got his red hair perfect.”

The last picture was the whole family, including the cats.

“I love it, Nelly. Thank you.”

Nelly’s lip quivered. “We miss you.”

Sensing many tears about to spill, Jefferson slipped off the bed. “William, show Jemmy that video you found last night.” He handed his phone over to the boy and picked up Nelly.

The next several minutes were spent watching cat videos until the three siblings were laughing.

“Find the panda video,” Nelly told William.

While he searched for it, Madison asked Jefferson, “Do you think Alex can visit?”

“I believe you’re cleared for all visitors,” Jefferson said. “As soon as I get my phone back I’ll call him.”

After they watched the sneezing panda video twice, William handed the phone back.

***

Hamilton groaned as his phone rang. “Too early,” he moaned but rolled over and grabbed it from his nightstand. Seeing that it was Jefferson, he sat up at once and answered it. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Jefferson said. “Jemmy wants to see you. Can you visit today?”

Relieved that it wasn’t a crisis, Hamilton sank back under the covers. “For sure. What time?”

“Like eleven? Nelly and William are here now and I know Jem will want a nap soon.”

“Okay.” He grunted as Burr poked him in the side. “See you then.” He hung up and rolled toward his boyfriend. “What?”

“You’re cute.” Burr tapped his nose.

Hamilton kissed him. “Well, duh, we both know you’re the hot one.” He burrowed deeper under the covers and kissed Burr’s chest. “I do need to ask you something, though.”

“Ugh.” Burr scrunched up his face. “I don’t like the sound of this.”

He pushed himself up to look at his boyfriend. “Do I have the smallest chance of convincing you to graduate college?”

Burr nudged him off and pulled the blankets up under his chin. “No, Alexander. By not using that money for college, I can have some savings and the ability to afford a place to live.”

“But what about a job?” Hamilton pinched his bottom lip. “You’d have better options if you have your degree.”

“That’s not even a sure thing anymore.” Burr studied his face. “I would rather work retail and have the money and my independence than continue school with zero assurance I can get a job. Why waste a year?”

“But you’re good at school. You have good grades—”

“I hate school,” Burr interrupted. “I have mostly C’s, Alex. I’m done with this.”

“But then I’m the only one left on Team Jemmy.” Hamilton slipped his hand into Burr’s. “I’ll be alone.”

“John and Lafayette will still be there,” reminded Burr. “Hercules graduates in the spring; you can take his position on the debate team. Plus, the teams will probably be co-ed next semester. You’ll have a whole new opportunity your senior year.”

“I’d rather have my friends,” Hamilton pouted as he folded his legs beneath him and pressed his head into Burr’s stomach. “What about you and me? I’m never going to see you.”

Ignoring Hamilton wasn’t an option and Burr stroked his hair. “You will and it’ll be better,” he insisted. “I’ll have my own place and you can stay with me on the weekends.”

“Or you could stay with Mom and Dad.”

“No, Alexander.” Burr rolled over and forced Hamilton off him. “I need to be on my own. It’ll be two years in the spring since I lost Sadie. I need to live my life.”

Hamilton leaned over him. “But you are. College isn’t a waste, Aaron.”

“Maybe for you but I don’t see it that way.” He pushed Hamilton’s face away. “College isn’t for everyone. James figured that out, too. This isn’t up for debate.”

“Can you at least tell Dad and hear what he has to say?”

“Will that get you off my back?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” Burr got out of bed. “Let’s talk to him.” He picked his shirt off the floor and slipped it on. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Let me get dressed,” Hamilton said.

Burr opened the bedroom door. “I’m not waiting.” He knocked on the door across the hall while Hamilton grumbled and found something to throw on. 

Washington was in bed on his iPad. Potomac lay at his side while the other dogs were downstairs with Mrs. Washington. Washington removed his reading glasses. “Yes?”

“We need to talk to you,” Burr said. 

“Come in.”

Hamilton was quick to get on the bed and burrow under the covers. Potomac climbed on him and licked his face.

“I’m dropping out of college after my junior year,” Burr said. He fiddled with a blanket draped across the foot of the bed. “Alex is being disagreeable about my choice.”

“I’ll be alone,” Hamilton mumbled. “And he needs his degree.”

Washington ignored his son. “What do you plan to do, Aaron?”

Burr explained about having access to his trust fund and using it to afford an apartment and how he planned to start looking for a job during the spring semester and get his name out there.

“It sounds like you have a decent plan,” Washington said. “College isn’t for everyone. It’s not worth it to force yourself if it’s not the path for you.” He twirled his glasses around. “You’re welcome to use me as a reference for any job you apply for. Know that it may be harder to get the high-paying job you might want without a BA but I no doubt you can make things work for you.”

“Thank you, sir,” Burr said.

“Dad!” Hamilton poked him. “He needs to graduate. It’s his chance to rise abo—”

“No, Alexander,” Burr cut him off. “I don’t need to rise above my poverty-stricken existence to be a better person.” His steely eye contact made Hamilton look away. “My parents were able to give me an education and I value what I got but I’m not happy to go another year. Frankly, I would drop out of the spring semester if I hadn’t already paid for it. College depresses me. I’m sorry, Alexander, that you would rather I be miserable and have a degree then happy and working at McDonald’s.” 

Pain wrinkled Hamilton’s face and darkened his blue-violet eyes.

“I know you don’t mean to be selfish,” Washington soothed his son. “I know you don’t want Aaron to leave but this is his choice and he’s thought it through. You need to respect that.”

Hamilton nodded as he chewed on his thumbnail.

“You should have respected it without needing me to validate Aaron’s choice,” Washington continued.

“You told me before, Alex,” Burr said, “that you never stopped respecting me. Showing me that would be nice.”

Hamilton stroked Potomac as he fought back tears at the perceived personal attack. “I know,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.” He looked up at Burr. “Are we breaking up?”

Burr’s face softened. “Of course not.” He moved around the bed and sat next to his boyfriend. “We fixed the problem. We’re good, Hammy. I know you’re unsure if you can always trust your own judgement. That’s okay. If you need to talk to Washington about anything, I’m okay with that. But don’t assume I can’t make my own decision, too.”

“I’m a shitty human being,” Hamilton muttered and pressed his face into Potomac’s hair.

“Hey, we don’t talk like that,” scolded Washington. “Everyone matures at different rates and what everyone feels confident in matures differently, too. Alexander, you’ve grown up being told what to do constantly and never allowed to think for yourself or risk being abused. Aaron grew up with little supervision or anyone to look out for him. He’s used to taking control. You’ll feel confident in your decision-making ability soon, Alex. Don’t put yourself down.”

Hamilton nodded. “I just—” He swallowed. “I don’t feel like I’ll ever be ready to leave you.” Tears glistened in his eyes as he looked at his dad. “I thought I could have made it on my own as soon as I turned eighteen and now I’m almost twenty-one and I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

“Because you got a taste of a different world,” Washington said. He wiped at the tears spilling down his son’s cheeks. “You were confident as a street rat and I went and loved you and turned you into my little boy. I’m sorry.”

“Dad.” Hamilton rolled his watery eyes. “It’s not like that.”

“You’ll turn out just fine, Alexander,” Washington said. “Trust me. There’s no shame in living with your parents. It’s a different world now than when I was your age. You boys can only hope to survive out in the real world. I could have had multiple kids, a house, and car and make it on one salary. You boys have my support to do whatever you need to do to make it through life. Never feel ashamed for taking a different path as long as you’re happy.”

“I’d ask you to adopt me, too, if I wasn’t fucking your son,” Burr mumbled.

Washington reached over and swatted his arm. “Mind your language in front of the dog.”

Burr grinned. “Yes, sir.” He rubbed his hand against Hamilton’s back. “All good, Hammy?”

“Yeah.”

“Great,” Washington said. “Go get dressed and I’ll take you both out for breakfast before you see Jemmy at the hospital.”


	44. Chapter 44

After talking and watching videos with his siblings for another fifteen minutes, Madison grew quieter and started to slump in his seat.

“Ready for a nap?” Jefferson asked.

Madison nodded.

With his strong arms, he scooped Madison up and tucked him back in bed. He straightened the oxygen tubes and secured them as Inez had shown him. While Madison did okay without oxygen when he was awake, he still needed it when he slept.

“Will you be okay if I take the kids home?” Jefferson stroked his hand.

“Stay five more minutes,” whispered Madison.

“Of course.” He kissed his boyfriend’s forehead.

Once Madison had fallen asleep, Jefferson took the kids home.

“Is he going to walk again?” William asked. He took Jefferson’s hand as they left the hospital.

“I believe so,” Jefferson said. “He can stand now. He’s getting stronger.”

“When are you going to marry him?” Nelly inquired.

“Soon.”

“How soon?” 

He smiled at the little girl. “How soon do you want me to?”

“Tomorrow.”

Jefferson chuckled. “I would love to.” He helped them in the truck and made sure they buckled their seatbelts.

Montpelier was its usual quiet calm. Mrs. Madison greeted the children in the kitchen and asked how it went.

“He liked my book,” Nelly said.

Mrs. Madison smiled at her daughter. “It is a very beautiful book.” She looked at her son. “William?”

“I don’t want Jemmy to die,” he whimpered.

Jefferson picked him up. “He’s not. He’s strong again.”

“But he can’t walk or breathe.” William looked between his mom and Jefferson. “How come?”

“The sickness took a lot of his strength,” Mrs. Madison explained. “He will get it back. Jemmy just needs lots of rest still. Go upstairs and play with Sarah, okay?”

The children scurried out of the kitchen.

“Coffee?” Mrs. Madison asked Jefferson.

“Please.”

She filled two cups and they stood around the counter to drink it. “Are you doing okay?”

“Comes and goes,” Jefferson admitted. “Nelly gave me her blessing for me to marry Jem so that was a plus.”

Mrs. Madison smiled. “You know you have mine and Jim’s blessing, too.”

“You guys are rather keen on me getting him out of your hair, aren’t you?” he teased. 

Mrs. Madison swatted his arm. “You know we’d rather have you both live with us.”

“I know.” He sipped his coffee and rubbed his forehead.

“Have you been getting enough sleep?” Mrs. Madison asked. She added more sugar to her coffee.

“When have I ever?” He took another drink. “I can sleep in another three and a half years, hopefully.” He stopped a yawn. “Assuming I can finish law school in three years.”

“Don’t hurt yourself over it, Thomas.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jefferson finished his coffee. “Alexander is going to visit Jemmy today.”

“Good. Does that mean you’re heading back already?” Mrs. Madison touched his arm. “You should take a nap yourself.”

“I can sleep at the hospital,” Jefferson assured. “I don’t like him being there alone.”

“I know, love. Let me get you some coffee to go.”

A thermos of coffee in hand, Jefferson returned to the hospital and made himself comfortable beside Madison’s bed. He couldn’t sleep, though, and instead let his mind race through all his constant fears until Nelly’s words re-entered his mind. While he couldn’t marry Madison tomorrow, it would happen in the near future. He let his imagination play over the details of how he’d propose and what kind of cake they would have. Decorations were more Madison’s thing and he would let his boyfriend pick whatever color scheme he wanted. 

“T?”

The soft voice broke Jefferson from his daydream. “Good morning, again, Jemmy.”

Madison sat up and Jefferson helped him remove the oxygen tube. 

“Rested?”

“For another hour. I need to pee.”

While he knew Madison hated the catheter it had been a little easier. But Jefferson wouldn’t complain as he lifted his boyfriend out of bed and carried him to the small adjoining bathroom.

Only three people could help Madison or else his shy bladder couldn’t empty but, at least, he could stand now if his mom, Jefferson, or Washington weren’t around to support him, and the toilet had handles for him to grab if he lost his balance. Even so, Jefferson stayed with him and made sure his legs were steady.

Finished, he tucked his boyfriend back snug in bed. “Do you want me to read?”

“Yes.” Madison stopped a yawn.

“No sleeping,” Jefferson teased and kissed him. He grabbed Madison’s favorite book from the bag on the floor and took a seat. His soft but commanding voice made _The Secret Garden_ come to life and Madison fell in love with it even more.

***

Returning to the hospital made Hamilton’s legs shaky as he walked through the doors. He knew from Washington that while Madison looked tired and a little thinner, his appearance shouldn’t be too shocking. But he still fretted that something would be different about his friend. That he wouldn’t be able to control his reaction and hurt Madison’s feelings. But the worst was returning to the room in which their little duck almost died.

The door was open and Hamilton paused to listen to Jefferson reading to his boyfriend. After a minute of gathering his courage, he poked his head inside. “Hi, James.”

Madison’s bright blue eyes lit up. “Alex!” He held out his arms.

Hamilton hurried in to hug him. He didn’t feel too much skinnier, although there was little to him to lose anyway. His face had lost some of the baby roundness, though. “How are you?”

“Not terrible,” Madison said. “I can stand now.”

“That’s good.” Hamilton’s eyes traveled around the room as he hoped for words to speak.

Jefferson broke the unease. “So you and Aaron are dating?”

Hamilton nodded, a smile playing on his lips.

“I want all the details,” Madison gushed. “Who asked who?”

There wasn’t much to tell—and he couldn’t say the courage for them to go for it was because Madison almost died—but he managed to embellish the story enough to please Madison and make it seem a little romantic.

“Aww! I’m happy for you, Alex.” Madison grabbed his hand. “You and Aaron are cute together.”

“Thanks.” His eyes returned to rove over the plain room. “I don’t know how to date.” He glanced between his friends. “Like what do I actually do besides sex?”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not asking for help on the sex part,” Jefferson said with a grin. “Just do whatever feels natural.”

“Like?” Hamilton pressed.

“Candy,” Madison said. “Buy Aaron his favorite candy. It shows him that you were thinking of him.”

Hamilton grimaced. “I don’t know what his favorite candy is.”

“Dude…” Jefferson shook his head. “Go out to dinner then. You need to change it up a little or you’ll slip, Alexander, and forget you need to make a commitment.”

“I haven’t slept around in a while,” Hamilton said. “I can commit to Aaron.”

“Good.”

“What’s his favorite restaurant?” Madison asked. He clutched a stuffed animal to his chest, eyes gleeful at the discussion.

“Dunno.” Hamilton tugged at his hair.

“Buddy.” Jefferson sighed.

“What’s James favorite candy and restaurant then?” Hamilton rounded on him.

“The candy depends on what mood he is in,” Jefferson explained. “Skittles if he wants something chewy or Reese’s if he wants chocolate. His favorite restaurant is Olive Garden because he loves breadsticks. His all-time favorite food is vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and crushed Oreo’s—not cookies ‘n crème, though.”

Madison nodded his agreement.

“You guys are weird,” Hamilton murmured.

“You’ll figure it out, Alexander,” Jefferson assured. “You’ll have all winter break to spend with him. I’m assuming he’s staying at Mount Vernon?”

“Yeah.” Hamilton picked at the fuzzy blanket on the bed. “He’s dropping out of college after the spring semester.”

“College is hard,” Madison said at once.

Jefferson stroked his boyfriend’s hair. “Does Aaron have a plan?”

“I guess.”

“You have to support him, Alexander.”

Hamilton pinched the bridge of his nose. “This is why I don’t date. There are some many fucking rules. I’m not convinced this is a good idea. We were fine as friends.”

“Ouch,” Madison whispered.

Jefferson stood and touched Hamilton’s shoulder. “You cannot break up with him already or you will lose him as a friend. Your flaky attitude on the subject is self-centered and rather alarming.”

Hamilton sighed. “I do want to give dating a chance but my brain is not trained for this. I’m used to people leaving.”

“You’ve known Jemmy for almost four years, same was Washington. They haven’t left. You and I have been friends for, like, a year. I’m here. Your world isn’t temporary anymore, babe.”

“So, we go out for dinner.” Hamilton moved the conversation back. “Who pays?”

“You,” Jefferson said, “because you’re being a jerk,”

“Thomas,” Madison scolded. “But you’re the top, Alex, so you should pay.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “Does that mean James has never paid for a date?”

Jefferson snorted. “He’s never paid for anything.”

A grin stole across Madison’s face. “It’s true. I’m too adorable.”

The friends talked a little longer until Hamilton had a date planned. When Madison started to quiet down, Hamilton took his leave and prepared himself to become a decent and proper boyfriend.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night.

The office door was open and Hamilton waited patiently until Washington noticed him.

“Yes, son?”

“How do I be romantic?” Hamilton took his seat across from Washington.

“Oh, boy,” Washington groaned. “Just be yourself.”

Hamilton picked up a paperweight. “Not good enough. At least not for a first official date.”

“Then who do you want to be?”

“I dunno.” Hamilton looked up hopeful. “That’s why I need advice.”

“Being a gentleman is always a good start.” Washington plucked the paperweight out of his hand. “Show an interest in his day. Ask how he is. You know how to have a conversation, Alexander.”

“Not in this context.” His voice came out whiny. “I want what happens after the date, not—”

Washington silenced his son with a glare. “That will be even better once you commit and know your partner more intimately in other ways.”

Hamilton made a face. “I’m beginning to regret this conversation.”

“You and me both, my boy.” Washington rubbed his forehead. “Treat Aaron like you always have. You’ll be fine.”

“I’ll do my best.”

The TV was on in the family room. Hamilton slipped in through the kitchen and leaned over the back of Washington’s recliner. “Where do you want to do out for dinner?”

Burr tilted his head back to look at him. “Doesn’t matter.”

“What’s your favorite restaurant?”

“Eh, I don’t really have one.” His eyes drifted back to the TV. “Wherever you want to go.”

“Your choice, Aaron.” Hamilton rubbed his hair.

“For real, Alex, I don’t care.”

“Olive Garden?”

“No.”

Hamilton groaned and swatted his head. “You said you didn’t care!”

“Yeah, but I’m not in the mood for pasta.”

“Then what do you want?”

Burr shrugged. “Whatever.”

“Olive Garden.”

Dark hazel eyes glared at him. “I vetoed that.”

“But you said ‘whatever’,” Hamilton reminded him. “So…”

Burr turned in the chair and knelt to be eye level with Hamilton. “You asked me first. My choice. I choose not Italian.”

Noses almost touching, Hamilton asked, “Do you have any other non-picks?”

“Nope.” He pecked his boyfriend’s lips. “Wherever.”

A grin teased up Hamilton’s lips. “Okay. How about that Mexi—”

“Nope.” Burr nuzzled his face against Hamilton’s. “Pizza.” He nibbled his ear.

“Wow, a decision?” Hamilton teased. “I’m not sure I’m in the mood for pizza.”

Burr kissed him again. “My choice. I choose, you pay unless you want to bottom?”

Hamilton snorted. “Not a chance. Want to go at five?”

“What are you, a grandma?” Burr asked with a raised eyebrow.

Hamilton gestured around him. “I’ve lived here too long. I have an old person soul now. Five? We’ll beat the crowds then.”

“Fine, old man.” Burr sank back into the chair and resumed watching TV. “Go get us the early bird special.”

Hamilton smacked the back of his head. “Whatever. You’ll thank me later when we don’t have to wait an hour for a table.”

 

They were seated right away at the restaurant.

“See?” Hamilton said as they sat down.

Burr gestured around at the old and middle-aged couples sitting nearby. “The fuck we doing here so early?”

Hamilton leaned over the table and whispered, “So we can have sex longer, dumbass.”

“Oh.” Burr nodded, then made a face. “Ew! Is that what the rest of these old people are doing, too?”

A twisted grimace claimed Hamilton’s face. “Don’t—don’t think about that. Yuck.”

“Washington.”

Hamilton covered his ears. “I can’t hear you.”

Burr chuckled and picked up the menu. “What kind of pizza do you want? Pepperoni and sausage?”

“Yeah.” Hamilton let his hand stray across the table and caress Burr’s. “We both like sausage.”

Hands went up and Burr begged him, “Please, don’t say that again.”

A waiter took their order and silence slipped over the table.

“How was your day?” Hamilton asked in stilted syllables.

“Eh.” Burr sipped his drink. “Same old.”

“And how are you?”

“Disturbed now.” Burr squeezed Hamilton’s hands. “I know this feels awkward but it doesn’t need to. We know each other.”

A wrinkle creased Hamilton’s brow as he met Burr’s eyes. “Do we? I don’t know your favorite candy.”

“I don’t think I really have one.” He rubbed the back of Hamilton’s hand. “I like junk food, you know that. I don’t like coffee. Is any of that really important?”

Hamilton shrugged. “I don’t know. But I don’t really know who _you_ are either. I know your childhood was crap but there has to be something to give me insight into who Aaron Burr is.”

“I’ll take you to New Jersey,” Burr said. “I’ll show you where I was born. But there isn’t anything out there that will tell you who I am. I’m creating that person now.”

Laughter rang out from a nearby table as Hamilton took in the words. He leaned closer, elbows on the table. “What do you believe in? What do you stand for?”

Burr’s eyes glanced off as he thought. “Equality. Men and women; gays and straights; blacks and whites; poor and wealthy.”

“A noble cause to believe in.” Hamilton licked his lips. “You did your part for the debate teams. Dad said the votes are in our favor for co-ed teams. It’ll be announced before finals.”

Burr grinned. “Cool.”

Talk fizzled out again until the pizza arrived as they glanced around and fiddled with the drink menu or silverware on the table.

A few bites in, Burr said, “I almost forgot about this meme I wanted to show you.” He grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and found the picture he saved.

Hamilton laughed after he read it. “That is so Thomas and James. You have to send it to Thomas.”

Grinning, Burr sent the text and returned to his food. “Do you know where Thomas is planning on going to law school?”

A big bite prevented Hamilton from answering and he held up a finger as he chewed and swallowed. “I know Virginia and NYC wanted him but he vetoed Virginia already because it’s too far away. I think he’s going to end up downtown at the small school not far from Mr. Madison’s law firm.”

Burr grimaced. “He must really love James to give up a more prestigious school.”

“Well, he is, basically, guaranteed a job at his future father-in-law’s firm.”

“True.” Burr picked off a pepperoni. “What about you?”

“I’m hoping NYC if I can get a scholarship.” He watched Burr. “But that might be something you and I need to talk about later. Do you plan on staying local?”

Burr shrugged. “It’ll depend on where I can find work. Do you expect me to stay?”

Pizza became the most interesting thing to focus on as Hamilton mumbled, “Kind of.”

Burr sucked his lower lip in. “I’ll do my best. I don’t really want to leave but I don’t want to hinder my chances.”

“I understand.” He touched Burr’s hand. “I’ll try not to hold you back. I know finding yourself and getting out on your own is important to you.”

“Thanks, Hammy.”

They resumed eating a few bites before Hamilton asked, “Any plans for winter break?”

“I agreed to work at the library three days a week,” Burr said. “It’s going to be boring as hell. You?”

“No, I wasn’t organized enough to set anything up.” He sipped his coke. “I’ll probably babysit the Madison siblings.”

“Eek, I’ll take the library over that any day.” 

Rather than question Burr over his dislike of children, Hamilton grabbed another slice of pizza and stuffed his face. But the question nagged in his mind. If Burr didn’t like kids, how was he going to deal with the four or five Hamilton wanted? “No kids ever?” he blurted.

Burr choked on his food. “Thanks for almost killing me,” he sputtered as he recovered and sipped his Dr. Pepper. “I don’t know. Maybe when I’m a little older it won’t seem as daunting. I might be okay with one or two.”

“Four or five?” Hamilton asked.

“No.” Burr studied him. “That’s seriously how many kids you want?”

Hamilton looked away as he nodded. “I always wanted to have a family of my own.”

“I see. Well, I’m not saying it’s a deal breaker but we might need to compromise. But we’re also both twenty, so...”

“Almost twenty-one,” Hamilton reminded him.

“Ah, yes, when we will miraculously not be so stupid,” he deadpanned.

“I think that’s not until twenty-five,” Hamilton said. “When our frontal-lobes finally close.”

“Oh, good, four more years of making stupid decisions.”

Hamilton tapped his hand with a fork. “Don’t jest, it’s true.”

“I’m well aware,” Burr said. “I’m sitting here with you, aren’t I?”

“Aaron!” Hamilton grumbled in his throat. “You asked me out.”

“I know.” He smirked. “Poor decision-making ability.”

“I’m gonna stab you.” Hamilton held up the fork.

Burr couldn’t drop the sarcasm. “I’m so scared. Didn’t you get asked never to try out for wrestling again?”

“Because I was too good.”

“Uh, huh.” Burr took another slice of pizza. “That’s not what John said.” 

Hamilton leaned back. “Do tell me what John has said about me.”

“Insufferable ass was mentioned a lot,” Burr said.

“Is that all?”

Burr smirked again. “The rest ain’t PG. Maybe I can show you tonight.”

A grin teased at Hamilton’s lips. “You could try but I know how good I am in bed.”

“Not as good as John.” Burr chewed on his pizza, lowered eyes on his boyfriend.

“I’m sure he learned a thing or two turning tricks.” Hamilton stood. “I have to acquaint myself with a friend I want you to meet after dinner.”

“Smooth, Alexander.”

He managed a grin and a wink but his face fell as soon as he turned away and hugged the stinging remark to his chest. He’d never known Burr to be in such a sarcastic mood and couldn’t say he liked it. He was just stressed with upcoming finals, Hamilton told himself. 

When he returned, Burr put away his phone. “Did you have fun?”

“Oh, yeah.” Hamilton sat. “Did you want dessert?”

“Nah, I’m stuffed.” He indicated to their waiter at a nearby table. “Who do you think he’s going to give the check to?”

“I’m pretty sure he can tell I’m a top,” Hamilton said.

The waiter approached. “Do you want the check together or separate?”

“Together,” Hamilton said. Once the waiter was gone, he told Burr, “And now he knows for sure.”

“We’ll see, Hamlet.”

“You’re being weird, Aaron.”

Burr rolled his eyes.

The waiter soon returned and set the bill next to Burr’s plate. “Have a great evening.”

A smirk stole across Burr’s face. “Yeah, he could so tell you were a top.” He pushed the check toward Hamilton. “You’ve been insulted and you get to pay. Great night for you.”

“Quit being sarcastic, jeez.” Hamilton pulled some crumpled cash out of his wallet. “Ready?”

They headed for the doors, fighting through the waiting crowd.

“See?” Hamilton told his boyfriend. “If we came at six, we’d be stuck waiting.”

Burr pushed Hamilton forward. “Quit gloating.”

Once outside, Hamilton dashed toward his truck and turned on the heat. He rubbed his hands as his teeth chattered.

“You’ve been in New York for, like, eight years,” Burr said, “how are you still this non-acclimated?”

“I wasn’t born for this,” Hamilton retorted as he hugged himself and begged the vents to stop blowing cold air. He shifted into reverse and backed out of the parking space. “You ever consider learning to drive?” He turned up the heat as it finally kicked on.

“Not really,” Burr said. “I’d have to get a car then and I don’t want the expense. I’ll always live in a city and can manage public transit. James doesn’t drive either.”

“That would be a disaster,” Hamilton said in horror. “He’d be the idiot going ten under the speed limit and causing accidents while doing his hair and playing with the radio or his toys. The world is a safer place without our little duck driving.”

“Because you’re _such_ a superior driver.” Burr glanced at the speedometer. “You’re going ten over the speed limit.”

“So is everyone else.” Hamilton indicated to the car in front that he could barely keep up with. “You know Dad likes to drive fast, too, unless Mom is in the car.”

“I’m impressed that Washington could break a rule.”

A furrow settled across Hamilton’s forehead. Something was amiss with his boyfriend and he couldn’t figure it out.

Once in the house, Burr headed upstairs to use the bathroom and Hamilton headed to Washington’s office.

“How was your date?” Washington finished writing a check.

“Okay.” Hamilton sat down and tucked his feet beneath him.

“I meant to ask you earlier—” He paused as his lips stretched in a thin line “—were you, boys, drinking last night?”

“No,” Hamilton said. “I promise.”

Washington stood and crossed the room to his liquor cabinet. “Just Aaron then?” He held up a half-empty bottle of rum. “I know this was barely touched not long ago.”

“Possibly.” Hamilton chewed on his lip. “Might explain his mood. He was being rather sarcastic tonight and kind of mean.”

A sigh escaped as Washington returned the bottle. “I’ll lock the cabinet but you may want to talk to him, Alexander. He drinks when he’s depressed. You might want to know what’s going on with him.”

“Yes, sir.”


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton is really short.

Madison went home on Monday, the week finals began. The family had hoped for the previous Friday but Madison developed a sniffle. When the mild cold stayed in his nose and didn’t head to his lungs, his doctor gave the okay for him to return home with a wheelchair, and an oxygen tank for emergencies.

On Friday, Jefferson raced through his last final and hurried to his truck. There was just enough time to make it to Madison’s physical therapy. Recovery was slow but he’d gotten over his discouragement and saw his boyfriend’s continued progress instead.

He watched and offered encouragement as Madison did stretches. Afterward, he got in the pool with Madison and his physical therapist to swim with the aid of a swim belt. He held Madison in the water as he rested after a few strokes.

“Did you wear yourself out yesterday?” Jefferson asked. “Your mom said you were able to swim almost across the pool.”

“Must have,” Madison murmured. He wrapped his arms around Jefferson’s neck.

“Are your done for the day, James?” Lila asked.

“Is that okay?” Madison looked around Jefferson at his physical therapist.

“Yeah, you’ve been working hard this week,” she said. “Plus Thomas is done with school and I know you want to spend time together. Why don’t you soak in the hot tub for a few minutes.”

Jefferson made his way to the steps with Madison in his arms and cradled him as he got out of the water.

In the bubbling water, Madison nodded off after a few minutes.

Jefferson scooped it up and got out of the water. He found Lila. “He’s not weaker, right?”

“It was a big day yesterday,” Lila assured. “Don’t worry. I don’t think he’s ever experienced sore muscles before.” She smiled. “Tomorrow is his resting day so don’t fret if he sleeps a lot.”

Jefferson nodded. He carried Madison into the locker room. After some struggling, he lay a towel down on a bench and set Madison on it. He dried himself off and changed. As he undressed Madison and dried him off, his boyfriend stirred and reached out sleepily, clutching a slender hand against Jefferson’s shoulder.

Jefferson wrapped the towel around him and cradled him close.

Mrs. Madison came into the locker room. “There you are. I was starting to worry. Is he asleep?”

“Yeah,” Jefferson said.

“He can sleep in the car.”

“I haven’t been able to get him dressed,” Jefferson said.

“I don’t imagine he’ll move much,” Mrs. Madison replied. “It’ll be easier to dress him at home.”

Jefferson nodded. He checked that Madison was covered and followed Mrs. Madison to her car. She opened the back seat. Jefferson propped Madison up, tucked the towel in, and buckled him. “I’ll meet you at home,” he said.

At Montpelier, Jefferson carried Madison up to his room. Madison woke and squinted. “Where’re we?”

“Home,” Jefferson said. He closed the bedroom door behind him and set Madison on the bed. “I’ll get you some clothes.”

Letting the towel fall from his shoulders, Madison grabbed Jefferson’s hand. “I just want you to hold me.”

Once Jefferson was comfortable, Madison crawled toward him leaving the towel behind. A strong but gentle hand stroked his skin. He unbuttoned Jefferson’s shirt and rested his cheek against his boyfriend’s bare chest. His slender body relaxed with a soft sigh. He closed his eyes and nuzzled his face against Jefferson’s chest.

Jefferson kissed his hair and held him silently.

***

Jefferson kept a constant vigil over Madison. If he so much as sneezed, Jefferson was there to take his temperature and get him water or chocolate or whatever he desired.

The nights remained the worst. During Madison’s first week home—since it was also finals week—his parents had Madison sleep in their room to allow Jefferson to get some rest. But the first night they were together again in Madison’s room, the nightmares began.

_Beepbeepbeep._

Jefferson watched Madison’s sleeping face, stared at his chest to ensure it rose and fell.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

“Keep breathing, Jem,” he begged.

Beep…Beep…Beep…

“No, Jem!”

Beep…

Jefferson jerked awake and grabbed Madison. He pressed a hand against his boyfriend’s chest begging for the heartbeat to be there.

“Thomas!” Madison almost shrieked as he woke. “Don’t do that!”

Jefferson eased away as his own heart pounded and his body shook. “Sorry.” He took a deep breath. “Nightmare.”

Madison snuggled close to Jefferson and stroked his chest. “I’m okay.”

Jefferson kissed his forehead and held him tight. Madison fell back asleep within minutes but Jefferson remained awake. As his thoughts began to race and he replayed the worst night of his life, he had to ease Madison away and get up. He got himself a drink of water from the bathroom and returned to bed to read. It was a little after two in the morning, early enough that he might be able to fall back asleep.

After a half hour of reading, he was able to doze off.

***

For the other half of the squad, things were a little more relaxed. Burr moved his stuff into Lafayette’s old room for winter break and caught up on much-needed rest. He declined going shopping with the Washington’s in favor of more sleep.

Despite that annual trip to the mall never going well, the Washington’s still insisted on taking their boys.

“Build a Bear first,” Hamilton said as soon as they entered the building. “I’m getting a stuffed animal this year.”

Washington smiled at him. “Good.” He wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulder. Almost losing their precious Jemmy made the reality of life’s fragility that much sharper. He understood completely now of Hamilton’s past fears of him being out of sight. Washington had nightmares several times recently about losing his son or wife. Each time he’d woken with a sharp pain in his chest but couldn’t bring himself to tell his wife. Nor did he tell her about the cardiology appointment he booked for January to reassure himself that he was okay.

The toy store was crowded with families. Hamilton wiggled his way in and reached over two little girls to swipe the unicorn with a rainbow mane and tail.

Lafayette chuckled and hugged his brother. “You’re so gay, bro.”

“I’m naming it Jemmy,” Hamilton said and shut down his brother’s amusement. He got in line to get the unicorn stuffed.

Beside him, Washington watched the crowds as children squealed over clothes and accessories, as parents insisted on only two items while grandparents scooped up the other items of desire.

“Dad?”

His attention drifted back to the slender redhead at his side. “Yes?”

“We’ll do this when I have kids, too, right?”

Washington smiled. “For sure, Alexander.”

As the unicorn received his stuffing, Hamilton picked out a heart and made his wish before he squished it inside the toy.

When the family returned home, Lafayette and Hamilton dragged out the fake Christmas tree and other decorations.

Lafayette’s girlfriend Adrienne came over to help and Burr revoked his solitary ban to join them.

Dogs got in the way as the kids decorated the tree. Potato nipped at the heels of everyone other than Hamilton who cooed over her every chance he got.

“Here’s the angel for the top,” Lafayette told Hamilton. “Oh, wait, you can’t reach.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “I’m not that short.” He grabbed the angel and stared up at the tree. “Fine,” he grumbled. “I am that short.”

With little effort, Lafayette hoisted him up around the waist. “Itty bitty little lion.”

The angel sparkled at the top of the tree. “Put me down, Laf,” Hamilton said.

“Nope.” Lafayette turned to Washington, his brother tight in his arms. “Want to hold him.”

“Sure,” Washington said.

“You guys,” Hamilton whined. “I’m not that small.”

“You are when half the family is 6’2,” Washington said and gripped Hamilton’s legs to support him.

“Ugh.”

“Stop teasing the boy,” Mrs. Washington chided. “I made hot chocolate.”

Washington set Hamilton down and took a mug.

Hamilton retreated to the couch and sat on Burr instead.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that he had complained about Hamilton’s bony ass on his lap during the train ride upstate to their internship. Burr didn’t like living that much life in so short a period of time, but he wondered if maybe—maybe—he was starting to understand who he was.


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cookie time!

Having ignored Washington’s advice, Hamilton hadn’t questioned Burr about the supposed drinking. He hadn’t made any further sarcastic remarks and Hamilton decided to let it go but keep an eye on his boyfriend. A long break from school would be what they both needed.

Saturday morning dawned cold and cloudy and snow had fallen most of the night. Hamilton stayed burrowed under his blankets until Jefferson texted him around ten.

_Jem wants to make cookies. Do you guys want to come over?_

Too lazy to get up and walk down the hall, Hamilton sent Burr a text to ask him. Once Burr agreed, he replied to Jefferson.

_Totally! What time?_

_Soon? Jem just got up so he has some energy. He gets cranky in the afternoon._

_No prob. We’ll be over in like a half hour._

He sent another text to Burr and gathered the willpower to get out of his warm nest. He dressed in multiple layers and headed downstairs. He found Mrs. Washington in her craft room and told her the plan while he petted the dogs.

“I’m glad Jemmy’s feeling better,” she said. “Give him my love.”

“Will do.” Hamilton stood and turned around and smacked into Burr in the doorway. “When did you get so sneaky?” he teased.

Burr gave a quick grin. “When do you want to go?”

“I’m ready.”

“Drive carefully, dear,” said Mrs. Washington. “The street isn’t plowed.”

“I will.” By the back door, he grabbed his coat, hat, and gloves.

“We’re literally driving down the block,” Burr said as he watched him bundle up.

“So?” Hamilton zipped his coat up to his chin. “The truck is going to be freezing when we leave.”

“It takes two minutes.”

“Not with the snow.” He grabbed his keys from the hook near the door. “Don’t whine about freezing later.”

Burr grabbed his jacket as he rolled his eyes.

It took Hamilton ten minutes to drive the mile to Montpelier. It didn’t matter to him that he had a truck with four-wheel drive. He didn’t trust snow.

Jefferson let them inside and chuckled to see Hamilton all bundled. “Cold out?”

“Yes.” Hamilton parted regretfully form his layers.

“If you’re still cold,” Jefferson said. “I can lend you another hoodie. You can probably fit it over the one you’re already wearing.”

“I’ll take you up on that.” Hamilton hugged himself. “But I want to see James first.”

Madison sat in his wheelchair at the kitchen table sorting through cookie cutters. He looked up at the sound of footsteps and his face brightened. “Alex!”

Hamilton embraced him. “You look awesome.” He kissed Madison’s cheek. 

“Thanks.” Madison clung to his hands. “Check out the wheels on my throne.”

Hamilton grinned as he admired the metallic purple spokes. “That suits you, little duck.”

“I wanted streamers for the handles,” Madison said. “But Thomas said no.”

“Dang, T!” Hamilton scolded Jefferson. “Get your boy some streamers.”

Jefferson scratched his chin. “We’ll see.”

Madison ran over Hamilton’s foot as he moved his chair. “Aaron, get over here!”

Burr slipped in around Jefferson and hugged him. “How’re you doing?”

“Good. I took two steps yesterday.”

“That’s awesome!” Hamilton broke in. “Good job, little duck!” He and Madison high fived. 

“Your hands are way too cold, Alex,” Madison said.

“I’m going to get him another sweatshirt,” Jefferson replied. “Come on, Alexander.”

Hamilton jogged after Jefferson and followed him upstairs to Madison’s room where he had carved out a tiny section of the closet for his clothes.

Jefferson handed over a gray hooded sweatshirt. “Three sizes too big, but you should be warm.”

Hamilton slipped it over his zip-up hoodie. His hands disappeared in the sleeves and the hem fell halfway above his knees. 

Jefferson situated the two hoods. “Work?”

“Yup. Thank you.” Hamilton smiled at him. “I know you love me.”

Jefferson’s face softened. “Yeah, I do.” 

Downstairs, Burr—with Madison’s instructions—found all the ingredients needed and lined them on the kitchen counter. 

“So, what’re we making?” Jefferson asked.

“Sugar cookies,” Madison said. “We’re gonna frost the fuck out of them.”

“Oh, boy.” Jefferson smiled at him. “Can you sit on the counter for a little bit so you can see?”

Madison nodded and his boyfriend scooped him up. He sat cross-legged on the counter near the bowl to taste the batter. He had no other interest in that part of the process and let his friends do the mixing. 

Burr stirred the butter and sugar while Hamilton measured flour. 

A dust cloud erupted over the bowl as he dumped it in. Burr looked at his shirt now speckled with flour. “Decorating me?”

Hamilton dabbed his dusty finger on Burr’s nose. “Yup.”

“Try not to make a mess,” Jefferson admonished. “Mix that up, Aaron, and let Jemmy taste.”

Once Madison approved of the dough, Jefferson set him at the kitchen table and rolled out the dough there so his boyfriend could work comfortably. 

Hamilton climbed over him on the bench seat and grabbed a cookie cutter. “Is this a unicorn?”

“Yeah, it’s my favorite,” Madison said. “There’s a mermaid and rainbow, too.”

“What’s this supposed to be?” Hamilton held up a long, tapered tube shape.

“Carrot.”

“Not what I was going to say.”

Burr and Jefferson groaned. 

“Be PG, Alex,” Jefferson said. “Aren’t we supposed to be making Christmas cookies?” He indicated to the snowman, candy cane, stocking, and the like.

“Boring,” said Madison. He took the unicorn and pressed it in the dough. He and Hamilton made a multitude of non-Christmas cookies while Burr and Jefferson made seasonal appropriate ones. “Where’s the bunny?”

Hamilton handed over the Easter cookie cutter. “I’m going to make the “carrot” and see what it really is.”

“It’s a carrot, Alex,” Jefferson said.

“We shall see, won’t we?” Hamilton pressed the cookie cutter in the dough and peeled it out.

Once they filled four cookie sheets, Jefferson stuck half in the oven and turned on the timer. 

“Where’s the rest of your fam?” Hamilton asked Madison.

“Dad took Sarah and William ice skating,” Madison said. He turned his attention to Jefferson. “I need back on my throne. My back hurts.” Once he was comfortable, he finished. “Mom took Nelly and Bess to get a few last minute presents. Ambrose and Frank are at friend’s houses.” He shifted his shoulders trying to work out the kink. “It was kind of my request that they let us have the house to ourselves. We’re all going to make gingerbread houses tomorrow, though.”

The first two trays of cookies were soon out of the oven. While they cooled, Jefferson cleaned up, while Burr found the sprinkles, and Hamilton dyed the frosting. 

As he took the next two trays out, Jefferson said, “You were right, Alexander, that is not a carrot.” He set the tray where Madison could see.

“We’re going to have to eat that one before everyone gets home,” Madison said.

“I’m not eating it,” Burr said.

“I’m frosting it pink,” Hamilton said.

Jefferson cuffed the back of his head. “Something is so wrong with you.”

“Me?” Hamilton widened his eyes as if innocent. “James’ parents bought the cookie cutter.”

“It came with the bunny,” Madison said. “We always assumed it was a carrot.”

“It is,” Jefferson assured. “Alex just stretched it weird.” He glared at his friend. “Are we done discussing the cookie?”

“I want to eat it,” Hamilton said.

Burr nudged him and whispered in his ear, “I’ll make it worth your while if you want to try and eat me tonight.”

Color nose of Hamilton’s cheeks and turned his ears the same shade as his hair.

“Someone’s getting laid tonight,” Jefferson said. “You guys want to focus?”

Hamilton cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah.” He watched Burr as his boyfriend went to work frosting a snowman.

The frosted cookie pile grew as the boys worked. 

“No one is weird and doesn’t like frosting, right?” Jefferson asked. He smiled at his boyfriend licking frosting off a knife.

“Frosting is the best part,” Hamilton said.

Burr shrugged. “I’m indifferent.”

“Weirdo.” Hamilton nudged him.

“I’m your weirdo.”

Jefferson pointed to the last few cookies. “Frost your penis cookie, Alexander. I’m not convinced you didn’t make it look like that on purpose.”

“Alex has never sucked dick,” Burr said as he shook sprinkles over a candy cane cookie.

“The fuck, Burr?” Hamilton snapped at him. “You’ve been a jerk to me since I said yes. What is your problem? Are you drinking?”

The cookie crumbled in Burr’s hand. “Yes but I’m fine so don’t even badger me.”

“That is not fine, Aaron.” He leaned over the table and tugged Burr’s shirt. “What is going on with you?”

Jefferson reached over and separated Hamilton’s hand from Burr. “You both need to take a deep breath. Aaron, you had no right to tell us that. Alexander, you need to calm down. Talk it out. I will hit either of you if you get out of line.” He glanced at Madison wide-eyed at his side and rested a hand on his head.

Neither said a word.

“Why are you drinking, Aaron?” Jefferson asked. 

Burr shook his head as he brushed cookie pieces off his hand.

“You can tell us.” Jefferson slipped onto the bench next to him. “We want to help you. You don’t have to keep your pain bottled up. Friends want to hear it.”

“James almost died,” whispered Burr.

Jefferson wrapped an arm around Burr’s shoulder. His eyes moistened and he blinked rapidly to stop the tears from spilling free. 

“It would have been like losing Sadie all over again.” Burr looked over at Madison at the end of the table in his wheelchair, hands twisted together in his lap. “What would any of us have done?”

Jefferson wiped his eyes and bit his lip.

Tears spilled down Hamilton’s cheeks.

“Drinking isn’t the answer,” Madison murmured.

“But that’s the only way I know,” Burr said. “That what my uncle taught me.”

“It’s not the only way,” Jefferson said as he rubbed Burr’s back. “You’re hurting yourself and it sounds like you’ve been hurting your boyfriend.”

“I hate this.” Burr clenched his jaw.

“What?”

“Emotions.” He rested his elbows on the table and pressed his face in his hands. “The only thing my uncle ever taught me was to bury them in alcohol. How do the rest of you deal?”

“Crying,” Madison said as tears ran down his cheeks. “Along with sugar and cuddles.”

Jefferson nodded. “Jemmy’s got a good strategy. Talking helps, too.”

“That’s why I always go to Dad,” Hamilton said as he rubbed at his eyes. “He helps put things into perspective. How much did you drink today, Aaron?”

“Enough to be able to come here,” Burr mumbled. “I’m sorry, James. I know this is absolutely not your fault.”

“How much?” Jefferson pressed.

“Like a shot,” Burr said. “My family is good at hiding alcoholism.”

“Not really,” Hamilton countered. “Dad knew you took liquor from his cabinet. I was just afraid to bring it up with you. I should have said something sooner.”

“I would have yelled at you,” Burr replied. He ducked under the table and came up next to Hamilton. “I’m really sorry.” He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. “Can you forgive me? I promise I won’t drink again but I’ll need your help.”

Hamilton leaned against him. “I forgive you, but Aaron, I don’t know if I could again.”

Burr nodded. “I understand.”

Jefferson pulled Madison’s chair closer and soothed him. “No more tears,” he whispered. “Everything is better now.”

Madison nuzzled his face into his boyfriend’s chest. “I don’t want to die.” A sob wracked his body and he wheezed as tears poured down his cheeks.

“Jemmy.” Jefferson lifted him onto his lap. “Don’t, baby. Shh.”

His tears escalated instead and he couldn’t catch his breath.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Madison almost eats the inappropriate cookie.

“Alex, sit with Jemmy,” Jefferson commanded. He ran upstairs to get Madison’s oxygen tank.

 _Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think_ , he commanded himself as he grabbed the gear from beside the bed. His feet pounded down the stairs and he jumped the last three.

Madison shook his head at the tubes and reached for the mask as his breath went in and out in short puffs. As he breathed in the oxygen, a blush of color returned to his cheeks and the blueish tinge left his lips.

In the panic, the boys hadn’t heard the garage open and looked up in surprise to hear voices and footsteps enter the kitchen.

“Jemmy.” Mrs. Madison shoved Bess in Hamilton’s arms and sat next to her son. “Are you okay?”

Madison nodded not about to take off the mask.

She turned to Jefferson as he held her son’s hand. “What happened?”

“Emotions,” Jefferson said.

“We should take him to the hospital.”

Madison moved the mask away. “No.” He pressed it back against his nose and mouth and took a deep breath.

“We should,” Jefferson said.

“Aaron and I will watch the girls,” Hamilton piped up.

Mrs. Madison gave a distracted “thank you” as she folded Madison’s wheelchair. The three were soon gone.

As quiet settled over the kitchen, Bess yelled. “Lecks!” She grabbed his nose and then tried to reach for a cookie.

“Can she have one?” Hamilton asked Nelly.

She nodded and took a seat on Burr’s knee.

Hamilton broke a rainbow in half and gave it to the toddler.

She licked off the frosting and reached for the other half.

“We should put the cookies in containers,” Burr said as he tried to figure out what to do with himself with Nelly on his lap.

She slipped off him and grabbed a unicorn cookie. Silently, Nelly found containers and helped Burr divide the cookies between her family and the Washington’s.

Hamilton secured Bess in her booster seat and began cleaning up the spilled sprinkles and frosting bowls and knives.

“Can we watch a movie?” Nelly asked once the kitchen was in order.

“Sounds good,” agreed Hamilton.

She picked _Moana_ and took a seat next to Burr on the couch.

Not long after the movie started, Mr. Madison arrived home with William and Sarah.

“Are you okay to watch a few more, Alexander?” he asked as the kids found seats on the couch.

“Not a problem,” Hamilton said.

“Thank you.” Mr. Madison hurried off to join his wife at the hospital.

“I’ve seen _Moana_ a million times,” William complained.

“Well, you’re about to see it a million and one,” Hamilton retorted. He cuddled the boy against him. “It’s got the best music.”

When the movie ended, Burr stood. “I need something to eat,” he told Nelly.

It was after two. While the children’s parents had fed them before they returned home, the boys had only eaten cookie dough and broken cookie pieces.

“I can make you a sandwich,” Nelly said.

“I can—” Burr stopped when he saw Hamilton shake his head. “Thanks, Nelly.” _What?_ He mouthed to his boyfriend.

“She has a crush on you,” Hamilton whispered. “Let her take care of you. It’ll keep her mind busy.”

Burr nodded. “Do you want anything to eat?”

“A cookie.”

“Same,” William said.

“Me, too!” Sarah agreed.

Burr grumbled about being an unpaid nanny as he followed Nelly out of the media room.

“Potty break,” Hamilton told the younger kids. “Then you can pick the next movie, William.”

After Bess was changed and he helped Sarah in the bathroom, Hamilton called his mom.

“I was getting worried,” Mrs. Washington said. “I didn’t expect you gone this long.”

Hamilton explained about Madison. “Aaron and I are babysitting now. Do you think you and Dad could bring dinner over later if we’re still here?”

“Of course, dear,” she agreed. “I was going to make a casserole; there will be plenty.”

“Alex, the toiler won’t flush!” William shouted from down the hall.

Hamilton rubbed his forehead. “I have to go.” They said their goodbyes and hung up. He joined William in the bathroom. “How much toilet paper did you use?” He asked upon discovering the obvious clog.

“Too much?” William said.

Once the toilet was unclogged, Hamilton herded the younger children back to the kitchen. There, he handed out cookies and took two for himself.

Movies entertained the kids until the Washington’s arrived at five-thirty with dinner.

“Any news?” Hamilton asked as his tired arms rejoiced to hand Bess over to Mrs. Washington.

“He’s going to be fine,” she said and cooed over the toddler. “His doctor wanted to run some tests to make sure there aren’t any new infections that might have caused the difficulty breathing.”

After dinner, Washington pulled Hamilton aside into the dining room. “What happened?”

“Aaron’s been drinking,” Hamilton said in a low murmur. He clutched the back of a chair and stared at the shiny formal dining table. “He was being mean again and Thomas called him out on his shit. Aaron said it was because James almost died and he can’t handle emotions. That made James start crying.”

Washington rubbed his son’s back. “You did a good job today, Alexander,” he praised. “I’m sure you were upset, too, but you didn’t hesitate to help with the youngsters. And you made sure the kitchen was cleaned up. You’re growing up and I’m very proud of you.”

Turning, he pressed his face into Washington’s shoulder. “Adulthood sucks.”

“I know, love.” He drew Hamilton back and watched his eyes—a striking purple in the dim light. “Talk to Aaron. Help him open up. I want you to see your therapist again, too. Aaron could benefit from a few sessions, as well, but I don’t imagine he’ll agree. But maybe going yourself can give you the strength to help him.”

Hamilton nodded. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

***

The Madison’s returned with their son later that evening after Hamilton had gotten the children to bed.

Exhausted himself, Jefferson lingered downstairs while Mrs. Madison took care of her son. “Jim?”

Mr. Madison closed the fridge and set down a gallon of milk. His bloodshot eyes looked up at his someday son-in-law.

“Today was the first time I heard Jemmy mention his mortality,” he said as his heart pounded at the terrible word. “That’s why he got so upset.”

Still quiet, Mr. Madison poured them each a glass of milk and opened a container of cookies. “His doctor mentioned therapy would be beneficial to all of us after such a crisis. I don’t want Jemmy to think about his death. Eleanor and I talked about him seeing a therapist about that topic but we couldn’t bring ourselves to broach it with him.” He stared at his milk. “But we don’t want him afraid either.”

Jefferson nibbled on a cookie to give himself something to do and struggled to get the next words out. “Does he have…a—a time limit?” His stomach clenched and he sucked in a shaky breath.

“No,” Mr. Madison assured. “But we’ve known since the day he was born that Jemmy would have to fight for every year of his life. It’s probably time that he’s come to terms with that.”

“No,” Jefferson said forcefully. “I’m sure he’s aware on some level that he’s not guaranteed a long life, but no one is. I don’t want that idea hanging over his head that he could die soon. Talking to a therapist about his fears, yes, but not that he’s fighting a losing battle.”

“I’ll respect that,” Mr. Madison said. He reached for a cookie and frowned. “What is this supposed to be?”

Jefferson choked on his milk. “Would you believe me if I said it was a carrot?”

“Nope. Did Alexander make it?”

“Yes, sir.”

Despite everything, Mr. Madison managed a chuckle. “That boy… I pity Washington yet I almost envy him, too. Although, more for his skill as a parent than having to deal with his son every day.”

Jefferson grinned. “Indeed. You’re not expecting Jem and me to give you any grandchildren, right?”

Mr. Madison patted Jefferson’s hand. “No, I know children aren’t Jem’s thing and he’ll be more than enough for you to take care of. Get some sleep, Thomas.”

“Yes, sir.” Jefferson took his glass of milk and another cookie.


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jefferson goes into Claire's for the first time.

After the Christmas mania died down, Jefferson agreed to chauffeur everyone to the mall the first week of January.

“Where to first?” Madison asked as they entered the mall, Jefferson pushing his boyfriend’s wheelchair.

“Bookstore,” Jefferson and Hamilton said at the same time.

They were lucky enough that the local mall managed to retain a bookstore. The group found the elevator and headed upstairs. Hamilton and Jefferson headed for non-fiction, while Burr pushed Madison through fiction.

“What do you like to read?” Madison asked as they wandered through the aisles.

“I’ve really never had much chance to read,” Burr admitted. “My school library was really sparse and the public library was too far away from my apartment. If I had an extra few bucks, I preferred to get a stuffed animal.”

Madison’s face lit up at the mention of stuffed animals. Although, at the same time he didn’t want to mention his thirty plus collection of forty-dollar Build a Bears. “You know how much I love stuffed animals.

Burr smiled. “I had to be careful that I didn’t have too many and get yelled at by my uncle for wasting money.” He explained about getting the toys from Goodwill and donating the ones that he felt like needed a special home but he couldn’t keep.

It was true, Madison, realized that the people who had the least gave the most. “That’s really sweet, Aaron.”

Burr shrugged.

Madison turned back to the shelves of books sensing Burr’s discomfort at the attention. “Any books you’ve wanted to read?”

“I always wanted to read Harry Potter,” Burr said.

Madison moved his chair toward the children’s section. He found the series and gave Burr the first one. “See what you think. You can borrow my collection if you want.”

Burr browsed through the book reading a bit here and there. “I’d like that.”

Madison put the book back and they searched out their friends.

Hamilton and Jefferson had each found a book and continued to browse.

Madison moved his chair up behind Jefferson and ran into him. “More Revolutionary War? Haven’t you learned everything?”

“Nope,” Jefferson said with a grin. “Find anything?”

“Nah.”

“What’d you get, Alex?” Burr asked.

Hamilton held up the book on medieval England. “Check this out.” He opened the book to a gruesome picture of some torture device. 

Burr closed the book. “Lovely.”

The guys paid and left the store.

“Where to, Jem?” Jefferson asked.

“Claire’s.” Madison looked up at him with a smile.

Jefferson grimaced. “Fine.”

He wheeled Madison to the preteen jewelry store. Hamilton and Burr took one look at the pink overload and chose to wait on a nearby bench and watch Madison’s wheelchair since the store was tiny and he could now manage short periods on his feet.

Face still set in a grimace Jefferson followed Madison into the store and tried not to bump into the displays of earrings and hair clips. “How come you never got your ears pierced?” he asked glancing at the hundreds of different pairs.

“My parents wouldn’t let me,” Madison said as he looked at hair accessories. “Mom figured I would be too susceptible to infections. She’s probably right.”

“What about magnetic ones?” Jefferson suggested.

Madison glanced at the pair he held up.

“Hmm, maybe. I dunno if jewelry is my thing. I’d love you to wear it, though.” He grinned.

Jefferson quickly put the item back.

“This is more me.” Madison held up colored hair extensions.

“Definitely,” Jefferson agreed. “You haven’t added color to your hair in a while.”

“Pastel or bright colors?” Madison asked.

“Both.”

An employee who had been watching them finally grew brave enough to ask if they were finding everything.

Jefferson managed a smile. “Yes, thank you.”

Bored of waiting, Hamilton braved the store and browsed through one of the front racks. He held up a tutu. “James.”

Madison looked over from searching through lip-gloss. “No way.” He pointed to the tiara next to Hamilton’s left hand. “I’d rather wear that.”

“No,” Jefferson mumbled. 

As a mom and her two preteen daughters came into the store, Hamilton retreated to the bench.

Madison handed a package of lip-gloss to Jefferson. “I’m almost done looking,” he promised.

Jefferson rubbed his forehead. “Please.”

Drawn to a display of Beanie Boos, Madison moved slowly with careful steps across the store.

“You look a little overwhelmed,” commented the employee to Jefferson as he awkwardly stood in the middle of the store.

“Never been in here before,” he admitted. 

“You’re being a good sport.” She smiled.

“Thanks.”

She indicated to Madison. “He’s...” she trailed off in hopes he’d supply the proper term.

“My boyfriend,” Jefferson said.

She quickly turned a chuckle into a cough. “You two are quite the pair.”

Jefferson grinned. “I’m aware.”

Madison caught his attention and held up a Beanie Boo cat clip-on.

“Fine,” Jefferson said.

Madison handed it to him.

“All set?” the girl asked.

Madison ducked behind Jefferson, suddenly shy.

“Yup,” Jefferson said.

“You buying?” Madison whispered.

“Of course.” Jefferson pulled out his credit card.

The employee held out the bag to Madison. He took it with mumbled thanks.

Jefferson steered him out and let out a long sigh. “That was intense.”

Madison glared at him as he sank into his wheelchair in relief.

“What?” Jefferson said. “I went in with you. I didn’t complain.”

A softness erased the discomfort on Madison’s face. “I know. Thank you.”

“But now I know why we always just go to Build a Bear,” Jefferson said with a grin. “Your mom is better suited for that store than me.”

“We do need to stop at Build a Bear,” Madison said.

Jefferson rolled his eyes.

“Candy store first,” Burr said and pointed to the store across from them.

They made their way through the growing crowd into the candy store and the sweet smell of chocolate and caramel. 

After trying some samples, they all purchased fudge.

“Build a Bear,” Madison said at once as they merged back into the crowds.

The four entered the store. Madison headed for the bins of unstuffed stuffed animals but Jefferson pushed his chair away and toward the clothes and accessories. “You have more than enough animals.”

Burr and Hamilton looked at the different animal options.

“So, you get it stuffed yourself?” Burr asked picking up one of the limp toys.

“Yeah.” Hamilton pointed to the fluff machine. “You can get it stuffed to your preference, like cuddly or firm. I made my first one a few weeks ago with my parents.”

“Huh.”

Hamilton picked up a tan-colored bear with fuzzy fur. “You could use a teddy bear, Aaron.” He continued ruffling through the bears.

Burr bit hard on his lip as his eyes grew heavy and itched. He rubbed them vigorously with the heels of his palms when Hamilton glanced at him.

“You okay?”

Burr hurried out of the store.

Hamilton tossed back the bear and followed him. “What’s wrong?”

 “Nothing.” Burr wiped at his eyes.

“Dude...”

Burr used his shirt to dab his eyes. “My sister always called me her ‘teddy bear’.”

“Shit, man, I’m sorry.” Hamilton rested a hand on his shoulder. “I know we agreed on not exchanging Christmas presents but it’s after the holiday now and I really would like to get you that bear.”

Burr shook his head. “You don’t have to.”

“Please? Pick one, just not the fifty-dollar one.”

Burr managed a smile and wiped his eyes. “Thanks.” He followed Hamilton back in the store and chose the bear Hamilton had picked up earlier.

An employee, a middle-aged black woman, headed over as she saw them move toward the stuffing machine. “That the one?” she asked with a smile.

Burr nodded and handed it over.

She stuffed the open seam against the stuffing pipe and stepped on the pedal. “Pick a heart.” She indicated to the box of red puffy hearts. “Touch to your nose and make a wish.”

Burr glanced at Hamilton.

“You have to,” Hamilton insisted.

Burr did as required and handed the heart to Hamilton. “Make a wish, too.”

Hamilton touched the heart to his nose and made a wish.

The employee let Burr stuff it in the bear and give it a hug to make sure it was the way he wanted.

“Nice and huggable,” Burr whispered.

The lady stitched the bear up. “Any special occasion?” she asked.

“His first Build a Bear,” Hamilton said.

“Perfect occasion.” She smiled at Burr and handed him the bear. “When you’re ready, you can put your info into the computers there and print out a birth certificate.”

Burr thanked her and held tight to the bear.

“You have to get an outfit,” Hamilton said. They joined Jefferson and Madison as they argued over whether one of Madison’s toys would look better in a red or pink hat.

Burr looked over the walls of clothes. “Something snuggly,” he said.

After a few minutes of browsing, Hamilton held up a blue sleeper. It had feet and a hood with ear holes.

“Perfect if there is one in pink,” Burr said.

Hamilton found a pink one.

Burr took the sleeper and moved toward one of the computers.

“What’re you going to name it?” Hamilton asked. He stood behind Burr and rested his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders.

“Sadie,” Burr said.

“Shit, now I’m going to cry.” Hamilton squeezed his shoulders.

Burr typed in the name and in the “stuffed with love by” line, he put ‘Alexander.’

“Dammit, Burr.” Hamilton rubbed at his eyes.

They headed to the cash register to pay and get the certificate. Hamilton dug out some crumpled cash and handed the boxed bear to Burr.

Burr touched his arm. “Thank you, Alex.”

A pleased smile relaxed Hamilton’s face. “You’re welcome.”

They joined Jefferson and Madison waiting outside the store. Jefferson clutched Madison close in his arms to support him while Madison stood on his feet.

“You guys are gay,” Jefferson said.

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “Look in a mirror.”

Madison wiggled from Jefferson grasp. “May I see?” he asked Burr.

Burr opened the box to show Madison the bear.

“Adorable!” Madison gushed. “I love the sleeper.”

Burr smiled.


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton's 21st birthday.

A loud, excited shriek woke the Washington household. Doors banged open and slammed shut as Hamilton pounced on the bed. “Dad! I’m twenty-one!”

“Then act like it,” Washington muttered to himself. He rolled over and looked at the clock. “It’s four in the morning, Alexander.”

Hamilton scooped up Potato and cuddled her on his lap as he sat in the middle of the bed. “Mom, I’m twenty-one.”

“I heard, dear,” she said and yawned.

“Go back to sleep,” Washington told him.

“I’m going to make breakfast for everyone!” Hamilton set Potato down and bounded off the bed. The door slammed behind him.

“Which one of us is going to supervise?” Washington asked his wife as he fought back a yawn.

“You brought up adopting him first,” Mrs. Washington replied and pulled the quilt snug around her shoulder.

Washington leaned over and kissed her cheek. He got out of bed and grabbed his bathrobe and slippers.

Five minutes alone in the kitchen and Hamilton had already turned it into a disaster zone with packages of food thrown on the counter, a bag of flour slowly leaking from a rip he’d accidentally made and various cooking utensils.

“What are you planning on making?” Washington asked. He leaned on the open archway and rubbed his eyes.

“Pancakes,” Hamilton said. He climbed on the counters to grab a recipe book and tossed it down. It landed next to the bag of flour and sent up a cloud of dust. “Scrambled eggs and bacon.” He jumped off the counter. “I’ll make you coffee.” He grabbed the coffee pot and looked at Washington. “How do I make coffee?”

“If that’s the first thing you have trouble with…” Washington took the pot. “I’ll do this. Find your pancake recipe.”

Hamilton leafed through the book. “Do we have chocolate chips?” He didn’t wait for an answer and clambered back on the counter.

“Use the stool.” Washington pointed at the step-stool beneath Hamilton.

“That’s Mom’s.” Hamilton tossed down a bag of chocolate chips and missed the counter. The bag landed on the floor with a thump. He pushed himself off and grabbed the bag. “How do I make pancakes?”

“Read the directions.” Washington willed the coffee to brew faster.

Bouncing on his bare toes, Hamilton read the instructions and began dumping ingredients in a bowl.

Washington fought down the need to take control and watched a raw egg splatter on the floor. He poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Does this look right?” Hamilton held out the bowl of pancake batter. “Why is it so runny?”

“Did you put enough flour in?” Washington asked. The batter had the consistency of a milkshake.

“I dunno.” Hamilton grabbed the recipe book. “I don’t think I put any flour in.”

The batter soon looked a little better and Hamilton turned on the stovetop and banged a pan on top. “Can I just pour all of the stuff on at once and make a huge pancake?”

“No.” Washington poured himself another cup of coffee.

“But that would be so cool!” Hamilton said. “I’m gonna do it.”

“No, Alexander. You wouldn’t be able to flip it then,” Washington reasoned.

“I suppose.” He grabbed a spoon and flung piles of batter onto the pan and all over the stove. He turned away and grabbed another bowl and began cracking eggs.

“Watch your pancakes,” Washington reminded a few seconds before one began to smoke.

Hamilton grabbed a spatula and shoved it under the pancake. He flipped it to show the black side. “So, not that one.”

“Turn the heat down on the stove,” Washington suggested.

He did as instructed and scraped off the burned attempts. Fresh pools of battered soon bubbled on the stove. This time Hamilton watched more closely.

Once he had managed a few pancakes that were later to be discovered under and overcooked, he resumed cracking eggs and spilling egg whites everywhere.

“Make sure the floor is clean before the dogs come down and lick all that egg up,” Washington reminded his son. He didn’t dare move from his corner of the kitchen and risk spreading the mess around.

“Got it!” Hamilton whisked the eggs. “Do I add anything to this?”

“Salt, pepper, and milk.” Washington contemplated a third cup of coffee and whether he could add whiskey to it. “That’s enough milk.”

Milk sloshed over Hamilton’s hand as he stopped pouring. “Just dump this into a pot?”

“Mmmhmm and keep an eye on it and stir when clumps begin to form.”

A minute passed in silence.

“Nothing’s happening,” Hamilton said.

Whiskey was sounding really good now. “Did you turn on the stove top?”

Hamilton looked at the knobs. “Huh.” He turned off one and turned on the correct one.

He soon had a bowl full of slightly runny eggs and moved onto the bacon.

“Microwave it,” Washington suggested.

“It doesn’t get crispy enough then,” Hamilton argued.

“Microwave it.”

A few minutes later, the acrid scent of burnt bacon filled the kitchen.

“Well…” Hamilton scraped off the failed attempt. He added more pieces to the pan, determined to do it his way. The second try almost looked edible. “What do you think?” He waved his hand over his finished products.

So many comments filtered through Washington’s mind as he thought about all the food-borne illness they were about to consume. “Good job, Alexander. Get Mom and Aaron up. I’ll set the table.”

Wondering if he could somehow create an edible breakfast in the few minutes it would take Hamilton to wake the others, Washington sampled the scrambled eggs and almost choked on the amount of salt. Ketchup and syrup would be their friends, he decided.

Mrs. Washington with the dogs, and Burr followed a bouncing Hamilton into the kitchen.

“I know it’s going to suck,” he said, “but I made breakfast.”

“As long as we don’t die from it,” Burr said as he took his seat.

Not out of the question, Washington thought as he poured coffee and milk.

“Too much salt?” Hamilton asked after he tasted his scrambled eggs.

“Just a little,” Mrs. Washington said. “They’re nice and fluffy, though.” She squeezed his hand. “Your pancakes are quite tasty.”

Once the meal was choked down, Hamilton jumped up. “I’ll do all the dishes, don’t worry! The kitchen will sparkle, Mom, I promise.”

Plates clattered together as he cleared the table.

“Do be careful,” Mrs. Washington murmured. She went to work getting the dogs fed and cringed every few seconds as glass clinked together or Hamilton mumbled “whoops.”

Burr made a speedy retreat back to his room, snatching a granola bar from the pantry on his way out.

Washington retired to his office to stare at his liquor cabinet and question where he went wrong in life.

An hour later, the kitchen did sparkle, although some of that might have been missed egg white or spilled bacon grease.

“Nothing broke?” Mrs. Washington asked as she nodded her approval that everything was back in order.

“Nope.” Hamilton bounced on his toes. “I can make dinner, too.”

“We’ll take you out for dinner,” she said quickly and kissed his cheek. “You did very well for your first time cooking.” She glanced at her husband watching from the doorway as Hamilton ran passed him and upstairs. “Where did we go wrong?” she murmured.

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” said Washington.

“You had to put ketchup _and_ syrup on your eggs.”

Washington chuckled. “It was the only way to get all that salt down and not have a stroke.” He wrapped his arms around his short and dainty wife.

“We only have a year and a half left before he’s finished with college,” Mrs. Washington said. “We should teach him some life skills before he moves out.”

Washington kissed the top of her head. “He’ll be raising his own children here. He’s not going to move out.”

“Is that your plan?”

“It is.”

“Does your wife agree with you?” Mrs. Washington teased.

“Nope, she thinks I’m crazy.” He nibbled on her ear. “But she loves our messy redheaded monster, too.”

The thunder of running feet followed by a thump of them landing at the bottom of the stairs broke the moment.

“Dad!” Hamilton slid across the kitchen in his socks. “Daddy!” He smashed into Washington’s back. “Hi!”

Washington let go of his wife and turned around. “Excited today, are you?”

Hamilton bobbed his head. “What’re we doing tonight?”

“We’ll go out to dinner with your brother and Aaron,” Washington said. “If you’re not drunk by then, I’ll take you to a bar.”

“Yes!” He ran off again.

“George…” Mrs. Washington touched his arm.

“I know, but you only turn twenty-one once and he’s so excited.” Washington kissed his wife’s cheek. “I won’t let him get completely wasted.”

***

“I never drank so much in my life.” Washington knelt over the toilet, his legs too shaky to stand on.

Mrs. Washington clicked her tongue. “What were you thinking?”

“After that first shot of tequila?” Washington retched and swallowed back bile. “Not a lot.”

She shook her head. “I’m just glad Alexander got your home okay. Aaron said he threw up a few times this morning but he’s downstairs eating cereal now so I suppose you kept your promise.”

“Of course, I did.” He puked again


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette is the token straight.

The waiting room was empty when Washington took his seat at the cardiologist. His family thought he was picking up supplies for Hamilton’s birthday party tomorrow afternoon.

“George Washington?”

Washington dragged himself up and followed the nurse through the door and into a small room.

She sat down at the computer and pulled up his medical history. “You had a heart attack about seven months ago?”

“Yes.”

“Any chest pain since then?”

“Yes.” Washington folded his hands against his knee and tried to convince himself that this was precautionary and he wasn’t _that_ worried about his heart.

“How often?”

Any time one of his boys was in pain or trouble. “Maybe once a month.”

The questions continued asking about any shortness of breath or numbness, which he hadn’t experienced.

She took his blood pressure and noted that it was elevated. “Have you been under stress recently?”

“I have a son who just turned twenty-one,” Washington said.

The nurse chuckled. “Noted. Anything else?”

The list was rather long, Washington realized as he told her about Madison (“He’s my honorary godson.”), Jefferson (“I’ve taken him under my wing as my own boy since his father passed away eight years ago.”), and Burr (“My son’s boyfriend and a work in progress.”) He could have gone on about other minute worries—work, taking care of his family—but figured she got the point that, yes, he was a bit stressed.

“Well, we’ll run some tests,” she said.

 

 _Three to four days_ , Washington thought as he drove home after feeling like every inch of him had been poked, x-rayed or hooked up to something. He would have the results in three to four days and for now, he could only worry as his doctor had mentioned a few concerns, particularly his high blood pressure. Especially since his father and older brother had died young from heart disease.

***

On Saturday, Hamilton kissed Burr and slipped out of bed. He dressed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. He’d watched Washington make coffee the past two days and soon had it brewing. From the fridge, he found a tube of cinnamon roll dough and popped it open. As those baked, he cooked bacon in the microwave.

At seven o’clock when the pack of dogs made their way yipping, yapping, and nails clicking way down the stairs, Hamilton had only a slightly burnt breakfast on the table.

A smile stretched across Washington’s face. “Well, look at you, boy, all grown up.”

Hamilton grinned.

The family sat down to eat and discussed what needed to be done for the birthday party.

They spent the morning cleaning the downstairs and making sure nothing would get in the way of Madison’s wheelchair.

“I wish I had a summer birthday,” Hamilton bemoaned as he knelt on the couch in the front room and stared out at the snow-covered yard. His dust rag sat forgotten next to him.

“That does make parties easier,” Mrs. Washington said as she fretted over where everyone could sit. While the house was large, the downstairs wasn’t open-concept and they didn’t have a big dining area.

“The boys can sit on the floor in the front room,” Washington assured her. “The dogs can stay upstairs so they don’t beg.”

Around noon, an hour before the party, Hamilton headed up to his room and climbed on his bed. “You feeling okay, Aaron?”

Burr rolled on his back. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure? It’s noon. We could have used your help in getting ready for my party.”

“Sorry.” Burr sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I like sleeping.”

Hamilton stroked his cheek. “That’s also a symptom of depression. I’m here for you, okay?”

“I know.” He stretched. “I’ll be downstairs in a bit.”

Halfway down the stairs, the doorbell rang, and Hamilton sped up and jumped the last few steps. He tossed open the front door. “John!”

Laurens grinned. “Happy birthday, Alexander.” He set a present on a nearby chair and crushed his friend in a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Likewise.” He glanced at the present. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“It’s a late Christmas present,” Laurens said.

Hamilton’s face lit up. “Good, because I got you a present, too.” He pulled Laurens into the front room. “I’m glad you’re early so we can catch up.”

They sat on the couch and discussed how their winter breaks were going. Laurens stayed with his aunt again.

“She got me a job waiting tables,” he said. “The tips are good and it feeds my need for attention.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes. “Good.”

“Where’s Aaron?” Laurens glanced around as if Burr would pop out somewhere.

Hamilton picked at his fingernails. “Still getting up.”

“Things going okay with you two?” A crease grew across Laurens’ forehead.

“You know.” Hamilton shrugged.

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Laurens patted his shoulder.

Movement outside caught Hamilton’s eye and he got off the couch. “Thomas and James are here.”

“Um, how is James?” Laurens asked. He twisted a stray curl behind his ear.

“He’s in a wheelchair,” Hamilton explained, “but he’s still James. Don’t worry.”

Laurens nodded.

Hamilton opened the front door and accepted the folded wheelchair Jefferson handed over.

“The chair weighs more than Jem does,” Jefferson said, huffing as he shifted his boyfriend to hold with both arms. “Hey, John.”

“Hi.” Laurens glanced at Madison half hidden in a coat and hat.

The chair was soon situated and Jefferson set Madison down and helped him out of his coat. Then, Madison could hug everyone.

“I can’t believe you’re twenty-one,” Madison gushed. “You’re so old.”

Jefferson cleared his throat. “He and I are the same age right now.”

“I know,” Madison said. “You’re ancient.” He maneuvered his wheelchair and made all his friends cringe as he moved dangerously close to the single step down into the front room. He headed into the kitchen where the Washington’s cooed over him.

“Where’s Aaron?” Jefferson asked.

Hamilton pointed upstairs but the doorbell ringing distracted him and he went to let Lafayette, Adrienne, and Mulligan inside.

While the downstairs grew noisy with greetings and conversation, Jefferson slipped upstairs and found Burr on Hamilton’s bed playing with his phone.

“Are you not coming to your boyfriend’s party?” he asked.

Burr set his phone aside. “There’s going to be drinking.”

“I’m sorry.” Jefferson sat next to him. “Did you say anything to Alex about that?”

“No. It’s his twenty-first birthday; I didn’t want to be a drag.” He reached for his phone and picked at the chipped cover.

“Alex would have accommodated you.” Jefferson watched Burr’s hands. “But you know how dense he is and I doubt he thought how having alcohol around might tempt you. I know he’d rather have you enjoying his party than drinking.”

“I’m not entirely sure.”

“I am.” Jefferson patted Burr’s back. “Jem and I aren’t going to drink either, you won’t be alone. Come downstairs?”

In response, Burr tossed his phone aside and stood.

They joined the crowd in the kitchen all chattering at once. Somehow, organization was achieved and everyone lined up to fill a plate from the multitude of choices spread over the counter.

The boys and Adrienne found places to sit in the front room while Mrs. Washington chuckled over the decimated bowls and plates left behind on the counter.

“Remember when he turned eighteen?” Washington said as he watched the group eat and talk.

“I’d rather not,” Mrs. Washington replied. “He didn’t take that well.”

“Because he thought he’d be alone.” A long, restful sigh escaped his lips. “He’s not afraid of that anymore, Martha. For all our fears that we didn’t raise him right, I know we gave him the one thing he’d never have had otherwise. We did that right.”

“Yes, we did.” She touched her husband’s elbow. “Get something to eat before the boy’s want seconds. Do you want any wine?”

Washington blanched. “I’m certain I’m still a quarter drunk, dear.”

After everyone had stuffed themselves, Hamilton stood and said, “So, I’ve never had a birthday party before or been to one so I’ve never gotten to play all those stupid party games. I really want to play spin the bottle.”

“Anything for Hammy,” Laurens said. He handed over his empty hard lemonade bottle. “Use this.”

Hamilton grinned as everyone moved to sit in a circle. His other game choice had been Twister but his parents vetoed it since it was Madison’s favorite game and they didn’t want him sad that he couldn’t play.

As the birthday boy, Hamilton spun first. “Really?” he griped at it pointed at Lafayette.

Lafayette chuckled. “Incest, great.” He kissed Hamilton on the lips. “Happy birthday, little lion.”

“Blech.”

Lafayette spun and got his girlfriend, which made the group complain about witnessing straight people kissing.

Adrienne was a good sport, though, and teased back. “Why _am_ I the only girl here? Aren’t any of you a girl’s gay best friend?”

“Thomas is, but Angelica hates me,” Hamilton said. “John avoids all girls because of that reason. He can’t be a “gay best friend™” because he doesn’t actually know anything about fashion or how to give good advice.”

Laurens rolled his eyes. “He’s right, though. Spin, Adrienne, and if that points at me, I’m done.”

The bottle pointed at Madison.

A squeak slipped from Madison’s lips and he covered his eyes. “I don’t want to.”

Everyone looked at Hamilton for the rules.

“James is exempt unless it’s Thomas,” Hamilton decided.

Jefferson raised his hand.

Hamilton smirked. “You get to kiss everyone, Thomas.”

Jefferson gave him the finger but his eyes twinkled.

Madison spun the bottle but it landed on Laurens making him safe.

A gleeful smile spread across Laurens’ face and he rubbed his hands together. “Oh, boy.” He spun and it pointed at Hamilton. “Well…”

Both of them looked at Burr who had remained quiet through most of lunch and sat cross-legged on the floor and picked at the worn hem of his jeans.

Feeling their eyes on him, Burr glanced up. “It’s a game, you can kiss.”

Laurens needed no further prompting and pressed his lips against Hamilton’s.

It was every bit as good as he remembered it, Hamilton thought and regretted that it only lasted a few seconds. He snapped out of his quickly, though, and wiped his lips. “You didn’t have to spit all over me,” he complained and spun the bottle. “Fuck!”

It pointed at Lafayette again.

Lafayette held his hands up. “I’m out. You just kissed John. I’m not getting his cooties all over me.”

“Pussy,” Hamilton taunted.

Lafayette held up his drink in salute. “Damn straight.”

Quietly, from his spot across the circle, Jefferson said, “Like you’ve never made about with Herc before.”

“Excuse you,” Lafayette said with a disgruntled air. “We were fifteen and it was a dare—your dare, I might add.”

“You didn’t forfeit,” Jefferson said with a smirk. “Don’t act like you’re not somewhat gay.”

Lafayette pointed at Hamilton. “Brother. You want me to kiss, Herc, Thomas? Because I will.”

“Please.” The smirk grew on his face.

Mulligan set his drink down with a sigh. “I hate parties.”

The outburst of cheering caught the Washington’s attention.

“Well, it’s been a few years since that happened,” said Washington after Mulligan finally released a breathless Lafayette from his grasp. “I almost pity the boy being the only straight one in his group.”

The game continued until Madison had a chance to kiss Jefferson. Afterward, Mrs. Washington served cake and ice cream.

When it was time to leave, Lafayette scooped Hamilton up. “Can I still call you little lion?

“Only if you acknowledge the fact,” Hamilton said, “that I am almost a year older than you.”

Lafayette gave an exaggerated sigh. “Fine. You’re twenty-one and I won’t turn that age until September, a fucking eight months away.”

A smile cracked across Hamilton’s face. “Thank you.”

Lafayette set him down. “Take care, little lion.” He turned to his parents while Jefferson pushed close to say his goodbye.

“That was a good party,” he said. “See you at school.” He hugged Hamilton and dropped something in his hood.

Laurens was the last to leave and he and Hamilton exchanged their gifts.

“Yes!” Hamilton exclaimed and wrapped himself in the fluffy blanket with a large dragon on the front.

“I know you’re always cold and you like dragons.” A pleased smile touched his face at the new headphones. “Thanks, Hammy.” He hugged his friend. “Things will work about between you and Aaron,” he whispered. “I promise.”

“Thanks, John.” Hamilton saw him out and closed the door.

Later that night, as he undressed for bed, he heard a small clatter and discovered the gift Jefferson had stuck in his hood. He unwrapped it to find a small medallion of a phoenix and the date of his adoption etched on the back. On a tiny scrap of paper, Jefferson had written, _Because you were reborn when you came into our lives. Happy Birthday, Alex._


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Washington

The spring term began and Washington gathered the remaining members of Team Jemmy together at the end of the first week.

“Tryouts for the new teams will be Tuesday,” he said. “You boys did a good job giving the girls a chance to compete. You should be proud of yourselves.”

Hamilton, Jefferson, and Burr grinned at each other.

“I know our new team will be just as strong.” Washington watched the boys and hated what he needed to tell them. They were so young and had enough stress in their lives. Why add more? “I need to tell you, boys, something.”

All attention snapped to him and smiles vanished.

“Dad?” Hamilton’s forehead creased.

“I went to a cardiologist a few weeks ago,” he said.

“No.” Hamilton stood.

“Alexander, sit.”

“No!”

Washington grabbed his arm and sat him down. “I have coronary artery disease that has become rather advance thanks to shoddy family genetics.” _And high blood pressure from stress._ He swallowed back those words since that would only cause his son to blame himself. “I—”

Hamilton jumped up again. “No! You are not going to die!”

 _Reduce stress._ He should have been blunter to the doctor about how impossible that would be or have let the doctor meet his son.

Jefferson pulled Hamilton into a bear hug on his lap. “Medication will help that, right?” he asked Washington while Hamilton tried to squirm away.

“Yes.” Washington watched the boys. “My doctor has put me on several different treatments. There is zero reason to fret that—”

“You could have a heart attack and die tomorrow!” Hamilton shouted. Tears spilled down his cheeks.

“Come here.”

Jefferson let him go and Hamilton collapsed in Washington’s arms.

“Nothing is ever a given,” he murmured to his son as he stroked his hair. “I know that scares you. I know my saying I have a disease scares you but I will be okay. Try not to destroy yourself with grief and fear.”

“I need you forever,” Hamilton whispered. His tears soaked into the collar of Washington’s shirt.

Washington patted his back. He looked at Burr, silent and staring at his hands, and Jefferson looking off at nothing. “Any questions?”

“No one tells Jemmy,” Jefferson said. “I know Mrs. Washington will make sure you’re eating very healthy. My Uncle Field has the same disease. He swears by fish oil.”

“Thank you, Thomas.” Washington looked at Aaron.

“No, sir,” Burr whispered. He rubbed his chest as if he was about to have his own heart attack. What the fuck would they do without Washington? He couldn’t… It was incomprehensible and if he were as emotional as Hamilton was, he’d be bawling on his lap as well.

“Sorry to be a downer, boys,” Washington said. “It’s no use fretting over. We all know how precarious life is whether there’s an added element of fragility or not.”

“Yes, sir.” Jefferson stood and pulled Burr with him. “See you Monday.”

***

Former Team Jemmy gathered outside the auditorium to try out for the new co-ed debate teams.

“What if we don’t end up together?” Hamilton fretted.

“The school wants to win,” Jefferson reminded him. “The judges know we work well together and it would be stupid to split us up.” He opened the door. “It’ll be fine.” He and Burr headed off to the left where researchers sat.

Hamilton frowned. “Where are you going, Thomas?” He indicated to the right side of the auditorium where other speakers were sitting.

“There are already too many speakers,” Jefferson explained. “I want to make sure the girls trying out have a better chance. You’re a better speaker anyway, Alexander.”

“But…” Hamilton chewed on his lip. Why couldn’t things stay the same? He dragged himself alone down the aisle and found a seat.

When it was his turn to show off his skills, all his spunk and attitude vanished and he mumbled through his speech. Afterward, he retreated to the back corner of the room.

Within a few minutes, Washington sat next to him and wrapped an arm around him. They sat in silence while the tryouts continued.

 

None of them wanted to check the list of new teams on Friday.

“There’s not going to be a point if we’re not on the same team,” Hamilton said and agonized more that he wouldn’t even be on _any_ team.

“We’ll manage,” Jefferson assured but didn’t make a move to look at the list.

Angelica and Laurens headed over to them.

“Did you see the list?” Angelica asked.

The three shook their heads.

“Well, I know I’m going to win,” she said.

“Same,” Laurens added.

Jefferson raised an eyebrow. “Who…?”

Angelica grinned. “The five of us. Alex and I are speakers, you and Aaron are researchers, and Laurens is swing.”

“Yes!” Hamilton high-fived Laurens, then Burr. “Team Hamilton.”

In an instant, everyone gave their own name for the team title.

“You, guys,” Burr spoke up. “We’ve been missing the obvious team name for years. We’re Team Washington.”

The blatancy of that dawned on the group and they nodded.

“Team Washington.”


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stars and Cosmo

The new semester was a strange one for Jefferson. He’d crammed every other semester to its breaking point and now found himself with a very light final schedule. Along with that, he didn’t have to escort Madison around to his classes and keep him afloat. He’d given up his dorm, though, since it was dumb to pay for a room he rarely used. When his sisters gave him the okay, he packed up some of his stuff at Monticello and moved it to Montpelier where he would stay the remainder of the semester.

With actual time on his hands, Jefferson got a job in the administrative building on campus and worked odd hours between classes and two evenings a week.

On that Thursday night, he stared up at the sky as he headed to his truck and was struck by the sudden urge to see more stars. The night was clear but too much light pollution hid all but a few brightest stars. It was already eight and Madison would be in bed by the time he got to Montpelier.

It would take too long to go all the way to the mountains but Jefferson knew of a park near a river halfway between.

Forty-five minutes later, he parked and headed toward the river. Snow crunched under his boots and his breath puffed in the cold night. He tested the ice and stepped across until he had a clear view of the sky without trees in the way.

He still couldn’t see tons of stars but hundreds sparkled across the black winter sky. It made him feel insignificant but at the same time powerful. He was alive right now. Out of all the variations in the world, out of everything that could conspire against his existence, now was his time. And it was an amazing time. Yeah, the universe had kicked him in the nuts about a dozen instances in a few shorts months but he’d gotten through.

A small drifting cloud winked out a few stars in the sky but Jefferson knew they’d come back. He would see them again. Whatever life decided to stab him with when he least expected it and was least ready, he’d power through. He was put here and now for a reason and the universe knew he could handle it. Maybe he’d get through life out of spite but he’d get through it.

Montpelier was dark and quiet when he crept upstairs and got in bed. He snuggled close to Madison and whispered. “Out of all the stars in the universe, I’m glad your mine.”

Madison rolled over and smacked him in the face with a stuffed animal.

“You shine the brightest by far.”

“Waffle,” Madison slurred in his sleep.

Jefferson cuddled him close, unicorn horn stabbing into his stomach.

***

“Movie night?” Hamilton asked Burr after dinner.

“I guess.” Burr dropped his plate in the dish bin.

They got comfortable on Burr’s bed and found something to watch.

Halfway through, Hamilton paused it knowing Burr hadn’t been paying any attention. “I know you’re depressed. I know I can’t cure that. But I want you to know that I understand and I don’t hold it against you.” He reached for Burr’s hand and held on tight. “I know things aren’t great between us right now. You’re tired and you feel like shit and you want to sleep. I’m with you, Aaron. If that’s what you need to do that’s okay.”

Burr closed his eyes and dropped his head against Hamilton’s shoulder. “I needed to hear that.”

“I know.” Hamilton caressed his cheek. “I want you to feel better but I know that’s not an easy process. But I would appreciate if you weren’t mean to me.”

“That’s a hundred percent acceptable.” Burr cuddled closer to him. “You can call me out on it if it happens again.”

“I will.” He unpaused the movie.

The next morning, Hamilton let Burr sleep in since his first class wasn’t until ten.

The boy’s bathroom had been redone and the showers were now individual stalls. He chose one in the middle and turned on the water.

A few minutes into his shower, he heard his name called. “Yeah, Aaron?”

A moment later, Burr wiggled in underneath the stall door.

Hamilton peered around the shower curtain. “What?”

“Shower together,” Burr said and stripped off his pajamas.

“There’s barely enough room for one person in these things.

Burr stepped into the small space and kissed Hamilton. “What you said last night really did mean a lot to me. I needed to know that you understood and didn’t hold my depression against me.”

“It’s not your fault.” Hamilton trailed his lips down Burr’s throat as the water pounded against his lower back. “Just like I have anxiety and you never hold that against me.”

“Because that’s not what defines you.” He pressed kisses down Hamilton’s chest and moved lower.

“You don’t have to—fuck!” Hamilton’s hands squeaked against the shower wall as he tried to find purchase as his legs weakened. “Oh, my God, Aaron.” He hoped no one else was in the bathroom as he moaned and there was no hope for discretion.

“I googled a few things,” Burr said as he stood and met Hamilton’s pupil-dilated eyes and almost-loopy expression. “I see Cosmo was right.”

Hamilton struggled to catch his breath. “I almost hate you right now.”

A smile that seemed like it hadn’t been around for months stretched across Burr’s face. “I love you. Even though you want ten children.”

Hamilton’s face softened further and he grasped at Burr’s hips to help hold his wobbly legs up. “I love you, too.”


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laurens it hot.

It had been months since the name, _Stevens_ filtered through Washington’s mind but then, in the middle of February, an email appeared.

_There is something I would like to tell Alexander in person if you could arrange for him to see Ned and me._

Washington ground his teeth as he wondered how to respond. The man seemed to have taken the hint the last time he tried to see Hamilton, which had been a blessing with everything else that had gone on. Hamilton hadn’t brought up his biological father in months, never made any mention of wanting to see him or Ned. If Mr. Stevens had anything valuable to tell Hamilton, he could do it in an email. Washington told him so.

 _This is a family matter_ , Mr. Stevens replied within minutes of Washington’s statement.

When Hamilton stopped by his office that afternoon, Washington told him about the email. “It’s okay to say no.”

Hamilton fiddled with the phoenix medallion he wore around his neck. “He didn’t say what he needed to tell me?”

“No, apparently it can only be told in person.” Washington watched him.

A frown settled on Hamilton’s lips. “I don’t know. Ask again if he’ll tell you through email?”

“I’ll see what he says.”

***

While Team Washington did well in practice, the closer the first campus debate came the more arguments and personality clashes arose. 

“Stop waving your hands around,” Angelica scolded Hamilton. “You’re not a windmill.”

“It’s for emphasis.” Hamilton punched his fist into the air. “I know how to speak and have a trophy to prove it. Where’s your trophy?”

“It’s going to be up your ass in a minute.” She towered over him and tapped his nose. “You know Maria is on Team Mulligan, right?”

Hamilton grimaced. Back in his sophomore year, he’d had a drunken fling with her after a party.

“She can’t write worth a darn but she’s very persuasive.” Angelica studied Hamilton. “It won’t take her much to knock you off your game.”

“I’ve debated against John,” Hamilton said. “I don’t get distracted.”

Angelica looked at the rest of the team. “Is that true?”

“No,” Burr and Laurens said.

“Be fair,” Jefferson told them, “Alexander has never gotten distracted by a pretty face and cost us a debate.”

“Thank you,” Hamilton said. 

“But if either of you starts acting like a jerk to him—” Jefferson glared at Burr and Laurens “—then we will lose.” He turned to Angelica. “Alexander’s mouth and hands work together so get used to it. He and I cost our team a whole year of debates because we competed against each other. You and he better not make the same mistake.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Jefferson.” Angelica mock curtsied. 

“Oh!” Hamilton interrupted. “Are you going to take James’ last name or is he taking yours?”

“What?” Jefferson stared at him. “That has nothing to do with debate. But if you think I’m going to take his last name—”

The door opened cutting him off as Washington entered the room. “I didn’t hear screaming from the hallway this time,” he said. “Good job.” He pet Hamilton on the head as he walked by. “The first campus debate is Friday. Do we know what we’re doing?”

“Nope,” Laurens said. “What exactly is the purpose of a swing team member?”

Washington sighed. “Didn’t you read your handbook?”

“My what?”

“It means,” Hamilton stepped up, “that if Angelica and I aren’t confident in the topic you get to debate. Otherwise, you do your best to sit pretty and keep your mouth shut.”

Washington sighed again. “I suppose you’re correct. The same applies if Thomas or Aaron thinks you can research and prompt the speaker onstage better. If not, though, you sit away from the team.”

“And look pretty,” Hamilton added.

“I can do that,” Laurens said. “Who’s swing on Team Mulligan?”

“Some senior girl,” Angelica said. “Hercules and Maria are speakers and Lafayette and Lee are researchers. 

“Well, that sucks.”

“Huh?” Angelica questioned.

“A girl,” Laurens said stepped closer to Angelica. “Can’t have any fun with that.”

“Enough.” Washington pushed Laurens back. “Time to practice.” 

From the jar of topics, Hamilton pulled out a slip of paper and the team went to work creating their speech. 

Hamilton and Angelica did try to outdo each other—reminiscent of how Hamilton and Jefferson used to debate before they became friends—but each had a solid technique. Angelica brought a level of witty cleverness the team hadn’t had before and made her speech a little edgier. 

 

On Friday, Team Washington filed into the auditorium and took their seats next to Team Mulligan. 

“Well, well,” Maria said and smiled at Hamilton. “It’s been too long since our paths crossed.”

Burr grabbed Hamilton’s hand and stared her down. 

“Hello, Maria,” Hamilton said and winced as Burr’s fingers tightened on his.

Maria turned her attention to Burr while their teammates pretended to ignore the interaction. “I remember you. I did not think you were gay.”

Hamilton snorted. “How could you not?”

“Sit down,” Washington told them and shooed Maria away. “Focus.”

Angelica leaned toward Hamilton and whispered, “Women are harder to win against. She’ll be persuasive even if her speech is illogical. That’s how she got on their team. Watch yourself.”

Hamilton nodded as his gaze slipped back toward Team Mulligan and the red sweater dress Maria wore.

From their spot a few seats away, Laurens leaned toward Burr and whispered, “You’re going to lose him. Win him back.”

“He’s just being a Hamilwhore,” Burr replied. “He’s still mine.” He sucked his lips in and pushed away the doubt.

As the debate began, the boys were quick to note that Angelica was right—girls were harder to beat and had a vastly different style to get their point across. All the boys fumbled to retaliate and keep afloat. Teams with no female speakers quickly fell behind and the one team with both female speakers soared to the top.

Despite their opposite styles of speech, Angelica and Maria fought on the same plain and ripped each other’s speeches apart in their rebuttals with more tenacity than any of the boys ever did. 

“I feel naked,” Hamilton muttered to Mulligan as he walked past to take the stage after Maria slaughtered Angelica’s impressive words. He took two buzzes while he found his footing and matched the cruel intensity of Maria’s words. But in doing so, he messed up his researchers who weren’t used to him speaking that way. 

Jefferson gave him a bewildered “WTF” gesture two minutes in. 

Hamilton plowed through and managed a decent score.

When final scores were announced, Team Washington was in third behind Team Mulligan with the dominant girl team in first and advancing off campus.

“That was intense,” Burr said. “You did well, Ham—” He looked around and realized Hamilton wasn’t following him.

Laurens pointed behind them where Hamilton spoke to Maria. “You’re going to lose him,” he repeated

Burr ground his teeth. “We’re fine. I can make him happy.” He thought back to their recent shower exploits but if he went back further, he realized they hadn’t been intimate in a while. But Hamilton said he understood his depression and wouldn’t hold the lack of sex against him, right?

“Alex loses interest fast,” Laurens said and brushed his fingers against Burr’s.

The few feet away, Maria laughed at whatever Hamilton said and his hand skimmed against her arm.

“He’s not easy to satisfy,” Laurens whispered. “But I have an idea to keep him off her. If you’re willing.”

More giggles, this time from Hamilton, too.

“What’s your idea?” Burr asked.

“Threesome,” Laurens breathed in his ear. “We corner him before the next debate. That’ll take his mind off her for sure.”

Burr stepped back. “No, John.”

“Think about it.”

Laughter from Hamilton and Maria rang in his ears and Burr gave Laurens a sideways glance. Maybe…

 _No,_ he told himself firmly. That would do the opposite of keeping Hamilton. They both had an infatuation with Laurens and continuing no-string-attached sex with him while trying to date each other was a recipe for disaster. Jealousy would abound for sure. None of them had the maturity to manage that. But damn if Laurens wasn’t so fucking hot and good in bed.


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Stevens returns.

_I don’t understand why you won’t let Alexander see me. I know he wants to. You’re awful controlling of him._

Washington tapped the keyboard of his computer and wondered how to get this man to go away. Mr. Stevens refused to tell him through email what he needed to disclose to Hamilton, which raised Washington’s level of suspicion. He typed a firm; _Alexander has expressed zero interest in meeting with you. If what you have to say is that critical for him to know, send me an email. Otherwise, leave us alone._

***

A spring storm blew through the city in March. Hamilton huddled in Washington’s office during an hour break to avoid going outside. He impressed Washington with how small he managed to make himself in the chair as he burrowed in his coat.

“I have to get ready for class, love,” Washington said. “You can stay in here.”

When the door closed, Hamilton pulled out his phone and browsed online from his cocoon. He frowned when a text came through from an unknown number.

_Hey, Lexi, it’s Ned. How are you?_

A surge of heat flooded Hamilton’s body as dread coursed through his veins. Before he could decide what to do, the message popped up again and quickly followed by: _Can you talk to me, Lexi? It’s Ned. Dad and I want to talk to you._

The flutter grew stronger in Hamilton’s chest, as another message appeared, _Please, Lexi? You’re my brother. We want to talk to you._

Hamilton turned off his phone and unfolded from the chair. He headed for Washington’s classroom and slipped inside.

Washington raised an eyebrow but continued with his lecture while his son sat at his desk. When he could pause for a few minutes, he murmured to his son, “Is everything okay?”

Hamilton shook his head. “Ned started texting me. I had to turn off my phone.”

Washington pinched his bottom lip and an uneasy knot gripped his stomach. “Just keep your phone off for now.”

Ten minutes later, Hamilton slipped back out to go to his own class. Concentration alluded him as his mind struggled to comprehend what the Stevens wanted. He wasn’t convinced it was Ned texting him, more likely Mr. Stevens trying to bait him with a brotherly bond.

 _Why now,_ he wondered. He knew Mr. Stevens had contacted Washington back in the fall but nothing had ever come of it and he’d had no interest in seeing his biological father. Did Mr. Stevens feel some desperation to make up for lost time? But still, if he cared, wouldn’t he respect his son’s decision? Hamilton didn’t want to think badly of them but a worry that they were trying to scam him crept into the back of his mind. He knew without a doubt that they were the Stevens’ he’d known as a child. The pictures, the stories, it all matched what he knew. Would they pursue this level of persistence if Washington weren’t wealthy? Did they somehow think they could get money out of him? If that was what they wanted, how did they plan to get it? Extortion? Mr. Stevens had already proved his persistence. How much further would he go?

Tears burned Hamilton’s eyes. The man he thought was his father was trash, was the new man who said he was his father just as bad?

Didn’t matter, Washington was his father and the best man Hamilton had ever known. That was all that mattered. Washington would protect him from the Stevens’.

After class, he returned to Washington’s office and waited for his dad to pack up from his last class.

Hamilton handed over his phone. “Can you check?”

Washington turned it back on and punched in Hamilton’s password. Three missed calls, two voicemails, and thirteen text messages. He deleted everything and blocked the number.

“What do you think they want?” Hamilton’s voice trembled.

Washington sighed. “I wish I knew.”

“Money?”

“Perhaps.” He handed Hamilton back his phone. “It’s clearly not safe to see them but I’m not sure how to get Mr. Stevens to stop. We could see about getting you a restraining order.”

Hamilton chewed on his thumbnail. “I don’t know.”

Washington drew him close and clutched his slender hands. “We’ll figure it out. Will you come home tonight?”

Hamilton nodded.

Washington squeezed his hands and stood. “Let’s go.”

They stopped at Hamilton’s dorm so he could get his laptop and leave a note for Laurens.

It was a quiet drive to Mount Vernon. Washington pulled into the long driveway and slammed on the breaks at the sight of another car blocking his entrance into the garage. “Do you...”

“No.”

Washington hit the clicker for the garage and they rushed inside.

Hamilton’s younger muscles got him into the house first and he charged through the family room into the kitchen. He skidded to a stop as he looked through the archway and saw Mr. Stevens and Ned sitting in the front room with Mrs. Washington.

“Hello, Alexander,” Mr. Stevens said.

Ned waved. “I tried texting you but I must have had the wrong number.”

Washington patted Hamilton’s shoulder and brushed past him. “What’re you doing here?” He stood by his wife’s chair and made sure she was okay. She didn’t appear distraught or even faking her hospitality.

“Well, we were in the area,” Mr. Stevens said with a wave of his hand. He turned his attention to Hamilton creeping into the room to hide behind Washington. “How are you, Alexander?”

“Okay,” Hamilton murmured. He ducked behind his dad.

“I thought I made myself clear that we did not wish to see you,” Washington said in a low voice. “You need to leave.”

Mr. Stevens uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. “You’re a little tight with the leash, George. He’s my son.”

“No.” A growl crept into Washington’s voice. “He’s my son. I adopted him. I’ve taken care of him, gave him a home and love. He owes you nothing.”

Mr. Stevens leaned back. “Is Lexi’s heart so fulfilled by you that he cannot love another? That seems rather damaging to his psyche.”

Washington tensed as his own fears were thrown in his face. A warm pressure rested between his shoulder blades and he relaxed a little for Hamilton’s sake. “You don’t know what Alexander has been through and what you represent.”

“You don’t know what he went through either,” Mr. Stevens chided. His dark eyes—probably blue-violet but hard to say in the weak lighting of the front room—bore into Washington. “I knew Alexander for almost thirteen years.”

Again, Washington wondered where that tenacity had been when Hamilton needed his biological father. What was this man’s agenda now? Why was he so keen to destroy his son’s sanctity? So desperate to push Washington away from him?

“I’m not going to argue with you,” Washington said, although he had many to choose from and the words piled up to spit forth. _Did Alexander ever live in your house? Did you ever take care of him day to day? Have you comforted him when he cried? Fed him, clothed him, paid for his schooling?_ Washington may have only had the boy four years but he’d done that and more.

“Of course, you’re not going to argue,” Mr. Stevens said. “You always take the high road, don’t you? You with your money, lovely home, and devoted wife. You who saves damaged teens and makes lives perfect.”

“Enough,” Washington snarled. “Leave before I call the police.”

Mr. Stevens stood. “Why are you so insistent on keeping my son away from me?”

Washington could feel Hamilton trembling and reached a hand back to comfort him. “Because Alexander does not wish to see you,” he snapped. “He does not need to see you. Whatever you want out of this—” Washington swallowed “—be frank and stop playing these games.”

Mr. Stevens frowned. “Games? Is a father trying to connect with his son a crime?” He shook his head. “I know you’ve seen a lot of rough boys with bad parents come through your home, George, and I’m sorry that has clouded your judgment of good people.” He beckoned to Ned who had remained silent and staring at the floor. “Let’s go.” He stopped at the front door and stared Washington down. “This isn’t over.” The door slammed shut.

Mrs. Washington hurried to lock it. “I’m sorry, George,” she said as tears filled her eyes. “I didn’t know he was harassing you and Alexander.”

“That’s my fault,” Washington said and moved to comfort her. “I should have told you. But I never expected him to show up whenever it pleased him.”

“Where’s Potato?” Hamilton asked in a sudden panic.

“The dogs are upstairs,” Mrs. Washington said. “I’ll get them.” She headed to the stairs.

Hamilton dragged Washington with him to follow her.

“Perhaps we need to consider getting a larger dog,” Washington said as the pack of worried, old dogs greeted their family.

“I don’t like big dogs,” Hamilton said. He picked up Potato and let her lick his tears away. “Potato is enough for me.”

Outside a horn blared and made Potato growl.

Washington’s hands moved into fists. “If that tw—” He stopped himself and took a deep breath. “Stay upstairs.” He left the bedroom. In the front room, he peered out the window staying hidden behind the curtain. Headlights shined in the window from a car parked at the entrance to the driveway. The horn blared again.

Then the car backed out and tore off down the street, tires squealing, engine revving.

Before Washington could return upstairs, the car had turned around and zoomed in front of Mount Vernon again.

“Should we call the police, George?” Mrs. Washington asked from the top of the staircase.

“I will.” He returned to them in the bedroom and made the call. He framed the concern as a noise complaint deciding that was easier to explain and would still get a cop out to their ritzy neighborhood.

Whether the Stevens saw the police and left or had already gone, the Washington’s didn’t know but the night passed without any further insurrections.


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laurens likes turtles.

“And so, in conclusion,” Maria said standing with her hands clasped behind her back. “Turtles are the superior being.” She bowed and took her seat beside her teammates.

“I hate that she’s right,” Laurens muttered half to himself. “Why did we get stuck having to insist turtles are evolutionary disasters?”

“Hush,” Angelica scolded. She looked back at Jefferson who had taken the swing position since Laurens had more knowledge on turtles. “Miss you,” she mouthed.

Jefferson just grinned rather glad to take a backseat from his argumentative team.

“But she missed so many good points,” Laurens continued to lament. “And now Hammy has to say they suck.”

Hamilton patted his knee. “I think I can prove that turtles cannot be argued as inferior beings and still keep to my side. Seeing as you gave me little to prove against their ascendency.”

Laurens pressed his hands together. “I love turtles.”

“You’re just weird, John.”

Burr leaned in. “You’re going to go for it?”

“Yeah,” Hamilton said. “Make it or break it.” He looked at Team Mulligan and saw Maria’s flirty smile. “Gotta crush our competition.”

 

Hamilton’s risky move of debating that there were no facts against turtles superiority gave them the win.  Team Washington would advance to the regional debate in California to fight for the honor of returning with another trophy for their school.

Lafayette and Mulligan joined Team Washington’s excited discussion on how to celebrate as they left the auditorium with Washington trailing behind. He pulled out his phone at the sound of a text message.

_I’m outside._

“Alexander.”

The almost-fear in Washington’s voice made everyone stop and Hamilton pushed back toward his dad.

“What’s wrong?” Hamilton asked brow creased.

Washington showed him his phone and the unknown number.

“Mr. Stevens?” Hamilton whispered.

Before Washington could answer, another text popped up.

_I’ll wait by your car._

Lafayette leaned over Hamilton’s shoulder and read the messages. “Well, you’re not going outside that’s for sure.”

“I’ll call campus security,” Washington said.

Within minutes, he had an officer to check around the auditorium and where he parked in the faculty lot. No one suspicious lingered around.

“Perhaps it’s just a joke,” Jefferson suggested.

“Either way we’re going to treat it as a threat,” Washington said. He glanced at his phone and saw a new message.

_I’m not leaving._

Washington pocketed his phone. “Laf, go to the house and get Mom and the dogs. Take them to your apartment. Herc, go with him.” He looked at the group. “Aaron, John, and Angelica stay together and text me when you’re at your dorm. Thomas, walk with Alexander and me. We’ll drop you off at your truck.”

Everyone did as told.

The officer remained by the new Cadillac and said he had checked around the car for anything questionable.

Washington thanked him and got in the driver’s seat. Hamilton took the passenger side and Jefferson got in back to be dropped off at his truck in the parking lot on the other side of campus.

“I’ll tell Jim what’s going on,” Jefferson said as he prepared to get out. “We’ll keep an eye on Mount Vernon.”

“Don’t put yourself in danger,” Washington insisted as he made fierce eye contact with Jefferson. “Stay safe, Thomas.”

“Yes, sir.”

He watched Jefferson get in his truck and drive off before putting the Cadillac in reverse.

“What do you think Mr. Stevens is trying to do?” Hamilton asked. “He didn’t seem crazy before.”

“I don’t know, son.” As he turned away from the college, his phone dinged with a new message.

Hamilton checked. “Aaron, John, and Angelica are safe,” he said. He frowned as another message popped up. “But, um, Mr. Stevens sent you a pic of your license plate.”

“Watch for anyone who might be following us,” Washington said and managed to keep his voice calm. He turned off the main road.

Hamilton stared out the back window as a shudder ran through him. “Should we call the police?”

“I don’t know if they could do anything at this point.” Washington made several turns through side streets. “We’ll stay at Laf’s apartment for the night.”

“I don’t see any other cars.” Hamilton faced forward and rubbed his neck. “I want to know why.”

Washington touched his hand. “We don’t know what might have happened to him after you went into foster care. Perhaps he’s mentally ill. He’s been rejected and it’s clear he can’t handle that. I’ll keep you safe and we’ll get this taken care of.”

Hamilton squeezed Washington’s hand. “I don’t want him to take me away from you,” he whispered.

Taking his eyes off the road for a moment, Washington met the worried gaze of his son. “That will never happen.”

A few blocks from Lafayette’s home, Washington parked in a well-lit parking lot. He gathered everything from the glove box and shoved the papers in his briefcase. He wasn’t one for clutter and the rest of the car was clean. He kept Hamilton close to him as they walked to the apartment.

A moment of panic surged through Hamilton as his dad unlocked the door and flipped on the light as he expected to see Mr. Stevens inside.

The apartment was empty and he breathed a sigh of relief.

It wasn’t long before the rest of the family showed up.

Hamilton cuddled Potato in his arms as she licked his face all over and nibbled his nose in her excitement.

“Dad, let me see your phone,” Lafayette said. He and Mulligan went to work to see if they could figure out whose number it was and where the texts might have originated.

Mrs. Washington headed into the small kitchen and cleaned up, the other dogs at her heels.

“Anything?” Washington hovered near his younger son.

“No,” Lafayette said. “He might be using a burner phone.”

Although he wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, Washington didn’t question it and sat down on the couch. “Turn it off. Alexander, turn yours off, too. Laf, text Thomas to call you if there is any trouble in the Estates.” He looked at his wife, “Martha, dear, please stop cleaning.”

“Don’t tell her that,” Mulligan murmured.

“It keeps my mind busy,” Mrs. Washington replied. “But I suppose it is time for bed.”

Lafayette was quick to give his parents his room. “I can share with Herc.”

“I’m not sleeping alone on the couch,” Hamilton said. He tightened his grip on Potato.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” Mulligan decided. “You and Laf can take my bed.”

Lafayette rolled his eyes. “Great.”

Before they left, Mrs. Washington had packed some clothes and toiletries, although she had been much more thorough with the dog’s supplies.

While she took her turn in the single bathroom, Hamilton followed Washington into Lafayette’s room. “What do you think Mr. Stevens wants to do?” He sat on the edge of the bed.

Washington picked some clothes off the bed and situated the messy blankets. “I don’t know,” he repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. He couldn’t necessarily tell his anxious boy that he feared kidnapping. What had caused Mr. Stevens to snap? He wondered if he could contact Ned. Was the younger Stevens even okay? He had been almost silent when they intruded on Mount Vernon. He hated to think of Ned being in danger, too. “Get some sleep and try not to worry.”

Hamilton stared at his boots. “Can I sleep in here?”

“No, where would Mom sleep then?” He stroked his son’s head. “You’ll be safe with Lafayette.”

Hamilton dragged himself off the bed and walked to the other side of the apartment. He opened the bedroom door and Lafayette threw a shirt at his head.

“Bad luck just follows you, little lion.” He pulled on a different shirt. “Do you still kick?”

“I dunno, probably.” He sat on the edge of the bed and tugged off his boots. “Why do you think Mr. Stevens is doing this?”

“Pseudo-revenge, I bet.” Lafayette pulled back the blankets on the bed. “Probably crazy as fuck. He _is_ biologically related to you.”

Hamilton chucked a boot at his head. “Fuck off, Laf!”

Lafayette tackled him against the bed and tickled him until he squealed and begged for mercy.


	57. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debates and date night.

Once again, Mr. Stevens vanished and left them in uneasy peace. There was plenty to focus on, though, as they prepared for the California debate.

“Do you think we have any shot at even placing?” Burr asked Hamilton as they sat on the top bunk in his room and munched on chips.

“I don’t know,” Hamilton said. “We’re not as strong without James.”

Burr licked salt off his fingers. “Kind of odd, honestly.”

“Eh.” Hamilton pulled out a chip. “He kept us grounded plus Thomas is a better speaker than researcher. The four of us had a system.”

“True.” He crumpled the empty bag. “Anything more from Mr. Stevens?”

Hamilton shook his head. He stretched out on the bed and Burr lay next to him. “We still don’t even have a clue what he wants.” He rubbed Burr’s arm and closed his eyes. “You’d think he’d want to tell me whatever he has to say if it actually meant anything. He’s just harassing Dad and me for shits and giggles at this point.”

“I’m sorry.” Burr glanced over his shoulder at him.

“Like I ever expected my life to be normal.”

Burr rolled onto his back. “Yeah, but you don’t deserve to live in fear.” He played with Hamilton’s fingers as he stared at the ceiling. “I don’t think Mr. Stevens is sane. Perhaps he’s trying to tell you there is mental illness in your family tree.”

A sigh escaped Hamilton’s lips. “He’s made that fact loud and clear.”

The dorm room opened and Laurens poked his head in. “Door isn’t locked, am I good to come in?”

“Yeah,” Hamilton said.

“We’re discussing Mr. Stevens,” Burr added. “What’s your take?”

“Man’s a deranged psychopath.” Laurens folded his arms on the top bunk and rested his chin on them. “Why the hell would he want to claim Alexander?”

“John!” Burr pushed him.

Laurens swatted him back. “I was just kidding. You okay, Hammy?”

“I just want Mr. Stevens to go away.” Hamilton sat up and hugged his knees. “I don’t like the reminder that he helped create me. Or the fact that he seemed normal when I knew him as a kid. He seemed decent when Aaron and I met him in NYC. What do you think happened?”

“Not taking his meds would be my guess,” Laurens said. “Perhaps finding you triggered something in him and he couldn’t cope.” He watched Hamilton’s blue-violet eyes. “But that doesn’t mean you owe him anything nor is it your fault.”

Hamilton nodded.

***

Leading up to the debate, the team practiced as often as possible with mock debates against Team Mulligan, although without Maria who quit when the team didn’t win.

They might have been good enough for their college but Team Washington knew a west coast debate would take all their skills and many they didn’t have. Without Madison’s speed reading ability to get to the facts they needed and without Jefferson’s commanding presence on stage, the team felt vulnerable. But Angelica with her strong style and different perspective would keep them on the playing field with the other co-ed teams who had been debating in that division far longer.

However, one problem remained.

“For the love of God, Alexander,” Angelica griped, “do your hands need to move that much? No one can hear your words over your gestures.”

“It’s never hindered me before,” Hamilton shot back. “Get over it.”

“Hey, settle down,” Jefferson pushed them apart. “Alexander, do try to control your hands. I know you’re stressed and that’s why you’re more fidgety than usual, but try to constrain yourself.”

Hamilton grumbled under his breath and turned to Burr. “I’m being picked on.”

“Poor baby.” Burr patted his lap and Hamilton took a seat.

Jefferson rolled his eyes. “How about we focus for more than five minutes at a time?”

“Who made you team captain anyway?” Laurens asked. “That stick is creeping up your ass again, Mr. Jefferson.”

“James isn’t here to mellow him out,” Hamilton said. “How is our little duck?”

The annoyed frown vanished from Jefferson’s face. “He’s getting a lot stronger and hasn’t needed the oxygen in a week. He can get around the house without the wheelchair most of the time, although he crawls a lot but his physical therapist said that was fine since he’s building muscle and exercising. He races against Bess and it’s the sweetest thing.”

“Now who’s not focused?” teased Angelica as she wrapped her arms around him from behind. “That’s great about James, though.”

“He is cute,” Laurens said. He poked Jefferson in the stomach with a pen. “But you’re not the boss. If you want to be, you have to agree to let us call you Daddy.”

“Nope,” Jefferson decided at once. “You guys can run wild.”

“Cool.”

Jefferson checked his phone. “I have to go anyway. Date night.”

“You’re so sweet,” Angelica gushed while the other three boys gagged.

 

At Montpelier, Jefferson pulled into his spot in the garage. Upon entering the house, he found Nelly, William, and Sarah waiting. All three were dressed in princess gowns and curtsied to him.

“Good evening, sir,” Nelly said. “May we escort you to dinner with Prince Jemmy?”

A smile stole across Jefferson’s face. “I’d be delighted.”

The children led the way to the playroom where the lights were off but flashlights gave the room an almost-candlelight look. A blanket was spread on the floor with battery-operated candles giving an actual flickering glow.

Madison stood and curtsied in his sparkly black skirt. “My prince.”

Jefferson bowed and kissed Madison’s hand.

They sat on the blanket on the floor and the youngest children brought them dinner while Nelly poured drinks and set the glasses on a low table near them.

“Anything else, Prince?” she asked.

“I’ll ring when we’re ready for dessert,” Madison said.

The children left them alone and Jefferson had to laugh. “You’re amazing, Jem.” He kissed his boyfriend. “This is perfect.”

“Good.” Madison smiled at him. “I was a little worried you’d think it over the top.”

“Nah, I’ve been with you long enough.”

They ate chicken, mashed potatoes and baby carrots in the glow of fake candles and sipped grape juice. Jefferson told him about the mock debates and what their friends were up to.

“I want to go to California with you,” Madison said when Jefferson paused. “I need to experience more.”

Jefferson studied his juice. “You would have to fly. You’re just getting stronger, I don’t want—”

“I don’t want to not live my life, T,” Madison interrupted. “We never know what could happen and I don’t want to spend it doing nothing.” He took the glass from Jefferson, set it down, and crawled in his lap. “I need to be with you. I need to know what the world is like.”

“Okay.” Jefferson kissed his lips. “But your parents are going to be harder to convince. However, I will do what I can to help them understand.”

“Thank you.” He nuzzled his face in Jefferson’s neck. “Ready for dessert?”

“May I kiss you again first?” Jefferson asked.

Madison’s head popped up and his eyes met his boyfriend’s in the dim light. “Yes.”

Slowly, Jefferson kissed him as he tried to remember what worked best and what Madison liked. His partner’s hungry lips locked onto him and he began to relax and figure it out and enjoy it.

After a few minutes, Jefferson pulled away, lips tingling. “That was nice.”

Madison chuckled. “I love you. Ready for dessert?” He called Nelly on his cell and within in a few minutes, the children brought in slices of chocolate cake and glasses of milk.

“I could get used to this,” Jefferson said once they were alone again. “You trained them well.” He clinked his glass of milk with Madison’s.

The night had been almost too perfect. While he watched Madison sleep, Jefferson couldn’t hold it together any longer and let the tears spill down his cheeks. He would do anything for his Jemmy, take him anywhere he wanted to go, but he hated Madison’s reasoning. That whisper in the back of the conversation that said he wanted to experience life because he didn’t think he had much of one left.


	58. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jefferson doesn't care what Madison gives him.

Washington counted heads as he and his wife escorted their student charges off the bus at the airport. It didn’t matter that they were all adults, the Washington’s weren’t about to lose any of them.

Despite reservations from everyone, Madison achieved his wish of coming along after writing his parents a persuasive and heartbreaking argument on why they needed to allow him to travel with his boyfriend. The Madison’s let Washington read the essay and he couldn’t say no after that either.

“Stay together,” said Washington as they entered the airport and he counted heads again.

Angelica, and Jefferson, pushing Madison in his wheelchair, stayed near Mrs. Washington, while Hamilton, Burr, and Laurens kept near him.

The line moved at a steady pace through security.

Washington watched Jefferson talk Madison through the process and keep him calm and swelled with pride that at least one of his boys had matured well.

Those two were through first and waited out of the way with their luggage.

While he had pride over that pair, Washington wished the whole ordeal were over as he watched Hamilton and Laurens push each other and mess around as they pulled off their shoes and emptied pockets.

Laurens grinned seductively at Hamilton as he pulled off his belt.

The movement made Hamilton’s eyes rove lower before he snapped his attention away.

Washington cuffed his son’s head. “Get moving.”

The women made it through and Angelica said, “Alexander got stopped.” She pointed to the security guard giving Hamilton a pat down.

Jefferson rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised?”

Finally, everyone was through and headed for their gate at the far end of the airport.

Madison squirmed in his chair as he hugged his carryon bag. He tilted his head back to look at Jefferson. “I have to pee.”

“We’re almost to the gate,” Jefferson said.

Madison shook his head.

“Washington,” Jefferson managed to get his voice over the drone of the airport hubbub. “Pit stop.” He pointed to the nearest bathroom.

“We’ll wait,” Washington assured and took Madison’s wheelchair.

By the time the group made it to their gate, they had twenty minutes to spare. The time went by quickly and Washington asked if everyone had their ticket as they moved to line up.

The young adults held up their phones.

Washington shook his head as his wife found their paper tickets in her purse.

“I have to use the bathroom,” Madison whispered and tugged Jefferson’s shirt.

“You just went.” Jefferson listened to the flight attendant announce the first groups to board.

“I have to.”

Jefferson tapped Washington’s shoulder and pointed to Madison.

“Be quick,” Washington said.

Jefferson lifted Madison up and found the nearest bathroom. “I know you’re nervous,” Jefferson soothed as he locked the stall. “Remember that once you’re in the air it’s not bad. Takeoff and landing only last a minute.”

“I want to go home,” sobbed Madison.

“Everything is going to be okay.” He kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head. He checked his phone for the time and silently begged Madison to hurry up and pee.

Five minutes later, he hurried Madison back to their gate and the tail end of the line.

Hamilton waited for them next to their luggage. “Come on, James.” He held out his hand.

Madison took it while Jefferson gathered their bags.

“Where’s his wheelchair?” He looked around in panic.

“Dad took it,” Hamilton said. He dropped his phone on the ticket scanner.

Jefferson struggled to get himself organized and pull up his and Madison’s tickets.

“It’s too loud,” Madison wailed as they walked toward the plane.

“I’ll get your headphones out in just a minute,” Jefferson assured and nudged him forward while Hamilton pulled at his hand.

Washington waited for them at the entry to the plane and came to the rescue at the last minute when Madison decided to make a break for it. He scooped up the fragile youth and carted him onto the plane. He plopped him down in a middle seat next to Burr.

Once the luggage was stowed in the overhead bins, Jefferson sat next to him and found the noise-canceling headphones.

While the flight attendant gave the emergency instructions, Jefferson continued to dig through Madison’s bag and found his stuffed narwhal and wrapped him in a sweatshirt while Madison continued to cry.

An unfamiliar flutter rose in his chest and Jefferson found his breathing difficult to slow and he continued to pant from booking it onto the plane.

“Tight fit?” Hamilton teased as he leaned around Jefferson’s seat.

Jefferson pressed his hand against Hamilton’s face and pushed him back. At 6’2, he had no space for his knees and didn’t need tiny Hamilton rubbing it in his face.

“You should have gone first class,” Hamilton said poking his arm. “You might have fit then.”

“Stop pestering Thomas,” scolded Washington. “Sit back and buckle your seatbelt.”

Hamilton obeyed with a grumble.

As the plane prepared for takeoff, Jefferson chewed on his fingernails and tried to ignore the tightness in his legs. He turned his focus on Madison who had shut his eyes. He looked flushed yet pale at the same time. Jefferson touched his forehead but he didn’t feel warm.

“Is he alright?” Washington asked.

“I think so,” Jefferson said. He rested a hand over Madison’s.

The plane’s door was soon closed and the plane taxied down the runway. Burr watched out the window while one hand absentmindedly stroked Madison’s knee.

As the plane picked up speed, Jefferson saw the tears spill free under Madison’s closed eyes. He tightened his grip on his boyfriend’s hand and wished he could hold him on his lap.

But the intensity of takeoff did only last a few minutes. Madison opened his eyes once the plane stabilized. He gave Jefferson a thumbs up not willing to take off his headphones.

Jefferson smiled and squeezed his hands. Some of the tightness in his legs vanished. He got a book out of his bag and passed the flight reading.

The first flight was four hours with a short layover in Dallas. Everything went well enough until just before the final descent when Madison unbuckled his seatbelt and tried to sit on Jefferson’s lap.

Jefferson grunted as Madison wrinkled the pages of his book. He pushed the headphones off him. “What’re you doing?”

“Cold,” Madison mumbled.

Jefferson nudged him back into his seat. “Put on your sweatshirt.”

Madison did so. “Still cold.”

Jefferson dug out his own hoodie and draped it over him like a blanket, yet his boyfriend still trembled and his face looked more flushed. He touched Madison’s forehead and his heart sank at the heat. He reached across the aisle and tapped Washington on the arm.

Washington looked up from his book.

“He’s feverish.”

Washington took off his reading glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “We’ll be landing soon. Have him take Tylenol.” He handed over what was left of his soft drink for Madison to use to swallow his pills.

Madison took the medicine as he shivered and his eyes glistened.

The tightness returned to Jefferson’s legs and begged to stretch and the flutter returned to his chest and made it hard to control his breathing.

Madison cried as the plane descended and was in full-blown sobs by the time the seatbelt sign was turned off.

A stewardess stopped at their row with a polite smile. “We’ll let him get off first,” she said.

“Thank you,” said Burr as Jefferson was incapable of answering as he tried to console Madison.

The stewardess returned two minutes later to usher them out.

“I got your bags,” Burr said.

Jefferson didn’t seem to hear as he pulled Madison out of his seat and half-carried, half-dragged him up the aisle. He struggled to remember how to breathe and had a strong urge to drop Madison on the ground and run.

_Breathe, God dammit. Why the fuck are you freaking out? He’s slipping. Don’t drop him. Why does everything hurt? Breathe! Don’t drop him. Jemmy hush. No. No._

“Stop,” he snapped at his boyfriend while his mind roiled in a thousand different directions and scolded him for yelling. “I’m sorry.” The hum in the jetway pounded into his skull and the confined space tightened his muscles.

  _Everything is fine. Just get off the jetway. Keep your cool. Why is it so fucking hot in here? Don’t drop him. Don’t. Breathe._

Then he did drop Madison.

He ran the rest of the way into the airport and begged for air to breathe. But the airport was just as stuffy and crowded and there were people. So many people and the noise. So much noise. How could anyone deal with this? Why was there so much of everything? Why couldn’t he stop his mind from racing into a thousand different direction and why was it so hot and stuffy and why and why—

“Thomas?” Washington knelt next to Jefferson where he’d huddled against a wall outside the boarding area. “Deep breathes, son.” He rested a hand against Jefferson’s neck and held his head close. “Breathe with me.”

Jefferson struggled to take in a deep breath and hugged his knees. “I’m sorry,” he choked.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, son.”

“Get away!” Jefferson kicked his foot out at Washington.

Washington backed off and stood. He stayed close to keep anyone else from invading the bubble and spoke in a low voice.

“I’m sorry!” Jefferson sobbed as he pressed his forehead against his knees.

In the nearest family bathroom, Mrs. Washington and Hamilton soothed Madison who hadn’t taken Jefferson’s abandonment well and continued to shake.

Mrs. Washington took his temperature, a minor 99.9.

“Where’s Thomas?” Madison asked. He ducked away from Hamilton’s attempt to comb his tangled hair with his fingers.

“You gave him his first panic attack,” Hamilton said.

Madison wheeled around. “What? How?”

“You don’t remember screaming on the plane and getting let off first?”

Madison shook his head. He glanced at Mrs. Washington. “I’ve been having trouble recalling things since my last hospital stay.”

Mrs. Washington patted his shoulder. “It’s okay, dear. You were a bit upset and feverish. I’m sure Thomas is fine now, too.”

Madison pulled open the door.

Across the busy walkway, Angelica, Burr, and Laurens stood awkwardly with the cluster of luggage near where Washington continued his attempt to calm down Jefferson.

Heedless of running into anyone, Madison sprinted over and dropped to the floor. He clutched his small hands over Jefferson’s knees. “I’m sorry, T! I don’t remember acting up on the plane. I’m trying to be better.”

Washington tensed, ready to grab Madison in case Jefferson couldn’t handle the touch or closeness, but Jefferson pulled Madison against him.

“I’m sorry, Jemmy.” He stretched out his legs and cradled his boyfriend against his chest. “I didn’t mean to leave you. I’m not mad at you. I’m so sorry.”

“I gave you anxiety,” Madison cried.

“It’s okay.” Jefferson squeezed him. “I don’t care what you give me.”

“There’s a lovely sentiment,” Hamilton murmured.

Burr nudged him to shut up.

Hamilton didn’t. “Y’all done carrying on? We have another flight to catch.”

Washington looked at his watch. “Fuck.”

“George!” Mrs. Washington scolded.

“Martha, my dear, we have ten minutes and a lot of gates to run past.”

“We’ll get them to hold the plane,” Laurens said. He, Hamilton, and Burr took off with their luggage.

Jefferson managed to get to his feet with Madison cradled in his arms. His legs trembled and his throat ached. While it had been years since he’d played football, he never remembered a game exhausting him as much as this. The racing thoughts had quieted at least, although everything still irritated his ears. His bloodshot, puffy eyes glanced at Washington. “Sorry.”

“It’s my fault,” Madison said.

“It’s no one’s fault,” Washington said. He took Madison out of Jefferson’s arms and set him in his wheelchair.

Jefferson and Angelica gathered up the rest of the bags and hurried ahead.

Panting and hot, everyone made it on the plane with no time to spare.


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OT3

The second flight was an hour shorter. Having barely made it on the plane, there was little time to settle Madison.

Jefferson flagged down a flight attendant and got his boyfriend a bottle of water.

Intent on guzzling the drink, Madison had little time to react to takeoff. A squeak escaped as his ears popped and he closed his eyes. But he survived without any more agitation.

Once the plane stabilized, Jefferson kissed him on the lips. “That was amazing, Jem. You did amazing.”

Madison smiled as his eyes widened. “Kiss me again.”

Jefferson obliged then held his hand.

Exhausted from the ordeal, they both fell asleep a little while later.

When the plane began its descent, Jefferson woke but Madison remained asleep, head in Jefferson’s lap and feet in Burr’s.

Jefferson stroked his hair and let his eyes close again. The flutter in his chest was gone but a restlessness remained in his legs. He stretched his right leg out in the aisle in hopes of some relief and almost tripped the flight attendant. His eyes open at the bump against his foot. “Sorry.”

The flight attendant patted his shoulder. “You friend needs to buckle his seatbelt.” He continued down the aisle.

“Wake up, Jemmy.” Jefferson stroked Madison’s cheek.

Madison stretched out and kicked his feet against the wall. His eyes opened a tired sliver. “What?” His eyes closed again.

“You have to buckle up.” Jefferson dragged his boyfriend upright while Burr assisted by pushing Madison’s legs down.

“Tired.” Madison yawned and dropped his head against Jefferson’s shoulder.

“I know. We’re almost done.”

The plane landed with a small jolt and Madison’s nails dug into Jefferson’s arm. But it was over without any tears.

As soon the fasten seatbelt sign was turned off, Jefferson stood and tightened his leg muscles and relished the release. He ushered Madison in front and grabbed their luggage.

Everyone made it off the plane and eagerly sought out the exit.

“Bathroom first,” Mrs. Washington said and Angelica followed her.

Madison stepped away from the guys and glanced back at Jefferson.

“You’ll be fine,” Jefferson said while visions of that not being true flashed in his mind. He could see all too well Madison coming out of the bathroom crying. But he knew he coddled and protected Madison too much, most of the time without thinking. Plus, he needed a moment to himself.

Madison took another few steps away and almost got run down by two businessmen.

Jefferson’s hand twitched to grab him. He stuck his hands in his pockets instead and watched Madison disappear into the men’s restroom.

The women returned first and Angelica gave a frantic, “Where’s James?”

“Bathroom,” Jefferson said.

“Alone?”

Jefferson threw his hands up. “He’s a fucking adult. He’s gotta learn.” He chewed on a cuticle and stared at the restroom entrance.

Madison emerged without tears and his hair combed. He smiled at Jefferson and sat down in his wheelchair.

Washington corralled them up and they headed for the exit. They took a bus to their nearby hotel.

“How many rooms did you get us?” Hamilton asked.

“Two for you kids,” Washington said, “and one for Mom and myself.”

“How exactly is that going to work?” Hamilton glanced at Burr and Laurens.

“Angelica will pick whom she is most comfortable with if any of you and the rest of you will figure it out.”

Angelica grinned. “I really think the five of you should share two beds.”

“Oh, come—” Laurens began before Angelica held up a finger.

“But, Thomas is stressed enough, so he and James can share with me.”

“Thank you,” Jefferson said.

“Dibs on the single bed,” Hamilton said.

Laurens kicked him across the aisle. “When do you ever want to sleep alone? Besides, you want me sleeping with your boyfriend?”

“I sort of want the three of us to—”

Washington cleared his throat.

Hamilton grinned but shut up.

The bus arrived at the hotel and everyone piled out. Rooms were checked into and everyone dispersed. The Washington’s were on the eighth floor, while Angelica was on the sixth and the other boys the third.

“I do not want to hear any noise complaints,” Washington admonished as the elevator stopped on the third floor. “We’ll eat dinner at the hotel in an hour.”

“Aye, aye, captain!” Hamilton saluted him. The boys got off the elevator and headed down the hall.

Hamilton glanced back to make sure the elevator closed. He grabbed the back of the collar on Burr’s shirt and pulled it down. “An hour is plenty of time.”

Forced to stop, Burr let Hamilton kiss his neck.

“Make a hickey really noticeable on him,” Laurens said. “That’d kill Washington.”

“No.” Burr pulled away. He continued down the hall and unlocked their door. The other two caught up and went inside.

Hamilton closed the door and watched his boyfriend and best friend. “So…”

“Not before dinner,” Burr said.

“You sure?” Hamilton leaned in close and let his hand stray against Burr’s crotch.

Burr kept his eyes on Hamilton and didn’t even flinch. “Yes.”

“Dang, you got some resolve.” Hamilton turned to Laurens. “Can I give you a hickey?”

“Alex!” Burr admonished.

“Come on, Aaron,” Hamilton wheedled. “The three of us are going to fuck. All bets are off this weekend.”

“Maybe we should have discussed that before we left New York,” Burr said bitterly. 

“Don’t be a stick in the mud, Aaron,” Laurens said tapped the center of his throat. “Right there, Alex.”

“Alex, don’t,” Burr said. “We need to look good for debate.”

“Laurens is our backup,” Hamilton reasoned. “No one is going to see him.”

“Thomas could bail,” Burr argued. “We need John’s good looks. If the other teams don’t think he’s available…”

Laurens grinned. “Ah, I knew you didn’t want me for my brains. Alright, Ham, don’t mess me up, but you can go lower.”

“Come on, you guys,” Burr complained. “I’m right here. Don’t be whipping your dicks out.”

“You can join,” Hamilton said.

“After dinner,” Burr insisted.

Hamilton and Laurens looked at each other. Laurens shrugged. “Fine,” Hamilton said.

Laurens got off the bed, hoisted his suitcase up, and unzipped it.

“Hey, Ham,” Burr murmured and patted the bed for Hamilton to sit.

Hamilton sat next to him. “I’m sorry,” he kept his voice low. “I know we should have talked about the possibility of a threesome before.”

“I’ll get over it,” Burr said. He trailed a finger down Hamilton’s chest. “As long as you promise you’ll be only mine when we return home.”

“I promise.” Hamilton looked at Laurens. “John, we’re gonna do this.”

Laurens smiled and looked at them. “Good.”

They were the last ones down to dinner.

“We thought you might have gotten lost,” Washington said.

“Or were having sex,” Jefferson muttered.

Laurens grinned at him and winked.

Everyone took a seat. Hamilton sat across from Washington. He folded his hands neatly on the table and stared at his dad.

Washington glanced over the menu at him. “Yes?”

“May I order an alcoholic beverage?” Hamilton asked in his sweetest voice.

“No.” Washington resumed reading the menu.

Hamilton shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

Laurens nudged him and pointed to the bar. “Open until two,” he whispered.

“Don’t you dare,” Jefferson scolded having seen Laurens point. “We need Alexander on his game in the morning.”

“Thomas is correct,” Washington said. “If you boys sneak out to get drinks tonight, you will no longer be on the debate team.”

“Yes, sir,” Hamilton said and glanced at his friends.

Burr slipped his hand under the table and up Hamilton’s leg. “It’ll be fine.”

A smile fought his lips.

Jefferson leaned toward Madison. “What’re you going to order?”

“Chicken strips,” Madison said.

Jefferson kissed his head. “With fries and ranch?”

“Yeah.” Madison closed the menu.

Dinner was quiet with everyone worn-down from traveling. Hamilton, Burr, and Laurens glanced often at each other but remained silent.

Afterward, everyone rode the elevator together, stopping at their respective floors.

Angelica yawned as she got off with Jefferson and Madison. “How rough is it going to be tomorrow?” she asked Jefferson.

“Considering that this is the largest debate we’ve ever done,” Jefferson said, “and we don’t all exactly work great together, I’d say it’s going to be hell.”

The three of them were well suited for a quiet evening of reading. They soon changed into pajamas to get comfortable and enjoyed each other’s tranquil company.

A few floors down, Laurens pinned Hamilton down on the bed. “Good?”

“Yes.” Hamilton looked over at his boyfriend. “Aaron?”

Aaron met his gaze and pulled off his shirt. “Let’s do this.”


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison is fucking adorable.

While Team Washington headed to the convention hall in the hotel by eight, Madison slept in. Once rested, Mrs. Washington came to get him and took him out for breakfast. They watched the debate for an hour but it proved painful to observe as the team struggled. They soon left to wander through nearby shops.

Discouraged by the first day, Team Washington remained quiet through dinner.

In bed that night, Madison asked, “What’s causing the issue?”

Jefferson and Angelica shared a strained look.

“What?” Madison insisted.

“Our three other team members fucked last night and now can’t work together,” Jefferson said in a tight voice.

Angelica rubbed her eyes. “Aaron and Alex are the best pair on our team and they couldn’t speak to each other today. It was a mess. They better have their shit together tomorrow.”

Madison cuddled his stuffed cat. “Why would they sleeping together be an issue? Aaron and Alex are dating.”

Jefferson sighed. “From what I heard of them angrily whispering to each other, they both said John’s name while screwing each other. That and some jealous rage because they both couldn’t fuck John at the same time.”

Madison stared at him. “Lie to me next time.”

Jefferson kissed his head. “Noted.”

“Tomorrow will be better,” Angelica said.

She was right to an extent and Team Washington moved up the ranks during the next two days but they couldn’t recover wholly and placed third overall. But it was better than any of them expected and it still gave them a trophy.

As a reward, Washington took them to Disney Land and let them run wild for a day while he and his wife enjoyed some peace and quiet at the beach.

“We have to ride every roller coaster,” Hamilton said once inside the park. “And the water rides.”

“No and no for me,” Jefferson said. “Jem and I will ride the teacups and live.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Hamilton grabbed Laurens’ arm. “Come on, Aaron.”

“No, thanks,” Burr said. “I know James is going to taste every junk food available and I want a part of that.”

“Angelica?”

She shook her head. “I like the way Aaron thinks.”

While Hamilton and Laurens ran off, the other four made their way through a few low-key rides and numerous snack stands.

“Break time,” Jefferson said once he noticed Madison slowing down. They had left his wheelchair at the hotel since Jefferson could carry him if necessary. They found a place to sit and Jefferson bought cotton candy. Madison made quick work of his quarter and stared at his boyfriend until given another piece.

“Want me to carry you?” Jefferson asked once they finished eating.

Madison agreed and climbed on Jefferson’s back.

“I hope the boys haven’t killed themselves yet,” Angelica commented as they searched for another ride.

“I’m kind of hoping they do,” Burr said off-hand.

“Still not recovered from the threesome?” Jefferson asked.

Burr nodded.

“Bad idea, wasn’t it?”

Burr nodded again.

“I’m so glad I want no part in all that shit.” He and Madison got in line for ice cream.

“What exactly is the problem?” Angelica asked.

Burr tugged at his ear. “John.”

Angelica rested a hand on his shoulder. “I need more details, hon.”

“He wants us to have a polyamorous relationship.” Burr watched his feet.

“I couldn’t do that,” Jefferson butted in. “If I knew James was sleeping with someone else, too. That’s not a relationship.”

“Good thing you don’t know then,” Madison teased.

“How much do you want ice cream?” Jefferson teased back.

“I’ll break it off, I swear!” Madison grinned and clung to his arm, his blue eyes staring intently up at Jefferson.

Jefferson pressed the palm of his hand against Madison’s forehead and pushed him off. “Bugger off, duck.”

“Oh, we should get him a duck hat,” Angelica changed the subject. “That would be adorable. I bet we could find one.”

“No,” Madison groaned.

Jefferson smiled. “I would love to see that.”

“Thomas!” Madison kicked him.

“Do you want ice cream or not?” Jefferson asked.

Madison turned to Burr. “I’m being blackmailed. Help me.”

“I’ll pay for your ice cream,” Burr said. He put his arm around Madison grateful for the conversation to derail. A polyamorous relationship had crossed his mind before but after hearing Laurens mention it, he knew there was no way it would work. It wouldn’t be a relationship but a disaster. He almost wondered if the three of them didn’t need a long break from each other.

Jefferson gladly let Burr pay. While Madison and Burr ate their treat, he and Angelica stole away to browse a few gift shops. They had no problem finding a duck hat.

Angelica held up a blue princess dress. “This would fit him, wouldn’t it?”

“Hell, yeah,” Jefferson said. “He’d probably like it too much.”

Angelica chuckled. She slipped on a tiara and checked it out in a nearby mirror. “This is more your style.”

Jefferson took the tiara and checked out how it looked.

“Would you ever cross-dress?” Angelica handed him a pink wand with a sequined star on the end.

“No, doesn’t appeal. This—” He pointed to the tiara and wand “—is as far as I’ll go. I played dress-up with my sisters but never had much interest in being the princess. What about you?”

“Nah.” Angelica put the princess items back on the shelf. “Although, I know I could pull it off.”

Jefferson cocked his head and studied her. “Yeah, you could.” He paid for the duck hat and they left the store.

Back with their friends, Angelica distracted Madison long enough for Jefferson to shove the hat on his head.

A grumble rose in Madison’s throat. “You guys are so mean to me.”

“You look fucking adorable,” Jefferson said.

Madison pulled out his phone and checked in the front-facing camera. “Maybe.”

“Oy, little duck!” Hamilton shouted from fifty feet away. He ran toward them and snapped a picture. “That’s perfect for you, James.”

Madison smiled.

Jefferson could never understand how Hamilton’s comments seemed to flatter Madison more than anyone else’s. “Did you ride all the roller coasters?”

“Nearly so,” Hamilton said. He pointed to Laurens in line nearby. “Last one. Ride with us, T.”

“Nope,” Jefferson said. “Roller coasters are not made for tall, black people. We have to catch the bus to the beach in an hour.”

“Got it.” Hamilton ran back to his friend.

“I haven’t had a churro yet,” Madison told Jefferson. “You owe me a churro.”

“Fine.” Jefferson squatted down for Madison to get on his back.

Angelica and Burr followed behind them. “We found a princess dress that would fit James,” Angelica whispered to him. “I’m so tempted to get it.”

Burr rolled his eyes. “We do treat James like crap, don’t we?”

“Well, considering all he puts us through…”

“True.” He grinned at Angelica and they turned away toward the gift shop.

Jefferson bought Madison a churro, then a frozen lemonade. He put his foot down on a second cotton candy, though he relented on taffy to share with everyone.

Angelica and Burr caught back up to them at the exit, Angelica with a bag on her arm. Hamilton and Laurens joined them right on time and they headed to the beach.

The evening had grown too cool to swim in the ocean. The young adults walked along the sand and waded in the shallows. Washington and his wife continued their pleasant relaxation in the sand.

Burr wandered down the beach by himself. He stared at the setting sun and the vast ocean awash in shades of red and orange. It made him feel small and the contest dilemma over who he was and how his future would go insignificant. He hadn’t yet told Hamilton that he’d gotten a job offer as a temp agent at a law firm downtown. He knew his boyfriend secretly held onto the notion he would graduate from college.

“You okay, Burr?” Laurens called to him. He stopped a few feet away as if unsure he’d be welcome to intrude.

“Just contemplating life,” Burr replied. He kept his eyes on the shimmering water.

Laurens stepped closer. “Remember the last time we were at the beach?”

A faint smile touched Burr’s lips. “Yeah. But…”

“What?” Laurens watched him.

“Who am I, John? I have no idea what I want. Everything just keeps getting more and more complicated.”

“You’re Aaron Burr.” He stroked Burr’s arm.

“But who is that?” Burr questioned with a glance at Laurens. “It’s just a name. I don’t know what my story is. I don’t know where I belong.”

Laurens didn’t respond. He watched the sunset in silence with Burr.

Down the beach, Jefferson and Angelica gathered Hamilton and Madison together and feigned staring at something interesting in the sand.

“So, we want to get alcohol,” Angelica said. “Will Aaron be okay with that?”

Madison looked at his boyfriend. “I’m not okay with that. You’re not supposed to drink, Thomas.”

“Only if I’m angry,” Jefferson said. “It’ll be fine.”

Madison shook his head. “I still vote no.”

“Little duck.” Hamilton patted his head. “Where is Aaron? I’ll ask him.”

The four glanced around until they spotted Burr and Laurens standing together a few hundred feet away. Hamilton headed their way.

“I feel like I should want more,” Burr told Laurens, “Like Alex is great but is he really long-term commitment material? I’ve never been with a girl and I’ve wondered what that would be like.”

“You know Alex and I are both fuck boys,” Laurens said and let his hand stray into Burr’s grasp. “It’s impressive you got him to commit at all. I still think the three of us—”

“No, John.” He caught Laurens’ gaze. “You know even less about relationships than Alex does. You only want it for the sex.”

At the sound of his name, Hamilton stopped and listened.

“Isn’t that why you’re with him?” Laurens asked. “Or do you seriously love him?”

“I do, but I know he’s bored,” Burr said. “He wanting a threesome rather bluntly told me that. I had the shit childhood like he did. What does either of us know about love? I’m too damaged to ever find anything real.”

Laurens kissed his cheek. “I wish I could give you the confidence to see that you’re not damaged.”

Burr shook his head. “I don’t think anything could make me believe you.”

Hamilton turned and ran. But he had no ability to run in dry sand.

“Well, fuck,” muttered Laurens. “Think he heard?”

“I didn’t say anything he didn’t already know,” Burr replied. “Alexander!”

With a slump of his shoulders, Hamilton dragged himself to them. “I always thought John was the third wheel,” he said with a fair amount of bitterness. “But now I know I am.”

Burr realized his hand was still in Laurens’ and shook it off. “I was just venting.”

“I’m not the one who is bored, Aaron.” The setting sun brought out the violet in his eyes. “You might want to think about that.” He turned away and walked back along the wet sand.

“Fuck.” Burr pinched his bottom lip. “I’m never going to the beach again.” He ran after Hamilton. “Alexander!”

Hamilton stopped but Burr was going faster than he anticipated and couldn’t.

They hit the ground hard on the packed wet sand.

Breath knocked out of his lungs, Burr managed to puff out, “I’m not bored.”

Hamilton wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him.

Not far away, Jefferson, Madison, and Angelica watched the spectacle.

“I can’t keep up,” Jefferson said. “Do those three have a clue about anything?”

“I’m going to say no,” Angelica replied. “They like drama and have zero control over their emotions. It’s rather sad, really.”

“And disgusting,” Jefferson said and covered Madison’s eyes as Hamilton stripped off Burr’s shirt. “Stop them, Angelica.”

“Don’t worry, Washington’s radar got alerted.” She indicated to Washington getting up from his chair.

“Son, what are you doing?” Washington bellowed.

Burr scrambled up and Hamilton tried to do the same while zipping his jeans and fell back on his butt.

Washington yanked him upright.

“Hi, Dad,” Hamilton said.

“Boy, you have no idea how much I drink because of you.” Washington scanned around for the rest of his charges. “Back to the hotel.”

He soon had everyone accounted for and the young adults discussed the plan as they walked behind the Washington’s.

“I need a drink,” Burr said when the idea was brought up. “I’ll be okay.”

As soon as they were out of the Washington’s sight, Angelica and Jefferson doubled back out of the hotel to buy alcohol. Laurens, Burr, and Hamilton met Madison on the sixth floor.

Within a half hour, they were back and set out bottles of tequila and vodka along with orange juice, grenadine syrup and chocolate milk as mixers.

“We’re gonna get shit-faced,” Laurens said with a spreading grin.


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much drinking.

Jefferson mixed the first drink and handed it to Madison. “I only put a little alcohol in it.”

Madison took the drink and sipped the tequila sunrise. “It’s good.”

“And now you corrupted our innocent, little duck,” Hamilton said. He filled a glass with vodka and chocolate milk. “Cheers to you getting laid tonight, T.”

“Pour me one, Alexander.” Jefferson mixed up more drinks for Angelica and Burr.

Hamilton made another vodka and chocolate milk for Jefferson and another for Laurens.

A whiff made Laurens make a face. “I’m too gay for vodka.”

“Shot of tequila then,” Hamilton said.

“You’re on.” Laurens took a shot and found some music on his phone.

Two drinks in and everyone was rocking out.

While Burr watched Madison sip his second drink, Angelica got out the princess dress. She glanced at Jefferson and saw him in deep, drunken discussion with Hamilton.

“Jemmy,” Angelica beckoned Madison to the bathroom.

Burr followed and closed the door.

“Try this on, Jem,” Angelica coaxed, and handed him the princess dress.

Burr took Madison’s drink. The room was light and dark at the same time to his drunk eyes and everything made him smile.

Madison held the dress against his body. “Do you have a crown?”

Angelica pulled one out of the shopping bag and set it on his head.

Madison started to put the dress on over his clothes but Burr stopped him. “That’ll look ridiculous. Strip.” He sipped on Madison’s drink.

Madison undressed giving Burr a pleasant throb in his groin, the alcohol making him horny.

Angelica helped Madison into the princess dress and zipped up the back. It fit him nearly perfect just a little tight in the chest.

“Shit, he looks like a girl,” Angelica murmured.

Burr nodded, disappointed that his entertainment was over. “Let’s see how T overreacts.” He opened the door.

Laurens and Hamilton—grinding on each other—didn’t notice at first, but the sparkly dress caught Jefferson’s attention. He frowned while Madison curtsied.

A grin split Hamilton’s face when he saw. “He’s fucking adorable!” He stumbled over and bowed to Madison. “Princess.” He kissed Madison’s hand.

Madison curtsied again and almost lost his balance. Hamilton grabbed his elbow to stabilize him.

“The duck hat was one thing,” Jefferson grumbled to Angelica. “This—” He indicated to the dress and crown “—is too much. He’s not a toy.”

“We didn’t force him into it,” Angelica said. “He’s having fun. You need another drink.”

Jefferson needed little coaxing to take a shot of tequila. His mom had called him that morning from his sister, Jane’s phone. He had answered and gotten an earful of how he had better not fuck up his life on the trip to California with his boyfriend.

“’Nother shot, Angelica.”

The room swam after the second swallow of tequila. Jefferson struggled to focus and make his lips work. His body felt numb but the sensation was pleasant, welcome. He took the few steps toward Madison and bowed. “My princess.”

Madison curtsied and tripped. He caught himself on the front pockets of Jefferson’s jeans, his face nearly against his boyfriend’s crotch.

Through the numbness, Jefferson could still feel the rush of blood to his groin.

 _If you marry that—_ His mom’s voice blasted back into his head.

Jefferson pulled Madison to his feet and unzipped the princess gown.

“This is gonna get weird fast,” Hamilton muttered. “Get me a shot, John.”

John poured three shots and gave them to Hamilton and Burr while Jefferson stripped Madison.

“Thomas,” Angelica tried to get his attention.

“Should we…” Burr waved a hand vaguely as Jefferson took off his shirt.

“Someone intervene,” Angelica said as she attempted not to look.

“Yeah…” Hamilton wheezed and pressed a hand against his crotch.

Angelica huffed and smacked Jefferson’s arm. “Thomas!”

Jefferson started out of his oblivion.

“Oh, come on!” Madison complained and tugged at Jefferson’s jeans.

With surprising speed for his drunkenness, Jefferson grabbed Madison, tossed him on the bed, and covered him with kisses.

“Well, we’re all fucked up,” Burr muttered. He turned to Hamilton and pulled on his shirt. “Lexi.” He grabbed Hamilton’s face in his hands to get his attention. “Would you marry me or not?”

“No,” Hamilton said and ducked away from Burr’s hands. He stumbled into Laurens and they fell on the other bed.

More shots flowed around the room. The next fifteen or twenty minutes became a haze, a complete disaster.

Angelica tripped over discarded shoes and fell on the bed where Jefferson and Madison had half-undressed each other before becoming too uncoordinated to go further. After Madison tumbled off the bed, Angelica crawled toward Jefferson and wrapped herself in his warm arms.

Falling off the other bed, Hamilton found Madison and kissed him and finished the process of getting him undressed.

Laurens was without a partner for only a few seconds before Burr grabbed him on the second bed and fiercely made out with him.

***

The liquor-induced sleep lasted a few hours for Jefferson. His head throbbed and his vision struggled to find focus. His stomach protested the movement of sitting up. The lights in the room remained on, though the music had quit, and the tangled scene visible to his hazy eyes.

Hamilton and Madison were naked on the floor between the two beds. Laurens and Burr half-undressed on the other bed. And on the bed next to Jefferson, Angelica was topless.

He jerked away and his stomach protested the sudden movement. The room rocked as he staggered to the bathroom. He missed the toilet by a second and puked in the sink. The vomit made his nose burn and his eyes water. He tried to spit the vile taste away and threw up again.

Watery-eyed and confused, he couldn’t see Angelica at first but he definitely heard the splatter of her vomit in the toilet. He moved to hold her hair back as his vision focused.

“What happened?” asked Jefferson his voice nasally in his head. He turned on the sink to wash down his regret.

Angelica wiped her mouth with toilet paper and flushed the toilet. “I don’t know.” She had put on Jefferson’s shirt, the first thing she had found. “I didn’t think you knew how to undo a bra.”

Jefferson pressed the back of his hand against his mouth. “That’s as far as we went, right?”

“I think so,” Angelica said. She held her stomach. “I still have on underwear.”

“Good.”

“Your boyfriend, though…”

Jefferson closed his eyes. He wouldn’t hold this against Madison but the thought of Hamilton getting intimate with his boyfriend…

“They were both fucked up,” Angelica soothed. “I doubt either could have, you know, gotten hard.”

“I hope you’re right.” He reached for the doorframe to support himself as he left the bathroom. His stomach protested bending down to pick up Madison. He nudged him in the back with a foot instead.

Madison remained out but Hamilton stirred and rolled onto his back.

Jefferson deepened his voice to mimic Washington, “Good morning, Alexander.”

Hamilton jerked awake and scrambled to find something to cover up with.

Jefferson kicked a t-shirt toward him.

“Don’t scare me like that.” Hamilton tried to glare at him but his whole body rocked side to side as his stomach and head protested the rude awakening. He closed his eyes as the pain exploded in his head. “Ugh, how much did we drink?” He lay back down, the t-shirt barely in place to cover anything.

“Did you have sex with James?” Jefferson asked. His legs wobbled and he had to sit on the edge of the bed.

Hamilton kept his eyes closed, palms pressed into his forehead. “I don’t think so.”

Jefferson didn’t have the energy to converse further and lay back on the bed next to Angelica.

Blearily, Laurens half sat up. “Wha—” He threw up on the bed.

“Does anyone remember how many shots they had?” Jefferson asked.

No one answered.

He rolled to his side and managed to sit up again. After giving his head and stomach a minute to settle, he nudged Madison a second time.

Madison groaned and drew his legs to his chest.

“Does anyone have aspirin?” Jefferson asked.

“I do,” Angelica said. She made her way to the bathroom in careful, short steps. She returned with the bottle but the only cups they had were the ones used for alcohol. No one wanted even to touch them to rinse out.

“I can swallow dry,” Jefferson said and took the bottle. “Someone should go find some Gatorade or pop.”

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that,” Hamilton said in a dead tone. He remained on the floor.

Laurens managed to get off the bed and fold up the soiled blanket. He made it to the bathroom to throw up a second time.

A jarring ring made everyone groan and cover their ears. No one could tell whose phone it was or where it came from. The ringing stopped and a different one started.

“Washington is going to call all our phones,” Jefferson said with a moan.

The third phone to ring was Burr’s and jolted him from his drunken stupor.

“Here,” Angelica said and took the cell as Burr could only look about in confusion. “Hello?”

“What did you young people do last night?” Washington demanded his voice a growl.

“Sir?” Angelica’s voice trembled.

Jefferson motioned for her to give him the phone. She handed it over. “We got a bit drunk,” Jefferson told their teacher.

“How much is a ‘bit’?” Washington said the dangerous tone remaining.

“Um…” Jefferson looked around the room at his friends in various stages of undress and disarray. “Too much?”

Washington sighed. “We leave for the airport in two hours. I expect all of you to be functioning. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

Washington hung up.

“Well…” Jefferson glanced at his friends. “Time to sober up.”

“First we gotta find our clothes,” Hamilton said.

Everyone glanced around the room and realized how scattered their clothes were. Shoes were tossed from one end of the room to the other. Socks lay here and there. Hamilton’s jeans were half under one bed. Angelica’s bra under the other. The group had no choice but to gather everything up or leave it behind. It was a slow process as they bemoaned life.

At last, Burr, Hamilton, and Laurens had their clothes and left to stagger down to their hotel room.

“I’m dying,” Madison moaned. He pressed a hand to his forehead.

“I’ll go get us some water and Gatorade,” Jefferson said. He nuzzled Madison’s head. “Why don’t you take a bath, babe? You smell like Hamilton and tequila.”

Madison groaned.

Jefferson started the tub and left the room in search of a miracle for their hangovers.

Madison made his way with mincing steps to the bathroom. After a few minutes, he called, “Angelica?”

Angelica left the bed and poked her head in. “What?”

Madison stood naked in front of the tub. “I can’t balance enough to get in,” he admitted.

Giggling made Angelica’s stomach queasy and she pressed a hand against her lips. She stepped across the bathroom and took Madison’s arm. If her own body didn’t quiver, she could have easily picked him up.

Madison stumbled into the water and sat down. “Thanks.” He drew the bubbles Jefferson had put in around himself.

“No problem,” Angelica said. “Can I ask you something? Or I can scram.”

“It’s fine,” Madison said. He leaned back in the water and let his hair get wet.

“Do we treat you like crap?” Her brow knitted in embarrassment.

“No,” Madison said without hesitation. “I know you guys care about me even if I’m sometimes your entertainment. I’m the baby of the group. I’m used to the way you guys treat me. I like it.”

Angelica sighed with relief. “I was worried we took it too far last night.”

Madison shrugged. “Depends if anyone took any pictures.”

“I think we were all too drunk to operate our phones.”

“Good.” Madison swirled his hand in the bubbles. “I don’t mind being your comedic relief but I don’t want stuff like that getting out, you know?”

“We respect you not to do that,” Angelica said. She had an urge to pet his head and realized just how childish she thought him. It was hard to see him as only two years younger. He looked fourteen at best. “I know you say you don’t mind, but you can tell us to knock it off. We really shouldn’t treat like a baby.”

“Honestly, it’s fine,” Madison said. He itched his nose and left a trail of bubbles on his face.

Angelica smiled. “Okay. I’ll let you bathe. Yell if you need help.” She left the bathroom door open so she could hear him.

Jefferson returned with Gatorade, water, and crackers. “Look alive,” he said while looking half-dead himself.

“Washington is going to be even more pissed when he sees us,” Angelica said. She grabbed a bottle of water.

Jefferson rubbed his eyes. “I know. I’m worried about how everyone is going to stand flying. We’ll never be forgiven if someone throws up on the plane.”

Angelica grimaced. She munched on some crackers and sipped water.

Jefferson went into the bathroom and helped Madison out of the tub. He breathed in his boyfriend’s scent. “Much better.”

“Are you mad?” Madison asked in a soft voice.

Jefferson wrapped a towel tight around him and used a second one to dry his hair. “No, Jem. I was just as fucked up as you. I don’t know what I did with Angelica.” He finished squeezing Madison’s hair and combed it out. “There’s not enough time for me to blow dry your hair. How do you want me to fix it?”

“A bun.” Madison leaned back against Jefferson and looked up at him. “I still feel bad. I don’t know what I might have done with Alex.”

Jefferson leaned down and brushed their noses together. “It doesn’t matter. Unless you plan to do it again sober?”

Madison grinned. “No. I only want you.”

Jefferson returned his smile. “Good.” He nudged Madison forward so he could fix his hair.

Angelica poked her head around the doorframe. “Alex texted me. Aaron’s still throwing up. We have to leave in a half hour.”

Jefferson let out a sigh. “He’ll have to suck it up. We can’t make this worse.”

Angelica nodded. “I’ll go down and help them. You know they won’t have packed yet either.”

“True.” Jefferson finished twisting Madison’s hair up. “We’ll meet you in the lobby.”

Angelica left the hotel room and Jefferson found clean clothes for Madison.

He gathered their luggage together and made a last sweep of the room for any stray clothes.

“I feel bad for whoever has to clean this room,” Madison said. “Should we leave a tip?”

“Laurens should have,” Jefferson griped. “You’re probably right.” He found his wallet and left some cash on the nightstand. They faced reality and headed down to the lobby.


	62. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything always happens to Madison.

The Washington’s waited stern-faced in the lobby of the hotel. Since the hotel rooms were under his name, the noise complaint had been directed to him. He guessed it had occurred right before everyone passed out since he hadn’t received another.

Jefferson gave a nervous smile while Madison hid behind him.

“Well, you’re on your feet at least,” Washington said arms folded. “What possessed you to drink that heavily?”

“Um, well…” Jefferson rubbed the back of his neck. “Just sorta…”

Washington shook his head. “Save it.”

The rest of the group joined them looking surprisingly better, except for Burr whose face remained ashen.

“Let’s see how you do on the bus ride,” Washington said. He took the other’s room keys and dropped them in the express check out box. The group followed him outside to catch the bus.

Mrs. Washington squeezed Madison’s hand. “Do you feel okay, Jemmy?”

“Pretty much,” Madison said.

She touched his forehead. “Have you eaten?”

“Some crackers.” He glanced at Jefferson.

“He didn’t drink that much,” Jefferson lied to placate Mrs. Washington. “Jem’s the smart one.”

“I should hope so.” Mrs. Washington patted Madison’s cheek.

The bus arrived. Hamilton took control of Burr’s bags and directed him to sit the furthest from Washington.

No one threw up on the bus ride.

“You won’t be let on the plane if you appear intoxicated,” Washington warned as they entered the airport. His gaze lingered on Burr who had stopped to vanquish a bout of dizziness.

Once through security, Jefferson wheeled Madison through the crowd with one hand and managed both their suitcases with the other.

None of them had an issue with the flight, other than Madison’s fear, which was expected. He squeezed tight to Jefferson’s hand and left fingernail marks in his skin but he didn’t cry.

“I have to pee so bad,” Jefferson mumbled to Madison as the plane touched down at their layover. “No one better get in my way.” He was quick to grab their luggage and push their way out, Madison clinging to his arm. 

“We have an hour to wait,” Washington said once the group rejoined. “Our gate is on the other end of the airport, of course. Aaron, are you going to make it?”

“Yes, sir,” Burr said. While still pale, the sick look had at least disappeared.

“Can we get something to eat?” Madison pointed out a sandwich place ahead.

“Sure,” Jefferson said. “Um, sir? We’re going to get something to eat. We’ll catch up.”

Washington glanced at Madison. “That’s fine. I imagine the rest of you are hungry, too?”

Everyone except Burr nodded.

“We have plenty of time.” Washington followed Jefferson and Madison and got in line behind them. He rested his large hands on Madison’s narrow shoulders. “You did very well on that last flight,” he complimented.

Madison smiled.

“What do you want, Jem?” Jefferson interrupted.

Madison moved away from Washington’s warm grasp and ordered his sandwich and a cookie.

Hamilton and Laurens had persuaded Burr to have a piece of pizza while Angelica and Mrs. Washington got Chinese.

The boys pushed some tables together but space was precious and everyone made due sharing seats.

“You could sit on my lap,” Laurens told Hamilton with a nudge that almost bumped him off his half of the chair.

“Yeah, that would look subtle,” replied Hamilton. He swiped the crust off Burr’s plate.

Washington checked his watch. “We should head to our gate. Thomas, let me help you with your bags.”

Jefferson handed over Madison’s luggage.

Not near as muddled this time, Madison fretted as they neared the gate and dug his nails into Jefferson’s arm.

“Remember what Washington said?” Jefferson whispered to him. “You can make him proud again.”

Madison wiped at the tears gathering in his eyes. He nodded.

Jefferson kissed the top of his head. He took back Madison’s carry-on bag from Washington and found the noise-canceling headphones. He popped them over Madison’s ears to help him settle.

The group boarded and found their seats. The first hour of the flight went smoothly until Madison woke from a dream with a shriek.

Jefferson covered Madison’s mouth as he continued to scream. Flight attendants hurried to the commotion. Washington rose as well.

Jefferson struggled to maneuver Madison onto his lap in the cramped seat. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he coaxed. “Jemmy, hush.”

“He’s not a flight risk,” Washington told the stewardesses. “He’s just an anxious flier.”

The women looked doubtful as Madison kicked and flailed.

Washington grabbed Madison’s arms. “Jemmy, listen, I know you can be brave.”

Madison stopped kicking Jefferson in the legs and his body went limp.

Jefferson removed his hand and looked at his mentor with relief. “Thank you.”

Washington took Madison off his lap and returned to his seat a row behind and to the right. Madison snuggled into his arms, his legs hanging over the armrest into the aisle.

“I’ll, um, get him back in his seat in a minute,” Jefferson mumbled to the flight attendant. “Sorry.”

She gave a strained smiled. “The sooner the better. Maybe you could switch seats with him.” She pointed to Washington.

Jefferson nodded.

Washington heard her response and they switched seats. He eased Madison back into his own chair and buckled him.

Madison remained quiet the rest of the flight but his eyes had a glazed over look and he didn’t respond to Washington or Jefferson. The plane landed and the mad dash to get out began. Washington lifted Madison off the seat and set him in the aisle. He and Jefferson grabbed the luggage. Despite seven of them together, Madison managed to slip away and disappear into the crowd deplaning.

“Where’s Jemmy?” Jefferson asked bags in hand.

Washington, standing behind him, glanced around. “How…?”

“He was right there.” Hamilton pointed ahead of Jefferson.

Jefferson left his bags and struggled to push his way forward. Not as tiny as Madison, no one would let him through. “Come on, come on,” he mumbled. “Excuse me!”

The man in front of him shot him a dirty look.

Jefferson struggled not to scowl and failed. “My friend needs help.” He vaguely indicated to the front of the plane.

“There’s no room for you to pass,” the man said.

Jefferson clenched his jaw and hissed a breath between his teeth.

Washington touched his shoulder. “We’ll get off and find him.”

Jefferson balled his shaking hands. “You know how Jem gets,” he whispered struggling to stay composed. “He could be running naked through the airport by now.”

Washington tightened his grip.

It was less than five minutes before they were off the plane. Jefferson took off running at once into the airport. He tried to call Madison’s cell but knew it was fruitless. The call went straight to voicemail, the phone still on airplane mode. Plus it was likely in Madison’s bag, which Washington had.

Hamilton grabbed Jefferson’s arm before he could run off aimlessly. “We’ll search in pairs,” he said. “Go with Angelica.”

Angelica grabbed his hand and they hurried toward C gate. The rest of the group split into two and dispersed.

Jefferson stopped at the first security guard he saw. He opened his mouth but no words could get through his tight jaw.

“We lost our friend,” Angelica explained. “He’s…” She glanced at Jefferson wondering how in the world to describe Madison’s current state.

“What does he look like?” asked the security guard.

Jefferson opened his phone and pulled up his photos. A bunch of pictures he didn’t remember taking showed up at the bottom and he had to scroll up to find a recent one of Madison. He showed the officer.

“I haven’t seen him,” he said. “How old is he?”

Angelica glanced at Jefferson.

“Fifteen,” Jefferson lied.

“I’ll make an announcement. What’s his name?”

“James Madison. We call him Jemmy.” Jefferson rubbed at his watery eyes.

The security guard led them to the nearest gate and spoke to an attendant. She made the announcement over the intercom of a missing teen with long light brown hair, blue eyes, wearing jeans and a purple t-shirt who was likely in distress and answered to Jemmy.

Angelica squeezed Jefferson’s hand. “We’ll find him.”

Jefferson wiped his eyes and struggled to take a deep breath.

Angelica thanked the security guard and they resumed searching.

Ten minutes passed.

Jefferson couldn’t go any further as pain rocketed through his stomach. He hurried into the nearest bathroom and vomited in a toilet.

Angelica stood outside the bathroom entrance wondering how faux pas it would be to go in as she twisted her fingers together. She scanned the crowd, praying to see Madison’s small figure and long hair.

Jefferson emerged pale and sweaty. He sat silently at the nearby gate and dropped his face in his hands. His shoulders shook with his sobs. Angelica patted his back, her eyes never leaving the dozens upon dozens of people walking past.

Her phone rang and Jefferson looked up with hope.

“Did you find him?” Angelica answered Burr’s call.

“No,” Burr said. “Just wanted to check in.”

“Fuck,” Angelica muttered. She rubbed her eyes. “How…” She didn’t need an answer to know how this happened. It was Madison. She had learned quickly that bad things would always happen to him. She hung up without another word. “Come on, T, we’ll find him.”

Jefferson dragged himself after her. His phone rang a few minutes later. He handed it to Angelica, Hamilton’s name on the screen.

“Did you find him?” Angelica demanded.

“Yes,” Hamilton said. “Gate E.”

“Oh, thank God.” She nodded at Jefferson, then frowned. “You don’t sound relieved.”

“Just… Get here.”

Angelica hung up and grabbed Jefferson’s arm.

“What’s wrong?” Jefferson asked his breathing speeding up again as Angelica dragged him into a run.

“I don’t know,” she said.

They sprinted toward gate E. Most of their group was there but no sign of Madison.

“Where?” Jefferson shouted. He grabbed Hamilton and almost shook him.

Hamilton pointed toward a tall man. Jefferson squinted in confusion but then spotted Madison’s boots behind him. “What the fuck?” was all he could say.

“James won’t respond to us and that man keeps talking to him,” Hamilton said. “We’re afraid if James screams, that someone will think we’re trying to kidnap him. That guy keeps asking him where his parents are and stuff.”

“The fuck.” Jefferson ran over. “Excuse me,” he told the man and pushed himself in front of Madison. “James, look at me.”

The man took a step back and crossed his arms. “You don’t look like this boy’s father.”

Jefferson ignored him. “James, Jemmy, look at me.” He touched Madison’s shoulder as he watched the vacant blue eyes. He moved his hand up to touch his cheek.

Madison’s eyes flickered toward him.

“Hey, hey, Jem,” Jefferson soothed. “Ready to go home?”

Washington arrived as the man moved to push Jefferson back and Madison’s face lit up.

“Daddy!” Madison stumble-ran toward Washington and threw his arms around him.

Washington hugged him back and managed to hide the confusion on his face.

Jefferson joined them and noted the continued blank stare in Madison’s eyes.

“Let’s get him to a hospital,” Washington murmured. He glanced back but the man retreated.

Jefferson reached toward Madison but his boyfriend flinched and buried himself in Washington’s chest. “What’s wrong with him?”

Washington met Jefferson’s dark eyes. “He’ll be okay.”

Jefferson turned away as more tears threatened to spill.

Hamilton and Laurens led the way out carrying twice their share of luggage.

Washington carried Madison, his face set in a grimace of worry. “Martha, call Mr. Madison,” he said. “Alexander, call a cab.”

Mrs. Washington pulled out her phone while Hamilton shuffled around the luggage in his hands to do as asked. He glanced at Laurens. “How the hell do you call a cab?”

Laurens shrugged. “Google it.”

Burr dragged himself forward and the three of them managed to figure it out.

A cab waited at the front of the airport. Washington with Madison and Jefferson got in. The rest remained behind to catch the next bus.

The drive to the hospital went on forever, or at least as long as twenty minutes of panic could last.

Jefferson sat in the front seat since Madison refused to be parted from Washington. He stared straight ahead, his eyes heavy with unshed tears and fatigue. He couldn’t look in the back seat to check on his boyfriend. His body refused to move even _if_ his brain could have dealt with the heartbreak. Whatever was happening was his fault. He shouldn’t have wanted to drink nor let his boyfriend. He shouldn’t have let his mother’s words get to him and make him want to forget.

The taxi dropped them off at the front entrance. Mr. and Mrs. Madison met them just inside. Their faces told the usual story: exhaustion, grief, fear.

Jefferson hung back as Washington set Madison in his wheelchair. He explained to a nurse what had happened and she wheeled him away with his parents.

Washington steered Jefferson to the waiting area. “He’ll be fine,” he soothed. “It’s just stress.”

Jefferson stared at the wall, his posture rigid and his eyes as unmoving and glazed as Madison’s.

Finally, a nurse approached and asked for Jefferson. His stiff body cracked as he stood and dragged himself forward. She led him down the hall and into a typical hospital room. 

Madison lay in bed hooked up to an IV. He gave Jefferson a faint smile.

Jefferson mirrored it but didn’t approach him.

“He was dehydrated,” the nurse explained. “James said he had been drinking the night before and hadn’t drunk much water since.”

Jefferson turned away from all the Madison’s. Like always, this was his fault. He should have watched his boyfriend’s fluid intake. He remembered Madison eating a few crackers but had he drank any water or Gatorade? Jefferson couldn’t remember and he didn’t think Madison had drunk much when they ate in the airport either.

“Nor did he take his medication,” the nurse went on. 

Mr. and Mrs. Madison watched their son, a mixture of disappointment, worry, and love in their eyes. Madison rubbed the scratchy hospital blanket between his fingers. He kept his head down, aware that he had caused his health crisis himself.

Jefferson couldn’t take hearing any more of his failures and stepped out of the room without a word. He loved Madison more than anything, why couldn’t he take care of him? Making sure he drank water and took his medicine were easy things! How had he let that slide? 

He dug his fingernails into his arm desperate to hurt himself for the pain he caused Madison and his parents. They wouldn’t keep giving him second chances to protect their son. He didn’t deserve their loyalty. He didn’t deserve Madison’s love. If he couldn’t keep Madison safe, who could?

He sought out the nearest exit and tried to decide what to do. Head to Montpelier, get his stuff, drop out of college. Go south where he had relatives. Jim and Eleanor wouldn’t want him around their son. They couldn’t trust him to take care of Madison.

_Leave, drop out of college, go south._

By the time a bus arrived, he knew that was a stupid plan. He would go back to Montpelier and get some sleep. Then he could tell the Madison’s that he would leave them alone. Better to make the decision himself than have them kick him out for almost killing their child.

He turned off his phone as it began to ring. Once at Montpelier, he locked himself in the guest room and lay on the bed. He hugged the pillow tight and let hot tears roll down his cheeks.

A hand shook him awake an undetermined amount of hours later. Jefferson smacked at the intrusion and rolled away.

“Thomas, look at me,” Hamilton said. “You got us all worried sick.”

Jefferson dragged himself into a sitting position but didn’t look at Hamilton or Angelica who stood near the door.

“How’d you get in?” Jefferson mumbled.

“Nelly,” Hamilton said. “She found us the key.

Jefferson ran a hand through his curls and gripped them when he ran into tangles. “Just leave me alone.”

“No,” Hamilton said. “Look what you already did to your arm.”

Even Jefferson cringed when he saw the number of scratches. Almost his entire forearm was red from rubbing it raw and lined with cuts. He finally felt the sting from the damage he’d done and winced.

“What’s wrong, T?” Hamilton asked. He sat on the bed next to Jefferson and picked up his phone half under the pillow. He turned it on. “James was released from the hospital about two hours ago. He hasn’t stopped crying.”

“I can’t take care of him.” Jefferson balled his hands into fists as an ache settled into his chest. “I keep failing him.”

“Do you really think that?” Angelica asked. She moved into the room and rested her hand on Jefferson’s knee.

“Yes,” Jefferson said. His eyes flickered to meet hers for a moment. “This wouldn’t have happened if I took better care of James. If I loved him more.”

“You’re insane,” Hamilton said. “No one fucking loves James more than you do. Everyone can see that.” He handed Jefferson his cell to put in the password. “He’s probably sent you a hundred texts by now.”

Jefferson shook his head and pushed his phone away. “I can’t. I can’t let him down again.”

“He’s stressful, we know,” Angelica said. “No one will fault you if you need to walk away.”

A sob slipped out at the word and the realization of what his own words and actions looked like to his friends. He didn’t want to leave Madison. He’d been too close to almost losing him several times and it destroyed him. He just needed to get his head on right. Madison would never change. His health was fragile. Period. One day he wouldn’t recover. Could Jefferson live with himself if he wasn’t there if he’d missed years of Madison’s life? Could he live with himself for breaking Madison’s heart?

Hamilton rubbed Jefferson’s back while he guessed at his friend’s password. It took one try to figure out it was _James_. The cell exploded with text and voicemail alerts. While Jefferson blew his nose and started to calm down, Hamilton scrolled through the twenty-nine text messages from Madison. “Shit, T,” Hamilton said, “he’s the fucking sweetest thing ever.” He handed the phone over.

Fresh tears trickled down Jefferson’s cheeks as he read the messages. They weren’t asking where he was or what was wrong, just reminding him of everything they had done together: prom, all the unofficial dates before Madison turned eighteen, all the times they’d gone out for ice cream or cheesecake. He wrote how Jefferson was always there for one medical crisis after another. It made him feel stronger, he said, just having his boyfriend and best friend at his side.

_Please, don’t think you’ve failed me. I fail myself more than you could ever fail me. But I would never force you to stay with me if this is too much. Your happiness comes first to me, the same, as I know mine does for you. That being said don’t stay for my happiness when I’m bringing you down. I know I’ve broken you. Let me put the pieces back together. Let me be the strong one for at least a little while. Let me heal you the way you’ve always healed me. You deserve that. You’re more than I will ever deserve._

“I know you don’t want to walk away,” Hamilton said. He leaned against Jefferson.

“You’re right,” Jefferson whispered. “But he is wearing me down.”

“James is aware of that. Let him make it right.” Hamilton stroked his back. “Have you ever tried letting James be the strong one? I bet he’d surprise you.”

“James can’t carry his own backpack,” Jefferson mumbled with a smile through his tears. “He was the strong one after my father passed.” He glanced at his friends. “We weren’t that close at the time but we’d been around each other often through our families. He didn’t hesitate to show up at my house and watch TV with me. He would just be there, always.” He swallowed back a hard lump in his throat. “I forgot about that. I forgot how strong he is.” While he didn’t feel comfortable bringing it up then, he couldn’t forget how his asexuality hadn’t fazed Madison, how Madison had been the strong one to get them through that and to help Jefferson find himself.

“Call him,” Hamilton said. “You didn’t fail James or his parents. You were just human for once.”

Jefferson closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He pulled up Madison’s number and hit the call button. It only rang twice before Madison answered.

“Thomas?”

“Hey, Jem.” Jefferson wiped at the new tears gathering his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Madison’s voice trembled. “I’m really sorry. I fucked up. You blame yourself for this. You shouldn’t—”

“Jemmy,” Jefferson said. “You have to be strong.”

“Okay. Are you in the guest room? I’ll come to you.”

Jefferson almost said no, he’d come to Madison. “Yes.”

“I’ll be right there.” Madison hung up.

Jefferson sighed and his body slumped down. “I’m a control freak.”

Hamilton chuckled. “Apparently you’re the last to realize that.”

A few minutes later, a knock sounded on the door.

Angelica opened it and she and Hamilton slipped out.

Madison left his wheelchair in the hall and made his way with slow, tired steps to the bed. He took Jefferson’s hands. “I’ll take care of you, at least for a little while.”

Jefferson nodded. He stared at the delicate hands in his. “You’re younger and small,” he murmured, “I always feel like I have to protect you. I forget how strong you are, how resilient. But sometimes you are out of control.”

“I know.” Madison kept his gaze down, too.

“Why didn’t you take care of yourself?” Jefferson stroked his hands. “Was there more to it or was it really only because you were dehydrated and didn’t take your meds?”

“Those were the main causes.” Madison moved to put his hands back of Jefferson’s. “I was hungover. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s time to grow up.”

Tears glistened in Madison’s eyes. “I know.”

Jefferson pulled Madison onto his lap. He rested his forehead against the back of Madison’s head and breathed in the fresh scent of his hair.

“I meant everything I wrote,” Madison said. “Even letting you go if that’s what you want.” A sob slipped out and he squeezed his eyes shut.

“I don’t want that,” Jefferson said. “I want us to grow old together. I want to be your husband someday.”

Madison tilted his head back. “That’s the only thing I ever wanted.”

Jefferson kissed his forehead. “I know.” He blinked back his own tears. “I love you.”

Madison rested close against Jefferson and listened to his heartbeat. “I love you, too.”


	63. Chapter 63

The Madison’s threw Jefferson and Angelica a joint graduation party at their house. The drunken debate debacle had been forgiven. The past couldn’t be undone and all the participants promised never to get that wasted again.

“I never showed you the weird pics on my phone,” Jefferson told Angelica after they greeted the majority their well-wishers. He pulled up the pictures he’d found on his phone. Most of the pictures were blurry, taken with a shaky drunken hand.

“I don’t remember taking them,” Jefferson said. “But anyone could open the camera. I think that’s Hamilton’s ass.”

Angelica giggled as she swiped through the pictures. “There’s James in the princess dress.” She squinted at the next picture. “Who’s that?”

Jefferson looked at the blurry photo. “Aaron, maybe?”

“I thought he kept on his clothes.” Angelica swiped again. “Any of you or me?”

“Not that I could tell. There’s a good one of John, though.”

Angelica made a face. “Yeah, I just found it. You could blackmail him with that.”

“That’s why I haven’t deleted it.”

Angelica continued looking. “What else am I going to find on your phone?”

Jefferson glanced at the pictures she was going through, long before the drunken ones. “Gay porn probably.”

“That’s what I’m counting on.” She stopped on a picture of Madison. “He’s precious when he’s sleeping.”

Jefferson looked at the picture of Madison asleep with his blanket tucked under his chin. “Right? The only time he’s not pestering for snacks.”

Angelica rolled her eyes and handed Jefferson back his phone. “Speaking of.” She tilted her head toward the front porch.

Four steps took him to his boyfriend. Jefferson held out his arms and held Madison close. “You look perfect,” he murmured.

He’d gone simple with his colors, a lavender skirt and white t-shirt with matching nails and streaks in his hair.

“Thanks.” Madison kissed him. “Since you’re done with college now…”

“Soon,” Jefferson promised. “I have to make some money to get us a place to live. I’ve been looking at apartments that I can afford on the salary your father is going to pay me this summer.”

“If I could work—”

“No,” Jefferson interrupted. “You’ll get sick then.” He kissed his boyfriend and tickled him. “I’ll take care of you.”

Giggles spilled from his pouty lips. “I need a snack.”

With a smile, Jefferson carried him over to the appetizers set out on a long table. “Puppy Chow?”

“Yes!”

Jefferson filled a bowl with the powder sugar coated cereal with one hand while the other kept Madison secure against him. He carried him over to a covered table to keep his boyfriend out of the sun.

Legs swinging, Madison munched on his snack and chattered about cats.

“Thomas?”

Jefferson’s mind snapped to attention but it wasn’t his boyfriend who had spoken. He stood as he saw his mom approach.

The cat chatter fell silent and Madison stared at his food, suddenly conscious of his bare legs and painted nails.

Mrs. Jefferson handed over a card.

Jefferson took it and set it on the table without a word.

“I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you,” Mrs. Jefferson said. “I know I’ve been hard on you. You’re my oldest son and I wanted to see you succeed.”

Jefferson stuffed his hands in his pockets and remained silent.

“I see now that my fears were baseless,” she continued. “You’re dedicated and driven and you’ve managed to accomplish so much despite everything thrown at you. I never should have doubted you, Thomas.” She examined her long, manicured nails. “I’ve been watching you and James.” She looked up at her son. “I’ve never seen you so happy with anyone else. What you have with him is what I’ve always hoped for all my children. I hope you can forgive my critical opinion of him and of you.”

“Yeah.” Jefferson met her eyes. “I forgive you. You just wanted to keep me safe.” He held his hands out to her. Even though her being his mother wasn’t reason enough to forgive her, he didn’t want to lose her and he knew her apology was sincere. Her words about Madison would continue to sting but he didn’t want to hold a grudge. If he learned anything from his boyfriend, it was how fragile life was and hating people wasn’t worth it.

Mrs. Jefferson grasped his hands and squeezed. “Thank you, hon.”

Cautiously, Madison stepped closer and leaned against Jefferson.

“I’m very sorry, James,” Mrs. Jefferson said. “I hope—”

“You can call me Jemmy,” Madison whispered.

Jefferson wrapped an arm around him and squeezed him tight.

Mrs. Jefferson swallowed and dabbed at the corner of her eye. “Thank you, Jemmy.”

“You’re staying, right?” Jefferson asked. “It’s almost time to eat.”

“Of course.” She touched Madison’s shoulder and smiled when she saw his fingernails. “That’s some impressive work, Jemmy.”

Madison ducked his head and stared at the cat faces he’d painted on a few of his nails.

“He told me last summer he was going to learn to do that,” Jefferson said proud smile on his face. “He always keeps his word.”

Growing more self-conscious by the second, Madison pressed his face against Jefferson’s chest.

Jefferson kissed his head and looked at his mom. “Will you sit with us?”

“I’d love to.”

 

After eating, Angelica gathered up their friends to play volleyball.

“Thomas and I will pick the teams,” she said. “Eliza, you’re with me.”

“Not fair,” Jefferson grumbled. Both girls had played volleyball in high school. He looked over his choices. He should pick Madison but he did want some chance of not losing by a hundred points. Burr was no more athletic than Madison. Lafayette was at least tall. Hamilton was fast but he didn’t listen. “Laurens.”

Angelica picked Lafayette.

Jefferson chose Hamilton.

“Comes on, James,” Angelica said, “since your boyfriend is cruelly ignoring you.”

Jefferson rolled his eyes as Burr joined his team.

Of the guys, only Lafayette and Laurens had a clue what they were doing. Angelica’s team was well ahead within a few minutes.

“T!” Laurens called out as the ball bounced back toward him.

Jefferson spiked it over the net and straight into Madison.

Madison crumpled to the ground. Luckily, the ball had hit his side and not a direct smack to the chest.

Jefferson ran around the net to him. “Jem, are you okay? I’m sorry.”

Madison rubbed his ribs as tears spilled down his cheeks.

“Bad luck, T,” Angelica said.

Jefferson helped Madison to his feet and wiped his cheeks. “You guys can keep playing.” He took Madison inside and into the library. He took a seat on a leather armchair and drew Madison on his lap. “What’s wrong? I know you didn’t get hurt that bad.”

Madison pressed his face against Jefferson’s chest and whimpered.

Jefferson rubbed his back and waited.

“What am I supposed to do?” Madison squeaked.

Jefferson frowned. “What’re you talking about?”

“I don’t want you to have to take care of me forever.” Madison hiccupped. “I want to do grown-up stuff, too.” He sniffled and clung to his boyfriend’s shirt.

“Jem…” Jefferson trailed off and rubbed his back. “I know I said you need to grow up but I didn’t mean for you to stress yourself out over it.”

With another sniffle, Madison turned his head away and looked up at Jefferson. “It’s been on my mind before you said it.” He dabbed his nose on his sleeve. “With you working and going to law school, Aaron’s got a job so does Angelica. You guys are growing up.” Tears leaked down his cheeks again. “What am I supposed to do?”

The leather chair squeaked as Jefferson shifted. “What would you like to do?”

“I don’t know.” Madison wiped his eyes. “That’s the problem.”

Jefferson continued to rub his boyfriend’s back and studied the watery red-rimmed eyes. “We have to be realistic. A full-time job is out of the question right now. Maybe your dad can find you something to do around his office. Have you ever asked him?”

Madison shook his head.

“I can talk to him if you want. Do you think working a few hours a week would help you feel more accomplished?”

“I think so,” Madison whispered. “I could be with you then.”

“Exactly.” Jefferson kissed his head. “Can we rejoin the party?”

“Not yet.” Madison snuggled into his boyfriend.

Strong arms circled around him tighter. “Tell me about cats,” Jefferson said.

 

Hamilton swore loudly as his team lost the volleyball match.

“Language,” Washington scolded as he had stopped to watch after grabbing ice tea for himself and Mrs. Washington.

“I hate losing,” Hamilton whined. He reached for one of the cups his dad held. “Beer?”

Washington rolled his eyes. “You tell me.”

Hamilton took a sip and continued drinking the iced tea.

“Don’t drink it all,” Washington chided.

“Too late.” Hamilton handed over the empty cup. “It was hard work sporting.”

Washington pushed him lightly. “Go get a refill.”

Drinks were set up on the front porch. Hamilton filled two plastic cups with iced tea and bounced down the steps.

“Lexi.”

Both cups slipped from his hands and hit the steps and splashed tea over his jeans. Tremors shot through his body as Hamilton found the source of his panic.

Mr. Stevens stepped around the high hedges near the front porch. “How long were you going to ignore me?”

Hamilton’s eyes flickered around for help but most of the party guests were around the side of the house as a call for “cake!” sounded.

“I have nothing to say to you,” Hamilton whispered and made a break for it.

Mr. Stevens whacked him across the chest, which stopped him and knocked the air of his lungs to prevent a scream. He pushed Hamilton on the ground and drew a gun from the waistband of his jeans. “You’re my son,” he said and cocked the weapon. “I only wanted you to accept that.”

Tunnel vision blinded Hamilton and the small barrel of the gun was the entire world. Four years ago, he would not have been surprised to end up in this position. Four years ago, he would have been surprised to learn he’d live past twenty. But now, when he had parents who loved him, when he’d gotten through three years of college, how had he managed still to end up here? Gun to his face like the street rat he’d once been.

Somewhere—might as well have been another planet—someone shouted his name and then for Washington.

Why didn’t Mr. Stevens pull the trigger? Had time stopped? How long had he been on the ground? Why was the ground wet?

Somewhere a dog barked.

Somewhere someone was having the best day of their life.

Somewhere someone else lay dying.

Voices shouted and the barrel of the gun vanished from Hamilton’s vision.

“I got you.” Burr yanked Hamilton to his feet. “Run.”

But Hamilton’s legs were like jelly and he couldn’t comprehend anything. But he still heard it. Heard the click. But the gun wasn’t pointed at him.

Hamilton lept forward.

Burr sensing what he would do moved equally fast.

They collided and Burr’s weight pushed Hamilton into the path of the bullet intended for Washington.

Hamilton hit the ground hard, hip on fire, hot and cold at the same time. The corners of his vision darkened as he watched the man who had the audacity to think he was a father flee the scene. Car tires screamed in the distance and all sound began to dim except for one final shout.

“Alexander!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for the next book in the series "Hamilton AU - Adulthood"

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy the next book in the series! Let me know your thoughts, comments, and critique.


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